Posts by Robert Ramsay

Forget the Jesus Phone, here's the Rude Phone

dunno what it is about the Austrians

whilst leafing through the European atlas on a long car journey I discovered the little Austrian villages of "Wank" and "Piss".

Apple ad-addled OS scheme resurfaces

or indeed...

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0096256/

Hitachi hides Magic Wand vibrator under a bushel

Wait...

....you mean it isn't that new control device for the PS3?

Microsoft hits stubborn volume licensing site with more updates

Sounds to me...

“We have reached out to many partners and customers around the world through Live Meetings, interviews, hands-on usability studies, customer and partner surveys, forums, and events to gather input and feedback on how to improve the VLSC. We take this feedback seriously and are continually incorporating their suggestions into the VLSC,”

...as if the bloke who wrote it has left.

Google discovers Chrome can (really) block ads

...and the page space...

Large areas of the webpage are suddenly magically filled with content instead of ads thanks to Opera's urlfilter.ini...

God-blocking web filter ironically hard to find

seems fairly straightforward to me

If no-one can find it, then it doesn't exist because it's a wind-up.

Apple MacBook mid-2010

Apart from being a bit bigger

It looks like a white version of my Asus.

Treasury turns to Facebook for cut plans

That sofa one was magic.

hats off to the one who posted that!

Blizzard exposes real names on WoW forums

I apologise...

for massively misrepresenting the argument.

If your attention span is long enough, here's the full thing:

http://www.spinksville.com/

City of Heroes

has this kind of policy. They actually employ a Community Manager who - guess what - manages the community. Their forums are the best I've seen because the Community manager (and from time to time) the Devs will step in and tell people not to be dicks. And people respect them for it.

I'm astounded

at why they think anyone would have accepted such a fuckwitted idea. Hasn't anyone learned anything from Facebook spraying personal data everywhere like an elephant with diarrhoea?

My wife came up with a list of reasons (say you're a teacher, or some other job that works with kids etc.) but my reaction was "Do you really need us to tell you why this is a bad idea?"

In other news, Blizzard's ReadID plan (show your friends your real name in exchange for being able to chat cross-server) is also a bit bananas. Your friends' friends can also find out who you really are - and add-ons can share your real identity without you having any RealID friends!

BT strike ballot halted over possible 'technical breaches'

Bwahahahahaha!

I see they've brought the same efficiency to their strike action as they do to their actual work!

"Welllllll, it's the wrong *shape* of ballot paper, y'see. I'll have to send away to the warehouse for the right one. Be back with you three weeks Tuesday."

Brighton NIMBYs complain over BT broadband upgrades

Pfft!

They were quite willing to put up with that great big broken down office block that was practically on the sea-front! For all I know, it may still be there, with broken windows and erm, a bunch of satellite dishes...

Hoodies swipe bus for YouTube joyride

Aaaaaand....

Devil makes work for idle hands - film at 11.

Rancid IE6 'more secure' than Chrome and Opera US bank says

oh no children, not THOSE kind of cookies...

http://www.angryflower.com/cookie.html

And really?

they can't be arsed to test their site properly.

Chase Bank rated highly for "truthiness"

More iPhone 4 angst: fanbois howl over head sensor

the answer is simple...

...the head recognition was only tested on Apple employees. Actual humans don't register on the sensor.

The long and the short-term of it: Apple's future

Don't sell just yet...

...wait for Apple to announce the iTulip!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tulip_mania

Southpaws up in arms over iPhone 4

Why am I thinking of Hunter S. Thompson?

"Just think about people who like to flip the bird while using their phone. Or smoke. And of course, drive."

Apple asks US gov to hide iPhone details

They are keeping it secret...

because the CPU is made of slices of living human brain.

Nokia C5

C5?

I'm not sure whether to drive it or blow things up with it...

Wannabe Jedi drool over potent laser 'lightsabre'

Pffft!

Everyone knows that a REAL Jedi has to make his own lightsabre!

It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye.

Apple to sell unlocked iPhone 4

Blimey O'Reilly.

<Dr Evil>SIX HUNDRED POUNDS!!!!!</Dr Evil>

I'd think twice about carrying anything costing £600 with me, never mind anything as small and easily left about/stolen as a phone...

Adobe euthanizes Flash 10.1 for 64-bit Linux

If you really want to complain about non-availability of 64-bit Flash...

log onto Adobe's bug site and give them shit:

https://bugs.adobe.com/jira/browse/FP-570

Business leaders call for health cuts

Like the "bigoted" woman said:

Your priorities in government are health, education, and looking after the vulnerable. Well scratch one of those then :-(

Canonical: Ubuntu tablets due early 2011

I will believe it...

...when they can make my netbook wifi run out of the box without having to recompile the drivers or wrap the Windows wifi drivers...

Microsoft bares Steve Jobs' Flash rant claptrap

To quote Cerebus the Aardvark:

"Just because I caught you out in one lie, I don't expect you to suddenly become consistent."

Intel answers Microsoft's Linux 'noise' with MeeGo show

Linux on Netbooks

*Still* Linux isn't doing itself any favours. I installed the Ubuntu Netbook Remix onto my brand new Asus 1005P - and they still can't get the wi-fi working by default! It's ok for me - I fixed it, but I had to recompile the drivers(!) to do it.

Unless there is a single platform (like the iPad) which everyone buys, I can't imagine MeeGo being any different.

EMC to US.gov: We didn't overbill you but here's $90m anyway

EMC try the Marlowe defence:

"EMC has reportedly denied any wrongdoing or liability, and said parts of the allegations referred to events ten years ago."

"But that was in another country; And besides, the wench is dead."

Facebook forces users to expose or remove connections

maybe what they are doing..

is trying to force people to create two profiles, one for work where all is clean and jolly, and a second pseudynomous one where they can freely admit to their liking for BDSM and Chris deBurgh...

Statistics prof nails Blackpool hoopla scam

Didn't they realise...

That those games have *always* been like that? Like the basketball games where they hang the stuffed toys up at such a point that is smack dab in the trajectory you would need to win...

Sounds like if he hadn't started bullying people, he might have got away with it forever...

Man jailed for sex with donkey and horse

"No stable address"

*snort*

2012 Olympic mascots cop a shoeing

Obviously stolen from World of Warcraft...

http://www.spinksville.com/

Ball lightning is all in the mind, say Austrian physicists

then there are the guys who make the stuff...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sx1GJnOBzFw

Reg reader applauds World's Crappiest phish

I love...

...the word 'stupidiously'. Any suggestions for what it might mean? Maybe we could add it to the language like 'embiggen' and 'interfrastically'

New attack bypasses virtually all AV protection

I always thought...

...the best way to bypass AV software was to make it so annoying and CPU-sucking that people de-installed in utter frustration...

STEC going SAS and PCIe

Gooooooood Morning Vietnam!!!

"Excuse me, sir. Seeing as how the V.P. is such a V.I.P., shouldn't we keep the P.C. on the Q.T.? 'Cause if it leaks to the V.C. he could end up M.I.A., and then we'd all be put out in K.P."

Vote Lib Dem, doom humanity to extinction

How bizarre.

That's got to be the strangest outburst from Lewis ever.

I'm still voting for the Lib Dems tomorrow because a) I live in one the places where it's a fight between them and the Tories, and b) whoever gets in will have a good chance of needing their help...

Lewis speaks as if there's going to be a Lib Dem landslide tomorrow all over the country. Well, if that happens we'll march up to the House of Commons, kick in the doors, and say "Look, we'll pay for the damage..."

Accenture and HP hardest hit by services drop

Accidenture...

...couldn't happen to a nicer bunch of guys...

New drug spray 'makes men as soppy as girls'

"Where is a spray that will make women indifferent to the suffering of others?"

I believe this has already been distilled from the bodily fluids of Margaret Thatcher.

Mac fanbois finally get Carakan of love with Opera 10.52

Hurrah!

And this update puts back the MDI controls in the top right of the window!

Don't try to sleep with your iPad, doctor warns

"Don't try to sleep with your iPad, doctor warns"

...because you'll burn your willy?

Gene that allows growing a new head identified

when they say...

"This would be preferable to removing a duff brain and growing a new one, as happens when a planarian worm's head is cut off."

I'm sure we can all think of a few people for which this would be the best route from A to B.

Adobe clutches chance to bury Steve Jobs 'hog' insult

what I want to know...

...is when are the lazy bastards going to produce a 64-bit Flash client?

Britain's bingers out-boozed by Irish

Having lived in Munich...

...it's my observation that it's not how much you drink, it's how you behave afterwards...

Apple in shock public attack on Adobe

"Someone has it backwards"

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it looks like *Adobe* making an attack on *Apple* and not the other way around... (Then Apple responds with an attack of their own and so on...)

Why doesn't Nokia buy Palm?

Why don't they buy Palm?

Simple: They already bought Symbian, and they don't have a clue what to do with that either.

Death row inmate claims allergy to lethal injection

The only reason...

...that they specify it to be painless etc. is so they can fool themselves that they still have the moral high ground.

OU: Digital divide now between clued and clueless

fixed that for you...

"The vice chancellor of the Open University has said the divide is now between people who do and do not understand."

Mountain View trials revamped Google Docs

I wonder...

...if you get a choice about whom you collaborate with in real-time?