Posts by Alien Doctor 1.1

The price of the average foaming tankard - in pictures

Mittenwalder Festbrau goes here

"You could of course also add a final graphic for next year’s festival, which assuming inflation of around four per cent will bring the price of your foamy mug of beer in October up to €9.13, or a whopping £8.80 at current exchange rates. Cheers."

Given that German - especially Bavarian - beers are second-to-none and that the Oktoberfest always has inflated prices and specially brewed suds then £8.80 isn't too much of a hardship; some of the beers are definitely not session brews and need to be treated with the utmost respect.

Unfortunately I won't be able to attend this year as I'll be cycling in the Austrian Alps :(

Jon Bon Jovi accuses Steve Jobs of murdering music biz

title is required, but who cares

If, Mr Jovi, you are correct, why do you allow him to prostitute your music on itunes?

Microsoft to Apple: 'Oh, yeah? Well, your font is too small'

Seriously...

WTF is wrong on this planet?

If only people could just learn to live together.

What a waste of space and oxygen lawyers are and, for that matter, the companies that employ them.

Twats of such a high order that I doubt even the scientologists could better them.

Oz news team pays homage to Carry On

Oh God!

Can you imagine Bill Turnbull & Sian Williams doing that? (Even if they do act like a married but getting amicably divorced couple most of the time).

Protection of Freedoms Bill is released

Thanks Ted...

although I might add I'm also a Jedi Knight Virgin Homosexual Hermaphrodite with 5 cats derived from my DNA and a Partridge in a Pear tree.

It looks like they missed

It looks like they missed the opportunity to make the forthcoming population census just that; seems they still want to intrude on our sex lives amongst other things.

Bastards. (Although well done for the rest of the act though).

Stephen Fry cans Japan trip over nuke survivor quip

I think...

you'll find it's Kobe.

Can't say how good it is as I'm veggie.

Chaps tolerant of girl-on-girl cheating by other halves

paris and the missus?

You jest sir, surely you would need to worry about the missus catching something serious, like the I'm-so-famous complex or what-the-hell-did-you-pick-up-in-the-gaol syndrome?

Lawyer wants WikiLeaker kept off suicide watch

Enobled once more

I am so sorry Mr(s) AC if you feel denigrated by my previous post, but I must remind you again about what happens in your country:

- thousands, perchance tens of thousands of people gaoled for weed costing your government greatly in terms of the "crime" and their punishment

- military budgets that exceed the GDP of many, many countries as people starve and suffer horribly

- an arrogance and empire-building moronosphere(tm) of galactic proportions when I heard on an NHL game that "servicemen from America are watching this in at least 175 countries around the world" - whiskey tango foxtrot!!! Who the hell do you think you people are? 175 countries with American bases? Bloody hell, go home and stay there.

- right wing-nuts that think shooting innocent civilians and shooting a Congresswoman is a step forward

- GOP-sponsoring businesses that feel their workers, unions (if allowed) and the poor are just the worker ants in some freakish US-centric hive are there to be down-trodden and denied the basics of humanity that you try to promote to other nations

- sod it, I'm bored and fed-up with this

If you cannot or will not see your country in the light of day then you have no right at all to disparage me or put-down anyone else.

Finally, I'd just like to add that SHOUTING will get you nowhere and your post will follow much American rubbish - into my wastebin, ignored and treated in the way your country does to others.

Sort out your problems, remove the fundamentalists that permeate your country as much as they do others you have tried to force into your own way of thinking and just, for once, think before you act, stop being so imperialist and above all, just try and enjoy life without trying to control it.

I am titled

I may be naive, I may have had too many on a Friday evening, but I can't for the life of me work out what the hell is wrong in the U.S.

After stories on Alternet about conditions and the treatment of prisoners in "maximum security" prisons, the continuing saga of Mr Manning, Gitmo et.c I am convinced that the United States is a barbaric country that cares not one whit about citizens, rights (human or otherwise) or anything else that doesn't mean more oil/coal/heavy metals/minerals/money/whatever for megacorp bosses/GOP leaders.

When I see their attempts at humanitarian responses and "fighting for human rights" in not just foreign countries but their own freaking backyard (New Orleans?) I can only laugh and thank $INSERT_PERSONAL_DEITY that I was not born there, my parents never emigrated there and that my only connection with them (aside from sending dozens of nasty emails to the shitehouse when Bush was in power) is a section of my family that buggered off 4 or 5 decades ago.

To think they believe they are a fount of democracy and "an example for the rest of the world" should give rise to a short skit that might become the funniest TV ever made. Their right-wing print and TV media are enough to make one want to put a bullet in someones' skull - more than likely me putting one through my own skull.

Sorry. </rant>

I just had to unload a bit. Wankers.

Keira Knightley, Jessica Biel eye Batman

Sorry Peter,

but whenever I hear/see even the merest glimpse of Ms. Kinghtley I am reminded of the horrors of eating disorders and that then immediately colours my response.

I would also like to take this opportunity to apologise for my heinous spelling in my first post; I shall definately use definitely in the future.

If...

it's a meaty role then Knightley is definately out of the frame.

MP says she was misquoted over DNA test call

FWIW as a Bristolian male...

I wrote to Kerry (not my MP or current colour of politics); this was the reply I received yesterday afternoon:

Dear Chris

The way the press has chosen to report my comments on the Jo Yeates murder investigation has understandably caused a great deal of concern. I would like to make clear that I have not been leading calls for all men in Bristol to be DNA tested, and it would be wholly inappropriate for me to do so, as this is for the police to decide.

I was approached by the Express newspaper, and asked if I supported calls from Louise Smith's parents (a local woman who was murdered in 1995 and whose killer was traced after DNA testing) for such methods to be used in the Joanna Yeates case. My response was that I would support the police in DNA testing if the investigating officers considered that it would be a useful step in helping to identify Jo's killer.

Although much of the press speculation has specified men, perhaps unhelpfully, it would be for the police to decide who should be tested - male or female. I did, though, query whether it would be more productive to test beyond Clifton specifically, as only one of many practical and logistical considerations, if this option was pursued.

I am of course aware that people in Bristol would be concerned about the civil liberties aspects of DNA testing, and whether their records would be retained on the DNA database, so this would need to be looked at if the police do consider testing at some point. I also made clear that it could prove very difficult to test a significant proportion of the Bristol population, and that I am unclear how the police would actually go about it.

I hope you will be reassured that I have not "called" for testing, and nor have I in any way pre-empted what the police might do. I merely agreed that DNA testing has proved useful in solving crimes, but the police are best placed to decide whether it would be helpful in this instance.

Yours sincerely

Kerry McCarthy MP

The Girl with the NSObject Class Reference tattoo

Timings

Larsson died in 2004; ICQ and hotmail would have been popular then (gmail launched to general public in Feb 2007 although I had my account in Feb 2005).

Becks offloads Posh Porsche on eBay

Stuff goes here?

"heated front seats, parking assist...thicker leather steering wheel"

Heated seats? Posh needs that to make up for her skinny arse not providing enough insulation.

Parking assist? I've seen some Beckham moves that warrant something similar on-field.

Thicker...steering wheel? No comment.

Why did my server just die?

POS on Windows

Asda!

My local Walmart shit-hole in South Bristol has 10 self-service check-outs of which only 5 or 6 ever seem to be up at a time. The others? Yes, you guessed, BSOD's or admin password entry dialog boxes on display.

<rant>

It would be laughable if it wasn't so fucking annoying as virtually every other bastard wants to use them and not the (still, for a while) human (just about human, I mean) proper tills. While I'm on the subject, why the hell don't the pleb's walking around like officials from the Nazi party do something about the morons taking trolleys through self-serve?

</rant>

I like Lidl; at least their veg and fruit stays fresher longer than the crap from As-mart (and there's a really cute Polish girl in my nearest store ;)

Groupon to raise $950m in massive funding round

Is it just me...

or do I sniff another bubble being inflated?

A six billion dollar offer from Google? A floatation valuation of 6.5 to 8 billion dollars? For a frigging coupon company.

Methinks the '90's are coming around again.

Scientologist overlord declares victory over Anonymous

Next time...

I'll think extra hard about adding the "joke" icon.

So...

no more standing up to anything then?

Bloated US patent holder sues 9 tech companies

Sorry in advance

"said the outfit's top litigation counsel Melissa Finocchio"

I wonder what grew when she lied...

Mass mind control artist condemns El Reg to obscurity

Oh dear...

I guess I forgot to add the joke icon to my previous comment: "ditto"/"seconded"? Oh well, that's life I suppose.

Seconded

Seconded.

Apple Facetime flings out frightening random calls

Lonely?

"Girlfriend got a Facetime call at 2:30am from my mac but I was in bed with her 16 miles away at her house."

Easy answer, the Mac is probably alone in your cold house surrounded by WinOS devices and just wanted a cuddle and some TLC.

Reg hack tickled by Kent schoolgirl

Possibly...

King Biscuit and/or Dangerous Kitchen.

off-topic:

Music is the best...

Jazz is not dead; it just smells funny.

Remember there's a big difference between kneeling down and bending over.

Headache Acres?

Sounds more like Trump Tower.

Internet Explorer 9 preview thinks inside box, outside browser

I wonder...

I wonder how many "members" on the auspicious Register fora post as AC's on /. and how many of that subset are Fark and/or 4chan posters?

;)

Off-topic - but...

One of the features touted on Win7 was the ability to tile open windows, this was going to be a killer feature. I'm sure I can remember that from Win1/2/or3 back when I worked for Unisys in the 80's.

I guess it's true, what goes around comes around.

Blogger faces terror charges for 'naming MPs'

Not quite the same, but...

Not quite the same, but I started a 'blog' years ago that listed every action merkin forces have been involved in since the revolution. I also listed all the 'alleged' merkin assassination attempts, 'police' actions etc.

All of a sudden my access either through a control panel or FTP vanished as did the information I was hosting.

I am not muslim, I am white, British and a fine zyder-drinking Bristolian but that didn't help with any requests to the server hoster or the powers that be (or were, this was shrub/bliar era).

Netezza pays to shut down CIA killer drone lawsuit

I s'pose...

that "The potentially explosive case" means Hellfire missiles might start raining down from the drones onto Netezza'a HQ?

Oil heir loses $6m in 'CIA-Opus-Dei' malware murder scam

WTF?

How on earth can a jazz musician afford $160K a month?!?

Sorry; I've just removed my tongue from my cheek.

Oz journo pokes PARIS

Acronym?

Launched at Optimal High Altitude Node?

I know, not as pretty as PARIS but they're both functional in a geeky way.

Now we need a Lindsay icon.

Amiga on the block (again)

Thnx

Thanks for the info Aiden.

FYI (FWIW)

Beneath a Steel Sky (nicely playable on XP, Vista and 7) is available for free (loss-leader, account required to download) on gog.com.

I've been reliving swathes of my earlier gaming experiences with the software available there (including all the Tex Murphy games).

NO DRM either :)

Vulture 1 rolls out of fab bunker

Shirley...

it would have to be a PARIS-diver.

Got nuthin'

Sorry, just been to see Rich Hall at the Tobacco Factory in Bristle; I need a mind-scrub.

OOo's put the willies up Microsoft

Leni Riefenstahl

Leni Riefenstahl would have been proud to produce this piece of propaganda for the M$ party in the 1930's.

I almost fell off my chair laughing when the advert mentioned the excessive costs of FOSS - have M$ forgotten how much their software and support contracts eat into IT budgets?

Jobsian fondle-slab in SEXY FILTHGRAM CRACKDOWN

Just outside Bath

Just outside Bath climbs the beautifully named "Brassknocker Hill" (great for watching female cyclists in the colder months).

Ofcom imposes new rules on silent callers

TPS

From the TPS website:

<quote>

What is TPS?

The Telephone Preference Service (TPS) is a central opt out register whereby individuals can register their wish not to receive unsolicited sales and marketing telephone calls. It is a legal requirement that companies do not make such calls to numbers registered on the TPS.

The original legislation was introduced in May 1999. It has subsequently been updated and now the relevant legislation is the Privacy and Electronic (EC Directive) Regulations 2003.

Who can register?

The term individual includes consumers at their residential address, sole traders and, except in Scotland, partnerships.

How long will it take to become effective?

Once a number has been registered it will become effective in 28 days.

Is there any charge for registering?

No, it's free to register on the TPS.

Who pays for TPS?

No money is received from the Government to run the Service, the direct marketing industry pays for it.

</quote>

It is that final sentence that makes me think it is just some massive joke.

Ryder Cup in a flap over Twitter ban

Ruined

Golf is a good walk, ruined.

Twitter and Facebook are a good intertubes, ruined.

Miliband retains Labour line on DNA and CCTV

Politicians

Am I the only one who finds this influx of snotty-looking, smarmy, youngsters in powerful positions alarming?

I'm not too old (infants school in the 60's) but I really miss seeing people that appear to be older and wiser in positions of trust. Although I am not a labour supporter or voter I think that the early death of John Smith signalled the end of decent politics and the beginning of this sorry state in which we find ourselves - and yes, all the parties are to blame as is the system of so-called democracy we "enjoy".

Maybe if Smith had lived and come to power we'd be living in a far better country?

Call me naive if you want, I don't care; I just know what I'd like to see in British politics.

Vulcan seeks further £400k refuel

Last but one...

If the Coventry flight turns out to be the last, I saw the Vulcan on Sat. 18th flying into Filton for a private show. Driving up the M32 heading for a late summer holiday in Welshpool the stunning craft came in from the North before turning and descending to land at Filton - it was a sight as stunning as those I remember seeing during the 70's living in Henbury, North Bristol, at the end of the Filton airfield.

If this aircraft is retired early it will be such a crying shame; the v-bombers were some of the most beautiful planes ever flown.

Czechs tell Google to stop StreetView

If....

(off topic "If...." is a damn good '68 film).

On-topic: I just cannot understand this objection to Google Streetview; it is a fantastic an useful "product" - it is not the fault of Google if the idiots out there have unsecured wireless routers, if they are as poorly protected as shown then they deserve all the problems that lack of protection brings. These are more than likely the same people that - albeit inadvertantly - allow their systems to spread worms et al.

Google Streetview is useful and has helped many people to navigate, others to research possible holiday locations and, generally, to allow us to see more of our countries than we would ever do in the normal course of our lives.

Yes, I'm aware there are "scary" issues surrounding the application, but I'd much rather have it than be without it.

Software re-sale restricted by US Court of Appeals

What to do with some bricks & mortar vendors?

There are certain places (supermarkets in the main) where I can buy software at discounted prices way after the release date (e.g. a game).

No EULA is printed on the outside of the box and as someonementioned above it is generally "on the disk". If I were then to open the box and begin the install procedure, read the EULA and decide that I disagree with it, how am I supposed to return said product for a refund? I have been unable to see any terms of the purchase/licensing agreement contained in the EULA and yet am stopped from returning the product because the store will not accept returns.

Is there anything in U.K. law that would enable me to return the software when the store claims I can't?

Cattle-burp eco menace mastered - by oregano

Oregano:

the ancient italian art of pizza folding

Doctor Who goes to the Proms

To our visitors from over the pond...

Prom is short for promenade concert, a term which arose from the original practice of audience members promenading, or strolling, in some areas of the concert hall during the concert. Promming now refers to the use of the standing areas inside the hall (the arena and gallery) for which ticket prices are much lower than for the reserved seating.

I could be arsed to scribble the above myself so nicked it from wikipedia.

Gordon Brown joins World Wide Web Foundation

re Brownnote

Sir Tim is GayLesbianBisexual?

Google tests 'streaming' search engine

Google search

If you want to do "serious search":

a) why use Google?

b) if you must, then try google.co.uk/advanced_search, it's not perfect for all searches, but it beats the basic page without having to type all kinds of modifiers into the search box

Are plasma TVs killing radio?

Reception goes here with or without unseen subtitles

I would try to listen to my BBC local station on VM but whenever I try and "tune in" (press 938) I have a recorded message that says "due to licensing conditions this programme is unavailable/deleted/nuked; whatever".

I have no DAB - not that that would be any better - and I guess I should now try searching for something called a radio receiver (built one in early 70's with a piece of galena and a fucking long bit of wire).

Oh, those days in the 60's/70's hidden under the blankets with a non-rechargeable battery torch and a copy of "The Famous Five Go Diving" (hmmmmm, I wonder..........)

Renault DeZir: 'leccy sex machine

Letters and numbers have no place here

"Renault says the DeZir will have a 160km (100m) range"

100 metres? I'll have to work out how many of these I'll need to buy to get to the shops and back.

US authorities shutdown websites accused of movie piracy

Here we go again...

When - for the life of me please tell me when - they will learn that claiming "billions of lost sales" does not equate to their bottom lines?

As many others have said over the years, if (hmmm) I were to ever "pirate" anything, it's because I want to see/hear what it is like before I waste by hard-earned on forking over for a DVD/CD/BR etc. that 99.9% of the time is crap.

If they want to bolster their revenues then why not try producing some original material instead of countless sequels, re-imaginings, remakes or whatever else.

The music and film industries are so bereft of creative talent that they probably deserve to be thinned out (starting with the major labels and studios).

I would say, not too cynically, that those labels/studios do not want to see the end of piracy as the figures they are trying to claim represent a much better/greater revenue stream than bums on seats in cinemas and CD/DVD/BR sales from retail outlets.

Microsoft dubs Windows Phone 7 'ad serving machine'

In that case...

In that case I'll have a free smartphone, free contract, free data roaming and free MMS and voice please - I will NOT pay for unwanted advertising taking up any allowances I have bought.