Posts by Colin Wilson 2

Apple's QWERTY gets dirty, leaving fanbois shirty

I quite like the keyboard...

I quite like the keyboard on my 2016 MBP. It's positive and fast to type on, with good audible feeback (aka it's too clicky!)

But I'm wating with bated breath for it to fail. Probably the day after my Applecare expires.

Super Cali upstart's new rocket test approaches, even though the size of it won't launch a Tesla motor

Re: Headline

"One of your best yet."

... except it doesn't quite scan, and doesn't quite rhyme(!)

"Super Cali upstart's shiny rocket test approaches..." would have fixed the first one.

What's silent but violent and costs $250m? Yes, it's Lockheed Martin's super-quiet, supersonic X-plane for NASA

New Macbook Pro?

Happy as Larry: Why Oracle won the Google Java Android case

Re: "Get a licence or build something new. It's really that simple."

"Apple went their own way (or course) and inflicted the abomination that is Objective-c upon us poor developers."

At least they've redeemed themselves by giving us the delectable Swift

Uni IT man stole £22k of Macs to pay for smack

A SmacBook pro?

Half the world warned 'Chinese space station will fall on you'

Re: Does Tiangong-1 contain Chinese steel or aluminum?

> "And I did not even bother with all the extra fluff in "cousins" or "version"

"Version"' is probably not a great example. I'm sure the late Brian Sewell would have pronounced it correctly

IT peeps, be warned: You'll soon be a museum exhibit

Re: Back in the day

" we only had 3 or 4 channels on the TV, and if we wanted to change between them we had to get up and push a button."

Ah - a youngster then!. We only had two channels. If we wanted to change between them we had to get up and turn a bakerlite knob to one of the two positions.

We also had to get up and thump the side of the thing sometimes - to stop it scrolling

You're decorating it wrong: Apple HomePod gives wood ring of death

Re: Oh great

"Apparently that distorts the bass from the pod and makes it sound bad"

That's what the BBC said - but I call BS. If the speaker had metal spikes as 'feet' then maybe. But seeing as it has a squishy silicone ring it's not going to be relying on that to transmit the bass.

Back to songs with Ring in them, lets go back to the seventies with

- Ring my bell - Anita Ward

- Telephone Man - Meri Wilson. Ok there's no Ring in the title, but plenty in the lyrics and it's long overdue for a revival!

The UK's super duper 1,000mph car is being tested in Cornwall

Re: Cool, but why?

According to their website the maximum rotational speed at 1050mph is 10304 r.p.m

The wheels have a diamter of 900mm, so my fag-packet maths seems to support this:

1050mph = 469m/s = 166 revs/sec = 9960 r.p.m

Still bloody quick though!

Top of the radio charts: Jodrell Bank goes for UNESCO World Heritage status

Re: what is Unesco?

"An example of the status they have, is for instance. that say McDonald's is not allowed to hang their name on the Statue of Liberty."

... and the BBC won't be able to film Doctor Who at Jodrell Bank ?

Set your alarms for 2.40am UTC – so you can watch Unix time hit 1,500,000,000

Jesus!

... and to think that Jesus was alive less than 40 of my lifetimes ago

And my Grandad was born in 1888 - he was 11 when Johann Strauss II died- makes me feel practically Victorian myself.

Strange stuff, time!

Li-ion king Goodenough creates battery he says really is... good enough

Re: He does look a bit like

I was thinking more Stanley Unwin

Glass Electrolipoles any one?

Apple Watch exec Bob Mansfield 'gets into secret Apple car'

Re: Wait, stop press...

> How does SteveJobs pronounce it?

He rhymes it with Smeg

Logging on to United's frequent flyer site might take longer than a flight

Re: Kill all the security questions now

> As for my school, I use one that never existed ( and no it is not Hogwarts)

St. Custards?

Swiss try to wind up Apple with $25k dumb-watch

Re: Acceptable Levels of Accuracy?

> Sounds like you want a radio controlled, clear dialled watch, and that's a grand.

... or £350 for an Apple Watch. (gd&r!)

Here's a thing about their accuracy...

http://9to5mac.com/2015/12/30/apple-watch-timekeeping/

RFID wants to TRACK my TODGER, so I am going to CUT it OFF

> So long distance reading of the eye is a long way off.

Hmm - anyone know what those weird roundy-roundy lights do at passport control at Gatwick then?

That EVIL TEXT that will CRASH your iPhone: We pop the hood

Re: Exception handling??

Ok here's the clue:

>> Exception Type: EXC_BAD_ACCESS (SIGSEGV)

An unhandled exception! Any reasonable modern language would convert this OS exception to an exception that it can handle - the same way as it would handle any other natively thrown exceptions.

As far as the ApplyGlyphFeatureTags function goes - the original programmer *should* have tested the pointer better - rather than just comparing it to nil. In the old days on Windows we used to use IsBadReadPtr to do this - but that's now seriously deprecated, and according to MSDN you're meant to use structured exception handling instead.

In this case, handling the exception simply by logging it, and applying some default glyph feature tag sounds like a reasonable approach.

>> If you think this problem has anything to do with exception handling, then you really, really don't know what you are talking about.

meh

Exception handling??

Isn't it about time Apple introduced proper structured exception handling in Objective-C and Swift and did away with all that ridiculous 'NSError' nonsense?

Evil Wi-Fi kills iPhones, iPods in range – 'No iOS Zone' SSL bug revealed

Even worse - there's a 'free' wifi at Gatwick Airport that forces you to download a weird e-book reader app before you can use the wifi. Heaven alone knows what it tries to do - I didn't dare run it to find out.

Revealed: The AMAZING technology behind Apple's $1299 Retina MacBooks – a lot of glue

Re: "Sir Jony's juice"

> The new 12" MacBook is not on the list.

Yes it is - £159 (!)

https://support.apple.com/kb/index?page=servicefaq&geo=United_Kingdom&product=Macnotebooks

Apple's Tim Cook and Salesforce's Marc Benioff DECLARE WAR on anti-gay Indiana

Re: What next in the name of religious freedoms?

>> What if I'm asked to make a cake to honour everything Thatcher did, I could be prosecuted? How about one celbrating Blair's descision to go to war in Iraq?

No worries - go ahead and refuse.

The law prohibits discrimination based on religion and gender. Not on political views (yet!)

Google casts about for wireless audio

Re: "Apple, notably, isn’t doing similar things".

>> AirPlay uses bluetooth, and so is much less complicated/capable.

Huh?

This is The Register - not Stack Exchange - you can't just make up random 'facts' here:)

Be real, Apple: In-app goodie grab games AREN'T FREE – EU

Bastards!

Get (n) A child born out of wedlock

Get (n) A foolish or contemptible person

They're calling us bastards now!

Hide your Macs, iPhones and iPads: WireLurker nasty 'heralds new era'

Re: Ah but......

>> Enterprises are at liberty to install iPhone apps from an OS X computer...

As far as I know, to do this they have to install a provisioning profile on the iPhone - that's signed by an enterprise certificate backed by an Apple provisioning root CA (so no just some self-signed thing). The provisioning profile lets the iPhone run the application that's signed by the developer's certificate backed again by an Apple root CA.

It would be interesting to know if these virus writers have found a way round all that - some Apple bug in iOS or iTunes; or if they've set up a rogue enterprise, had it approved by Apple, and somehow persuaded the users to install their provisioning profile.

Google Maps community competition falls foul of Indian regulations

Re: Secret?

It's not just former communist countries either.

I used to live near Heathrow when they were building Terminal 5. Lots of Photography Forbidden signs aruond the construction there too.

Including, rather bizzarely, on a green field the other side of the M25 from the rest of the airport. Only the sturdy fence and the signs gave any clue that there was Something There!.

BT at last coughs to 'major outage' after broadband went titsup across UK on Sat

Re: Hardly noticed

>> Email worked, all the forums I use regularly worked, the load of crap my daughter looks at, didn't work

Which is quite interesting in itself. Facebook, Twitter, Apple etc. all failed to work. But BBC News etc. carried on working fine. Very spooky! What are they preparing for?

REVEALED: Reg trails claw along Apple's 'austerity' 21.5-inch iMac

Re: Everyday performance

It looks like it may be a good option if you want to develop software for Apple things - should be plenty powerful enough to run XCode.

Of course you could get a Mac Mini for £499 - but that has no screen, keyboard or mouse, worse graphics and only comes with 4GB RAM

Daddy, what will you do in the new security wars?

We need to attack this from the other end too:

* Operating systems shouldn't be able to run unsigned software - ever.

* Compiler vendors should provide provide the tools for programmers - whether coporate or a guy in his bedroom - to sign software backed by a certificate that identifies them, and with a proper, trusted certificate chain - no self-signed rubbish.

* Certificate revocation lists should be enforced as strictly as is practicable.

* Sandboxing should be made to work properly, stricly enforced, but remain flexible enough to enable programs to do what they need - as long as they've been given explicit permission by the end users

Protecting code's secrets wins ACM prize

That C's so complicated

Try Pascal instead - it reads like a book:

program xmas;

{$APPTYPE CONSOLE}

function t_ (t, _ : Integer; a : PChar) : Integer;

begin

if 1<t then begin if t<3 then t_(-79,-13,a+t_(-87,1-_,t_(-86,0,a+1)+a)

); if t<_ then t_(t+1,_,a); if (t_(-94,-27+t,a)<>0) and (t=2) then if _<

13 then result:=t_(2,_+1,'%s %d %d'#13) else result:=9 else result:=16 end

else if t<0 then if t<-72 then result:=t_(_,t,'@n''+,#''/*{}w+/w#cdnr/+,'+

'{}r/*de}+,/*{*+,/w{%+,/w#q#n+,/#{l+,/n{n+,/+#n+,/#;#q#n+,/+k#;*+,/''r :'''+

'd*''3,}{w+K w''K:''+}e#'';dq#''l q#''+d''K#!/+k#;q#''r}eKK#}w''r}eKK{nl]'''+

'/#;#q#n''){)#}w''){){nl]''/+#n'';d}rw'' i;# ){nl]!/n{n#''; r{#w''r nc{nl]'+

'''/#{l,+''K {rw'' iK{;[{nl]''/w#q#n''wk nw'' iwk{KK{nl]!/w{%''l##w#'' i; '+

':{nl]''/*{q#''ld;r''}{nlwb!/*de}''c ;;{nl''-{}rw]''/+,}##''*}#nc,'',#nw]'''+

'/+kd''+e}+;#''rdq#w! nr''/ '') }+}{rl#''{n'' '')# }''+}##(!!/') else if t<

-50 then if _=Ord(a^) then begin result:=Ord(a[31]); if a[31]=#13 then WriteLn

else Write(a[31]); end else result:=t_(-65,_,a+1) else result:=t_(Ord(a^

='/')+t,_,a+1) else if 0<t then result:=t_(2,2,'%s') else result:=Ord((a^=

'/') or (t_(0,t_(-61,Ord(a^),'!ek;dc i@bK''(q)-[w]*%n+r3#l,{}:'#13'uwloc'+

'a-O;m .vpbks,fxntdCeghiry'),a+1)<>0))

end;

begin

t_ (1, 10000, '')

end.

Reg readers wot won it: Five flee reality armed with smart strap-ons

Famous Five

... worst Enid Blyton novel title ever?

Hmmm - since one of the Famous Five was a cross-dressing tom-boy too much into her dog, and another one was called Dick it seems almost appropriate!

Parallels could whip VMware or Microsoft, happier as Robin Hood

Parallels is great....

... until you try to uninstall it. Then you discover that its hooked itself to your Mac tighter than killer Californian sponge to a crab.

Shudder! Never again!

Samsung files patent for ear-mounted Google Glass competitor

Lipsmackin?

>> Despite promises that the irresistible wristable would make you a hit with the ladies, sales have been, well, "disappointing"

They need to market them properly. It goes like this...

Geek:

Hey Eddie, How come you're such a hit with the girls?

Eddie:

Well you can tell by what I'm wearing how I get down with the Chicks - Oh Yeah!

With Google Glasses on my eyes I get to check out all their tricks - Oh Yeah!

And when I google through my peepers

I get to check out which are keepers

Google Glasses

Chorus:

Oooh Google Glasses

Ear-mounted Google Glasses

... repeat to fade...

Beat it, freetards! Dyn to shut down no-cost dynamic DNS next month

<smug I donated years back & I've just got the e-mail :) />

Belgian judge mulled BANNING APPLE (actually, its website) in Euro warranty row

Re: 10 years, 100,000 miles??

Presumably you're trying to troll? Everyone by now knows that Apple offer a battery replacement services for all their devices:

https://www.apple.com/uk/batteries/replacements.html

Apple, Symantec, other tech heavies challenge anti-gay legislation

"Apple, which recently kicked off work on a sapphic glass display manufacturing facility in Arizona..."

How appropriate!

Yahoo! Mail! users! change! your! passwords! NOW!

Re: Improved password change security!

"Mine perpetually says that my new password is too similar to my old one"

How on earth would they know? Unless they are saving them in plain text...

Boffins measure 27 quantum states of light

Maybe they were Spanish?

Furtive ebook readers push Hitler's Mein Kampf up the charts

Re: The worst book ever?

"Hitler was very much an antidisestablishmentarian"

Yes - but surely that doesn't entirely floccinaucinihilipilificate him?

Thought of in-flight mobile calls fills you with dread? Never fear, US Dept of Transport is here

Re: More laws. @!$@%%@

Crikey! The only reasonable voice in this thread, and you've got 12 down-votes(!). Have an up-vote from me

Surface Pro 2: It's TOOL-PROOF and ultimately destined for LANDFILL

Re: Battery Life

At least Apple provide a battery replacement service for everything they make where the battery is not user replaceable - iPods, iPhones, iPads & MacBooks. Not ideal - but better than nothing.

http://www.apple.com/uk/batteries/replacements.html

Microsoft Surface 2 fondleslabs finally get off ground with airline order

Re: ve have many vays of kontrolling you

> an administrator can't lock down that setting from a user...

Yes they can. With the iPhone onfiguration utility you can set it so that that the user can remove the profile; the user can remove the profile with a password, or the user can't remove (or otherwise disable) the profile at all.

See the 'security' dropdown in the General tab in the configuration utility. Set 'Control when this profile can be removed' to 'Never'.

Maybe the LA education board forgot to set this option?

Apple iOS 7 remote wipe: Can it defeat the evil scrumper scourge?

Re: Hope you get to your "Kill Switch" before the thief does:

I just tried it - it works! It doesn't completely unlock the phone, but enough to see your photos and send them via e-mail, facebook, twitter, etc. Plus you can bring up the Contacts if you try to mail a photo.

I'm sure there'll be a fix along soon - but in the meantime - fail!

Re: You mean Apple didn't have this feature already.

Apple have had 'Find my Phone' for years too.

The new feature in iOS7 is that if you have Find My Phone turned on, you can't use the phone - even if you totally wipe it, reset all settings and re-install the operating system - unless you know the owner's Apple ID & password.

If you want to sell or give your phone to someone else, you first have to turn off Find My Phone (which requires you Apple ID & password too)

Re: Macs, too

No - any device with a browser will do - just go to iCloud.com from your Windows PC, Linux box, your poor mate's Android tablet, etc...

Microsoft mocks Apple and new iPhones in vids it quickly pulls

Re: Interview? An Hilarious....

No - it's definately 'A Hilarious' and 'A Historic'. 'A Hotel', too. I heard a woman saying 'we're staying in an four-star hotel' the othe day. Doh!

I think the 'An Historic' way of saying it came about because the Americans were trying to suck up to the French once or something - a bit like why they drive on the wrong side of the road.

Or maybe it's an old fashioned Policeman's English thing - adding aitches because it's better than dropping them, to show you're 'heducated'!

Apple files 'Bonk to Gift' near field communication patent application

Re: However, it will be interesting to see who has ownership of said gift?

While we're feeling poetic, with apologies for breeding a new earworm, and to Mark Twain:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Literary_Nightmare

try:

Fanbois, when you're feeling free

Bonk a present to the iphone of the recei-vee

An AppStore App for Sister C

An iTunes Tune for Uncle G

Bonk a present to the iphone of the recei-vee

Chorus

Bonk brothers! Bonk with glee!

Bonk-a present to-the i-phone of the recei-VEE!

Apple earnings slip, but numbers beat Wall Street estimates

Huh?

You get a 'free' charging cable with your phone. Replacement ones are $19.99 from Apple for both the old 30-pin charging cables, and the new lightning ones.

Telly psychics fail to foresee £12k fine for peddling nonsense

Re: Hilarious - and phoney

"What's next, El Reg, are you going to remind us that 'all religion is bunk'...

... and that Atheists prefer Android

Re: They are not alone in promoting nonsense

>> Getting pretty bored of the 95% of unthinking atheost comments that dogmatically repeat the same tired old mantras on forums...

Amen to that!

Seriously - if I could vote that up more than once I would

Apple dangles Spangles while Dabbsy's cables rankle

Re: VGA

> It just works...

VGA plugs come second only to SCART in the 'worst possible plug design' category. There are too many pins. The pins are too long and flimsy. When you plug them in there's always that worry: "Is one of the pins slightly misaligned? If I push harder will I bend it completey out of shape?

And if you try to bend the pin back - using the clip from a Biro lid - with minutes to go before the prsentation starts - it almost always breaks off.