Posts by lawndart

ExoMars probe narrowly avoids death, still in peril after rocket snafu

He's already done similar videos on comets and meteor showers in Kerbal Space Program, which demonstrates clearly how the minute differences in velocity spread the debris out over a vast region of the orbital path.

Pothole campaigner sprays Surrey street with phallic paintings

Northern potholes are usually caused by incorrect methods of licking the road clean and made worse by excessive gravel consumption before starting the day's work at the mill.

UK.gov kicks long awaited digi strategy into long grass, blames EU referendum

Re: Bunkum as a policy

I wonder how many exobits CGHQ is currently holding on us subjects of her majesty already?

gigabit seems a little small.

Brit teen bags $250,000 in first World Drone Prix

says:

A little disappointed there wasn't a shotgun-blast dodging section

Watch six tiny robo-ants weighing 100g in total pull a 1,769-kg family car

says:

The real breakthrough will be when four little blue-painted robots can move a car by picking it up one to a wheel.

How exactly do you rein in a wildly powerful AI before it enslaves us all?

Re: Let's just hope AI's will be smarter than these researchers

Share and enjoy. Share and enjoy....

How dare you sir! "Go stick your head in a pig" indeed!

LOHAN sponsor knocks up nifty iMac fish tank

says

Conjoined computers. Just right for a Siamese Fighting Fish

Greybeard monobrow baldies rejoice! Boffins comb out hairy genes

Re: No treatment for me

It's a unibrow until you leave full time education. Mature students find their monobrow temporarily becomes a unibrow until they complete their course.

ISS 'nauts Kelly and Kornienko homeward bound

says:

You watch - I've been waking up at about 0330 for the last two weeks instead of my usual 0400. Tomorrow I won't wake until the alarm goes off at 0500 and miss the landing.

Q: How many guns to arm nine coachloads of terrorists?

says:

I always thought the doormats analogy was floored.

New NASA theory: Moon radiation drops so HULK RIP MOON LIKE SHIRT

Re: Useless ice

That was my first thought too - distance and inclination give you rendezvous problems. Better to use Neptune's moons as refuelling depots if you need to muck about that far away from the inner solar system. You only have to deal with the distance then.

In delta-V terms the cheapest route to Pluto requires waiting until you can launch from Earth so your ice collector arrives at Pluto as Pluto crosses Earth's orbital plane. You launch into Earth's orbital plane so you only pay the transfer burn cost. The problem here is you can do it twice in Pluto's 239 year orbit. Next is launching when Earth's orbit crosses the orbital plane of Pluto - you launch into Pluto's orbital plane. This happens twice per year but uses more propellant as you have to get the 17 degree inclination change from Earth's trajectory to Pluto's. Some of the angle can be gained for free at launch by selecting a beneficial launch angle, but you will need to make the rest up on the way.

It's more like waiting three months to save 1p/L on fuel.

Pilot posts detailed MS Flight Sim video of how to land Boeing 737

Re: Nobs?

Depends on whether you are attempting to fly a Vickers Viscount.

Trying it in a Princess flying boat may produce unexpected results, however.

Depressed? Desperate for a ciggie? Blame the Neanderthals

Re: Is Assange a Neanderthal

Citation needed

Council IT system goes berserk, packs off kids to the wrong schools

says:

Now we know what the Sorting Hat gets up to when it isn't needed at Hogwarts.

Big Ben belittled by Infosys' plans for enormous erection

Hopefully a little more stable, though.

Dutch cops train anti-drone eagle squadron

El Reg could go one better...

Start the Vulture Squadron.

Muttley! Do something!

CHOMP.

Hehehehe

Why a detachable cabin probably won’t save your life in a plane crash

What we really need is a method of ejecting the entire aircraft.

In the case of fire, we should go completely Pratchett and devise a method of ejecting the fire.

BOFH: In-depth IT training needs a single-malt distillery

says:

Boss gets wind of junket destination. Declares he will go and report back all the relevant facts to BOFH and PFY.

How to help a user who can't find the Start button or the keyboard?

Re: It's not just tech...

You've not heard of an air guitar?

Boffins: There's a ninth planet out there – now we just need to find it

Re: If Pluto is taken.

The trouble with Ix is, it means "Boy who cannot satisfactorily explain what a Hrung is, nor why it should choose to collapse on Betelgeuse Seven".

Any visiting aliens are going to think we are really weird.

Planet-bonking rock hunt armed with humanity's cruellest weapon: bureaucracy

says

Somewhat fitting that NASA had "“a loosely structured conglomerate" when that's a pretty good description of what they are looking for.

Fans demand 'Lemmium' periodic table tribute

Re: Excellent

What?

Christmas comes early at US Patent office after massive IT outage

Noooooooo

Now I won't be able to file for a patent on "A method of extending official government holiday periods by utilizing massive IT outages" until the new year!

No, Kim Kardashian's plump posterior's pixels did not break the App Store – just this El Reg man's mind

Max was considerably more coherent than Trump.

Even when he wasn't actually saying anything.

El Reg picked a pack of ace pic-titlers

At last - a guy who wants me to leave them covered up!

While Claire was clearly enjoying herself, everyone else in the office thought she had her mouse pointer speed set too low.

The "Virtual Mexican Wave" rapidly went viral.

It compiled first time!!!!1!!1!

Brit 'naut Tim Peake tucks into space bacon sarnie

But only when sliced

It's Friday so fish and chips today.

When do they tuck into the vindaloo?

Brit 'naut Tim Peake thunders aloft

Re: Major Tim blasts off

Doesn't he have a twin called Tom?

Electrician cuts wrong wire and downs 25,000 square foot data centre

@ JeffUK

In the summer my neighbour mentioned that the company he works for has precisely this system to ensure the safety of forklift operations. He also mentioned one of the London depots had a refrigerator trailer decide to immolate itself whilst under their canopy when there were six other vehicles alongside. They managed to get one away by quickly getting the shutter down and retrieving the keys, but the rest were burned out.

Risk always seems to sneak back in somehow.

Name that HPE boozer: Last orders please

The Broken Seal and Bubblewrap

HPE's private London drinking club: Name that boozer

The Cloud and Computer

IT salary not enough? Want to make £10,000 a DAY?

I've found a couple of security problems in your system.

Firstly, your main live database is vulnerable to SQL injection attacks, such as appending the DROP TABLE command.

Secondly, your backup software isn't working.

Spanish village celebrates Playmobil nativity

Re: Hey, wait a goddam minute...

Neil Tragham is an anagram of "Heil Magrat" with a rogue N thrown in to confuse. Clearly the police should be searching for a trio of thieving German witches.

Wait a minute - it's also an anagram of La Nightmare". Arrest all horses!

This sleuthing stuff is easy, Watson.

You could get Katarina a nice pipe rack as a stocking filler.

Ofcom spins out Wi-Fi checker app just in time for Christmas

Re: Choices, choices

What you need is fibre-to-the-tree

Brits learning from the Continent? Authority, digi gov wheezes and the Autumn Statement

Stop using dead trees, put it all on email. Have they considered they are also busily removing the UKs ability to generate power to send and receive the emails?

Brit filmmaker plans 10hr+ Paint Drying epic

Re: Blowed if I'm going to watch the film

With a bit of clever editing he could show sequences out of order.

And call the movie Primer.

French Playmobil heist: El Reg denies involvement

Lifted from a lorry

By a big high altitude rocket carrying balloon?

Reg reader achieves bronze badge, goes directly to jail

Re: Most post moar!

But I try to post quality, not quantity*. Bad badge earning decision I suppose.

*Unless there is a 6Tb WD Black hard drive involved and then the quality setting goes out the window.

Speaking of which, that was some time ago now and no winner announced...

Fancy flying to Mars? NASA's hiring

Re: Is there a B Ark?

If you can remember Falcon 3.0 you are probably too old and may be considered getting on a bit with 1000 hours on Falcon 4.0.

Food, water, batteries, medical supplies, ammo … and Windows 7 PCs

I would like to get hold of a couple of copies of Win7u, but even Amazon has people complaining about fake licence keys.

When's Windows 9 (the proper follow up to Windows 7) coming out?

Post-pub nosh neckfiller special: The WHO bacon sarnie of death

Surely a rum or spirit fire can be quenched by using the asbestos laden sarnie as a fire blanket?

Dad who shot 'snooping vid drone' out of the sky is cleared of charges

says:

Mini barrage balloons! Get your mini barrage balloons here!

Comes with 250ft of nylon fishing wire as a tether. Only $15 each!

Caption this: WIN a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive with El Reg

"This is exactly how the Empire of Asad expects a drone to look, Gurgeh", said Flere-Imsaho.

All he had to do now was build a couple of nuclear power stations and there would be an Earth shattering KABOOM!

It was no use. It took less than a month for Rod to accidentally break even this reinforced fibre-to-the-home connector.

Crash this beauty? James Bond's concept DB10 Aston debuts in Spectre

Re: Meh

I may have to get my Puma rebadged ;)