Posts by Aram

Hitler kicked off iPhone

Genius!

These parodies are top quality and, additionally, serve to promote the film. I'll certainly be renting this in the near future!

Welsh mum amazed by Marmite Messiah

I, for one,

welcome our new yeasty-based overlord(s).

> It wasn’t a new jar

Damn right; look at the right of the lid - is that discolouration actually mold?

Sarah - I see you have the power of double-iconnage. Impressive.

If they can break the law, why can't we?

The only good politician...

I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

NASA's Kepler dazzles with first pics in new-Earth hunt

Your email address is never published

> roughly equivalent to the size of two side-by-side dips of the Big Dipper

Is this a new Reg unit of measurement? I'm going to need this converted to mega-football pitches please.

Texting peer gets prison

@Ian C

And you would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for that pesky icon...

Gmail phishing attack hits on heels of outage

And for the Septics...

Do you see? There is no such word as "burglerize" as in "my house was burglerized last night."

I, for one, oppose the Amerificationalisation of our beautiful language. Gawd bless the Queen, etc.

Authors Guild to Amazon Kindle: Shut up

Moby Dick: 451 deg F

It's an atrocious book that I felt compelled to read. I was bored to tears over a long period of time. Dull, dull, dull!

Definitely the flame. Oh yes.

Firefox 3.1 release date hampered by cheeky monkey

English language extension

> possiblymaybe

Nice one, but it wouldn't floatbob with my managerboss.

Obama: 1m electric cars on US roads by 2015, please

Salutary tale featured in South Park episode

There's an SP episode (season 10, 2nd or 3rd episode) that features electric cars and their inherent dangers.

It involves people becoming so smug that they care *so much* about the environment (solely because they drive around in a Toyota "Pious") that they create huge smug clouds over both San Franciso and South Park.

These smug clouds then collide, reach a critical mass and are pushed over the edge by the smug cloud created by an awards acceptance speech from George Clooney.

The results are catastrophic for South Park.

You have been warned: break out the SUVs pronto!

Internet to Obama: 'Pass the joint'

Far out, man

I, for one, like, welcome our new, like, overlords, man.

This really is good sheee, ain't it?

Corrupt cop abused police database to blackmail child abusers

All your secrets...

are belong to the police.

Another sound reason for ID cards since they would have made it impossible to, erm, errr... well anyway, they're dead good and everything, so let's get them in, right?

Leaked Met letter questions Speaker's version of police raid

Just 1½ years...

... until we, the electorate, get our chance to roar again & get rid of the corrupt, inept, Stalinist incumbents!

And then, erm, comrades, the revolution can commence.

....

Bollocks. They really are all as bad as each other, aren't they? NuLab are control freaks intent on controlling, spending, taxing and wasting our cash (ID cards anyone?) and I just can't shake that nagging sense of unease when I look at the Tory party. LibDems? 'nuff said...

I choose the cleansing, purifying flame as my icon. Get rid of Michael Martin & bring back Betty Bothroyd!

Roachzilla menaces Florida

Madagascar hissing cockroach

Jumping Jesus on a moped - it's 5 (count 'em, 5) inches long and it HISSES? Would you not have to be a komodo dragon to not be afraid of that?

Pr0n-surfing pastor downs church network

In Soviet Russia...

... post-it note sticks you

Paris ups sticks to London

Celebutards

A truly great word.

I, for one, welcome our new celebutard overlords.

Lehman Excel snafu could cost Barclays dear

@well, you CAN put version control around spreadsheets

I didn't realise geology ("rock science") was that difficult?

Newcastle men dodge post-bog handwash

@Dirty feckers

I couldn't possibly comment on the toilet habits of the <cough> "fairer" sex.

It's good to see the rich rewards of the struggle of feminists over the decades - the freedom of women to engage in loutish behaviour that has traditionally been the preserve of men.

@AC @ 15th October 2008 12:09

Good link to straightdope.com. Guys, stop, erm, pussy-footing around and just wash your hands, m'kay?

It's only a bit of wee...

No, it's not.

Blokes - even if you've "only been for a wee" you do still have to wash your hands with (jarring chord) SOAP! FFS grow up - just because your parents aren't there to remind you, a quick splash of water does not qualify as washing your hands!

As for not washing one's hands (yes, with SOAP!) after a more, ahem, "involved" toilet trip; that's seriously, seriously gross.

I choose the flame of purity.

Turkish court bans Dawkins' website

Dogma is dogma, whatever the religion

It used to be Catholics who'd denounce, then torture you.

Our latest dogmatic, ignorant pawn is either the fanatical so-called "muslim" or the equally moronic and dangerous gun-toting, Bible-bashing neo-Con.

In short: same ol', same ol'. It's just that the number of people they affect has grown.

Teen battles City of London cops over anti-Scientology placard

@Your honour, what is this scientology you're talking about?

I was thinking along similar lines - either:

Scientology is a clut

or

Scientology is a cnut

Hell, if the tossers at FCUK (French Connection UK) can get away with it...

Paris icon: make love not Scientology.

Governator outs Dubya's global-warming 'time bomb'

@Alex McKenna

I'm absolutely, 100% behind you on that one.

One's view on global warming is as good as irrelevant. With crude oil we are talking about a finite substance. We need alternative means of generating electricity so that oil can be used in amazing ways, other than just burning it so inefficiently in vehicles and heating homes.

Fixing the UK's DAB disaster

@Mark

I agree. We grew tired of our radio reception being determined by where we stood in the kitchen and how we waved our arms.

We bought a Roberts RD-41 & haven't looked back. Occasionally the ariel needs a 1cm adjustment (literally) to get more reception bars, but other than that, we are really, really happy with our purchase.

Landmine charity: Ban the killer robots before it's too late!

Straight from "The Day Today"?

> "a robot arms race that will be difficult to stop ... I can imagine a little girl being zapped because she points her ice cream at a robot to share".

I can just see Chris Morris spouting off in a Paxman-esque style with this kind of stuff, although he'd probably say something like "having her face zapped off".

Shell waves goodbye to 3,000 IT staffers in $4bn outsourcing gig

@amanfromMars

That definitely makes sense! Good work, fella!

Blu-ray 0, SDHC card 1, THX Chief Scientist predicts

@Lyndon Barry

You've mentioned a couple of fine, fine sequels but neglected:

"Die Hardest of All 65: Free bus pass"

And another thing...

Just spotted this elsewhere on Reg:

http://www.reghardware.co.uk/2008/03/28/playstation_thievery/

Good job on the timing!

Wombat rape ordeal turns NZ man Australian

I'm not making it up

> Cradock was subsequently charged with "using a phone for a fictitious purpose"

How is this is an offence?

When I first read the title I was wondering if the NZ man was seeking asylum in Oz.

T5 opening turns into Airplane 3.0

@I'd just like to say

I nearly sprayed coffee over my keyboard - great comment!

Mobile snap murderer jailed for life

Widespread mental health issues

There are far, far too many people like this: people with something clearly wrong upstairs, who have lost contact with reality (I know that he didn't plead diminished responsibility or similar). The UK as a whole needs better mental health provision.

However, until the benefits of that improved provision trickle through, I agree with Matt, it doesn't really look like these three have anything to contribute to society as a whole.

Online banking payment system aims to reduce fraud

@good grief...

It was just a thought away, but bravo Alex for discovering that gem!

Wikileaks exposes Scientology's zeal to 'clean up rotten spots of society'

@Bigger fish than Scientology

In some ways I agree that there are bigger fish to fry, but we are sleep-walking into having our public institutions seriously compromised by these money-grabbing, mentalist, cockbadgers (great word - thanks Other Steve!).

I'd also use the word "ass-hats" to describe them. That's another great word.

Paris, 'coz she's a fellow mentalist.

'Boil a frog' ID card rollout to continue until 2012

To all the opponents of the ID card scheme

What is wrong with you people? I can't get rid of my cash swiftly enough and frankly, I'm bored of having piles of the stuff sat around the house. I simply can't be bothered to move those piles out of the way of the front door so that I get go out and spend it.

What better way for the Government to get rid of its spare cash by spunking BILLIONS on a scheme that will prove almost entirely ineffective in combatting the growing list of Bad Things (TM) that it's meant to handle.

The worst thing is that those BILLIONS could be better spent in loads and loads (and loads) of different ways - absolutely infuriating!

Do any politicians read El Reg? Do any of their staff (wife / offspring). We are all going to need bigger clue sticks with which to reward their dunderheadedness.

S&C icon to symbolise the death knell: Tories with the poll tax & Labour for.... crap, not enough time / space/ motivation to continue.

Vista volume activation cracked

Only a matter of time

Of course, this is only going to be useful if there are people who want to use the OS!

Ahhrrrr!

Polish builder sacked for humping hoover

There will be blood^H^H^H^H

The job sucked anyway.

I'm sure there's some room for comment within "French polisher / Polish polisher".

Yes, the pinny with the Marigolds hanging enticingly from the pocket.

Public don't want internet filters, MS tells MPs

To paraphrase Ballmer...

PARENTS! PARENTS! PARENTS! PARENTS!

It's all about the parents and / or possibly the school or library sys admins. But mainly the parents.

I play some fairly violent games (most of the usual first-person shoot-em-ups) but I am capable of differentiating between a game and reality. Children aren't, necessarily; that's why there's a rating system. It has to be enforced.

People may criticise their software, but the MS reps are right on the money with their testimony.

Odeon kicks Rambo in the 'nads

@Ryan Greenaway: SACRILEGE!!

> Forget you A-team, MacGyver and Airwolf.

Forget the A-Team theme tune? Do you actually want me to go out and find them so they can blow you up (but only to have you stumble away from your vehicle, slightly dazed and shaken)?

'copter icon. Nuff said.

Blunkett gets another job

Who the f*** do these people think they are?

I completely concur with bobbles31. Blunkett is displaying all of the despicable characteristics previously ascribed to the sleazy Tories with multiple directorships (my, my, isn't Blair doing well?).

He's yet another example of the kind of Westminster attitude that leaves so much of the electorate cold and seems to push the remaining, passionate minority to the extremes in order to get something done.

I choose Paris, 'coz I'd happily support her "visa application", f'narr, etc.

Piscine killer menaces UK rivers

@Allan Rutland

Snakeheads with frickin' lasers are not going to bother with frickin' ID cards.

Physicists fire up strontium atomic clock

Frickin' lasers

Not a single mention of any sharks?

Halo Master Chief armour offered on eBay

Read / think more widely

This does *not* tie in well with another story from yesterday:

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/02/13/mp3_gun_swoop

Nice to think about wearing it (and accessories) while out and about (although I agree - you could feel a bit of a prat), but it had better be bullet-proof!

Helicopters, because they're the quickest way to get an armed police response unit to your location.

Brits split on ID cards

@Martin Gregorie

I read your comment & agreed so wholeheartedly I jumped straight to the bottom of the page to post a reply myself.

The money earmarked for the ID card scheme would be far, far better spent on practically anything else!

New Bond movie is Quantum of Solace

Forget the title, I have one name for you...

Olga Kurylenko

rrrRRROWRRR!!

Darling backtracks on CGT

@Dave Bell

They come across as a slightly more caring version of the Tories who financially screw you that little bit more. Their attitude on extending the life of ISAs was ridiculously patronising.

So, we have them & the Tories (who I still don't trust as a result of all of their shenanigans in the 90s). What's left? Lib Dems, Greens & (ha!) UKIP.

Is it any surprise that the electorate is so apathetic?

100Mbit/s sewer broadband rollout coming your way

Google broadband

It seems that yesterday's joke is tomorrow tech solution...

Lightsaber voted top movie weapon

@Nick Palmer

That quote makes me want to see the film again!

I choose the hot, hot flame icon to see the alien scum burn!

DHS to fit airliners with laser beam defences

Frickin' lasors

Just hoping I'm the first with that one...

Spam King Ralsky indicted over stock spam scam

Hui's on first base, How's on second base

> How Wai John Hui, 49, of Vancouver, Canada and Hong Kong,

> allegedly acted as a link between the spammers and their Chinese contacts.

There was a moment of confusion with that word at the beginning of the sentence since I was expecting the sentence to continue...

New Jersey bans sex offenders from the web

Re: What will they do with all that spare time?

No problem: most kids are indoors stuffing their faces with pies and playing on games consoles (possibly at the same time).

I choose the penguin as my edible icon.

Presenting the inaugural Vulture Central Hall of Lame™

I, for one, ....

... welcome our new(matic?) Paris/Terminator overlords.