* Posts by CaptainBanjax

146 publicly visible posts • joined 25 Feb 2010


Met makes fourth TalkTalk arrest, this time a London teen


Given the amount

Of spam you get in a talk talk mailbox id imagine they've been penetrated millions of times.

Big mistake, Google. Big mistake: Chrome OS to be 'folded into Android'



Chromium BSU is an excellent top down shooter. Glad its coming to Android.

The battle of Cupertino: Jailbreakers do it for freedom, not cash


Re: Many heads are better

Their code isnt getting any scrutiny. Its not open source.

After Burner: Sega’s jet-fighting, puke-inducing arcade marvel



That is what Afterburner makes me think of.

HP creates laptop for SITH LORDS


Re: KB3035583 yet again

I already do use Windows for nothing but gaming. Whats holding you back?

I pretty much only play CS:GO so ill soon move to Linux for gaming entirely.

Apple files patent for long-rumoured iRing-type bling


If you cant..

Get a load of these rings and get together with your mates to summon Captain Planet...I dont want one.

Stick your finger in another Pi: Titchy-puter now has touchscreen




Just have to figure out how to port the driver to Ubuntu on the Pi 2 because...reasons.

'Walter Mitty' IT manager admits to buying gun on dark web


Re: Not surprising

Nah its easy to get it through customs. Put it inside a plastic DAB radio...a phenomenally huge plastic DAB radio.

Hats off to Nintendo’s platform supremo Super Mario Bros at 30


NES not big in the UK?

Are you people sure...almost everyone I knew had one. I wanted one sooo badly.

I used to play Mario before school at my neighbours house every day.

I didnt have a NES...but I remember the Christmas I got a SNES with Mario World and Street Fighter 2 Turbo. Epic.

Best chrimbo pressie I ever got...until Quake. Never had a console since.

Let's NUKE MARS to make it more like home says Elon Musk


If only...

Bear Grylls and Ray Mears teamed up.

They would find a way to survive on Mars. Even if it did require months of gargling each others space piss and running around with their bollocks out jumping up and down to keep warm.

US cop goes war-driving to find stolen gear by MAC address


Never mind...

...all the "is it right" bollocks.

How do you patent wardriving?

Id imagine hes using well known tools for harvesting the data and probably some sort of PHP-esque script to put it in a database all wrapped in some sort of bootstrap-esque skin.

If its the bits in the middle that hes patenting I am going to submit a patent covering piping dmesg into grep.

Grep exists and piping exists so im going to claim the bit in the middle. I will also trademark and copyright "|".

Ill then sue every software house that has the audacity to allow this so called "feature" in their OS builds.

Im also going to write a tool that looks for all these "bits in the middle" and automatically submits them for patenting then when its accepted automatically file a lawsuit.

P8NT [Usage: --scan-level "apple" --auto-file-patent true --auto-troll true --retries 9001 --invoke-reality-distortion-field true --appeal-on-failure true --flimflam-offset 0.1 --inject-codswallop true --ignore-existing-patents true --filter "round corners, air, candy crush .."]

Bruteforce patenting tool. By CaptainBanjax.

Id open source it but in its initial test it patented, sued and shutdown github.

It also threw an exception when it patented and sued itself.

‘Dumb pipe’ Twitter should sell up and quit, says tech banking chap



If you think about it, Twitter is basically a limited incarnation of IRC.

Its entirely possible to wrap Twitter into a front end and use each hashtag as a chatroom.

The only major differences are the 140 character limit and the fact you cant see who is in the room unless they send a message.

Grinning BBC boss blows raspberry at UK.gov, eyes up buffet


Re: Print Media


Mad Max: High-octane dystopian desert demolition derby


Re: n00bs?

Yes. Its called buying a console.

Oracle laying off its Java evangelists? Er, no comment, says Oracle


Re: About Time


Spot on there, I agree with your thoughts on frameworks.

However your sentiment towards PHP heading down a similar road to Java im not so sure about.

I am excited about PHP7 and the vast performance improvements it brings and ive recently discovered HHVM for bringing down RAM and CPU usage. Its suprisingly awesome. Though I suspect it will be overtaken by PHP7 in the performance stakes...not so sure on the resource usage stakes though.

The thing that sucks about PHP is it is seen as a modern day "Visual Basic" level language to some devs (Java and Ruby devs usually)...ive no idea why though.

Feeling sweary? Don't tell Google Docs


Loathesome Casuals

They didnt trybthe main words in any gentlechaps arsenal.






I suggest we start swaering like gentlemen immediately and start flagging things as NSFVE. Not safe for Victorian era.

Pwn2Own Tokyo hacking contest trashed, export rules blamed



See above.

Greater Manchester plod site targeted by nuisance DDoS attack


Re: He must be very proud...

...and sounding like Borat...

Seeiously read his message in a Borat voice.


French hacker besmuts road sign right under Les Plods' noses


We are...

Surrendermous...we never forgive, we never forget, alright we're leaving now.

Another chance to win a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive



I dont know why im screaming, this could have been the Viz up the arse corner.

The Honor's a defo gamechanger, but good luck buying one



Is relative. The thing with well known brands is their stuff has resale value (and they probably know this) so its not quite as expensive as you might think to keep up with the latest branded kit (unless it is your first purchase).

Im using a Galaxy Note 3 which is a very expensive phone. Its served me well so far and apparently it will be getting Android M! In fact its such a good phone I havent felt compelled to upgrade at all for ages (I love my tech and I suffer from severe technolust from time to time).

Ive had this phone since launch (September 2013, happy birthday phone!) and I suspect ill have it for at least another 2 years...or until something compelling comes along!

I sold my Galaxy Note 2 to buy this phone so I probably ended up paying around £100 for it. The Note 2 I got by selling my Galaxy Nexus and so on...right back to my Motorola Startac in days of yore. Which I got as part of a contract.

I miss that phone scorching my skull.

I have no particular loyalty to Samsung they've just had a good run up until the Note 4. Not quite sold on the Edge or the S6.

Does Linux need a new file system? Ex-Google engineer thinks so


Im hearing a lot of...

"Like a database" wishes here...

Have we forgotten about this:


I cant even remember why it was canned.

NVIDIA reveals GPUs for blade servers, Linux desktop support


Re: Tesla models

Or a Schrodinger version to keep admins on their toes when diagnosing problems.

Boffins unveil open source GPU



If it uses FPGA and can be utilised as a compute board as well as a GPU this will be picked up by crypto miners all over.

We might see more efficient mining clients if the board truly does end up being open.

I suspect some proprietary chips will creep in somewhere.

Afterall the Raspberry Pi was intended to be open source but it has proprietary chips on it. The broadcom GPU still has fairly naff drivers.

Didnt the raspberry pi foundation run a competition at some point to get Quake 3 running on the board at over 30fps?

Vote now: Who can solve a problem like Ashley Madison?



If you had a problem and nobody else could help, and if you could find them, you'd hire the A Team. No?

Problem is they escaped from a maximum security compound into the Los Angeles underground...might be tricky for them to get to Canada.

GitHub wobbles under DDOS attack


Can someone explain...

The purpose behind DDoSing github?

I just dont see it...people arent hosting valuable things on there are they?

Symantec’s dismal results show need for Veritas sale


Just like Backup Exec itself

Theres no reliable way to restore things to the way they were.

Just out of interest though since we're vaguely on topic.

Raise your hand if you've ever successfully done a complete restore from tapes using Backup Exec to bare metal?

Fork off! FFmpeg project leader quits, says he's had enough with these forking AV libraries


Re: I will get a makerel and watch a good dolphin sex flick.

No impossible. Both words have to begin with the same letter.

Bipolar Bonobo

Hetero Hamster

Flamboyant Flamingo

Egotistical Elephant

Wanking Weasel

Tittilating Tortoise

Dopey Dingo

Retarded Rattlesnake

Boneheaded Badger

Carcinogenic Camel

Pompous Porpoise

Bingedrinking Bloodhound

These are all valid names.

Much more Moore's Law, as boffins assemble atom-level transistor


Re: "12 positively-charged iridium atoms"

Not if you play scrabble and cheat.

Even Microsoft thinks Outlook is bloated and slow


Re: The best way to use Outlook...

It should come with a warning label like on cigarettes.

"Outlook kills"

"Outlook damages your health and the health of those around you"

"Excessive use of Outlook can lead to premature birth"

"Using Outlook causes large deposits on your hard drive which could lead to a support ticket."

"Recreating your outlook profile may cause the loss of family and friends as the NK2 file is buried away and you wont ever find it"

"Outlook use may lead to stunted respect from your IT guy".

"Outlook usage may lead you to use dumb statements like 'I have to use it because everyone else does' or 'can you show me how to share my calendar again please'".

There should be pictures on the warnings too. Like a shrivelled up blackened brain. Or a hard drive with no space left. Or a PA crying at 1am at her desk because she cant send out "that important email" and her boss has already left to go on holiday. Or a picture of a douchebag on a ski slope on the phone to IT support whining about his email not syncing and not understanding THERES NOT ENOUGH SIGNAL EVERYWHERE ON A MOUNTAIN.

Beaten blokes hate the women who frag them in online games


This does make sense.

In this so called scientific study did they take into account rule 29 of the internet?

Im calling shenanigans.

Brit school software biz unchains lawyers after crappy security exposed


Back when I was at school...

We had a Novell based setup and the IT teacher had a disk that contained all of the management tools.

A quick copy of that disk later and almost everyone was able to "manage" everytbing on the network.

Took them months to figure out why were able to keep getting Doom installed.

Mind you even after we were found out we still managed to get doom installed into the print spooler folder.

It'd cause the network to churn out endless printed pages of crap but it worked well and at the time there was no way to lock that down.

Years later at college we had an RM based network which was even worse, there used to be a site called "crash dummies" with all manner of tools for modifying the network and granting yourself extra priviliges.

Each time I found ways to get games on various networks it was heralded as an era based on the game I deployed. Novell was the Doom era. RM was the Atomic Bomberman era.

Ah I miss those days. Innocent times when fun loving hackers got a slap on the wrist and asked politely with respect how they managed it rather than the modern equivalent which is lawyer-mageddon, multiple death sentences and 5 generation curse on your family that doesnt exist and previous generations of ancestors. Plus their dogs.

Facebook prepares to STRAFE the developing world with FRICKIN' internet LASERS


Re: The important question is...

Probably, unless the investors are tight wads. In which case they will have to use mildly agitated seabass instead.

Yank my blockchain: Bitcoin upgrade SNAFU borks hungry miners' currency


May I ask...

How many of the people hating on Bitcoin have ever held any Bitcoin?

Just wondering if you're part of the same crowd that sasy "you dont need more than £1million or a car that goes faster than 70mph theres no point".

Im personally on the fence with bitcoin with a slight bias towards being pro BTC. I see both its merits and drawbacks but I cant quite see how to make something like it mainstream yet.

People entirely against trying out a new system for currency must still trade in eggs and worms.

Why the fuck would you stop using perfectly usable stuff as currency when you can use metal discs and paper? Ker-razy!!!!

There is definitely something worthwhile in Bitcoin given the investment that is still being put towards blockchain R&D. Theres a couple of banks (including Santander) who have a real hard on for Bitcoin and blockchain tech at the moment...they're chucking money at it!

China's best phone yet: Huawei P8 5.2-inch money-saving Android smartie


Still using...

My Galaxy Note 3. With Lollipop. Had it over 3 years now I think.

Its fast and solid. Never had any problems, battery is still going strong.

It has bo cover, ive dropped it loads of times and there isnt a scratch on it.

Im starting tobturn intonthat dude in the Nick Cage movie that keeps trying to smash up his own ambulance.

This phone is a warrior, it wont die.

DuckDuckGrow: Privacy search soars 600% after Snowden dumps


Re: Duck-Fu!

With this joke you dishonour yourself, your family and the shao-avian-temple!

Dont downvote me for this. For you see focusing on one comment is like pointing a finger at the moon. Focus on one comment and you miss all the other commentard heavenly glory.

British banks consider emoji as password replacement


Oh man

Imagine the conversation setting up a bank account.

Banker: Ok please set a pin.

Punter ok. Smileyface Smileyface Cumface Clownface

Banker: Excellent. When you use your card for the first time you will be asked to change your PIN.


Intel inside: Six of the best affordable PC laptops


Ugh AMD laptops?

I had a Samsung 535U3C. It was certainly powerful but the heat and battery life were intolerable. The screen was shit as well. Started fading in one corner after a month. Suspiciously close to the epicentre of the heat.

Also, is it just me or do AMD based laptops always come with massive powerbricks?

Lastly, ive yet to find an AMD laptop with an excellent screen.

I agree with an earlier post...AMD stuff seems to get shunned by OEMs. Ive never seen a flagship AMD laptop. Its usually the poor mans version of the Intel model. Always with some sort of catch.

In the days when I was strapped for cash I was an AMD fanboy but in recent years ive come to understand why Intel charge that little bit more.

Ita not simply the power of the device that matters.

AMD is like the American muscle car of computing.

Raw power is there but sub standard everywhere else.

For a short drag race through the benchmarks its awesome but when you put it through a real world test its a bit lacklustre.

VMware unleashes Linux on the (virtual) desktop


Re: VMware should keep their f$%@##ng mouth shout about Linux

A little old but a decent start.


Facebook farewells flaky SHA-1


Re: Win/win? for who?

Im not sure, but bitcoin mining stuff is ASIC based and is geared for the SHA-256 based bitcoin hashes.

The lowest power stuff is in the measure of 10s of gigahashes per second. An ANTMINER S2 can do 1000 gigahashes per second.

There is mining kit out therebthat can do over 3TH/s.

Not sure if you can rejig a BTC miner for the purposes of bruteforcing garden variety hashes...it'd be interesting to know if its possible though.

Google blames Flash for hobbling Chrome, says it sucks (too much power)


Ugh...so weary...

That is all.

VirtualBox 5.0 beta four graduates to become first release candidate


I use VBox

Rather than VMWare because it is better and less of mess ocross the system. I hate the vmware kernel modules.

Plus with VBox you have the rather nice phpvirtualbox frontend.

I know VMWare has their alternative but its cut back the vbox web front end is fully featured from what I can tell.

Stripped to the core and full of Xfce: Xubuntu Linux loses it


Re: And thus we have

If you were alone there would be no Unity.

Intel adopts 40Gb per SECOND USB-C plug for Thunderbolt 3.0


All I want

Is drivers for DisplayLink docks for Linux...sooo fricken bad.

Holy SSH-it! Microsoft promises secure logins for Windows PowerShell


SSH in Windows?

*climbs back on to chair*

*rubs eyes*

Could be too little too late. Ive been playing with Windows 10 on the Pi2 recently. I can see they're trying hard but its not enough.

SSH will help but not much.

Intel's new chips are from 'Purley' – know what I mean? Know what I mean? Say no more


I like

New Xeon announcements.

They show me what ill be buying off ebay for peanuts in 5 years time to build a workstation with.

Currently rocking two hex core 5690s and 128GB RAM.

For no reason other than it cost less then 300 quid to source the parts.

Runs like greased up buttery sh*t off a shovel.

Steve Jobs movie gets October release date


Steves not dead though.

I saw him in a Lenovo advert recently.

Feds: Bloke 'HACKED PLANE controls' – from his PASSENGER seat



What? This is bollocks.

PANIC! RSA keys are compromised!



Its safe...from ALL.

Unfortunately the only way to fix the error is to reboot the internet though.

Just post a countdown here and we'll all reboot our routers for you. Shouldnt take long.