* Posts by Captain TickTock

679 publicly visible posts • joined 15 Sep 2009

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Japanese erections named 'Bollox', 'Wonder Device'

Captain TickTock
Joke

It won't be easy...

.. for his wife to blow _that_ bonus

Captain TickTock
Childcatcher

dropping the "o" from "_count"

Won't somebody think of the Daily Mail readers?

Oz DNA tester’s privacy shocker

Captain TickTock
Joke

No need for a name field in the DB

We're all called Bruce ;-)

Rebekah Brooks quits - Murdoch accepts this time

Captain TickTock
Coffee/keyboard

Can't... stop...

giggling in office

FBI probes claims of Murdoch 9/11 hack

Captain TickTock
Joke

Going after Rubert..

He was found in his secret hideout with stacks of old copies of The Sun

One-armed Belarus man monocuffed for clapping

Captain TickTock
Facepalm

This is how you clap with one hand

Substitute forehead

Microsoft plans to open 75 retail stores in US

Captain TickTock
Gimp

Zune!

Oh yeah, baby!

Official: Pastafarian strainer titfer is religious headgear

Captain TickTock
Headmaster

"tenets"

is the word you're after

Stipe croons 'Man on the Moon' to Atlantis crew

Captain TickTock
Windows

Just like...

..the Windows 98 Space screensaver?

Windows, it's enough to drive you to drink.

Captain TickTock
Terminator

I'm sorry Dave..

I can't let you do that...

Would you go outside with the CanadArm after a wake up call like that?

US court test for rights not to hand over crypto keys

Captain TickTock

What if...

you've genuinely lost the encryption keys?

And how is handing over encyption keys self-incrimination,

when handing over all paper records in the face of a warrant is not?

Curious...

Lexus CT200h hybrid

Captain TickTock

Movable mouse...

looks like a US stock photo slipped in there.

'I caught a virus from Murdoch's organ' – famous secret hooker

Captain TickTock
Joke

13

...at least.

Captain TickTock
Joke

I forgot to mention...

... the suitcase for the rest...

Pretentious? Moi?

Captain TickTock
Coat

Trojans

Very popular form of protection in the US, I understand.

Mine's the one with the packet of 3 in the pocket

Over 900 police staff caught misusing databases

Captain TickTock
Holmes

I suppose...

.. That would be ok if you followed the correct processes and documented your investigation, giving proper justification. Some of the cases mentioned have a disturbing conflict of interest.

IANAL & IANAC* & all that.

* Copper.

Captain TickTock
Joke

Don't you mean...

... misusing spreadsheets?

News International grabs SunOnSunday.co.uk domain

Captain TickTock
WTF?

Eh?

how did we get onto cars?

Forgive me if I'm a little slow on the uptake today, or whenever I'm a little slow on the uptake)

Captain TickTock
Trollface

Who better to manage...

a redtop?

Quiet, astronomers at work

Captain TickTock
Headmaster

Isn't the standard El Reg Designation....

... Oz?

need kangaroo icon

UK will obey Euro unisex-insurance rules from 2013

Captain TickTock

On the other hand...

...Your sales rep is exposed to more risk on the road than your stay at home housewife/husband.

It all depends on how the bonus is offered, but yes, it ought to be proportional to the miles survived

unscathed.

Captain TickTock
Trollface

Glorified Bookmakers

All insurance is a bet between you and the insurer on the odds of something happening.

Terrafugia flying car gets road-safety exemptions

Captain TickTock
Thumb Up

Terrafuglia

There, fixed it for you

Captain TickTock
Joke

Just you wait...

..till the Moller Sky Car goes into production.

or

gets off the ground...

The DeLorean got higher, due to its unique fuel, (and I'm not talking plutonium ripped off from Libyan nationalists...)

It does make the driver very loud, confident and downright obnoxious, though...

.. and sniffly.

Captain TickTock
Trollface

Any politician will do

You just have to harness the hot air.

Earth orbit for £1,000? You must be joking

Captain TickTock
Headmaster

Obfuscated

fixed it for you.

Captain TickTock
WTF?

Balanced Competition

One prize to clear orbiting space junk

and

one to add more.

Moderatrix kisses the Reg goodbye

Captain TickTock
Headmaster

rôle

there, fixed that for you.

Ditto otherwise

Captain TickTock
Gimp

Cute Handwriting..

And that geeky glasses thing going on... oh yeah, baby.

All the best wherever you go. This cake shop, it's not part of a chain,

or got chains,

in the basement?

If Jude is only half as much fun, we'll be just fine.

Thank you, and goodnight!

OpenOffice.org site goes offline, Oracle declines to comment

Captain TickTock
Trollface

You can do that?

I've never installed OpenOffice over a previous version. I've always tended to de-install and re-install. I think you used to have to, and I've just been in the habit.

LibreOffice seem to load so much quicker, as you don't have an Oracle logo to look at ;-)

Teenager tries to trade virginity for iPhone

Captain TickTock

RE: How I met your mother

I guess 3 years is a lifetime to some

Captain TickTock
Coat

RE: Teenagers eh?...

She should have joined the Silver Ring Tone Thing movement...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silver_Ring_Thing

It's important to wait for the right smartphone to come along.

Now she'll be comparing her current phone, to all her previous phones, and other phones she could have. She'll never be happy with her current phone now...

oh, hang on...

Produce purveyors create edible iPhone

Captain TickTock
Devil

Cease and desist

Apple will complain they're violating design patents... mark my words

Now where did the Anti-Gates Icon go?

Drunken bust-up woman sprays cops with breast milk

Captain TickTock

Anyone remember...

...Bunfight at the OK Tearooms?

Tomato squirters at dawn.

Captain TickTock
Pint

New icon request

Bio-hazard - after all she'd consumed, that was no ordinary milkshake...

Da-da-dada-dada-da-da...

Tequila!

You have to have standards – or do you?

Captain TickTock
Pint

I suppose...

A lot of signers must be bi-.. manual?

And that's Captain to you, Arrr ;-)

Beer, one in each hand.

Captain TickTock

And when are the shops really going to going metric?

Selling in multiples of 454g and 568ml isn't metric...

In Australia, they went straight to 600ml and 1L for milk.

Beer is still sold in pubs in middies and schooners (1/2 & 3/4 pint). Bottled or canned beer is in round metric quantities

Captain TickTock
Boffin

Unfortunately...

It wouldn't have helped with deaf British people...

Roll on a universal sign language.

Captain TickTock
Trollface

@Imperial Dave

"Imperial measures are good because they are very 'human', an inch about the legth of your thumb"

And having 12 thumbs makes base 12 arithmetic easy...

inches, feet, yards and miles are all distances, different scales to make the numbers manageable.

mm, cm, m, km, ditto, and the maths is decimal, like I learned since I was...

...knee-high ;-)

Captain TickTock

I thought Apple did, too

"MS are the people who thought they would be able to impose US English as a standard on the rest of the English speaking world. Not the US government, but MS"

Captain TickTock
FAIL

Register website hacked by trolls.

What on earth was all that about?

Where does one start?

Australia has a few railway gauges, so geographical separation explains nothing here.

Mostly Standard gauge -1.435m, followed by narrow gauge 1.066m, and broad (Irish) gauge 1.6m a distant third.

"Standard" Assembler - WTF?. See earlier poster

And the French Canadians are far, far more militant against english words than the french. "Chien Chaud" anyone?

Morse code was originally invented for the english language, so it's hardly surprising that it would be adapted for a different language and then international usage, given the different letter frequencies.

Lego Star Wars to be celebrated in TV special

Captain TickTock
Facepalm

Talk about a TV program set up just to sell toys...

Ermmm...

Have you watched children's programmes on commercial TV anytime in the last ...

anytime since the advent of children's programmes on commercial TV?

Google Chrome extension busts Murdoch paywall

Captain TickTock
Stop

Free Press, really?

So Rupert pays his minions to write whatever opinions they feel like?

That's probably why they pay for beer, lots of it... ;-)

Microsoft pounces as Mozilla shuns enterprise

Captain TickTock
FAIL

WTF?

On the one hand:

Ubuntu has its LTS (long term support release) to encourage and support enterprise adoption.

Has Mozilla missed an opportunity?

On the other:

My impression is that Firefox 5 is not nearly as big a jump from 4, as 4 was from 3.6.

Is the other side of EOL'ing 4, that Mozilla promises not to break 4-compatible add-ons?

Did Mr Enterprise make such a big deal of moving from 3.5 to 3.6? Is he just hung up on version numbers?

And what about businesses who put everything on the cloud and lose complete control of the IT upgrade cycle anyway?

I'm caring much less about this already. Not sure where the FAIL is now, except maybe in Mozilla's PR.

"we don't care about you" is not a good look.

Travelodge admits hack

Captain TickTock
Facepalm

Kindle

the gift that keeps on giving....

Captain TickTock
Unhappy

Not so cheap and cheerless

Stayed in a Travelodge in Newcastle last year.

Had to make the extra bed ourselves (apparently customers like to make it their own way)

No soap or hair/shower product provided to reduce costs.

Worst bed I've ever slept in.

After the first night, cancelled the next 2 nights, and booked in with Theophilus P. Wildebeest AKA the Purple Throbbing Monster. Not a lot dearer, but definitely a notch above.

Kiwi gals swig shots of horse semen

Captain TickTock
Joke

Plenty of Draught..

..Draught horse, surely?

Woman dies of heart attack at own funeral

Captain TickTock
Devil

Zombie

Pray it never happens in Leicester

Travelodge hacked, investigating

Captain TickTock
Paris Hilton

Low rent?

My, you've had a sheltered life.

Paris, she's not low rent

Blade servers 101

Captain TickTock
WTF?

WTF

I thought this would have made a good WTF series article.

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