* Posts by Robert Ramsay

575 publicly visible posts • joined 25 Sep 2006

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Apple dangles Spangles while Dabbsy's cables rankle

Robert Ramsay
Thumb Up

I like this man.

He's like a lovely cross between Guy Kewney and Malcolm Tucker :D

Snappers binned, mobe-armed hacks drafted at Chicago paper

Robert Ramsay
Facepalm

The Chicago Sun-Times

...now has an estimated lifetime of six months...

Quantum boffins send data ACROSS TIME AND SPACE

Robert Ramsay
Happy

Did anyone else notice?

Team is run by H. Eisenberg...

62,000 fewer shops: Welcome to the High Street of 2018

Robert Ramsay

Re: Great news for the Taxman ( not)

Maybe we could start making things again! Now, where did I put those coal mines...

New 4TB drive spaffs half a telly season into your eyes AT ONCE

Robert Ramsay
Trollface

Re: the rustling of small leaves.

I propose "the Eadon"

Give porno danger classes to Brit kids as young as FIVE - parents

Robert Ramsay
Joke

Porn is unrealistic

It gives children a twisted and unrealistic image of how quickly you can get a plumber to come to your house...

McAfee all-in-one security suite covers PCs, tablets, and smartphones

Robert Ramsay
Devil

Re: How safe?

I wouldn't trust them to manage a digital whelk stall.

Facebook crashes into networking with open switch

Robert Ramsay
Trollface

MASSIVE PATENT BATTLE WITH CISCO KLAXXON

Coke? Windows 8 is Microsoft's 'Vista moment'. Again

Robert Ramsay
Windows

Now all we have to do...

Is get rid of that sodding Office ribbon!

Boffins spin a solid state qubit in a nucleus

Robert Ramsay

The problem with quantum computers

...is how many qubits they can entangle without the whole lot decohering. If they want to break 128 bit keys, they will need 128 bits. This new tech will only be interesting if it leads to a massive increase in the number of entanglable qubits...

I think the top number achieved so far is eight. Just enough for a quantum Commodore 64 :D

Half of US smartphone owners have no idea which mobe to buy next

Robert Ramsay
Joke

You had me at...

"Half of US smartphone owners have no idea"

60-inch Apple iTV to be controlled by iRing remote?

Robert Ramsay

Re: So an Apple user will be able to control their TV via their ring piece?

*Clenches buttocks to change channels*

That Osbo bloke - he's on your Twitters. 'What a c**k'

Robert Ramsay
Happy

Best reply was from Jonnie Marbles

His was: "Go stick your cock in a tiger"

Then there were 3: Micron slowly 'wipes out' NAND flash rivals

Robert Ramsay
Joke

Re: " and take advantage of technology process shrinks to get more dice from a wafer."

Alea jacta est!

BRITAIN MUST DECLARE WAR on Cervinaean menace

Robert Ramsay
Megaphone

That's what you get...

...for publishing such an article at lunchtime...

Google to offer 'same-day delivery' Amazon Prime killer - report

Robert Ramsay
Coat

The only reason we still have shops

...is that all courier/postal firms are equally wank. If anyone ever made a courier firm that did its job without making you lie on the floor and bite the carpet in fury, almost every kind of shop would vanish in a trice.

Samsung's next smartphone to scroll by watching your eyes

Robert Ramsay
Megaphone

Can we have a "What could possibly go wrong?" icon

I think it would come in handy.

25% of Groupon share value WIPED OUT after rates slashed

Robert Ramsay
Joke

"Since adopting the leaf as legal tender..."

"...we have all ofc become extremely rich..."

Outsourcing your own job much more common than first thought

Robert Ramsay
Thumb Up

Re: ummmm

It's a poor sword that doesn't point both ways.

Official: Cloud computing invented by two technophobic old geezers

Robert Ramsay
Megaphone

The motto of cloud computing:

"Trust in God, but tie up your camel."

Brit robot programmers banged up for £500,000 tax evasion

Robert Ramsay
Trollface

£500,000

...ought to pay for a couple of weeks of dinners for George Osborne.

Reg readers scuffle over the ultimate cuppa

Robert Ramsay
Thumb Up

Sugar

amongst my friends it seems to be either none - or two or three. I stopped taking sugar in either tea or coffee when I started drinking stuff where the taste didn't need to be masked...

Any storm in a port

Robert Ramsay
Unhappy

They ARE fiendish

Most of the time, the side with the deeper holes goes uppermost, but a) sometimes (especially on cheap shit things) the manufacturers ignore this and b) as you observe, the cable lashes out at you if you try and rotate it to the correct orientation anyway.

And don't get me started on micro USB where the difference in shape is so minute you can spend EVEN LONGER trying to find which way fails to snap off the little thing in the centre of the connector...

Microsoft can't even shift Windows 8 slabs in the middle of a tablet frenzy

Robert Ramsay

"Customers played a wait-and-see game"

I think he meant "customers played a couldn't-give-a-shit game"

Latest Symantec CEO's 'revolution' could axe 1,000 jobs

Robert Ramsay

Sounds like they've worked out...

...how bloated their software is...

Asteroid mining and a post-scarcity economy

Robert Ramsay
Joke

Re: It was fine until

PLAAAAANTS IN SPAAAAAAAAACE!

Microsoft blasts PC makers: It's YOUR fault Windows 8 crash landed

Robert Ramsay
Pint

Re: I thought that flogging had been banned...

That was what I realised the first time I used one. Basically, Microsoft asked themselves "How can we put in a touch interface with the fewest number of places where we change the code?"

Answer - whip out the Start Menu and directly replace it with the "Modern" UI!

RIM extends BB10 port-a-thon after dev stampede

Robert Ramsay
Thumb Up

I think Microsoft should have done this.

They could have afforded it more than RIM and they need the apps at least as much.

Wireless performance will collapse, prices rise: Deloitte

Robert Ramsay
Joke

<Crap cod Southern US accent>THA ETHERNET WILL RIIIIIIIIISE AGAIN!

Google sinks millions into plush new £1bn London HQ

Robert Ramsay
Happy

"a building that will "range in height" from 7 to 11 storeys tall."

Cool. Will a big cover retract from the top floors when it reaches its full erect height?

New York takes 2,100 pervs offline, gets gaming support

Robert Ramsay
Joke

Re: Now if they would only remove....

I saw one the other day which did make me smile: "Vagitarian"

Sandy 'Mary Celeste' Island undiscovered - again

Robert Ramsay
Happy

"Marie Celeste"?

Brigadoon, surely?

Either that or the Tracy family have submerged the entire island to prevent discovery.

APPLE reveals complete updated blueprints of SPACESHIP JOBS

Robert Ramsay
Meh

Let's just hope...

....they can still afford it in 2016...

Design guru: Windows 8 is 'a monster' and 'a tortured soul'

Robert Ramsay
Facepalm

Re: He is right.

The minute I used it for the first time I realised what they'd done.

They took out the start menu code and replaced it with Metro. Metro *is* the Start Menu for Windows 8.

I thought: What's the simplest way they could do this without having to rewrite all the code?

And no, I don't think it was a good idea either.

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite review

Robert Ramsay

Re: "The temptation is to have it always on

It says in the manual that holding down the minus sign will turn the light off - is that true, or just the same as zero?

ALIEN DETECTION was SUPPRESSED by the BBC - top boffin

Robert Ramsay
Coat

Brian Cox not allowed to listen to aliens?

They might say "nobber"

London council £1bn outsourcing plan survives vote

Robert Ramsay
Thumb Down

And by "One Barnet"...

...they mean lots of tiny little bits of Barnet, each of which require an extra layer of management to manage them...

Gartner spells out magic behind quadrants

Robert Ramsay
Unhappy

The fact...

...that it's called a "Magic Quadrant" tells you all you really need to know. Isn't it great to know that a few people talking bollocks can destroy your entire company?

BBC unveils UltraViolet DVDs, BDs

Robert Ramsay
Thumb Down

Re: UV

I thought it was going to be about the excellent series about v*mpires.

New Zealand issues Hobbit money

Robert Ramsay

Re: And remember, children...

Are they doing stamps as well?

Democrat candidate attacked by GOP for being stabby assassin ORC

Robert Ramsay
Facepalm

I think the phrase she's looking for is "you don't have to answer a barking dog"

Happy birthday, Compact Disc

Robert Ramsay
Thumb Up

Re: Quality

A mate at work said "use solid core 35 amp mains cable to connect your speakers" and he wasn't wrong :-)

Robert Ramsay
Thumb Up

Re: time flies ...

The PS3 does that with DVD's - to remember where you were in the film.

Last remaining reason to order an iPhone 5 disappears

Robert Ramsay
Happy

Most amusing

seems like it's not just the comments that need the option for a "Joke Alert" icon...

Myspace mutates Windows 8 with new look

Robert Ramsay
Thumb Down

An animated "Under Construction" page? How very 1996!

Manchester is 'PIRATE CAPITAL of the UK'

Robert Ramsay
Megaphone

I'm wondering if their record companies are setting up private torrent sites and then downloading from them millions of times to get ****ing "Lego House" back in the charts...

Ten movies inspired by video games

Robert Ramsay
Joke

Criminally left out

What about Liam Neeson in Tekken?

Leaked Genius Bar manual shows Apple's smooth seductions

Robert Ramsay
Happy

The best part for me...

is that they are specifically instructed not to creep up to you and ask if they can help. You can play with the toys in the shop for as long as you like and no-one will bug you.

Court confirms $675,000 fine for sharing 30 songs

Robert Ramsay
Happy

Re: Another solution

Nowadays, you can buy a LOT of good music direct from the artist. Worked for us in Tinyfish.

AT&T defends FaceTime price gouge

Robert Ramsay
Stop

Let's be honest...

...no-one gives a shit about Facetime anyway. When 3 started up, they thought video calling was going to be their killer app. Our survey said - DUTDUUHHH

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