Posts by TheRobster

Double-barrel net infrastructure hack threatens ecommerce

"SQL injection has been used for a long time and, in all honesty, shouldn’t be possible these days"

Yeah, that.

Sony calls in data Sherlocks to unpick megahack disaster

Wow, REALLY?

Where did you hear that? I'd not heard that. Link please?

</gentle_sarcasm>

German prangs dad's £275k supercar

Assumption

You are assuming, of course, that the father knew about his son using the car, it's not unheard of for delinquent offspring - especially those who want to show off to 19 year old bints - to just take things.

US Army releases new vid of Judge Dredd computer smart-rifle

I dub thee... Sir Forumpost! (I actively seek to enoble forum posts of any complexity)

Anything that makes up for the Dredd vs Death computer game will be a good thing in my book.

Spaniards bemoan 'joke' speed limit cut

Alonso

Well that explains it, all together now:

"Fernando...is faster....than YOU!"

Tainted apps worm into official Android store

Well...

it may be somewhat naive, but when I install an app from the marketplace, I do a cursory glance of what categories the app needs, internet access, phone status etc. If one of those categories is "Things which may cost you money" then it doesn't get installed.

I know there are other ways to scam from phones, but this is the primary one.

Also I did get the free antivirus.

Court orders seizure of PS3 hacker's computers

Get with the times...

West Coast have not featured in Pimp My Ride for some time, they use Gas now.

GOG.com returns with site redesign

It might have pissed you off but...

...it worked, for me at least. Before this week, I'd never heard of the site, and I loved some of my old games. Now, I'm looking forward to the relaunch to see what they have available.

I hope they have TIE Fighter. I never could get that working in XP.

Cinema chain bans laptops, tablets

@ Tony Smith

So, if you're going out after work, why not just leave your kit in the office?

Assange under fire from Wikileakers

Translation

What she said:

"But good friends are the people who tell you if your face is dirty."

What she meant:

"But good friends are the people who stab you in the front."

What this really means:

"Feck off, I want your high profile position, but I'm trying to sound nice about it"

Stripped-down IE9 interface leaks in Russia

Looks like Chrome

to me.

Meego goes 3D

Woah, woah, woah

Ok, let's not get ahead of ourselves here. First things first: 3D in films or on TV or on any screen is bollocks, seriously. In fact, it's not really 3D, it's an optical trick because lets face it, it's still being presented on a 2D medium. Until I can smack the lead character upside the head, or actually use my hands to control the UI instead of a mouse or other controller, then sorry guys it's not worth the effort.

America's top model fights off 'pervert' at Star Wars convention

Possibly

A beating of some sort, probably chased down by Roman Legionaries or Indomitable Gauls with magic potion.

Ton-up speed merchant blames dyslexia

@joylessdave

"colour blind people cann't see red and green does this mean they cann't drive"

No, it doesn't, but a colour blind person who did not know what traffic lights were for and could not work out the difference would / should not be allowed to drive.

Just like dyslexic people who nevertheless can read and understand what their speedo readout is telling them, regardless of if they actually understand the symbols, is able to drive, someone who can't tell the difference between 60mph and 103mph, regardless of their alleged disability, is not.

London bike hire scheme suffers pre-launch wobbles

You WHAT?!?

"Then you receive a magic key, an RFID chip, through the post, in exchange for £3. Then you pay a £1 a day to access the scheme and then pay again to hire the bike - charges start at £1 for an hour, although the first 30 minutes are free."

So if you were in this scheme for a year and NEVER USED A BIKE, it'd cost you £368?!? I'm sorry, but Boris can fuck right off. You can buy a cheap bike from Tesco for like £60 ffs.

Imitate Real Ale quaffers, save the economy, says biz prof

Really?

I didn't think that was a requirement for being in the Navy anymore. Certainly not since we stopped using wind as a primary means of propulsion.

Extraterrestrials strafe Bosnian with meteorites

Thats all well and good but...

... as any Pratchett fan knows (and there's at least two already here), million-to-one shots come off nine time out of ten, so there.

Cable lays plan for graduate tax

The only problem is...

A while ago, the BBC basically proved that the "average" graduate, if there is such a thing, already pays something along the lines of £500,000 more taxes over a lifetime than a non-graduate, through increased income tax due to higher average salary, buying more therefore paying more VAT etc.

So graduates ALREADY pay more tax than others, and they want to tax them again?

Gulf spill to annihilate all earthlings, says seer

Actually, yes

Good Omens was lying to you. Go and read "Thief Of Time" and you'll find out there are actually five.

Lad from Lagos in unencrypted CD teaser

Well, sort of...

I'm guessing this comes from the ISO code "GBP" to denote Pounds Sterling, in the same way that the US Dollar is "USD".

These are used instead of the £ or $ symbol so that people can differentiate between different currencies of the same name, ie US and Canadian Dollars, or British and Egyptian / Lebanese / Syrian pounds.

However, I have to admit to never hearing anyone call Sterling Great British Pounds.

More iPhone 4 angst: fanbois howl over head sensor

Chuckphone

And of course, the Chuckphone doesn't blend:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_S8sxpK4_iA&annotation_id=annotation_401075&feature=iv

(sorry for all the associated Jobsian gubbins, watch it with the sound off, it's more bearable)

Sex offender downloads child pr0n to get back into prison

And?

What's your point? A cheap laptop costs maybe £200 - £300, monthly rent can be anywhere upwards of £450 depending on where you are, so I can't say I find this surprising.

Rainbow plane warps in from gay dimension

Barf

"They must have over shot us by a week and a half!"

Primate-phobic Brit attacked by crab-eating Macaques

The title is required, and must contain letters and/or digits.

"Also, is it just me, or does Danni Minogue look like the navigator skull whenever she smiles?"

Can't say I noticed it on her, but Cheryl Cole certainly does!

title

So that's The Secret of Monkey Island - don't tease the monkeys.

Or possibly that's The Curse of Monkey Island.

I'm glad she managed to Escape From Monkey Island.

Maybe she could sign a book deal, called Tales of Monkey Island, perhaps?

Mines the one with the photo of a Three-Headed Monkey in the pocket.

World Cup streaming to choke corporate networks, doomsayers predict

Riiiiiiiiiiight...

So what he's saying is that at some point, during the next month, at least one corporate network, /somewhere in the world/ is going to suffer connectivity issues.

Well fuck me, what a leap of deductive reasoning.

In other news, popes shit in the woods, bears are catholic, etc. ad infinitum.

England win World Cup, says dried vulture brain

A title.

"drink ten pints instead, and then convince yourself that you had a vision of driving around London with a couple of flapping plastic England flags outside yer motor's window, celebrating the moment in which our beloved, overpaid, national team didn't screw it up in the penalty box. "

Amen to that!

Vulture 1 GPS test live at 2pm

Airborne...

"Just how we're getting the GPS unit airborne we're not saying"

You threw it out of the window, didn't you?

Want nips like church coat pegs? Click here

@ Sarah

So, while Lester watches Sex and the City, it's not for the plot?

I'm shocked.

PC World gets almost-exclusive iPad deal

You know what this is, don't you?

Apple are doing this to test your faith, they want to know just how badly you want an iPad. Basically, which do you value more: the prospect of iPad ownership, or your soul and possibly sanity?

Cue jokes about the relationship between sanity and desire to own an iPad.

2012 Olympic mascots cop a shoeing

Agreed

That's exactly what I thought they looked like. Both my son and my daughter love gogo's - personally, I don't "get it", but what the hell, they go seem to get it, and they enjoy playing with them.

To all the "grown up's" (inverted comma's intentional) who are saying this is crap, well welcome to the world of adulthood. These aren't for you, they are for kids. They are not designed to be understood by you, they are designed to be understood by kids. Your parents warned you this would happen to you as you got older, and now it has.

Kids will love these things, that's the bottom line. Adults will probably hate them, or at least not get why their kids love them, or just not understand if they don't have kids but, frankly, no-one really cares about your opinion of the mascots. They are for the kids, end of.

PS: I bet all these whingers are the same people who push kids out of the way at Disney Land so they can be first to hug Mickey Mouse.

Garage worker prangs £200k Ferrari

no investigation?

Well, actually no. Currently the police are only investigating the accident. Since there was one car involved, its pretty clear who's fault it was, thus no investigation is really necessary.

However if the owner of the car or the garage manager / owner want to bring a criminal charge pertaining to the kid maybe stealing the car, that is a separate investigation.

Labour manifesto changes a byte bit

Keep up at the back

For pity's sake, keep up.

You'll notice (this may be UK only, so don't hold me to it) that the masthead on the homepage IS blue today, thanks to the good folks at Intel. Apparently they make a range of CPU's or something.

New road made from pigsh*t in Missouri

Further uses...

I really hope this does not extent to building / maintaining airport runways, else the Pope is in real trouble.

Or does the new one not do the kissing the ground but when he gets off a plane?

Black-opter due to the lack of Pope-plane icon.

Wii Fit fall woman turns into nympho

@UncleRant

Seriously, do you realise how much of a cry-baby you sound?

"Boo hoo, Ms Bee made a funny comment at my expense, waa waa waa"

For god's sake, suck it up, get a sense of humour, grow up and move on rather than whining like a little bitch.

Will DNSSEC kill your internet?

In fairness...

From the comments, and as has been said, considering the target audience for the article, "almost all the El Reg readers" knew what to do already.

New Reg comments system ready to launch

Of course not...

...comments are enabled.

A title is required? At this time of year?

@Steve Kirman: Don't let the door hit you in the arse on the way out. Anyway, have some sympathy for the hacks at El Reg, Fuel duty has gone up, they needed to do something to keep their Ferrari's and Lambos's in Super Unleaded.

IE9 - the big questions and Microsoft's half answers

This is a title, satisfied?

I have to agree with this. The problem Microsoft have is that XP is now two operating systems out of date, regardless of your opinions of Vista or W7. No other modern Microsoft browser has hung around as long. W-95 was replaced by W-98 and widely accepted within 2-3 years. W-98 was replaced with W-2k / W-XP after about 4, and again was widely accepted. XP has been around nearly 10 years, and people don't want rid of it yet.

Unfortunately, in XP, they made a halfway stable, decent system, once it was patched. It could run on hardware not much better than 98 so people didn't need to replace their PC to run it.

Between all the graphics fussyness and what have you, Vista and W7 need massive system updates for most people. My computer is not the fastets, but still pretty handy, and the 40Gb hard drive is great, but Vista would eat that up (according to its own specs) so why would I bother?

I understand Microsoft not wanting to support XP for another 10 years, it is old, it is out of date and there is no money in it, but Microsoft have made a rod for their own back. As good as W7 may be, it appears that the general population don't see the outlay required to replace their OS as necessary. Microsoft wanted to make an OS that everyone could use. They managed that, and need to remember that they are not dealing with the same clientèle they used to. People with computers aren't mostly tech-geeks anymore, they are mostly not and as far as they are concerned they bought a product like you or I would buy a TV - once its bought, thats it, it goes in the corner of the room and does its thing with out having to mess about with it.

Having said all that, I still agree with Microsoft. They've been giving plenty of warning about halting support for XP for ages and have pushed the deadline back a few times. And it's not just Microsoft, there isn't a company in the world who support their old products indefinitely, regardless of how popular they are.

Female porn director turned pol grabs Kent by the ballots

We don't need no steenking titles...

Quote: "...this has given me an excellent experience for the 'coming' campaign"

Well, quite.

Peppa Pig told to belt up

Seriously

When your child pays more attention to a 5 year old cartoon pig than they do to you, their parent, that's not the cartoons fault.

DARPA scientists demand lightning on tap

(Where is the mad scientist icon, by the way?)

<-- Here

TfL deploys privacy-busting voyeurcam

Oh. My. God.

I hope the owners of that house sue TFL, its not like that's an accident, one of the camera operators has clearly noticed that they can focus through someone's window and straight at their bed and made a clear decision to do so.

Like biometric data storage, traffic cams - great idea in principal but its operated by humans, so it'll get abused.

NZ gal's Bulgarian airbags halt traffic

Surely...

...the title should be:

NZ GAL'S BULGARIAN AIRBAGS FAIL TO HALT TRAFFIC

Footie fans flock to clock 'Miss of the Century'

All I hear in mewling

Dear Sir,

I don't ordinarily read this publication, It's not my type of thing, you know. I prefer cats and so forth. However, despite this I must confess to being flabbergasted that there is absolutely no feline content within this article whatsoever. Come to that, I think I've read every article posted today and, well this month really, in the hope of seeing something, anything about cats but to no avail. I feel that I must protest in the strongest manner.

Despite the title of the article clearly stating the content is about "foot ball", I must admit that I still clicked the link with a sense of levity, confident that this time I would find some pussy-cat related pics. But no, imagine my sense of distress when instead of the furry feline fun I was clearly (not) promised by the title of the article, I instead find inane mumblings about a sportsman with his boots on the wrong feet. I mean, "FOOTIE FANS FLOCK TO CLOCK 'MISS OF THE CENTURY", how can that possibly have nothing to do with cats?

Frankly I'm disgusted. I feel completely mislead by the writer of this article and the whole publication all together. A friend of mine told me "The internet's all about pussy" and I honestly think this should be the case. Captions about food are optional.

Until your publication makes significant moves in this direction, I'm afraid I shall not read any more. Apart from all the time, so I can complain about the lack of cats.

I remain, sir,

Disgusted of Braintree.

----------------------------------

In other news, some people don't like football, and feel the need to tell just about EVERYBODY.

Good for them.

Bumbling NJ firemen, cops blown up in 'huge fireball'

Job Description

How does one go about getting the job of "Comedy-explosions Correspondent", and what qualifies one for the job? Explosive wit? Devastating good looks? A burning desire for the facts? Ebullient personality? Booming great laugh?

With all that in mind, how did Lewis get the job?

And when do I start?