Posts by Hermes Conran

Threat to third Fukushima nuke reactor

Two questions,

what are they doing with this radioactive seawater, what is the effect of seawater on the steel containment vessel/metal fuel rods?

Philips 21:9 Cinema 58in LED backlit TV

The old model was a commercial flop,

I picked one up for £1,300 at richer sounds, it is the best way to watch DVDs! I'm suprised at Philips trying again though.

Steve Jobs takes 'medical leave of absence' from Apple

Actually....

that's the opposite of shorting.

US crewless, automated ghost-frigate project takes shape

Torpedo it?

Cheaper to foul it's props with an old fishing net surely? Keep trying DARPA!

British bank cuts 4,500 IT jobs

Having spent some time working for the aforesaid bank,

I con confirm that they are amongst the keenest to outsource IT work to India. The standard of work is as rubbish as Commentards above have said but at least it's cheap!

P.S. Lloyds weren't pushed to take over HBOS, they have been gagging to expand in the UK for years, anyone remember them nearly paying 19 Billion pounds for Abbey? That was only stopped by the competition commission, Santander snapped them up for less than a billion a couple of years later, Lloyds have got a lot of form in the dodgy acquisitions game....

Man ordered to pay Facebook $1bn

By my calculations,

thats $560 per inch!

Canada prostitution laws pulverised: politicians apoplectic

UK Police Pimps?

Evening all, b*tch betta have ma money!

Nokia runs all the way to the bank

A distributed financial model,

that avoids the need for fat cat bankers? What's not to like?

Nutter repairmen scale 1,768ft TV mast

I hope they remembered,

to bring the replacement bulb!

Nuclear merchant ships could open up Arctic routes for real

Excellent idea

Nothing would be able to stop these land ships! No Icebergs to worry about, just perhaps the wrong type of snow!

Swedes brew up 18.5 per cent 'Ace of Spades Porter'

I don't understand

what all the fush is about!

Harrow flicks pirate thrown in slammer

Meanwhile

muggers get off with community sentences.

Moral;

Only steal from poor people.......

Naturist club objects to erection of five storey tower block

300 members on their books

Is that hygienic?

Robots capable of 'deceiving humans' built by crazed boffins

I am not

the droid you've been looking for.

Google Instant blacklists the Slutskys

The Slutsky equation

isn't that some way of calculating how many vodkas you need to buy her?

Greenland ice loss rates 'one-third' of what was thought

Hooray!

We're going to drown more slowly! Gin and tonics all round!

(What do you mean there's no ice?)

General Motors bitchslaps Tesla with Range Anxiety™

So by that logic,

I should be able to use my push bike like my motor bike, the key word is "bike"

I can't use my electric car like a petrol car shock.

In other news; I can' t use my bicycle as a submarine....

It's non-stop fun in Zero Carbon Britain, 2030

were you pissed when you typed this?

Or is it the first time you've used a keyboard?

McKinnon campaign urges coalition to block extradition

Good Lord!

Hasn't he gone yet!!!?? He could have done his porridge and been back years ago without smearing all aspergers sufferers as emotionaly fragile weidos who don't know right from wrong.

MS withdraws ineffective security update

had to back this out,

when it stopped me accessing my e-mail.

Icelandic ash cloud to keep UK skies closed 'til Saturday

Damned Vikings

First they took our women, then our money. Now we can't even go on holiday!

(Angy eruption!)

Man coughs to sex with donkey and horse

man coughs,

was he feeling a little horse?

Flat-pack plug designer wins top award

Isn't it

an award for design??

If you look at the original

article on Reg in June he has designed a socket just like that!

Drink beer not fizzy pop for pity's sake, say boffins

May I be the first,

to fall face down on the mat in the interest of healthy bones!

Vodafone revs up UK femtocell program

Hmmmm...........

Let me see, I pay you for a high end phone tariff with an overloaded data channel. But if I pay you extra, you'll allow me to move some of my data down an internet connection that I'm paying someone else for.

No thank you I'll wait till you come to your senses and start giving these away because your network is on it's knees.

Apple's 'latest creation' debuts January 27

Oh!

That's why it's called the iProd!

It's a Tazer app for the iPhone!!!

The iProd...

GM plumps for long-distance hybrid Cadillac

Yup!

S'called a motorcycle. Real men use'm.

Universities avoid Kindle over accessibility barriers

But shirley,

The blind still have the option of getting the material in brail format. The addition of another format for the sighted does not reduce the options available to to the blind. All this suit does is prevent the adoption of an additional format that some might have found convienient.

I'm off to the fox and I'm buying...

McKinnon: The longest ever game of pass the parcel

Daily Mail headline MCKINNON REPRIVED

Other News;

Earthquake in Haiti, no brits harmed.

Men more different from chimps than women, say boffins

I have nothing to say about this article,

Darling.

Mini-asteroid sneaks up on Earth

They were much bigger,

Before they hit the atmosphere, doofus.

Flames, you know why.

Honda beats rivals to hybrid coupé launch

Shades of the old CRX

Beautiful but pointless unless it can run on batteries only in town.

(Paris, beautiful but pointless)

Spider-Man 4 washed down plughole

sounds like it will be a,

Spider Turkey!

Google book scanners apologize to Chinese scribes

The chinese do not appear to enjoy

their own medicine! Hopefully this will bring them around to western ways of thinking about IP and astonishingly Google will have done no evil!!!!

New mega offshore windfarms could supply 2% of UK energy

El Reg Propaganda

Absolutely right DaWolf, I'm a big El Reg fan but this constant anti Global warming and anti Renewable Energy Spin is beyond a joke. I don't mind skeptics, but this is propaganda!

What's the source for that load factor Lewis?

I don't know of any modern windfarm that produces 0.3% of nominal capacity, has there been a decimal point slippage? Also you state that windfarms will be expensive and suggest without subsidies they won't provide any british jobs. Given your known fission bent is this a case of the nuclear pot calling the windy kettle black?

Trouser-bomb clown attacks - how much should we laugh?

Peacenik

I think you'l find that after the USS Cole was attacked the Clinton administration had a pretty full-on bombing campaign against training camps in Afganistan. That was only brought to a close when that famous peacenik George Walker Bush took power in 2001. That's when Bin Lauden was given the space to dream up his jolly 9/11 japes!

Be sure to write a will,

before packing your pants with explosives.

Otherwise you could die intestate!

Google to mobile industry: ‘F*ck you very much!’

Orlowski allowing comments!!!!

And getting a severe kicking from the 'tards I see. Must disagree with most of what you've written here Andrew. No Lumpa fan I but just because they've collaborated with a manufacturer to compete in the hardware market doesn't mean they're shafting the carriers. In fact by opening up routes past the cartels you could argue they're doing good while trying to turn an honest buck. Superphone? it's just marketing hype but at least consumers can get it without signing away their freedom for a couple of years.

Software engineer rated best job of 2010 (almost)

How do you recognise an outgoing actuary?

He looks at YOUR shoes when you talk to him!

NASA's nuclear Mars tank gets improved cooker mod

Trust a woman,

to design a nuclear powered laser tank, with a kitchen!

Asus goes wide with Bang & Olufsen laptop

HOW MUCH!

Beautiful though, and a great game machine from the sound of it!

Westfield opens kimono on EV Cup racer

Road version please.

in kit form!

Google uncloaks the Nexus One

All the UK networks,

seem to have moved first to 18mth then to 2year contracts (no collusion there!) when you do the maths you are often better of pay up front and choosing a cheaper tariff.

Year 2010 bug wreaks havoc on German payment cards

It's all down to money

I doubt laziness had anything to do with it, as I recall from work I did prior to Y2K, management would have been told the cost to extend year fields from 2 bytes to 4 (database redefines, API changes etc..) and would have said "Isn't there something we can do more quickly/cheaply?" Hence packed years relative to 1900 and variations on that theme, push the problem into the long grass!

All US Army combat units now to include robots

Um...

Have we seen this movie before?

Nokia sets date for netbook UK debut

I'd wait till February

They'll be knocking them out for half price!