Posts by jam

Beeb gets grief for Humpty Dumpty rewrite

Get your facts right

Humpty dumpty is not a nice fairy tale about an accident prone egg. It refers to a canon used during the English civil war that was mounted on St Marys church wall in Colechester. The tower where humpty was mounted was hit and humpty had a great fall. The kings men couldn't put humpty back together again.

To change the nursey rhyme is to change history itself. Why don't these idiots at the BBC who haven't got a clue stop messing with things that aren't broken. Try teaching your children about history and make it fun my learning hmmm I don't know a rhyme perhaps to accompany it?

If we don't stop wrapping our children up in cotton wool we won't be going to the moon nor explore the furthest depths of the oceans instead we'll have them in padded cells where they can't get hurt.

Desktops are seen as unimportant until...

Well heres my plan of attack

Typically managers don't want to part with their cash let alone spend money on overtime so I can come in on my weekend off to complete routine maintenance. I would make the boss aware of the finance involved with upgrading the machines / maintenance on the machines. Then forecast losses made through destruction or elimination of certain terminals and typically 3 day waiting period for a complete resolution. Or you can buy the new equipment pay me my overtime and have more productive staff?

Licensing in a small business is by far the worst thing to convince them to spend out on. So break out the IT law and keep dropping hints by printing off cases where companies (and more specifically directors) were getting spanked by failing to make sure their software is legitimate. They soon relinquish the Directors new cuban cigar fund and hey presto licensed machines.

As for disaster recovery there are plenty of cases and reports on data failure leading to business failure. Presenting the facts gives you a none biased way of well presenting the facts. I don't get involved with money I don't know how well the companies doing and how large the directors fund for the 4 weeks in the Algarve is but I present the facts and let them make their own minds up. You may say I'm pressuring them by leaving hints of cases around but quite simply everyone gets bored by IT and talking IT to directors you may as well be talking dutch for all they care or understand. So a longer campaign may be able to fire their interest. Especially as licensing is in their interest!

Helpdesk Heroes or unappreciated geeks?

Just because it uses electricity

Picture the scene. There I am researching Microsoft dynamics and how I intend to role out the training program and adjust the program as I go. I get a phone call.

"Hello support"

"Hello I've got a problem"

"OK whats the issue"

"The kettle has stopped working, it doesn't switch on"

"The kettle!?!?" I query?

"Yeah" said the anxious phonecalleee

"Right...."

"Well I asked the boss and he told me to come see you"

So I walk into the bosses office and give him the broken kettle. What exactly do you want me to do with this? I enquire.

"Well its your area isn't it?" My boss asks

"No" I reply rather sarcastically trying to hide my outrage at being insulted.

"Well it uses electricity doesn't it" My boss retorts

GGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

JUST BECAUSE IT USES ELETCRIC DOES NOT MEAN ITS AN IT PROBLEM!!!!!!!!

Microsoft takes on Wet Willie's to punt Windows 7 in Paris

Thats the worst advert I've seen ... like ever

OH my F in god!

Have a party, let guests view your pictures... oooooppppps how did that one get in there? Show your friends how to use the basic featues of windows 7, after your done insulting the inteligence of any hardcore star trek fan you had at your party you put on your music from your mass storage device only for runtime errors to occur as patches are still being furiously written and released as fast as my stomach is releasing my vomit. Next you turn to the incredibly hot chick who's not there for windows 7 at all who promptly calls you a geek and leaves along with the majority of your guests. Next day the host is found swinging from the light fittings he/she has used their own keyboard as rope and below them on the floor is microsoft hosts schedule.

So what do you want to do today?