* Posts by Fluffykins

574 publicly visible posts • joined 22 May 2007


4G auctions - illegal and immoral?

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I still wonder why not a model like UK TV transmission

One or two companies providing mast infrastructure (Eliminates multiple masts in similar locations) providing transmission servcies to the mobile teleco operators, who could then concentrate on shafting^h^h^h^h^h^h^h serving customers and punting the latest phones.

Cabinet Office talks to Facebook & co about new ID system

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The same porous organisation that I wouldn't trust with my personal data even if I was impersonating a non existent person, with someone else entering the data on a PC that was switched off and disconnected from the Internet .

Yeah right.

About as likely as a Marmite laser.

Danish embassy issues MARMITE WAFFLE

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Marmite Laser

Now that's a thought.

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Carlsburg and Tubourg

Is that the same thing I have come to know and detest as Near frozen Gnat's Urine (TM)?

Rapture postponed as world inexplicably fails to end

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You don't NEED titles in the Afterlife.

Yay, Apocalypse HAS happened an' we're all in the doo doos.

At least I think so. I'm pretty sure this isn't my usual office I'm sat in. I'm almost certain it's hell with fluorescent lighting.

BMW tests laser-guided car junction buddy

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Frikkin' Lasers on a BMW?

Get the idiots to drive propelrly, THEN give 'em the toys!

BOFH: Every silver lining has a cloud

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Take your damn' title and shove it. Sideways.

"performing my own testicular surgery with a hole punch and a 100watt soldering iron"

Megacoffeesplurge moment - and that's coming from someone with a 4" vasectomy scar (Long story which will cost at least a pint)

Jupiter's Io a hotbed of lava

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"Satan was actually a settler who lect the ship before it arrived on earth and went to live on Io with his weird 3 headed space dog."

You've met the wife's mother, then?

Amazon refudiates Apple 'app store' trademark suit

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Is that an intentional Sarah Palin-ism?

I think it IS intentional. Unless you'd like to repudiate the theory.



Free Libyana: Gadaffi networkjacker speaks!

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RE: Some twat HAS stolen my infrastructure!


Found it.

Amazon splatters ads to cut Kindle price

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It's not the ads. It's what's at the other end.




Naked at 30: Osborne 1 stripped to its chips

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Fork in electrics

I've often said that.

Tie me customer down, sport

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The title is required, and must contain letters and/or digits.

It always amazes me how positive comments are, amongst people in the marketing industry, about practices which many people find objectionable or intrusive.

Pretty much all of us are at the receiving end of some sort of profit making business, it's important to understand how we view them and how the owners can improve them because (this is the key bit) if your company isn't doing this and their competitors are doing it successfully then your company is going to take a hit.

Then there's the professionalism bit. You work on web projects, if you don't understand the user's side of this then how on earth am you going to educate the business idiots you work with (because they mostly don't understand this stuff)? Just because we don't like something doesn't make it rubbish. You don't like being marketed at, and I can assure you that it doesn't work with me and as long as it doesn't you'r going to need to understand these user preferences so that your company can make more money and you can demand a bigger share of it.


I can assure you that I didn't buy my car from one particular garage purely because I was marketed at.

I can assure you I earmark companies sending useless and claptrap promotions as 'not preferred'

I can assure you that I have an 0871 phone number I give out where I can't avoid providing one.

I hope you don't generate Flash advertising: I can assure you that the actions of a few mindless advertisers with irritating and intrusive animated web adverts (Including Mercedes who I would have expected to know better) are the reason I run Firefox and AdBlock Plus. Of course, minimalist adverts with lots of white space definitely never have worked, do not work, never can work. Just ask Google.

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nyaah nyaah

Got my bile in first!

I heartily agree with you, though.

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A neat summary

In one article you have managed to gather together most of the things I find really offensive about being marketed at.

The special offers that aren't actually special. the mindless email reminders - "oh, we haven't heard from you for a long time" (Maybe, just maybe, it's because I didn't have the need or desire to contact you!)

If I want something, I'll go out into the marketplace and have a look.

If I've done business with a company once, I generally know who they are, what they do and how to reach them and I'm perfectly happy to leave it at that.

Having a company ramming itself down my throat is usually a very good reason to look elsewhere. If they are prepared to be that irritating at the time they should be trying to impress me, just how badly would I be treated once I'd been suckered in and the need to impress was less?

Orange offers HTC Desire sequel

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"Orange has pre-loaded the handset with its Mail and Maps apps."

No, no, no, no. What you meant was:

"Orange has borked a perfectly good handset by mindlessly shovelling in a shitload of useless, branded apps, trial versions of games and "features" which with its incompetent marketing droids have decided that you want."

They have probably compounded their utter stupidity by making their crudware impossible to delete - Even the fucking trial versions of useless apps.

Fortunately I have an excellent ZTE blade (San Francisco) which has been rooted, unlocked (who the hell wants the 'benefit' of Orange's customer indifference^h^h^h^h^h^h^h^h^h^h^h^h service) and the useless bloatware taken off and it's now a prefectly serviceable phone.


I really, really don't understand why phone operators routinely sod up perfectly decent phones with their preconception of what users want, in the first place and then make it impossible to get rid of..

When you look at what they actually offer by way of a 'User experience', its actually pretty insulting. Little wonder that debranded hand sets command the best prices. Maybe the retarded marketing droids are assuming everyone else thinks in the same cockeyed way as them.


Pandora's mobile app transmits 'mass quantities' of user data

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Title be buggered.

"'User experience' is something 20 pints of Guinness and a kebab with chilli sauce gives you."

Something that should be beaten repeatedly into every snotty little advertising consultant droid human race disqualificant, preferably using one of his own legs.

Microsoft wraps Windows 8 in Ribbon UI?

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Antiquated UI or shiny new UI?

I don't give a shit. I just want somehting I can use effectively.

And Office 2k7 isn't

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FFS! The Office 2k7 ribbon is painful enough!!!

After the sheer pain that was - and is, even many months down the line - the Office 2k7 ribbon then please, please tell me this is all a horrible dream.

If MS really, really thinks the Ribbon UI is really desirable, then why not offer it as a downloadable add-on for people who like to think they are geeks and who don't give a shit about productivity.

If the ribbon is so good, the servers will be swamped with people downloading it.

Just like Yahoo toolbars are readily downloaded by all and sundry.

If I want half my screen covered in useless crap, I'll just get a wad of postit notes and use them.

Fire-quenching electric forcefield backpack invented

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Summat like this?

Extinction of Flames in a Nonuniform Electric Field http://www.informaworld.com/smpp/content~db=all~content=a777865619

That's a bit wordy. Personally, I prefer 'KZZZZRRRTTT!'

Porsche punts e-car pre-orders

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<Stands in front of sock drawer>


Fukushima one week on: Situation 'stable', says IAEA

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Honesty seems to be patchy.

Check this out:


BOFH: In distributed denial

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I'm a horsefucker

Playmobil or it isn't real.

Apple patent foresees ultra-svelte iDevices

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Come up with something that isn't an industry standard and use it often enough so it becomes an industry standard - at least, a standard in everything from your industry.

Like iPhone/iPlayer connectors.

Virgin offers unlimited action for a fiver

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OK. I'm not a Vermin customer, but I'll pay £ unlimited per month*

* subject to a fair use policy of 50p

Gits +1

Ads overseer told to bring down 'up to' broadband speeds

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I almost second that

just pay "Up to" the monthly fee.

Google whacks link farms

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What about


Google switches on Christchurch earthquake service

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Benevolent but.....................

wouldn't it be a great way of assembling a database of who was linked to whom?

Sheep as smart as humans: Official

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Can you also please ask

What is the speed of a sheep in a vacuum?


NO-SH*T CURE FOR BALDNESS discovered by accident

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Hey, I got money. I can afford REAL poo.

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Only if

You are Paul Daniels

'Race against time' to find LOST TREES from the MOON

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Of course he had to stay in the orbiter

Two's company, Tree's a crowd.

CSC faces lockout over Indian 'slave' row

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Old news?

29th March 2010: http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/infotech/ites/csc-under-scanner-for-exploiting-indian-it-professionals-in-denmark/articleshow/5736717.cms

Bank scorched by stupid Facebook policy

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thermonuclear shit explosion

A nice wireless keyboard, please.

Punters 'pooh-pooh video on demand'

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It is an example of

A huge range of choice but, when it finally comes to the crunch, next to nothing worth choosing.

ICO Deputy exposes Data Protection law wish list

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You don't have to go the USA to find naff ideas like that

The NHS is bury looking at getting a close relationshipe with Facebook.


Facebook system messages subverted by French pranksters

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One word:


Malawi poised to outlaw farting

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French Soldier: I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.


Forget Flash – content is king

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Went and had a look at the site.

That's EXACTLY what I'd want. Straightforward, simple and what I'd hope to find as a pretty damn good Internet Experience.

You can stick flash


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"Full Internet Experience"

I have used commercial sites with Flash and sites without Flash. As a general rule of thumb, the more Flash content there is, the fouller the "Internet Experience" becomes.

You sit there while several hundred kB of some marketing driod's notion of what you find appealing grinds out of a server and wings its way down to you with a nice, reassuring downloading animation.

Eventually the edifice plays and you realise that, no, it's not any relevant infomration, it's just a landing page with a hapless animation about just how marvellous the latest promotion is.

One of the worst offenders is the motor industry. In the end I siimply gave up with the nice, glossy flash based marketing tripe that passses for real, usable product information. It was so slow, so unpleasant.

Please, PLEASE PL f-ing EASE, less Flash/Silverlight and the like.

Let's have a "Full Internet Experience" by all means, but lets make it a pleasant one: Nice, tidy HTML; no bloody flash ads, no bloody Flash promos, gimmicks and the like; no mindless marketing; no web 2.0 hrea.

DO tell me clearly and succinctly about the product. DON'T show me dumb your marketing department is.

Change to sustain public sector ICT spend

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I thought we'd decided that IT was called ICT only by people outside the industry.

China plans city 'twice the size of Wales'

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@Aristotle etc.

"Depends if you were trying to lick them all in one go"

Do you mean all of Paris Hilton or all the postage stamps.

just curious

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I think you are talking about

The Blank Constant*

*The reaction most people give to anthromophicisations** of large units, especially when one anthromorphic unit is substituted for another

**set out in terms intended to relate to the human experience***

***Excluding Paris Hilton now decent 3D TVs are available and assuming the imminent availability of a decent USB Groin attachment.

Google 'Do Not Track' extension preempts feds, Mozilla

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I still don't get it.

"began showing showing ads to netizens based on the pages they had visited in the past."

OK. that tells the advertisers what you were interested in yesterday/last week/last month. It sure as hell doesn't tell them what you will be interested in NEXT, does it?

The other thing I don't get is why the hell anyone in their right mind would be expected to cick on an advert link or one in an emailed ad? You can't tell for sure a) who actually placed the ad, where the link actually goes and c) what's at the other end. As a case in point, I have just checked out a nasty little piece of work purporting to come from Samsung, as part of a footie themed promo. Samsung say its nowt to do with them and are 'investigating'

Matrix 4 and 5 in works, threatens Keanu

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OK: Title?

The Matrix: The Reboot?

The Matrix Rebooted

The Matrix: What does this button do?

The Matrix: Don't.....Oh shit.

Texter who fell in fountain threatens to sue

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I'd have thought this was proof

She's already had one.

Raygun dreadnought project reports 'remarkable breakthrough'

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I've got a mirror from the 1940's

Is that enough of a retro-reflector?

German docs develop remote-control stomach submarine

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Very good Sir

Or madman

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Trialling a stomach camera?

Now, THAT takes some guts.

Who are the biggest electric car liars - the BBC, or Tesla Motors?

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How big was your crevice?