* Posts by Blofeld's Cat

1230 posts • joined 27 Jan 2010

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Remember the bloke who was told by Zen Internet to contact his MP about crap service? Yeah, it's still not fixed

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Mushroom

Oh Fawkes ...

A friend wrote to her MP responding to one of the government's consultation invitations, politely expressing her reasoned opinion on the subject.

She received a reply thanking her for her comments, and a glossy booklet explaining the government's view on the subject, and why she was completely wrong.

That's the sort of thing that happens when your MP is also the PM.

BOFH: You say goodbye and I say halon

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Pint

Hmm ...

"...the eye-watering halon disposal fee..."

I can't help feeling that this involved their black-market halon supplier, with the BOFH, PFY and fire engineer all receiving well-stuffed brown envelopes.

Exsparko-destructus! What happens when wand waving meets extremely poor wiring

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Childcatcher

Er ...

Not quite the same, but I got called out to a site where their in-house "electrical genius" had installed a number of "Emergency Stop" buttons demanded by Health & Safety.

Shunning the usual methods, he had wired cheap push button switches across the mains at strategic points. Pressing the switch shorted the supply, tripped the circuit breaker and cut off the power.

Eventually one test welded shut the contacts of the 32V rated switch involved, making it impossible to reset the breaker.

Good news: Jeff Bezos went to space. Bad news: He's back

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Pint

Congrats ...

Congratulations to Wally Funk.

Richly deserved in so many ways.

Engineers' Laurel and Hardy moment caused British Airways 787 to take an accidental knee

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Coat

Re: Boeing-ing-ing

I always assumed "Boeing" was the sound made by a part of the aircraft hitting the ground.

Revealed: Perfect timings for creation of exemplary full English breakfast

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Angel

On the go ...

My preferred method of obtaining a "Full English" while out and about, is to select the dining establishment with the most sign-written vans outside, as this usually indicates that the proprietor goes for both quality and quantity.

This can generally be confirmed when the menu consists of breakfast offerings which are numbered rather than named.

Remember that a successful day never starts with a croissant and decaffeinated coffee...

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Flame

Re: Lost me in the first paragraph.

Indeed, and preferably turned at least once during the cooking process.

11-year-old graduate announces plans to achieve immortality by 'replacing body parts with mechanical parts'

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Childcatcher

Er ...

"Immortality, that is my goal. I want to be able to replace as many body parts as possible with mechanical parts."

That sort of statement is usually accompanied by a clasping of hands while laughing maniacally.

"His grandparents, who mainly raised him, have cardiac issues and he reportedly wants to help them."

For some reason I'm now imagining The Colossus of New York wandering around looking for his slippers, and being unable to recall why he was at the UN Building in the first place.

Florida Man sues Facebook, Twitter, YouTube for account ban

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Devil

Re: Asking for a fiend

"The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist" - Charles Baudelaire

Devilish plans for your next app update ensure they never happen – unless you start praying

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Devil

Sign here ...

"I, Alistair Dabbs, hereinafter and in the hereafter to be known as 'The Damned' ..."

Record-breaking Kuwaiti heatwave triggers inadvisable TikTok expletive outburst

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Coat

Zap!

I gather that cursing Thor (or Zeus) for soaking you during a thunderstorm can also attract serious charges ...

Leaked Apple memo tells employees that they'll be coming into the office at least 3 days a week from September

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Coat

Hmm ...

"To sweeten the blow, Apple said it would allow employees to work fully remotely for two weeks each year ..."

Is that over the Christmas and New Year holidays, or during their annual leave?

US Supreme Court rules teens cussing out schools on social media is protected speech

Blofeld's Cat Silver badge

Hmm ...

"I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."

Evelyn Beatrice Hall, The Friends of Voltaire (1906)

'I put the interests of the country first': Colonial Pipeline CEO on why oil biz paid off ransomware crooks

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Coat

Er ...

'... the password used to gain access to the VPN was "complex" – it wasn't just "colonial123" ...'

So "Coloni4l123!" then?

Good news for pentesters and network admins: US issues ransomware guidance asking biz to skill up security teams

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Facepalm

Hmm ...

"Firms were also told to keep regular offline backups, segment their networks, promptly apply security patches, test their incident response plans, and use the services of a third-party penetration tester to identify any potential vulnerabilities missed by internal staffers."

Meanwhile, in the real world, firms will continue to beef up their legal teams, hire more spin-doctors, and recruit better snipers to take out any approaching messengers.

Stack Overflow acquired for $1.8bn by Prosus (no, me neither)

Blofeld's Cat Silver badge
Coffee/keyboard

Re: Hooker Overflow...

So true (+1) ...

Let's forget about the Stack Overflow bit and just concentrate on Hookers that play Blackjack

The common factor in all your failed job applications: Your CV

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Coat

Hmm ...

I always wondered if the opening paragraph on my CV made any sort of difference, as very few people seemed to read it.

"The people, places and events in this document are fictitious. Any resemblence to actual places, products, or persons (living, deceased or shortly to make the transition) is purely coincidental."

European Parliament's data adequacy objection: Doubts cast on UK's commitment to privacy protection

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Black Helicopters

Er ...

require_once('sarcasm'); // Just in case

I can't see where the element of doubt creeps in. The data protection policy of successive UK governments has been made very clear on numerous occasions.

BOFH: But we think the UK tax authorities would be VERY interested in how we used COVID support packages

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Re: It's been a while....

"... I am surprised they didn't take him into the basement ..."

Judging by the "faint scream" I suspect he made his own way to the basement - possibly using litho-braking in the process.

Former IT manager from Essex pleads guilty to defrauding the NHS of £800k

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"I hope he gets a substantial prison sentence."

Hopefully he will also be made to pay the NHS back - with interest.

Man found dead inside model dinosaur after climbing in to retrieve phone

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Re: Sleeping with the stegosaurus

Watch out for the Thagomizer...

Icarus moment: Mozilla Thunderbird was saving OpenPGP keys in plaintext after encryption snafu

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Re: testing is the mother of...

5. Repeat steps 1 to 4

6. Collect ISO 9001 certificate

The Home Office will need to overturn a long legacy of failure to achieve ambition of all-digital border by 2025

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Devil

Re: Prediction

"... All user data will leak out to black hat hackers ..."

I suspect that the data will have already been sold to a social media company or somebody the minister in charge went to school with, long before it can be leaked.

Google will make you use two-step verification to login

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Devil

Er ...

I commonly reuse passwords on sites where I will probably not be coming back, and shouldn't really need to set up an account in the first place.

This usually happens where I am researching something like opening times or prices, but the company will not tell me unless I create an account first.

In such cases no real financial or personal information is ever given, the mailbox concerned is only used for "confirm your email" messages, and gets auto-deleted unread after 48 hours.

If it turns out that I will be turning a casual enquiry into something more solid, then a proper email address and password gets generated and recorded.

I recently had to create an account just to find out when and if the local authority Swimming Pool Leisure Centre "Wellbeing Center" [sic] was reopening.

And, no, I don't want to "like" my experience on Facebook, or become a "friend" of your refuse collection department.

Bitcoin is ‘disgusting and contrary to the interests of civilization’ says famed investor Charlie Munger

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Coat

Hmm ...

I must be getting old.

I had assumed the "Guinea" was still the preferred unit for legal fees, financial transactions, bribes and ransom demands.

Terminal trickery, or how to improve a novel immeasurably

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Re: Novel interference

"... take a newly cooked bit of prose and leave it to rest ...

Indeed. It is also surprising how much corruption happens to a "perfect" report left overnight to cool.

"Where did the second copy of paragraph xyz come from and WTF is that chart?"

Microsoft demotes Calibri from default typeface gig, starts fling with five other fonts

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Headmaster

More fonts ?

I still get flashbacks to the early days of "Desktop Publishing".

Twenty fonts and three different border styles on a simple A5 sized flyer ...

Good: Water vapor signal detected for first time on distant planet. Bad: Er, we'll let one of the boffins explain

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Coat

Hmm ...

Water vapour at 2000 degrees centigrade ?

Sounds ideal for a coffee franchise.

UK government gives Automated Lane Keeping Systems the green light for use on motorways

Blofeld's Cat Silver badge
Stop

Rolling roadblock ...

The idea of having vehicles travelling at "up to 37 mph" on motorways seems to me a curious one, when the majority of traffic on these roads will be travelling considerably faster - outside peak hours at least.

Being unable to match the speed of other vehicles would make it difficult to safely change lanes when necessary.

The usual queue-jumping suspects would however quickly realise that they could use the "Holborn Effect" to force a vehicle to let them in.

Traffic lights, who needs 'em? Lucky Kentucky residents up in arms over first roundabout

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Coat

Signs ...

"... they put signs on roads that tell you where they go ..."

Signs around here have evolved differently:

Assuming you have managed to spot a sign inside the roadside foliage, and that nobody has used it as a canvas for their "artwork", you will now find you are heading to somewhere you have never heard of (e.g. Little Hissingdown), rather than the major metropolis you desired.

Other signs are placed on approaches to junctions to tell you that you should have changed lanes some time ago, and it's now far too late to do anything about it.

Painted signs on the roadway exist only to confirm you are in the wrong lane - as soon as the traffic starts moving and reveals them.

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Coat

Er ...

Space France is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly hugely mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist, but that's just peanuts to space France”

With apologies to Douglas Adams

JavaScript developers left in the dark after DroidScript software shut down by Google over ad fraud allegations

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Devil

The computer says no ...

There seems to be a growing trend amongst even small companies to completely stonewall any enquiries, requests, error reports or complaints.

I recently had a medium-sized parts order unexpectedly cancelled by a company I have dealt with for many years.

Their web site took the order and payment in the usual way, but the goods didn't arrive and the order disappeared from the "past orders" list. All very strange, especially as this was a repeat order for items they have supplied many times before.

When I eventually managed to contact their sales people, they confirmed their web site was "working correctly" and that they had the necessary items in stock, they could not however explain why the order had failed, only that it had been silently cancelled by "the system". They did however return my money, which was nice.

It also turns out that since they were bought out by a larger company, orders below a certain value can only be placed through their web site and not via the sales office.

A second attempt a few days later was again cancelled by "the system". Fortunately I could (and did) purchase the parts elsewhere.

Watchdog 'enables Tesla Autopilot' with string, some weight, a seat belt ... and no actual human at the wheel

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Facepalm

Hmm ...

Ultimately you can't protect people from themselves. Somebody will find a way to bypass any safety feature if they are suitably motivated.

The best we can hope for is that, if they decide to improve the gene pool, they will not take any innocent bystanders with them.

"Look, if I tape down these two switches, shine a torch into the photo-sensor, hang my security badge on the camera, and unscrew the locking bar of the safety cage, I can reach in to clear jams from the shredding machine, while it is still running ..."

Lego's Space Shuttle Discovery: No trouble with Hubble, but the stickers will drive a grown man to insanity

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Coat

Displaying it ...

Personally I'd go with the "orbiting pet store".

China has a satellite with an arm – and America worries it could be used to snatch other spacecraft

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Thumb Up

Re: A satellite junk collector ...

"... Space Force salute ...

Or alternatively a "triple Rimmer".

'There was no one driving that vehicle': Texas cops suspect Autopilot involved after two men killed in Tesla crash

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Unhappy

Re: "more of a super-cruise-control"

"... nearly impossible to fake eyes and their movements ..."

If the demand is there, somebody will find a way to reprogram the car or make a gadget that tricks the system into believing that the driver's eyes are being tracked.

"One thing that humbles me deeply is to see that human genius has its limits while human stupidity does not." - Alexandre Dumas

WordPress core contributor proposes treating Google FLoC as a security vulnerability

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Big Brother

Re: "Permissions-Policy: interest-cohort=()"

I wonder how long it will be before a "coding error" occurs, and the browser fails to read or act on this header.

Vote to turf out remainder of Nominet board looks inevitable after .uk registry ignores reform demands

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FAIL

Re: Why are companies supporting the nominet board?

Perhaps these companies need to be reminded that Nominet's attempts to break into new markets were unsuccessful and caused a drop in operating profit.

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Thumb Up

Re: Shine a light

Likewise with Zen Internet, but I'm pleased to see my expectations confirmed.

Bless you: Yep, it's IBM's new name for tech services spinoff and totally not a hayfever medicine

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Coat

Sounds Tolkienesque ...

Down came the Kyndryl from the hills, sowing confusion wherever they passed, and laying waste to all that was before them ...

United States' plan to beat China includes dominating tech standards groups – especially for 5G

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Big Brother

Hmm ...

"The nice thing about standards is that there is so many of them."

I suspect the only effect of this initiative will be that some manufacturers will state that their kit is compatible with all the 5G standards.

The list might even include the new US ones, if they feel there is a market for them.

How to ensure your tech predictions catch on in a flash? Do the mash

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Happy

Re: International Gerry Anderson Day

"Satisfactory - most satisfactory."

Indeed Dr Beaker.

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Thumb Up

I too recall all of the above (and their theme music), along with "Torchy the Battery Boy".

For blinkenlights sake.... RTFM! Yes. Read The Front of the Machine

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Facepalm

Ouch ...

I reached over a desk to pick up the screwdriver that had rolled to the floor. It was a little further down than I thought, so I leaned a little more ...

>Crack<

Broken rib.

UK's National Cyber Security Centre recommends password generation idea suggested by El Reg commenter

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Pint

Er ...

OK I had to look ...

handed.dawn.short = Robinsons Unicorn Brewery in Stockport

I once had a tour of that valuable establishment.

Facebook says dump of 533m accounts is old news. But my date of birth, name, etc haven't changed in years, Zuck

Blofeld's Cat Silver badge

Re: None of their business

Where a memorable birth date is needed, I generally go for an "off by one" error on one or more elements.

"Not right? Try July instead - Mobile keyboards don't like my fat fingers ..."

Their 'next job could be in cyber': UK Cyber Security Council launches itself by pointing world+dog to domain it doesn't own

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Coat

Er ...

It could be that the "Ministry of Fun" simply requested a web site that nobody could hack.

The ultimate in security by obscurity .,,

Australian ponders requiring multiple IDs to sign up for social media, plus more crypto-busting backdoors

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Big Brother

Hmm ...

I wonder if Facebook etc. would have to verify the documents they are given are both real and actually relate to the person setting up the account? Or would they just have to store and produce on request the details used to sign up?

Turns out humans are leading AI systems astray because we can't agree on labeling

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Devil

Re: Google Captcha

"... Just imagine a car trained on that on UK roads ..."

"On the left? What do you mean 'they drive on the left'?"

Mullet over: Aussie boys' school tells kids 'business in the front, party in the back' hairstyle is 'not acceptable'

Blofeld's Cat Silver badge

Re: Schools are factories

At least it's not a comb-over or the "I'm not really bald" ponytail.

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