Posts by David 132

My headset is reading my mind and talking behind my back

Re: sunnies after dark ?

Combined with a focussed-EMP device to blow up the sound system of the car that drives round near my house with some dance crap at 5KW.

I refer the Hon. Gentleman to the obligatory XKCD, with a cleverer solution to this problem.

Re: Fat-Burning Hats

But you need a DeLorean and a dead actor pretending to be a mad scientist

Christopher Lloyd is still very much alive, at least according to IMDB.

Or has some subtlety of your comment gone "whoosh!" over my head?

Microsoft promises free terrible coffee every month you use Edge

Re: $260 since Feb 2013

Ha, that's nothing, I regularly see postings on other sites' comment threads telling me how their "sister's cousin's boyfriend makes $4000 a month working for google"....

Upvoted purely for the Elvis & Barry-the-cosmic-sprout reference.

My goodness, it's far too long since I read those. Thanks for the reminder. Must also read "Apocalypso" again.

Icon looks a bit like Dilbert Norris, the rub-tugger --->

DVLA misses out on £400m in tax after scrapping paper discs

Re: In reality...

So it wasn't the Volvo diesel that sounded like a bag of hammers in a cement mixer played though a concert speaker system from three hundred yards away?

Surprisingly, not (current style XC70) - it was quiet and refined even at startup. And the only time I ever saw anything coming out the tailpipe was once when I floored it on the bypass after a long period of pottering around country lanes, and the DPF decided to purge/clean itself.

My father-in-law is a Septic, whose only experience of diesels had been trucks and bro-dozers. When he visited us in England and drove my car, he didn't realise it was a diesel at all till I told him - and then wanted one of his own, which of course Volvo don't offer in the US. And now, thanks to Volkswagen's shenanigans, probably never will. Sigh.

Re: just get rid of it.

or that there's increasing electrification,

Well, that's easy to fix. Once you've abolished VED and put an equivalent tax on hydrocarbon fuel, put a tax on electricity too. And to make sure that people don't get charged the road-tax for electricity they're using for their home (or vice-versa) - make it so that electric cars can only use a special voltage of electricity, or even, in the manner of red diesel, tag the electrons with a "non-transport use only" meta-identifier.

What could possibly go wrong?

Re: In reality...

I must admit, I will have diesel over petrol any time.

It just fits my driving style better.

My old 100 bhp diesel had better manners than far newer 140 bhp petrol rental I had 2 years ago.

Seconded. My old Volvo with the 2.4l D5 was awesome. Pulled like a train, a huge surge of smooth power, and got ludicrously high MPG for the size of car it was.

I now have a 3.0 i6 petrol motor, and it's nowhere near as satisfying, belying the higher bhp numbers :(

Re: Better ways??

registrations for multi wheeled motor transport.

Excellent, so if I move to California I can ride my motorized unicycle on the road without paying any fees?

(actually, as a Portland resident, I find the idea of a "motorized unicycle" strangely compelling...)

Re: This should be one of the easiest taxes to collect ...

"Be A Government Informer! Betray Your Family And Friends! Fabulous Prizes To Be Won!

Vote Fascist For A Third Glorious Decade Of Total Law Enforcement!"

Britain's already a nation of prodnoses and curtain twitchers, do you really want to encourage that? It would start with untaxed cars (which, by the way, I happen to agree are a menace) but would rapidly be expanded to include whatever offence is the current government's hobby-horse-du-jour. TV license evaders. People who pay the builders cash-in-hand. People who put their bins out too early.

You shrunk the database into a .gz and the app won't work? Sigh

Re: MOJ

To paraphrase the old joke:

"Real government departments don't do backups, they just leave the CD of data on the train and let someone else back it up to Wikileaks"

McDonald's launches wearable then pulls it after kid feels the burn

Re: Enquiring minds...

I've got kids who happily go to a restaurant and eat sea food with tentacles

Your kids have tentacles?!! :O

Yeah! At least give them knives and forks to use like the other kids, help them to feel "normal"...

Re: Who'll think of the kiddies?

Ronald has gone all Insane Clown Posse!

"Happy Meals, Now Even Better Value For Money! Be Pennywise!"

Two G4S call centre staff sacked over 999 answering scam

Re: I chose the wrong career

Indeed. Lots of mangled Wurzels.

Google hopes to sniff out OS X badware

Re: Santa has an interesting anagram

You're right, the service routes all your activity to google, so "As NAT" is probably an accurate description of it. Sneaky.

Intel teases geeks with 2017 AI hyper-chip: Xeon Phi Knights Mill

Re: An AI Hyper-chip eh?

humanity will be safe.

Ah, the old joke is relevant again:

We are Pentium of Borg. You will be Approximated.

(Seriously, though - this is excellent work by the HPC team. Xeon Phi doesn't have the marketing dollars behind it that the consumer processors do - no dancing bunny people, blue men, or other gimmicks - but no matter, because customers in the segments which need Xeon Phi already know about it.)

Swedish Pokemon teens terrorised by laser-wielding 'sex pigs'

Rather Sex Pigs than War Pigs...

...maybe I'm just being Paranoid?

Vodafone: Dear customers. We're sorry we killed your Demon

OK, your opinions please.

This issue has now gone from abstract to personal for me - my uncle has just e-mailed me to ask for guidance, as he's had a Demon.co.uk address for donkey's years.

I'm going to suggest to him that he gets his own domain name (e.g. David123suncle.co.uk) and mail forwarding to whatever address he prefers (gmail, etc) - or even direct mail hosting via the domain provider...? Which would be better?

I must point out that he's not particularly technical (though not daft by any means), so running his own mail server is out of the question. The simpler the solution, the better. I am several thousand miles away from him so can't really do much hands-on implementation.

I've seen a number of recommendations among your comments, but let's coalesce them. Ladies and gentlemen, your suggestions please!

Re: Shove it into the cloud

Customers? Remind me, what are they?</PHB mode>

Replaced in the corporate vocabulary these days by the term "consumers".

The difference is that the word "customers" has connotations of people with discretion about the services they use and the companies they patronise - people who can choose to defect at any time and whose loyalty cannot be taken for granted.

The term "consumers" on the other hand evokes passive drones who will swallow any crap - service, prices, treatment - they're given.

And that difference has percolated into companies' attitudes.

Or maybe I'm just waaaaay over-thinking this. It's past midnight, I have consumed (aha) most of a very fine local farmhouse ale and am feeling both disconnected and also very cynical. Not a good combination when posting to the Reg.

Re: Saw this coming and recently decamped to Zen

Remember all those @aol.com? Says a lot about you

Me too!

(on a serious note, I see my innocuous anecdote above about Zen vs. Demon has attracted my habitual downvoter. Hi, whoever you are. Hope you're comfortable in your mom's basement. Oh, and stop doing you-know-what because you'll go blind and get hairy palms.)

Re: Saw this coming and recently decamped to Zen

I second (third? fourth?) the Zen recommendation.

Way back when I moved house, I had to pick an ADSL provider and researched it down to two possibilities - Demon and Zen. Similar on price, and on the face of it the service offerings were equivalent. So I decided to do a test - whichever one had the better tech support would get my vote.

I called Demon's published tech support number, and immediately encountered Press-1-for-sales-press-2-if-you-speak-Welsh automated hell. After 5 mins on hold I was put through to an Indian (I think) woman who refused to go any further until I gave an account number - which of course I didn't yet have.

Then tried Zen. Two rings and the call was answered by a very friendly Geordie who fell about laughing when I explained how I was testing their service.

No prizes for guessing which one I went with!

London cops waste £2.1m on thought crime unit – and they want volunteer informers

Re: The Metropolitan Police are a ..

That is a comment almost, but not entirely, unlike tea a thought crime.

Re: EL REG!

OH GET IN THE SEA will you

I think you forget that you're on a tech site here.

The correct form is Get in the C:

(and have a look around, but DON'T OPEN THE FOLDER NAMED FLUFFYKITTENSNOTPORNHONESTMUM)

Ten-trillionths of your suntan comes from intergalactic photons

Oh no, another thing to worry about.

But don’t worry, although energetic intergalactic photons - at micron wavelengths - can be damaging, you'll need to bathe in the warmth for trillions of years before they inflict long lasting damage.

"An experiment was carried out to determine the harmfulness of intergalactic photons.

Step 1) A volunteer human being was placed in an environment with exposure to the photons,

Step 2) The condition of the volunteer was checked after 2.0 trillion years,

Step 3) The volunteer was found to be very dead.

Conclusion: intergalactic photons are very harmful to humans over the trillion-year scale. Also, based on further experiments of the same methd, we can confidently state the same is empirically true of: oxygen, Labrador puppies, honey, and soft fluffy pillows."

Thieves can wirelessly unlock up to 100 million Volkswagens, each at the press of a button

Re: From the Department of Redundancy Department

Original headline: Thieves can wirelessly unlock up to 100 million Volkswagens wirelessly at the press of a button

"..across a wireless WLAN network, using just a PIN number..."

Re: Quick Release or build it like it is in my head

Inevitably leading to someone having to stand at the tobacco counter at Tesco's as their icecream nelts and say, errr... has anyone handed in a steering wheel? I'm sure I had it when I paid, but can't find it anywhere

"Nah mate, but we've had this old quartic one from an Allegro knocking around spare since the rest of the car rusted away - you can have it to get you home..."

"Thanks, but I'd rather walk."

Screen flickering/Explorer crashing on Windows 10? (fix)

Screen flickering/Explorer crashing on Windows 10? (fix)

I've just run into an odd problem on Windows 10 here at work, and I thought I'd share my experience - and fix - here in case it helps anyone else.

I installed Windows 10 AU on a Surface Book. Now, those of you who've read my comments elsewhere on the Reg will know that I'm not the world's biggest fan of Windows 10, but this was to replace my old & clunky Thinkpad, and I figured - what the hell, it's mandated by my employer anyway, I might as well go with the flow.

Anyway. Installed the OS and all apps, everything working fine. Rebooted, and that's when the problem "surface"d (heheh)

Symptoms: After logging in to the desktop, the whole screen kept flashing on and off. Closer examination revealed that Explorer was crashing & restarting over and over again (the Ctrl-Alt-Del screen was OK). Safe mode was similarly affected. Vast numbers of system errors in the log, generally of the form DCOM got error 1084 attempting to start the service XXX with arguments "Unavailable" or Faulting Application name explorer.exe / faulting module name KERNELBASE.dll. Logging in with a different user made no difference, implying that it was something common to all profiles, and machine- not user-specific.

Googling for the symptoms didn't really help; as usual, plenty of people with similar problems but never quite the same (e.g. it turned out to be Windows 7 with a bad HDD, or a bad AMD display driver - neither was applicable here).

I was on the verge of a complete reinstall/rebuild.

Fix: I managed to bring up RegEdit via Ctrl-Alt-Del -> Task Manager -> Run - not easy, because the crashing/restarting Explorer.exe kept stealing window focus from me every second or so - and navigated to HKLM\SOFTWARE\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\Explorer\ShellIconOverlayIdentifiers.

There was an icon overlay entry for ERM-something-or-other, presumably added by the Office 2013 ERM module.

As soon as I removed that key, the problem stopped. Explorer ceased to crash, and all was bluebirds and unicorns.

So - there you go. Cool story, bro, and all that, but perhaps my discovery might help someone in a similar situation...?

Seagate flashes 60TB (yes, sixty) SSD monster

No pics of the 60TB SSD? ... why

I thought the same, so did a quick image search on the web. Found what I assume is the official Seagate press kit photo of the drive (out of respect for the Reg, I won't link to another tech site). Problem is, just how interesting do you think a top-down shot of a 3.5" SSD is going to be?

Visualize a black rectangle, with a blue/white label across it saying "Seagate SAS SSD" and "60". That's it.

What were we expecting? Sparkles? Unicorns? A 5-dimensional hypercube twisting in Escherian impossibility, maybe? :)

Chris made the right call - I don't think its' inclusion would have added anything to this article.

Re: Pah!

ITYM 16KB. And Sellotaped to the back of the computer to stop it wobbling.

In 2014 Malcolm Turnbull said 'Nobody likes outages' in the cloud

Well, of course Cloud is being pushed so enthusiastically by vendors.

Sell a customer a box, and that's a one-time revenue fillip.

Sell them "cloud services" and you can extract rent for ever more (and because many organizations are less miserly about OpEx than CapEx, you can jack the prices up with less squealing).

And once you have the customer's data on your cloud, you have unimaginable levels of control over them. As a wise man once said, who wants power? Power is a trinket. Any petty tyrant can achieve power. Control, on the other hand - ah, now, that's the ultimate prize.

Windows 10 Anniversary Update crashing under Avast antivirus update

Re: I didn't bother with a third party anti-virus for Win10

Hang on, that's just Windows 10. When are you getting to the effects of a virus infection?

I'm going to have to be less subtle in the future.

Re: I didn't bother with a third party anti-virus for Win10

...is this bad?

Absolutely!

If you don't run antivirus software on Windows 10, you'll experience problems with:

-applications and features being suddenly disabled or removed without your permission,

-demands for money to use your common applications e.g. card games,

-advertising all over the place for services that people want to push you towards,

-leaking of your personal data,

-browser hijacking where your favourite browser gets periodically replaced with one under the miscreants' control,

-unexpected reboots and changes to your environment.

And as we can all agree, those are very bad things and would make trying to use your PC very frustrating indeed.

Re: Two questions

You should note that this was an MS patch to a previously working configuration.

"Windows ain't done, till Avast won't run"?

Power cut crashes Delta's worldwide flight update systems

Re: Delta? You must be joking

Not sure why you got downvoted (I upvoted you to compensate) - I agree with your assessment. I used to fly United almost exclusively, but their service and attitude to customers has really deteriorated in the last 5 years or so (probably coinciding with the Jeff Smisek helmsmanship, now that I think of it...). Now I'm just using up my accumulated United miles & not bothering to use them for new paid travel. I had to fly United out of Manchester a couple of weeks ago - there's an unholy combination for you.

That said, I think Southwest are pretty good - they're cheap, but at least they're also cheerful. But I know opinion is sharply divided on them.

Microsoft: You liked Windows 10 so much, you'll get 2 more in 2017

Re: do you enjoy

Meh, I've been called worse.

Sometimes even by people who know how to spell complicated polysyllabic words like "masochist".

Re: What should have been said...

"It puts the Anniversary Update on its PC or it gets the hose again"

Any more digestive system analogies?

Given that users will get the AU whether they want it or not, I think the digestive-related term that comes to mind is "gavage".

Look it up if unfamiliar.

They still refuse to make the OS GUI look reasonable to the eye.

Just to be awkward for a moment* - I actually like the Windows 10 UI. Well, the Desktop part of it at least, not the how-can-so-much-space-contain-so-few-controls TIFKAM parts.

Any new PCs I set up now get Mint with a Windows 10 theme. Best of both worlds.

(*) Funny old world, takes all sorts, wouldn't life be dull if we were all the same, etc etc

New York jerks face $25K fines for hassling ex with fake caller IDs

Re: Begs the question...

Why is Caller ID spoofing allowed at all?

The most plausible reason I've heard so far is that it allows large companies to have a single "outbound" number that shows up when they call customers, rather than the direct number of the agent calling. I.e. when British Gas call you, it shows on your phone as their main 0800-whatever number, rather than some obscure callcenter number.

Seems to me that the best solution would be to require "legitimate" users of caller ID spoofing, such as the above, to post a large £££ bond with the telco (or government) to buy a licence/certificate to use spoofing. Then have the telephone network block/refuse any calls that have a spoofed ID and don't have that cert on record.

Admittedly, that's just me wildly speculating, on the basis of zero knowledge whatsoever of the underlying technology & concepts. In the best tradition of Internet experts everywhere.

How to make the move from ISDN to SIP

Good article.

And an upvote for the term "electric string". I hadn't heard that one before. Perhaps I've just led a cloistered life.

World religions stake out positions on Pokemon Go

They'll be offered tea and cake.

And eager as always to embrace the new, Dr Spacely-Trellis - the go-ahead Bishop of Bevindon in the Stretchford conurbation - has replaced his daily Worship services with a Pokémon training session and turned the Vestry into a gym. "Are we not all, in a very real sense, pokémon?" said the Bishop, yesterday.

Meanwhile, unconfirmed rumours are that a particularly rare pokémon have been sighted in lovely, sex-maniac haunted Sadcake Park.

(with apologies to Peter Simple)

Free Windows 10 upgrade: Time is running out – should you do it?

I think you mean: “with new features arriving long before they are finished, and you have to live with them whether you wanted them or not.”

..and other features being removed at the capricious whim of Microsoft, via forced updates.

See: Media Center, OneDrive placeholders, Messaging Everywhere, App-V/UE-V on Pro/Home editions, etc, etc.

In what world is it acceptable for a vendor to remove features from a product, post-purchase?

Re: Just like to say . . . .

That since I upgraded to Windows 10 my skin is altogether more radiant, has felt cleaner and my hair is lustrous, less oily and has more body to it.

I think you're getting Windows 10 confused with an avocado salad. Easy mistake to make.

Re: am i the only one resisting this

Imagine this; Roddy Piper = Microsoft, sunglasses = Windows 10,

Ah, Roddy Piper, RIP.

Trivia - his old family home is on the same road as mine. My wife knew his kids when they were all at school together.

Yes, I'm aware that as "claims to fame" go, that one's about on a par with "I once met a guy who claimed to know Gyles Brandreth" :)

Selfie-proof smartmobes will hit stores for Christmas

Darn, not what I thought

Poor show, El Reg. When I read the headline I had a vision of a smartphone that actively prevents selfies - by exploding, or perhaps poking the idiot user in the eye with a suddenly-extending antenna ("I've got your SELFIE STICK right HERE, FOOL!").

Reality, as usual, is far tamer and less satisfying than my febrile imagination.

Trump? Terror? Turkey? Whoa, there's a Tentacool in that Bush...

Re: Parallel Universe?

before things get really weird

Remember: "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro". (RIP, HST)

BOFH: I found a flying Dragonite on a Windows 2003 domain

Re: Erm...

After reading the news from Nice yesterday, and then playing a few rounds of my favorite game, I had a belated realization that Carmageddon was not, in the circumstances, a tactful way to while away the evening.

I am a very bad person and am probably going straight to Hell.

It's not our fault we don't hire black people, says Facebook

So what you're saying is...

...that Facebook should go out of their way to hire more non-white people, in other words: hire more people based entirely on the colour of their skin?

Hmm, OK.

Tupperware vehemently denies any link to storage containerisation

Re: No

A walrus named Gregory. (obscure Punt/Dennis reference ahoy)

Tesla whacks guardrail in Montana, driver blames autopilot

Excuse du jour

Why do I get the feeling "It was Autopilot's fault!" is the new "A deer ran out in front of me! (*1)" or "My Toyota just kept accelerating! (*2)" ?

Pranged your expensive new Tesla? Blame the buzzword new technology, get lots of press coverage and sympathy.

*1: "...as I was driving home from the bar in muh pickup truck at 1am... I was completely sober, honest"

*2: "...nothing to do with my new aftermarket floor mats, honest"

Lester Haines: RIP

+GNU Lester Haines

A nice touch, that I've only just noticed - for those of us that have the +GNU Terry Pratchett plugin for Firefox, Lester's name is now added to the Overhead.

Props to whoever at the Reg thought of that. And I add my voice to those saying, RIP Lester, and thanks for all the great articles.

"A man's not dead while his name's still spoken..."

(Apologies if this has already been mentioned here.)