* Posts by Professor Tinklepants

61 publicly visible posts • joined 9 Feb 2010


Ten... iPhone 4 accessories

Professor Tinklepants

Essential, eh?

Despite the brief mention of the bumper case at the beginning, I was surprised that it wasn't at the top of the list.

I can't think of anything more 'essential' than something that allows this phone to.....make phone calls!

Devil manifests in Hungarian bathroom

Professor Tinklepants
Dead Vulture

That's not Satan....

.....it looks more like a mummified Tom Baker ca. 1975!

Oz pedestrians fall to 'Death by iPod'

Professor Tinklepants

Most cities predate cars?

Strewth mate, if there's a city predating my car I'm gonna drive a lot faster than 20mph!

Microsoft gets Speedos in a twist over half-naked 'Meter Maids'

Professor Tinklepants

@ Prof William

I was once a man trapped in a lesbians body.

That took some explaining when we got to the emergency room.....

Paris Hilton tweets armed intruder drama

Professor Tinklepants

Re: OK, no 'facial' jokes...

"that just makes me sound more creepy than the attacker."

Yeah, you didn't help yourself with the phrase "facial avenue of smut".

Just picturing what form that might take makes me need a bath!

BBC heralds next Doctor Who download game

Professor Tinklepants

Flying the TARDIS is all very well....

....but, any chance of a dip in the Pond....?

Yum Yum!!

Nude trampolinist bounces free from court

Professor Tinklepants

How long was he out there?

Because, at 55 yrs old, 2 wanks on the bounce would be impressive......

Mines the one with the spring shoes and slightly crispy velvet glove in the pocket.

HTC says sorry for Orange Hero Android 2.1 update delay

Professor Tinklepants
Thumb Up

I got mine yesterday!

I'm on Orange and I got mine yesterday morning. The first part came through automatically and then I got the phone to check for any more updates manually (through the 'about phone' part of the settings menu) and then the 2nd part came down.

It's a definate improvement as it's fixed a couple of glitches that I had found annoying and there appears to be lots of little bits added to the functionality all over the place. My favourite so far is the speaker button being displayed on the screen when someone calls you, instead of having to go into the menu.

Also, although I backed everything up before the update, I didn't need it - didn't lose anything at all from the phone. Which was nice!

All in all - 10 out of 10!

Lara Croft, the Way in Derby

Professor Tinklepants

Will Brighton soon inaugurate a Katie Price Way?

Apparently, the Council have been thinking about it but they haven't yet found a road containing only gaudily false-fronted shops that actually consist of nothing more than rancid, evil-smelling but ultimately empty basements.....

Steve Jobs denies Judas Phone antenna problems

Professor Tinklepants


I'm on my 3rd Hero, Orange having given me replacements due to crappy signal reception. Despite this, I can only get it to drop bars when I completely smother it.

If I hold it like a normal person, rather than a club-handed hillbilly, it works perfectly.

The only thing that surprises me about this whole issue is that people seem genuinely taken aback that Apple\Jobs haven't put their hand up and taken the blame. I mean, this is the Cult of Jobs ferchrissake....what the feck did you think was going to happen?

Paraguayan model to strip if team wins World Cup

Professor Tinklepants

Pretty lady...

...shame she likes football :(

Amazon punts Kindleware for Androids

Professor Tinklepants

Amazon punts Kindleware for Androids

Or you can download Laputa II and read books for free.

Just saying....

Spoof beer ad mocks England footie flops

Professor Tinklepants

I was asked...

....if I had any good vuvuzela jokes.

Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.........no, sorry.

Hmm....not sure if that works in print, might have to be said out loud!

Killer piranha stalk Folkestone pond

Professor Tinklepants


Flavours of fuckstain? Thanks for that - I'm eating my lunch....well, I was... :0(


Thousands of 'sexsomniacs' suffering in silence, say profs

Professor Tinklepants

I didn't see sheep shagging...

....but I did read the condition as 'Sexomaniacs', which sounds altogether more sinister.

Mystic Met is serial Strategy Boutique john

Professor Tinklepants

@ So, does anybody actually know

I'm not 100% certain, but I think it's something like:

"It's a bit wet out, innit? Oh, it's not? Bugger..."

Want nips like church coat pegs? Click here

Professor Tinklepants

I agree....

.....and we should definately nip it in the bud.....

Cops cuff coke-smuggling lingerie model

Professor Tinklepants

Are we sure this is real.....

.......and not just a leaked script for Bad Boys III?

Canadian mobe firm sued over disappearing husband

Professor Tinklepants
Thumb Down

Lemme get this straight...

...over half a mil for an affair that lasted 'a few weeks'?

That is one high-class hooker!!

The dirty cheating tart doesn't deserve a penny.

Freebie Spotify is back, also £5 no-ads option

Professor Tinklepants


.....so if I'm understanding this right, the difference between Spotify and a service like, say, Last.fm is that with Spotify you can choose indvidual songs to play, rather than a genre etc.

If that is correct, I'll take the free, ad-less Last.fm every time. It's been a brilliant way for me to find loads of new artists (and buy their albums) that I would have never have found otherwise. I wouldn't have found them unless I was entering a genre, rather than particular songs\bands.

What can Google's tablet deliver?

Professor Tinklepants

Calm down!

Hello? Did you not see the bloody great joke icon on my post?

I have an HTC Hero and I love it. Most of the time, I can't stop talking about how great Android is, and how much it kicks the iPhones arse.

Just saw an oppourtunity for some humor (sort of, maybe) and so I took it.

Christ, commentards can be TOUCHY sometimes!

Professor Tinklepants

What can Google's tablet deliver?

Answer: Targeted ads and privacy concerns.

What do I win?

Debenhams wows shoppers with free delivery offer

Professor Tinklepants

All Hail Mighty Novatech!

Superb site - never had occasion to visit their block-and-motar store but their online service is amazing!

Woman loses Bebo privacy case against lad mag

Professor Tinklepants

Hang on just a minute!

The two situations are not comparable. The photos weren't put online by a third party - SHE did it!

If the original owner of something (pics or music etc) puts it online, freely available to all they can't then complain when every other bugger takes it and uses it.

Yes, she put them up under her Bebo account and so, presumably, only friends should have been able to see them but anyone who still holds the delusion that online privacy mechanisms are reliable and will stop pictures of you in your smalls sweeping the web....well, they're idiots - aren't they?

Apple prices up iPad for UK

Professor Tinklepants



That is all.

Perv scanner todger quips provoke Miami airport assault

Professor Tinklepants
Thumb Up

"I'm not condoning his actions....."

I bloody-well am! I'd have fed the bastard my baton (fnarr-fnarr) long before a year was up.

Good work, that man!!

Ten Essential... Android Apps

Professor Tinklepants


El Reg is not responsible for the content of external internet sites.

ASTRO File Manager

I really only use this app for backing-up apps to my SD card but that alone is worth the download. I've changed 'droid handsets quite a lot recently and this back-up facility has been a real time saver by allowing me to move apps from one handset to the other, without having to re-download them.


Professor Tinklepants


It's not top of the Games list in the Market for nothing. I have wasted HOOOOURS on this little blighter.

No better time-waster around. The app, not me........... ;0)

Professor Tinklepants


El Reg is not responsible for the content of external internet sites.


I think it was you guys who mentioned this app a while ago. Since I installed it on my Hero, it's been invaluable. It allows you to back up all of your contact info, including call history and texts, and download them to a new handset.

In addition, the handset lockdown gives real piece of mind should the phone get stolen and the ability to see who the tea-leaf is texting and calling is a big help to police etc.

Top class app, and FREE!! We Love You Android!

Vote Lib Dem, doom humanity to extinction

Professor Tinklepants

I was going to up-vote you...

....til the climate change dig.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with questioning the consensus and looking at the actual science.

Sure, El Reg can be a little one-sided on the subject but I haven't seen any other 'mainstream' news site doing any real questioning at all.

Phillies fan tasered for field incursion

Professor Tinklepants
Thumb Up

That pic is fantastic!

Makes you wonder if he spotted the taser before he got zapped. He looks a little.....concerned!!

Gave me a good ol' chuckle!!

Apple boots STD psychic healing app out of bed

Professor Tinklepants

"I suppose if you inserted your iPhone somewhere..........it could excite something"

Would that be the brown chakra? Or perhaps the pink one?

Mystic Met closed Europe with computer model

Professor Tinklepants


A supposedly trusted scientific entity makes large-scale environmental predictions based on data gathered through a less-than-rigorous analysis that has little relation to reality .......and we're supposed to be surprised?

It all sounds so familiar, somehow..........

Oxburgh blesses Climategate boffins

Professor Tinklepants

Absolutely disgusting...

....but, sadly, not at all surprising.

Primark pulls 'disgraceful' padded bikini for kiddies

Professor Tinklepants

Oh, somebody think of the children!!

But not too much, and certainly not in padded bikinis, you dirty, dirty man!!

Leaked details on HP iPad challenger reveal tight fight

Professor Tinklepants


Ok, you got me - I hadn't factored in the needs of a graphic designer on the move into my thoughts when puzzling the ultimate usefulness of a tablet computer - so sue me! ;0)

But, despite it's apparent usefulness to you, I still can't see any reason beyond clever marketing that tablet computers would necessitate such hype\desire within the general populace.

In any case, would the convenience of pressure-sensitive touch-screen drawing really be worth $/£500 to you? I don't know the requirements of your job but I know that if I went to my boss and asked to spend that sort of money on something that makes my job a bit easier or more enjoyable (watching movies on the train etc), I'd get a big fat no.

In addition, I'm not sure quoting the iPad as a means of avoiding carrying loads of netbook power supplies and adapters etc is going to hold much water - it's been well documented on various reviews that if you need to do anything with the iPad that requires any contact with an external device, it ends up looking like Medusas latest haircut.

And at the risk of labouring a point, while your reasons for desiring a tablet are obviously worthy they nonetheless kill dead the whole idea behind the marketing - that these devices are for 'consuming, not creating'. This, I guess, is the nucleus of my argument - you have to go out of your way to use the device for a purpose that it was not designed for in order to find it useful...don't you find that odd?

I'm really trying to temper my normal, rabidly anti-Apple mindset because I am genuinely at a loss to understand the concept (graphics designers excepted) that makes these devices any more desirable or even useful to most people than a netbook to the degree that it's worth spending so much money.

Professor Tinklepants

Eh? I don't understand!!

I am desperately trying to understand why tablets like the iPad and the Slate have suddenly become such big news. It's like waking up in the morning and suddenly realising that a new fashion for wearing tea-coseys as hats has swept the world, with everyone convinced they look amazing and are the next big thing.

It's crazy - these devices are riddled wtih comprimises and I am genuinely at a loss to identify what need they are fufilling. I've heard all the guff about 'consuming, not creating' etc but I find it inescapable that there is nothing the iPad can do that can't be done on a smartphone\netbook combo. And while it's desirable to have one device that can do the job of two, these tablets can't - they don't make calls, for a start - and even if they could, the price is just.....well, it boggles my mind. Crazy.

To my mind, the ridiculous price-tags just confirm their status as the latest must-have for people who buy what they're told to buy.

New Reg comments system ready to launch

Professor Tinklepants

I got stung....

......by Wikipedia's Wife Selling article this morning so there's NO WAY I'm falling for this!!

@ Sarah - I don't hate it really, please don't reject me again.......! :0)

Legal high fire sale starts now

Professor Tinklepants

@Sarah Bee

"but if you don't fuck yourself up, it does no harm to anyone else."

That's true, no arguement here. But why take the risk? Is the pay-off really worth it?

I mean, getting high\stoned is great and you can have a fantastic time etc. but what are a few hours of fun compared to the risk of seriously messing your life up?

I know you can say that about a lot of things, that are perhaps much more likely to hurt you - such as bunjee jumping or driving a racing car. But in my experience, drug use hurts a much higher number of people than those other things and I can't understand, when people are fully aware of those risks, why they continue to take the risks and, worse, to argue their right to do so with such fervour.

It's just crazy, to my eyes.

Apple uncloaks deep details of its 11 iPad apps

Professor Tinklepants
Thumb Down


"What is it with these muppets who can see no reason to change or invent or improve"

Fair enough - just do me favour and point out for me what, exactly, Apple has changed, invented or improved with this lacklustre, plastic money-magnet?

I get that it's supposed to make money - unfortunately, it's going to do that in spades - but to claim that Apple have been creative or have launched a "paradigm shift product" (btw, you should be imprisoned for making me quote such an hateful phrase) is to just blindly buy in to the marketing bullshit that Apple and the fanbois are dishing out.

So, as far as making money and pleasing their shareholders, Apple = success.

But as far as producing another truly innovative technology product that will dominate an as-yet un-tapped niche? FAIL!

Professor Tinklepants
Jobs Horns

Some good ideas.....

.......that drift like flotsam on a sea of compromises, trying to avoid being holed on rocks of "optional extras".

Third of UK students would strip their way through college

Professor Tinklepants


Every day is just a parade of reasons why I was very stupid to go to University......

Roger Boyes probes Vienna Boys’ Choir

Professor Tinklepants

Thought for Lent

Christ's Last Words:

"Listen, you can re-interperet the rest of what I told you however you like and use it to cause abject misery for untold billions of your fellow men but do me one favour - don't fiddle with kids, OK?"

Jobcentre ejects Jedi Knight

Professor Tinklepants

"he's better than 25% of the people already working around here... "

Better than only 25% of them? Glad you don't do the hiring for my firm!! ;0)

Professor Tinklepants


Cue the employers of Southend binning any CV with his name on it the minute it comes through the door.

What a tit.....

Climategate hits Westminster: MPs spring a surprise

Professor Tinklepants
Thumb Up

Nice reporting, but....

I think writing it as "science", rather than science would be more appropriate in this case.

Old PS3s locked out of PlayStation Network

Professor Tinklepants

Playstation not working?

That's the God of Gaming telling you that you should have bought an Xbox....

Ouch, that's GOTTA hurt......

Oz songstress: Record label 2.0 abandoned me

Professor Tinklepants
Thumb Down

A glowing endorsement....

"have u heard Mandeleigh music? it is really good.

Have you heard the crap played on the radio? that is the major label...

you choose"

Sorry, can't finish this post - I have to rush out and buy everything I can to do with "Mandeleigh", purely on the strength of this well-considered and carefully typed endorsement.

Oh, wait..... no, I don't.

Rom-coms, period dramas are rubbish: Mathematical proof

Professor Tinklepants

You what, now?

See title.

Feds open school spycam probe

Professor Tinklepants
Thumb Up

"Chucking his Norris"

I nearly spat yoghurt over my keyboard when I read that!!

And no, that's not a euphemism - I really was eating yoghurt.