Posts by wjake

We were promised integrated packages. Instead we got disintegrated apps

Little apps...

Great apps have little apps upon their backs to bite 'em,

And little apps have lesser apps, and so ad infinitum.

Apple's guy in charge of stopping insider trading guilty of … insider trading

Then he is an ignorant lawyer

Yes there is a law:

17 CFR § 240.10b5-1 - Trading “on the basis of” material nonpublic information in insider trading cases.

Affirmed by U.S. v. O’Hagan, 521 U.S. 642 (1997)

Also an SEC Regulation:

Rule 10b-5 Prohibition on Insider Trading. SEC Rule 10b-5 prohibits corporate officers and directors or other insider employees from using confidential corporate information to reap a profit (or avoid a loss) by trading in the Company's stock.

He should have been fired for incompetence.

BOFH: Something's consuming 40% of UPS capacity – and it's coming from the beancounters' office

Re: Similar problem

Half a room away?

Try another whole floor away!

Renovating 3rd floor. Equipment stripped, room stripped, shutting off power...

Computers go off on 2nd floor!

Hilarity ensues.

Took them days to trace it back upstairs!

Review: ASUS dual-screen laptop may warm your heart, will definitely warm your lap

And if it sits at the side, because of the inferior keyboard/mouse setup, it defeats the purpose of having the dual-screen, since you won't be able to see much of that little screen if it's off to the side!

Unable to write 'Amusing Weekly Column'. Abort, Retry, Fail?

Re: an oldy

Asked Kernel Panic...

A tale of two dishwashers: Buy one, buy it again, and again

Re: Bought a shed

Washing the dishes 10-15 minutes

Loading the dishwasher 5-10 minutes

unloading the dishwasher 3-5 business days

BOFH: All hail the job cuts consultant

MBWA

I once (jokingly) suggested Management By Walking Around to my Boss.

Yep, he did it. Made it mandatory with a daily checklist to be filed and reported to him.

Forget the books, all the Management wisdom you need is in Dilbert comic strips. /s

IRS doesn't completely scrap facial recognition, just makes it optional

Re: Facial recognition and women?

Men can't change their hair, makeup etc? Grow a beard? Shave a beard?

Do you have any idea how facial recognition works? Hairstyle and makeup are irrelevant. Short of plastic surgery that changes the shape of the noise, eyes, chin, cheekbones, facial shape, etc. you should not be able to fool a proper facial recognition system.

BOFH: The Geek's Countergambit – outwitted at an electronics store

Re: Electronics shop

Here in the States we used to have Fry's Electronics and Micro Center, each with various locations around the country. Fry's is now gone, but these sound like the sort of place the BOFH was visiting. Very familiar with them, am I!

Of course, we used to have Radio Shack, CompUSA and a white-box store in every corner shopping center. Ah, the booming 90's!!

BOFH: What if International Bad Actors designed the vaccine to make us watch more Steven Seagal movies?

FIFY

"5G?" the PFY asks – at which point I feel the urge to object that he's leading the witless. However, I plough on."

Missed one, BOFH!

Facebook may soon reveal new name – we're sure Reg readers will be more creative than Zuck's marketroids

Yoyodyne?

Just a thought.

All I want for Christmas is a delivery address that a delivery courier can find

This doesn't help:

I live in an apartment at a street address.

Do I put the apartment # at the end of the street address on Address Line 1?

Or do I put the apartment # on Address Line 2?

With or without the word Apartment, or Apt. or a # sign or no # sign...

Not that it matters, any combination comes back as "Invalid Address"

Re: Oh dear

Emma Peel = M Appeal = Male Appeal = some reason for blokes to watch the show!

Windows terminates here. Please remember to finish setting it up on arrival

Not Yellow

The Yellow line does not run through Rosslyn.

The rest of your comment stands. They will pay for me to use Metro, and I haven't used it more than twoce in 3 years, it's that bad!

Computer shuts down when foreman leaves the room: Ghost in the machine? Or an all-too-human bit of silliness?

Not Love Me Tender

But Aura Lee, or Laura Lee, a American Civil War song frequently used for fraternity/sorority themes and barbershop quartet-style harmonies, mainly because the copyright has expired and the song is now in public domain. Love Me Tender is not, and they would owe beaucoup royalties!

/pedant

Tea goes in the harbor

Or don't you remember? Besides, we have perfectly adequate coffee makers for that caffeine fix!

Check your bits: What to do when Unix decides to make a hash of your bill printouts

Re: £ vs # vs !

! = "bang" at least to this old left-pondian!

Lost in IKEA? So, it seems, is Windows

Re: IKEA

Isn't IKEA just another made-up ford in the home furnishings vocabulary? I mean, does it matter how you pronounce, of if you can pronounce it? (HEJNE? SMASTAD?)

Sueball over breach of more than 5 million payment cards at Dixons Carphone hit for six

Home Page Image

That's a baseball, not a cricket ball!

Anyone fancy a Snowmobile full of Bags O'Crap? It'll be on the list somewhere

Not Woot, Bit Meh

Woot no longer does an item of the day, they have all kinds of items on a regular basis. It rotates, so it's different junk throughout the week.

Meh is now the one-item-per-day site. And most of their stuff is pretty... meh.

Gung-ho tank gamer spills classified docs in effort to win online argument

Re: In the public domain

Or extreme right lane? Depending on left or right hand pondiness!

Where's the boss? Ah right, thorough deep-dive audit. On the boardroom table. Gotcha

Re: Patching Closet

"Should I not have done that? I tell you, I gotta plead ignorance on this thing, because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing is frowned upon... you know, cause I've worked in a lot of offices, and I tell you, people do that all the time."

Ouch! When the IT equipment is sound, but the setup is hole-y inappropriate

Re: "tales about all manner of things being inserted into all manner of orifices"

You folks don't have peanut M&Ms anymore? What a sad world in which to live!!

We don't know why it's there, we don't know what it does – all we know is that the button makes everything OK again

Re: The knob......

Ampex Open-Reel Video Recorder had a knob with an old Dymo label reading "Tune for minimum smoke."

UK Special Forces soldiers' personal data was floating around WhatsApp in a leaked Army spreadsheet

Re: "Who is General Fskup" ?

Corrupting your spreadsheet, resulting in a visit from Colonel Panic...

This week in AI: Man arrested after cops say he rode in backseat of Autopilot Tesla

Already back and (not) behind he wheel

This enormous d-bag has already purchased another Model 3 (from a friend) and is back to riding in the back seat. As he told a TV reporter: ""Yeah, I’m rich as (expletive). I’m very rich.""

Protip: If Joe Public reports that your kit is broken, maybe check that it is actually broken

Sorry, just good practice

This is actually good practice. We used barcodes for the key field of our inventory and maintenance database, but recorded Serial #, Model # and similar identifying information as well.

Turns out humans are leading AI systems astray because we can't agree on labeling

Terrible example

"What would happen if a self-driving car is trained on a dataset with frequent label errors that mislabel a three-way intersection as a four-way intersection?"

What a crap example.

The self-driving car should have accurate map information, so it won't have to rely on recognizing what type of intersection is coming up.

The Great Borkish Breakfast: I'll have a cup of tea, a sausage roll and a side of bork, please

"Should I really be doing this to myself?"

Hmmm, eating sausage rolls?

Or ponying up for Windows 10 on a new PC?

I think we know the answer here!

There are two sides to every story, two ends to every cable

Re: Try turning it end to end

"When we had a problem with a printer cable - we turned it round and it worked ...."

How? Unless it's a network printer.

USB Printers usually use A to B cables, not reversible.

Parallel printers usually use DB25 to Centronics cables, not reversible.

Serial printers (ok, I'm really old!) may have used some combination of DB9, DB25, Male, Female depending on vendor, implementation, etc.

Mysterious metal monolith found in 'very remote' part of Utah

On the other side(s)

that they aren't showing you it reads...

Golden Palace Casino

Bloated middle age beckons: Windows 1.0 turns 35 and is dealing with its mid-life crisis, just about

Global View!

Former Xerox user as well, we had portrait black-on white screens, WYSIWYG document editing and a building wide network for sharing all this. Plus, there were multiple languages available, important for the government agency using the system. I was sad to see it go, but it was getting old and slow and then the internet came!

Let’s check in with that 30,000-job $10bn Trump-Foxconn Wisconsin plant. Wow, way worse than we'd imagined

On the Plus side...

The billions in state tax credits have been revoked.

https://madison.com/wsj/news/local/govt-and-politics/state-says-foxconn-cannot-receive-billions-in-tax-credits-until-new-contract-is-drafted/article_c1ec98d2-f076-5d22-a72e-c46d3f7621e6.html

We bought a knockoff Lego launchpad kit from China for our Saturn V rocket so you don't have to

I am disapoint

Here I thought El Reg was going to start launching things into the unknown again!

UK govt advert encouraging re-skilling for cyber jobs implodes spectacularly

A common refrain

Joe Biden, Dec. 2019:

Biden said, “Anybody who can go down 3,000 feet in a mine can sure as hell learn to program as well... Anybody who can throw coal into a furnace can learn how to program, for God’s sake!”

So... just 'Good' then? KFC pulls Finger Lickin' slogan while pandemic rumbles on

Member of the Pentavirate!

"Ooh I hated the Colonel, with his wee beady eyes and that smug look on his face! Ohh you're gonna buy my chicken! Ooh! (Dad, how can you hate the Colonel?) Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes you crave it fortnightly, smart ass!"

Cool IT support drones never look at explosions: Time to resolution for misbehaving mouse? Three seconds

Re: It normally the Caps lock

We have one particular piece of software that uses an ALL CAPS username and password.

Caps Lock is not the same as shift. You cannot log in with Caps Lock, you have to hold the Shift key while entering username and password.

An unfortunate bit of product placement for Microsoft as Liverpool celebrates winning some silverware

Re: Clarification

As I am an owner of (a small part of) the American Sports League Team from the Green Bay WI area, I can happily and correctly say that "we" won!

Beware the fresh Windows XP install: Failure awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth

Re: The Need For Chewed Wires...

Wow. Here in the US, most jurisdictions do not allow machine-digging within 2 feet of a marked utility line. In my only stint in construction, the backhoe operator told me not to worry, he could "feel" the water main through his shovel and would tell me when to jump in and start digging. He was the boss, I had to take his word for it!

Apple to keep Intel at Arm's length: macOS shifts from x86 to homegrown common CPU arch, will run iOS apps

Re: Then you "should" be okay with just a recompile

"But the likes of Adobe etc only want YOU to rent software anyway."

FTFY

Big Tech on the hook for billions in back taxes after US Supreme Court rejects Altera stock options case hearing

Re: just a reminder

Yes, let me log in to my neighborhood group instead of Facebook, shop at the local grocer (whoops! closed due to covid!) instead of Walmazon, visit my local video rental shop (huh?) instead of Netflix, run FOSS instead of Microsoft.

You're thinking like a Reg reader instead of an average consumer, you and I both know this isn't going to happen on any large scale.

A memo from the distant future... June 2022: The boss decides working from home isn't the new normal after all

Re: It would be so easy to pick apart so many of these points....

The one item that many people cite as a possible Work Near Home solution are these "co-working facilities". Given the immediate cause of teleworking this year, isn't a "co-working facility" just a space to spread viruses to 3-4 different offices, instead of just your own?

Disclaimer: I have teleworked for about 8 weeks of the current mess, and am back in the office because there are some things that can't be done remotely.

If Daddy doesn't want me to touch the buttons, why did they make them so colourful?

Re: Reminds me...

of this:

https://youtu.be/SkP9DKnOgn0

Tape on floors, etc.

Watch an oblivious Tesla Model 3 smash into an overturned truck on a highway 'while under Autopilot'

Re: Radar does have issues with recognizing stationary things

I see more interesting pictures in "Captcha" coming our way!

Behold: The ghastly, preening, lesser-spotted Incredible Bullsh*tting Customer

Re: Customers

It's all very clear:

Bill the landlord

Bill the grocer

Bill the Barman

It looks like you want a storage appliance for your data centre. Maybe you'd prefer a smart card reader?

Tiger Direct?

Good Lord, why would anyone buy anything from that gang of shifty box-shifters? Especially a piece of kit like that! I remember being excited that CompUSA had been resurrected online, until I found out it was just a new web-front for TD!

Royal Navy nuclear submarine captain rapped for letting crew throw shoreside BBQ party

Re: Lost the opportunity for that one

"Longest patrol in history? Good job lads!"

Not this cruise. Longest patrol in RN history was completed in 2013, by this boat, but completely different crew and Captain. Nice bit of history, but doesn't apply here.

That awful moment when what you thought was a number 1 turned out to be a number 2

Weird English...

I'm still trying to figure out what "psying" is...

I mean come on people, it even gives you the red squiggly lines!

It's Baaaaaack (or is it?): Microsoft Teams suffers a Tuesday totter

Re: Up and Down across the board

Physical Stores, not the Microsoft App Store

Shipping is so insecure we could have driven off in an oil rig, says Pen Test Partners

Hackers?!

So someone could threaten to overturn oil tankers if they aren't paid a hefty ransom? Page Angelina Jolie, the white hats must stop them!