* Posts by Miss Lincolnshire

192 posts • joined 22 Jan 2010

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Microsoft cops to 775% Azure surge, quotas on resources and 'significant new capacity' coming ASAP

Miss Lincolnshire

Thumb twiddling

Can't migrate anything since Microsoft turned off additional cloud resources.

Busying myself going through all the slide packs that are used to persuade people to move to Cloud and removing all references to "limitless resources" "ramping up and down", "turning machines off when not busy and back on again when you want them"....

UK government puts IR35 tax reforms on hold for a year in wake of coronavirus crisis

Miss Lincolnshire

Re: Is this an admission?

take it from me, an ex HMRC employee, they never have had the resources.

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's a flying solar panel: BAE Systems' satellite alternative makes maiden flight in Oz

Miss Lincolnshire

Not news

Colonel White was controlling the battle against the Mysterons from one of these 50 years ago,

What do we want? A proper review of IR35! When do we want it? Last year! Bunch of IT contractors protest outside UK Parliament

Miss Lincolnshire

Re: Not really...

I'm both flattered and sorry to disappoint 80)

I'm afraid that handle is merely a allusion to how gorgeous I, a 50+ male, am in comparison to the genetically in-diverse natives of said county.

Miss Lincolnshire

The "proles" is a bit chippy isn't it?

Don't know about your circumstances but I was a permanent employee for over 30 years until I was made redundant for being too grey and expensive, I opted to contract because I wasn't going to allow myself to being thrall to a shitehawk outsourcer again and I accept the risks and benefits that go with that choice.

If you promise to be more polite I will let you have a go in my imaginary helicopter or Ferrari. Perhaps you could book some paid annual leave or even take a paid sickie for the occasion. My international supermodel girlfriend is, sadly, not included in the offer.

Miss Lincolnshire

Not true. My base is the registered address of my PSC. Outside of IR35 I can legitimately claim mileage from there to the client site.

My source of knowledge? Firstly my accountant who is not a cowboy and secondly my own taxes training

Miss Lincolnshire

If you are being treated as an employee then the client site is your place of work and you cannot claim mileage to get there. Ergo what was up to now money taken through a mileage claim free of tax is now taxable income

Miss Lincolnshire

Re: Not really...

£3k for me, but more to get my daughter one too It's an Australian company.

They need to gather his birth certificate (was Poland now Belarus) and his RAF record and his marriage certificate then my mother's and my birth and marriage certificates and my daughter's birth certificate. Then translate all that and the application forms into Polish, apply via a Polish agent, pay fees etc

Miss Lincolnshire

Re: Not really...

I presume that the ridiculous sum I've been quoted to get a Polish passport (Grandfather was a Free Pole) is tax deductable via my company?

Miss Lincolnshire

Outside of IR35 CT is payable on profits after expenses such as mileage, accommodation etc are deducted. Within IR35 those expenses are not allowable and therefore that proportion of income that was previously untaxed would be taxed.

i.e at present I'm outside IR35 in the public sector and legitimately draw about £500 a month in mileage from my company That £500 is not subject to CT. Under IR35 the £500 would be treated as salary and subject to income tax and NI. Same would apply were I stopping in hotels and paying for those out of the day rate.

I believe that that is where some, if not all, of the additional % comes from.

Miss Lincolnshire

"It's completely unnecessary. There is a quid pro quo already – contractors don't pay National Insurance contributions but then they don't get a state pension........ so we don't need this legislation. "

Not true. You get a notional NI credit if you pay yourself a salary equivalent to the tax free allowance. This counts towards your state pension.

UK to Chinese telecoms giant: From 5G in Tiree to the Isles of Ebony, carry me on the waves… Sail Huawei, sail Huawei, sail Huawei

Miss Lincolnshire

Exactly

..... bang on. There is no way this work should be going to forriners. We build the finest capacitors and valves in the world and our bakelite insulators are second to none.

As for the security issues? I've never heard so much nonsense, Who cares if they copy our data? They won't make sense of it, they all talk Chinese.

UK taxman updates its employment-checking calculator for IR35: Still crap, say contractors

Miss Lincolnshire

Be interested to see El Reg's take on this article of recent news

https://www.contractoruk.com/news/0014347labour_surprise_pledge_scrap_ir35_reform_april_2020.html

Lib Dems said something similar. Time for the Nasty Party to match it?

The simple reality is HMRC are not resourced to enforce it anyway. How many staff are qualified to legally and reliably interpret every single contract and SOW without risk of being oberwholmed by appeals?

DXC Technology warns techies that all travel MUST now be authorised

Miss Lincolnshire

"The latest measure is hardly surprising, given that DXC is currently in the throes of a major redundancy programme."

When I left HPE ES (DXC being its sickly child) we had had 26 out of the previous 28 quarters where the company had exited large numbers of people as they were "....currently in the throes of a major redundancy programme".

DXC is always in the throes of a major redundancy programme. The latest measure is hardly surprising because it is the complete norm.

DXC Technology seeks volunteers to take redundancy. No grads, apprentices, and 'quota carrying' sales folk

Miss Lincolnshire

Embrace it and move on

I left this abortion of a company two years ago but instead of feeling sorry for myself I got my head down to get contract work.

I've got all but a month's worth of my payoff in the bank and in my pension and I've been fortunate enough to have contracted continuously which builds on that. You'll be amazed how quickly the Stockholm Syndrome dies away when you are working in a role outside of DXC.

If they send you the black spot, just get your head down and apply for jobs or contracts and you'll be fine. It is absolutely all about ageism but to be honest I don't care. Working for them was destroying me intellectually.

Black Wednesday: DXC hosting services wonky for almost 8 hours after core switches go rogue

Miss Lincolnshire

Did.....

....the local peripatetic driveway tarmacking community nick the copper link that goes over the A19 again?

My HPE-funded lawyer wrote my witness statement, reseller boss tells High Court

Miss Lincolnshire

I must say that as a former EDSer that was sucked up by these parasites when Hurd took us over, in another embarrassing financial shambles, I am enjoying this trial very much indeed.

HP and its spawn since always were, and remain, an absolute shower and a beacon of grasping incompetence.

Former DXC Technology veep accuses 'toxic' CEO Lawrie of bullying staff in lawsuit

Miss Lincolnshire

Re: Reading between the lines

This is a simple case of a gutless employee that was quite happy to screw over thousands of his subordinates but goes mardy when it's done to him.

Fuck him, Lawrie, Whitman, Hurd, Nick Wilson and the many other senior HPE ES "leaders" that were quite happy to do it to their own staff before the sell out to CSC

Miss Lincolnshire

Re: RE: Mean: Is that a valid management style?

"manglement "

Are you 5?

Miss Lincolnshire

Quelle surprsie

It's very difficult to feel any sympathy for Hilton, he knew exactly what he was getting involved in when he had that dinner with Lawrie and Mason.

I can't think of a company I want to work for less than DXC, I just feel sorry for former colleagues that have that misfortune to deal with.

DXC Technology utters words 'hiring' and 'digital' 105 times in Q3 earnings car-crash

Miss Lincolnshire

A very short conversation

I was called by an agent as I travelled home last Thursday evening. "Interesting contract opportunity" they said , "fits your profile" I was told. Then they asked me if I knew of a company called DxC.

Talk about a conversation killer.....

DXC hit with sueball over layoff steamroller's share price dip

Miss Lincolnshire

I'm surprised....

...... that el-Reg used that analogy to describe DXC's redundancy strategy.

After all, if DXC is anything at all, it is a dog shit employer.

Deck the halls with ... oh, no. DXC tells staff they may not have a job in the New Year

Miss Lincolnshire

It felt that way sometimes

I often sat very close to a HPE ES (now DXC) HR team at Fullwood in Preston

The conversations they would have were remarkably indiscrete and all within earshot of people that could well come into scope for their axe. I lost count of the number of times I heard laughter when they were discussing the numbers for a particular round of layoffs or callous comments about how individuals had reacted. It was not unknown to overhear individual payoffs being discussed along with inappropriate commentary as to how deserved they were.

Fortunately most of them were disposed of in the same casual way. What goes around come around.

DXC will be damned if it lets cloud cannibalise the IT outsourcing biz before DXC does

Miss Lincolnshire

Are these chancers, CSC, still going?

Why would anyone go tho DXC for AWS services when you can buy directly from Amazon without the added complication of Mike Laurie charging top dollar while screwing back the labour supporting you

Plenty of better services from OVH, Amazon on the market and the migration technology is virtually identical wherever you go.

Sysadmin trained his offshore replacements, sat back, watched ex-employer's world burn

Miss Lincolnshire
Meh

Pictures or....

....it didn't happen. Sounds like a bit of a fantasy apocryphal tale to me.

Alastair Campbell at least got you to the vinegar strokes with a bit of panache when he wrote for Forum

UK military may recruit wheezy, alcoholic keyboard warriors

Miss Lincolnshire

Re: Pay?

They tell you you get an extra 15% but 15% of a crap wage is still crap money. My advice is to get a real job then join the reserve if you fancy blatting a few rounds off occasionally.

I don't get the point of the article. The Army has been recruiting fat and wheezy Combat Fitness Test bifs for years. 1 in 9 of headcount. They're called the Royal Logistics Corps.

DXC UK chops more customer-facing service staff

Miss Lincolnshire

Thee are 200 new lives onoffer here folks

I left HPE at the end of March 17 and dived straight into the market. I started a contract three weeks later and have just been extended again until October. Payoff is in the bank and in my pension. the opportunities are there.

Grasp the WFR package while it is still there and while having HP on your CV still counts for something. There are far better places to work than where you are now..

I'm afraid ex CSCers are sunk, Lawrie wrecked your reputation long ago,

Autonomy ex-CFO Hussain guilty of fraud: He cooked the books amid $11bn HP gobble

Miss Lincolnshire

Due Diligence

HP should have done their due diligence instead of stampeding in as usual. HP have a history of over paying for things and then having to write off huge sums later. EDS is another example.

Who wouldn't look to take advantage of negligent, ego driven hubrists like Apotheker, Hurd and Whitman when they've made a living out of taking advantage out of others.

Former DXC UK chief Wilson lands at Micro Focus

Miss Lincolnshire

Tosser

Nick Wilson is a one trick pony. Eeeyore. He thinks he is straight talking, inspirational and effective. The reality is he has the motivational skills of Vince Cable and the gravitas of SpongeBob Squarepants.

His trademark tossing of chocolates and sweets at people who ask questions in town halls has to be the most patronising and divisive tactic I've ever witnessed. That and his announcement in Telford the once that he disagreed with the latest round of redundancies because they weren't aggressive enough.

Accenture, Capgemini, Deloitte creating app to register 3m EU nationals living in Brexit Britain

Miss Lincolnshire

I've seen the joint ERG / UKIP approved requirement.......

.......and the first thing the user will have to do is enable location tracking. That will task a Borders Agency drone to track and dispose of Johnny Foreigner at their leisure.

First incursion on UK territory = tasered, netted, handcuffed and despatched quivering to Calais.

Second incursion on UK territory = Hellfire

If you're not local there's nothing for you here We don't want foreigners stealing the precious things do we?

Europe dumps 300,000 UK-owned .EU domains into the Brexit bin

Miss Lincolnshire

361 days until we exit and.......

.................Johnny Foreigner still hasn't realised that we are British, exceptional and better than them.

It's almost as though we are a medium sized nation under the mistaken impression that we are a big nation that gets to be in charge of everything isn't it?

Who'd have guessed?

Most IT contractors want employment benefits if clobbered with IR35

Miss Lincolnshire

Re: Contractor rights

I'm sorry I could only give you one uptick

Miss Lincolnshire

Re: @ Ian Johnston

I paid PAYE for 30 years and I pay my dues now, on time. I pay an accountant to sort it all out and I have absolutely no qualms about how my tax affairs are managed.

I don't have things like salary sacrifice, season ticket loans, childcare vouchers, health care and a pension that I and my employer pay into.

No wonder I can only afford one supermodel girlfriend and a small helicopter

Miss Lincolnshire

Why am I a contractor?

Because I and my colleagues put up with being treated badly by a large American outsourcer for far too long and I have no intention of being in that position again.

Do I take the piss tax wise? No.

Do I drive a Porsche? No, I've got a very nice mid range KIA SUV

Do I just want to get on with earning a living and be able to retire at a reasonable time? Yes

If HMRC want me to pay them as an employee then I am happy to do so but in return I expect the same protections and benefits

Half the world warned 'Chinese space station will fall on you'

Miss Lincolnshire

Respekt innit

The space station won't land on the UK because it clearly recognises the concept of British exceptionalism and has therefore bowed to our inherent superiority.

If only the Russians and EU were so intelligent......

Former HP workers one small step closer to throwing one giant sueball at tech goliath

Miss Lincolnshire

I wouldn't criticise them, I wish them well and I hope they have an effect. But dwelling on it is not for me, I have a living to earn and second career to build.

Fact is HP/HPE/DXC is a toxic organisation and it deserves to fail. I won't be tipping up there again, even on contract rates.

Miss Lincolnshire

Best wishes to you too. There's a similar group, ex HPE, here too. All have done ok since they left. All a lot less stressed and happier for it.

Miss Lincolnshire

We all know the whole thing was about getting rid of the older and more expensive staff but I couldn't care less anymore. I got my payoff money along with nice lump sum AVC and I went straight into contract work with a far more pleasant company.

The fact is that working away from HP/HPE/DXC is far less stressful than staying. Life is too short to dwell on the motives of the scumbag leadership you left behind.

Accused Brit hacker Lauri Love will NOT be extradited to America

Miss Lincolnshire

Good. I'm pleased for his dad more than anything, he was very dignified on Today this morning.

WhitTVman to head mobile-first media platform

Miss Lincolnshire

Created 14,770 PayPal jobs. Destroyed 256,000 HP jobs

Saying she has "built and scaled some of the most important global companies today" is not the most balanced assessment of her record, It's a bit like focussing on "verucca removal" as representative of Harold Shipman's primary skillset.

I thought there'd be more Instagram: ICT apprenticeships down 20% in five years

Miss Lincolnshire

Ambition

I'd sooner my daughter started her own hairdressing or dog grooming business than followed me into IT

There is no training, reward or career left in this commoditised and under appreciated industry any longer. Why "train" in an ICT Apprenticeship when she could get a real skill that you can't offshore or bluff with younger apprentices?

UK Army chief: Russia could totally pwn us with cable-cutting and hax0rs

Miss Lincolnshire

If you know of a better 'ole go to it

30 years ago I had a rifle whose cocking handle could open beer bottles and a newly issued bivvy bag and maggot that kept me warm and dry. The chicken curry in the 24 hour packs was packed with meat and I could overdose on Spangles at will. We also had twice as many troops as we have now. In the event of a Soviet invasion of Europe I'd have been dead in a German ditch within seven hours, most likely as a result of a blood agent based chemical attack. But we were ok and saw the Berlin Wall crumble.

Race forward to 2018 and perhaps if we hadn't got complacent and then pissed several £billion up the wall on white elephant aircraft carriers to strut around the globe pretending we are still a world power then we'd be able to field a decent sized land force. It's all very well wondering how we combat cyber attacks but as it stands we haven't got enough troops to supply the three Corps you need to even call yourself an Army.

DXC confirms veep level shake-up in new world order

Miss Lincolnshire

Re: Mike Nefkens is gone

Did you seriously think he was going to stay beyond the first allocation of executive bonuses and share options? He was Whitman's bagman, the courier designated to hand HPE ES over to the lunatic asylum and then get the hell out.

Job done as far as Nefken's is concerned.

DXC execs: Here's another deadline for skills profiling

Miss Lincolnshire

He can't possibly say that that will be the last round of compulsory redundancies

Miss Lincolnshire

Despite my having spent the previous 12 years travelling the length and breadth of the UK pretty much full time I was marked 3 out of 5 for flexibility to manipulate me into the score they wanted.

I was marked by an L4 that had met me twice. It's all a charade. The only thing that's real is the bunce

Miss Lincolnshire
Big Brother

Roll up, roll up and sign your own death warrants

Having gone prior to the despotic reign of CSC's Mike Lawrie being extended to former HPE ES colleagues I no longer have any interest in this car crash company aside from regular checks that they haven't yet stolen my pension pot.

The harsh truth is that no-one from HPE ES has had a formal performance review in almost two years. That makes any basis for the quarterly WFR (Redundancy) scoring decidedly dodgy. So all they really have to backup that particular mechanism for justifying what McKinsey already decided is the skills database that they are so keen on ensuring everyone completes.

Complete the database and complete your own justification for redundancy.

IT giant CSC screwed its 1,000 sysadmins out of their overtime – jury

Miss Lincolnshire

As an ex HPE ES staffer, now Contractor, with my payoff neatly stashed I rarely miss an opportunity to stick the boot in.

The saddest thing is I don't even need to lie or exaggerate. Just tell the truth about how this appalling company operates.

The creation of DXC was HPE & CSC's way of turning themselves from Windscale into Sellafield. A fresh start. Unfortunately all they've achieved is Chernobyl.

'Please store the internet on this floppy disk'

Miss Lincolnshire

Maestro 2 to Windows 3.1 upgrade

Eons ago, when I was a Cobol programmer for the then Inland Revenue, my team leader raised a ticket on his brand new PC because the cursor on his VME portal window had disappeared so he was unable to logon to the Dev machine with a frozen screen.

Three days of support later a junior colleague, fresh out of training, casually picked up the boss's mouse, went to the Clock icon, right clicked, un-ticked "always on top" and voila!

DXC Technologies UK boss quits

Miss Lincolnshire

Re: Good riddance, I pity the next company that employs him

The Cockwomble's Cockwomble.

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