* Posts by Anonymous South African Coward

2554 posts • joined 6 Jan 2010

I got 99 problems, and all of them are your fault

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: Correlation does not equal cause

There is a BOFH episode dealing with just this situation. Best is to let the Boss do it before beer o'clock and skedaddle the hell out of Dodge City leaving the Bossly Unit to sort out that mess.

An irritating itch down the back of your neck? Searing midsummer heat? Of course, it can only be SysAdmin Day

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

BzzzzzzzzzzzZAT

'I'm telling you, I haven't got an iPad!' – Sent from my iPad

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

And James, like all good BOFHs, "went back to charging the recently-used cattleprod".

There, fixed it for ya.

Are you sitting comfortably? Then we'll begin. Hang on, the PDP 11/70 has dropped offline

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: Workmen

Mister Teh-ah-tim-eh was there!

Twitter hack latest: Up to 36 compromised accounts had their private messages read – including a Dutch politician's

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Twatterati gonna twatter

Linus Torvalds banishes masters, slaves and blacklists from the Linux kernel, starting now

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

In motor engineering terms, you have a Master Brake Cylinder, and a Slave Brake Cylinder.

What'll they be called now?

Push-a Cylinder and Pull-a Cylinder?

I want to get off this planet.

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: is this just round 1?

My black colleagues doesn't bat an eyelid at the use of "blacklist" and "whitelist". We all will get a good laugh out of this stupidity.

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

1984 and Animal Farm must be declared mandatory reading for everybody.

When a deleted primary device file only takes 20 mins out of your maintenance window, but a whole year off your lifespan

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: When rm -rf * is not what you meant

Well, it was a node, and it had brethren, so, why not just scp the java dir from one and "restore" this one? Worked a treat and never had to tell anyone.

A-ha... So this is what happened at Barclays then!

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Way back in the 90's I did POS support for a couple of clients in Pretoria.

One difficult client had all the bells and whistles - shiny new Novell 3.12 plus a couple of DOS workstations and a Windows 3.1 workstation for himself. And 120Mb tape drive.

Laughably small in today's terms of Giga- and Terabytes. Anyway.

He made a backup for the day, put it in the safe with the other backup tapes, locked the safe and went home for the weekend.

Come Monday morning we received a frantic call from him - ne'er-do-wells happened during the weekend, they took the file server, workstations and safe (including the backup tapes). So he had nothing to fall back on, and he was due for a SARS (income tax) revenue. Ouch.

Barclays Bank appeared to be using the Wayback Machine as a 'CDN' for some Javascript

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: Liability

An accidental delete star dot star?

"ach whoopsy, I dinna have any backup either..."

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

This actually belongs in "Who, Me?".... from the programmer/developer's perspective...

"so here we were, the Bossly Unit FUBAR'd our main Java store, and in a flash of inspiration, I checked on the Wayback Machine if they had a copy of our Java, and as luck would have it...."

The rest, as they usually say, is history.

Release the pressure: Win16 support arrives for version 3.2 of Free Pascal

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Granny pix

Love it!

I did some.programming in Pascal more than 20 years ago.

Definitely going to download this and compare it to Lazarus.

Ta for the headsup!

Overload: A one-way ticket to a madman's situation

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Testament to the solidness of OS/2...

Heard that some folks preferred to use OS/2 when they have to collect massive amounts of data over serial links as Windows could not keep up with the demand.

...still trying to find the article where OS/2 on a single CPU outperformed NT on a quadprocessor setup. Ah, those were the days.

The only way is bork for the UK's embattled rail travellers

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: Not a titsup situation

baaaaah, pipped me to the post.

Somebody's gonna be PISsed off...

From off-prem to just off: IBM Cloud goes down planet-wide so hard even the status page didn't work

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: Notes down globally

Bloated Goats still a thing?

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

fnarrr fnarrr fnarrr

store it in the cloud they said

it will be always available they said

but "they said" did not take into account network outages (like this one) or a break in your local fibre preventing you from accessing your preciouses files...

naaaaah, old school with on-prem is still king for now.

Sure, use cloud for backup or data retention... and hope that it will be online when you need to restore a file or whatever....

Mortal wombat: 4 generations of women fight for their lives against murderous marsupial

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

I sincerely hope it was not a rabid wombat. Rabies are not fun.

Was said wombat teleported from the Discworld just to "get rid of that pesky critter, buggrit millenium hand and shrimp!"?

If Daddy doesn't want me to touch the buttons, why did they make them so colourful?

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Halon emergency release + curious fingers = big BOFH fun

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: Press the button Max ...

Ahhh, the good old CRFH... the reboot was meh for me.

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: When HP engineers were actually engineers!

Heh, group of us techs was clustered around a PC, wanting to copy data on (or off, can't quite remember). This was when coax and 10base was the rage.

The motherboard was not installed yet, but was on the workbench along with the hard drive etc. And an Accton NE2000 compatible NIC.

Along came somebody, hot unplugged the Accton NIC and as he was walking away, the copy process we were busy with, dieded.

We had a good laugh on that one, most impressive was that there were no component damage or failure.

So you really didn't touch the settings at all, huh? Well, this print-out from my secret backup says otherwise

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: Load?

The reactor at Chernobyl - at the instant before it went critical, was its output high enough to boil a lake?

We need some sort of standard here - size of lake, temperature, water density etc etc...

cmd.exe is dead, long live PowerShell: Microsoft leads aged command-line interpreter out into 'maintenance mode'

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

cmd = quick to load and quick to do something

power(s)hell = takes a while to load, you have to faff around with arcane commands until you get the desired result... but it may be worth the faffing around, especially if you can use the same commands over and over again (eg fdisk /mbr).

IBM's sacking spree reaches Australia – and as staff wait to exit, they're offered AU$4k to find new workers

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Greyhair = experience, knows how to resolve issues in as little time as possible, does not bill the client with lots of $$$ - but employing greyhair costs company a bit of $$$

New guy = no experience of greyhair, will waffle and faffle around trying to resolve issues, billing the client lots of $$$$$ - employing new guy = cheap as peanuts

guess which one they'll choose

and new contracts can be written to stipulate that if no agreeable performance levels is reached, company have the right to terminate contract with new guy and hire another new guy...

no wonder why the natural enemy of the BOFH is the beancounter

Das reboot: That's the only thing to do when the screenshot, er, freezes

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: Funny that

Or setting someone's VMS prompt to "Help ?" and seeing how long they persevere trying to get out of "Help".

A good one was to set the DOS prompt to C:\DOS> and leave the user wondering just what the heck's going on, especially when a DIR shows no DOS files.

Or to change said prompt to something else like C:> ... leaving them in limbo just where the heck they are.

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: Funny that

That's a hoary old one, points deducted for lack of originality.

I'm sure world+dog still thinks it is an original one, and it still is getting pulled off on unsuspecting victims.

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Teardropping a Win95 PC of a colleague who's fond of browsing news sites instead of working. Its HDD died before I could teardrop it more, sadly.

I also did the wallpaper-icon trick.

As the I and l is most often similar, I retyped an user's login name , replacing I (Uppercase i) with lowercase L

He swore a blue streak until he jabbed the reset button.

Dude, where's my laser?

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Darth Vader deflected the laser to destroy Alderaan...

Railway cables overpowered errant drone's compass and flung it back to terra firma

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge
Joke

Encircle Heathrow (and others) with a 25kV line - will stop those pesky drones from flying!

Micros~1? ClippyZilla? BSOD Bob? There can be only one winner. Or maybe two

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: 8.3

by gum, it shows the abbreviated filenames in 8.3 format....

flashbacks to a bygone era where you struggled to make sense of micros~1 and micros~2 when trying to recover documents etc from a FUBAR'd Win95/98 install....

Multi-part Android spyware lurked on Google Play Store for 4 years, posing as a bunch of legit-looking apps

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: Not truly paranoid but truly realistic

Speaking of banks, how's TSB doing these days?

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Yay, more fun and games...

For the truly paranoid the idea is to have two cellphones, one for general, daily usage.

The second with only the necessary banking apps, and is used only for online banking, nothing else.

I'm planning to obtain a second device, and use that for general use, whilst the first device is used only for banking and nothing else.

The truly paranoid will most probably do regular factory resets on their device(s).

ALGOL 60 at 60: The greatest computer language you've never used and grandaddy of the programming family tree

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Started to program in Turbo Pascal in the early 1990's - and did Turbo C, and Assembly Language as well.

Then I switched over to a Network Engineer course, and is now a BOFH.

Sadly, programming skillz is not much anymore. Maybe it is time for a refresher and revival...

The end really is nigh – for 32-bit Windows 10 on new PCs

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

First time I've heard of a 32-bit Win10....

...for obvious reasons I'd rather go with 64-bit everything to make better use of memory of 8Gb and higher....

Xiaomi Mi 9 owners furious after dodgy Vodafone software patch bricked their mobes

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

And this is why South African telcos are loath to push out updates to their customers as they will be left with the proverbial hot potato should things Bork.

And it seems as if somebody did not do a thorough testing of said update etc before peddling it off to the masses...

'We're changing shift, and no one can log on!' It was at this moment our hero knew server-lugging chap had screwed up

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Had an DHCP issue this morning myself.

For some reason ClearOS's DHCP function decided to disable itself after a reboot following a power failure. Enabled it after users bleated about loss of wifi and network access....

Now all is well.

Strange how such a small thing can cause big issues...

Source code for seminal adventure game Zork circa-1977 exhumed from MIT tapes, plonked on GitHub

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

The Grue has eaten the BOFH's savegame and is about to be cattleprodded by the BOFH....

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: Xyzzy (or PLUGH)

Not to mention the "Hello Sailor" one in one of the Zork trilogy ones.

I'm still in awe of FCD #3

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

All Hail the Grue in its natural habitat!

Behold: The ghastly, preening, lesser-spotted Incredible Bullsh*tting Customer

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: "He had made up the stories of his friends"

I was then asked to leave and that was the last favour I ever did for that person.

Good.

Wonder if he asked other persons and gave them merry grief when they were not too careful?

I don't need such persons as clients, they can have the pleasure of going to my competition.

Square peg of modem won't fit into round hole of PC? I saw to it, bloke tells horrified mate

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: I can't believe it was so easy.

Muhuhahaha.

I once needed to fit a 3rd LPT port, and finding the right IRQ on the board was iffy. Poor documentation does that.

Got it to work with rprinter *shudder*

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: DIMM Slots

PHB = Pointy Haired Bastard?

Dumpster diving to revive a crashing NetWare server? It was acceptable in the '90s

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Re: I'm pretty certain I've heard this solution before ...

Bingo. It is from TDWTF.

Cisco UCS servers slugged by 'This SSD will self-destruct in 40,000 hours' firmware farrago

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Cisco has not disclosed who made its dodgy drives, but HPE named Western Digital as the source of its not-so-hot hot sand

WD again... they'll lose market share bigtime...

Taiwan to develop military exoskeleton because it's not like these things are open-sourced or one-size-fits-all

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Welcome, Skynet.

Now rid this world of COVID-19...

...oh wait.

Animal crossing? Nah! Farmyard frolics, courtesy of Novell and pals

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

...and some of us in IT want to get out of IT and into farming...

...due to the proliferation of crypto-malware and other such things which we honestly do not need for excitement.

OK brainiacs, we've got an IT cold case for you: Fatal disk errors on an Amiga 4000 with 600MB external SCSI unless the clock app is... just so

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Baaah. Clock helps the nannydemons to walk in synch with the hard drive.

No clock, or it is too big or small, then the nannydemons lose sync.

Still waiting for your Atari retro gaming console? You're not alone: Its architect has just sued the biz for 'non-payment'

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Reminds me of the Vega+

Real-time tragedy: Dumb deletion leaves librarian red-faced and fails to nix teenage kicks on the school network

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

shareware DOOM FTW

BOFH: Will the last one out switch off the printer?

Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

Well done on another classic BOFH

Shoutout to all the BOFH's and PFY's doing the WFH thang - where the heck do you hide your stash of carpet rolls and quicklime without raising suspicion?

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