* Posts by Evil Genius

36 posts • joined 2 Oct 2009

It really is your last chance to see anything at Cineworld for quite some time, and this big-screen bork speaks volumes

Evil Genius

Re: Cinemas in their current form are an artefact of the limited availability of reels of film

You missed out the guy in front knocking one out.

UK smacks Huawei with banhammer: Buying firm's 5G gear illegal from year's end, mobile networks ordered to rip out all next-gen kit by 2027

Evil Genius

USA: Well done my loyal vassal. Banning Huawai pleases us greatly.

UK: Why thank you, My Lord. Now, about this trade deal...

USA: Yes, of course my minion. Here, have a chlorine washed chicken. No need to thank us.

UK: Errr.

USA: I said no need to thank us.

We're no longer helping UK Post Office persecute postal workers with our shonky system, says Fujitsu

Evil Genius

Re: Strange

“The taxpayer will fund their legal support and pay full compensation where it is determined they had been imprisoned through no fault of their own, while those responsible will continue with zero consequences".

FTFY.

BT Openreach prepares to declare UK MBORCed* as all new phone line installations halted over coronavirus

Evil Genius

Ohhh, you mean FUBAR.

What's inside a tech freelancer's backpack? That's right, EVERYTHING

Evil Genius

"I will have to nip around the building to collect all the items I've lent to colleagues throughout the day. Portable rechargers, USB-C adapters, that kind of thing."

Lend?? You actually lend these items? I prefer "rent, with the full replacement value in cash left as a deposit". I will accept a freshly removed kidney as it never hurts to have a spare but storage in the shared fridge can be troublesome.

UK watchdog slaps 'misleading' Voda ad: Gigafast... maybe so – but not for £23

Evil Genius
Pint

Re: 100PetaHertz EM wave bouncing of the green fields of rural England this afternoon

For you, sir. Well played.

Apple’s facial recognition: Well, it is more secure for the, er, sleeping user

Evil Genius

As Sir Terry noted. Million to one chances happen nine times out of ten.

UK tax collectors' IT boss Mark Dearnley steps down

Evil Genius

Will his New Co be

Vodafone to fix their billing system that was installed under his watch?

Assange: Australian neglect made me flee to Ecuador embassy

Evil Genius
Black Helicopters

Re: "You spout pure bullshit, but I will defend to the death your right to spout it."

"Tits" seems quite appropriate for both JA and KK.

Lets face it, if the US really, really wanted JA, they'd have him by now. A G5 into Lakenheath, Spec-Ops team to Bungay when he was staying there, quick jab with a syringe and night-night. Wakes up in an ex-Cold War safe house in Virginia. Despite what some think of the CIA etc. they are more than capable of pulling it off and denying any knowledge,

I even saw it in a film once so it must be true.

San Diego Baywatch rules out exploding dead whale

Evil Genius
Coat

In Taiwan

Must have been like an All-you-can-eat-buffet.

Mines the one with sperm whale in the pocket for later

Dixons whacked by profit warning

Evil Genius
FAIL

Consumer confidence weak....

...in DSG's ability to do anything.

Sounds to me like UK consumers have just got wise.

O2 boots up boobies blocker

Evil Genius
Paris Hilton

Obvious I know

Free the O 2!!!

Paris. If you have to ask, you're not 18.

Cameron cocks up UK's defences - and betrays Afghan troops

Evil Genius

More fudge than Devon(port)

The Queen Elizabeth carriers are a fudge. They should have been nuclear powered so not at the mercy of oil prices. Yes the cost is more but balanced with the instability of crude, the ability to run without refuelling (involving a dangerous RaS) and increased storage space for aviation fuel and ordnance.

Aircraft should be the F18 Hornet/Super Hornet as there will be zero R&D costs. It's combat-proven and ready now.

As for the Illustrious Class, they were designed for a war that never happened - protecting the North Atlantic convoys from Soviet submarines. Turn them over to the Marines/SAS/SBS for a role like the US Tarawa, Wasp and America Class ships perform.

The Nimrod is using 50+ year old technology. Replace them with something like the P3 Orion, if only for the UK Maritime SAR role.

The Senior Service still has a vital role to play, but we need to stop being so independent and start looking at existing solutions.

'We Want Two' Navy carrier plan pondered by Cabinet

Evil Genius

Hello sailors

There's a reason that in a crisis, the US President asks "Where are the carriers?"

The don't just project power anywhere in the world, they tell your enemies "wanna play? At your own risk!"

In 1980 we scrapped our last real carrier. 2 years later we had exactly the war that she was designed to fight. Had we still had her, it would have been over a lot quicker (if it had even started) with a much lower loss of life.

Nuclear power was rejected due to the very high cost of it for a carrier.

Building them means 2 things. 1. You don't have all those ship builders on the dole figures, sorry, queue. 2. The skills need to be kept alive and passed on. BAE SSS have recently regained all their skills with the Astute class. Who'd want a strategic asset built in China or Korea?

Spuds for laptop fraudsters strike in Huntingdon

Evil Genius
FAIL

Not conned...

...they actually spent the £650 in PC World

ACS:Law's mocking of 4chan could cost it £500k

Evil Genius
WTF?

latest twist

BT confirm that their data was sent by email, unencrypted, in direct breach of the court order.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-11434809

"The ruling, ordering internet service providers to hand over data to ACS:Law, states that it should be provided in an "electronic text format by way of Microsoft Excel file saved in an encrypted form to a compact disk, or any other digital media"."

How many more revelations before we get proper, multi-agency investigation into this whole catalogue of breaches?

Second piracy threat lawyers withstand DDoS attack

Evil Genius
Paris Hilton

Seen it

and it warms the very cockles of my heart.

Paris? Because even she needs someone to look down on.

Apple in 873-page legal claim to word 'Pod'

Evil Genius

Birdseye

"Fresh as the moment when the /snip/ went pop

Good job Microsoft didn't try that with 'Windows' That would have buggered up Play School.

Moms stand firm against antenna madness

Evil Genius
Alien

Nature

Never mind that pesky background radiation eh?

Big bang my Uranus.

Evil Genius
Alert

FLK's

Looking at that photo, I think it's too late to stop the mutation.

Crash grounds RAF Eurofighters - for Battle of Britain Day!

Evil Genius
Joke

Gravity is still not your friend

Danger, Will Robinson. Humour alert failed

ALL aircraft are capable of making an un-powered landing. Remember, a landing is only a controlled crash....

Evil Genius
Paris Hilton

Gravity is not your friend

"Most planes are also not delta-wings and can make a non-powered landing."

Last time I checked, all planes are capable of making an non-powered landing. Does this delta wing have some strange, as yet undisclosed properties?

I hear the MOD are eagerly awaiting Apple to launch the iSeat.

Paris? Well, she knows all about ejection...

Survey outs Britain as nation of tech twits

Evil Genius

Is it wrong...

...to lie to those asking the qustions in the survey?

Oh well.

Southampton chap lodges todger in steel pipe

Evil Genius
Big Brother

Quickly nurse, the screens.

Simple. He was only trying to get the hamster out.

U2 frontman bitchslapped by TalkTalk

Evil Genius
Coat

Position of the month?

"Reverse Robin Hooding"

Is that the same as Reverse Cowgirl? You get to look them in the face as you download the torrent?

Coat

hat

crampons

ice axe

GONE!

Evil Genius
FAIL

Let he who is without sin..

..Chuck the first rock at Bonio.

Instead of pontificating about something he knows nowt about, perhaps he should stick to something he claims to know all about.

Bono. Please work out to 3 decimal points your carbon footprint for the 120 lorries needed to shift the 360 tour stage.

hopefully that will keep him busy and quiet for a few years

Western Digital goes cartoon crazy

Evil Genius
Paris Hilton

Mucky pup

I have 4 HD's and one card. Sounds like a dodgy European 'art' film.

Paris: Do you really have to ask?!?!?!

Thieves target BT cables as scrap value rises

Evil Genius
Paris Hilton

fibre shmiber

Wouldn't matter if you replaced copper with fibre as the idiots will still rip it out just in case. Ask Global Crossing how much fibre optic they have lost this year.

Paris as she been bought and sold.

Ares 1-X booster rocket dented in test flight

Evil Genius

ET?

Been involved in accident that wasn't your fault? Then phone us.

"So, Mr ET. You say that you were cruising along when suddenly this large rocket bounced off your front wing? The reg was NASA? We'll get our lawyers straight on it."

El Reg launches 'Comment of the Week'

Evil Genius

So wrong, but...

"just chew to release the juice"

OK, off to be very ill and gargle with gin.

Lily Allen exits Twitter, bins BlackBerry

Evil Genius
Happy

Woohoo!!

This day just keeps getting better and better.

Will await the interview where as if she actually knows what a Luddite is. Errr...

UK taxpayers hit by wave of tax refund scam mail

Evil Genius
Grenade

How many actually work?

Law of averages means they must get enough returns to make it worth their time and effort.

Perhaps we should introduce a one-strike law. Fall for a phishing scam and you lose all your internet connections as you are clearly too dumb or ignorant to be trusted with such a thing.

Either that or turn yourself in to a designated location for an educational course with a baseball bat and a rusty nail.

Helpdesk Heroes or unappreciated geeks?

Evil Genius
Thumb Up

keep them coming

More, more, more please.

Your phone is winding me up

Evil Genius

Cranking the handle

"Honest officer, I'm charging my mobile."

That'll never stand up in court.

Google strips Pirate Bay homepage from search results

Evil Genius
FAIL

effective - not!!

I can still see the /browse and /top/201

No doubt it will keep The Lawyers busy.

Madmen cling to jet-powered merry-go-round

Evil Genius
WTF?

Oh the Humanity

This looks like a combination of alcohol, bad acid, a few old pallets and the spare wheel of a MK4 Cortina.

Bring forth the 'elf and safety man....

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