Posts by Fred

'Cloned' CGI faces mimic people 'better than skilled actors'

M M M M Ma Ma Max Headroom

Is the lead programmer on this called Bryce by any chance?

Beware the blipverts.

Hunt for MPs' expenses leaker hots up

Data Security

If only this information had been stored on a decent secure database like the new ContactPoint system. Then such a leak would have been impossible.

Also, the disclosure was definitely in the public interest, even though it was driven by greed, not altruism.

Blunkett to press for cyberwar probe of BT's Chinese kit

Attack

...it believed the UK was "well ahead of the game" in preparing for a cyber attack...

So, just who are we preparing to attack?

Microsoft promises 'lessons learned' on IE 8 download day

Standards?

So, if I write a web page using standards compliant code, that any good browser can display, I have to add a non standard tag, breaking my standards compliance so that M$'s browser can cope with it. Er..., what lesson was it they learned again?

Doctor Who heads iPlayer hit list

Mea culpa

My two boys are soley responsible for that top slot. Ever since the iplayer thing was launched they have used up all of my "unlimited" bandwidth wathing the good doctor over and again.

Top UK cybercop dreams of PC breathalysers

Breathalyse what?

I think det. sup. McMurdie has been sampling from the evidence cabinet again. This is the top cybercop? I'll bet the cyber crims are quaking in their boots now.

Harvard prof slams US nut allergy hysteria

Irresponsible article

Don't you realise some people could be allergic to being called nutters, you callous bastards.

Scorpions tale leaves IWF exposed

Potentially illegal!!!!

Surely all images on the internet are "potentionally illegal" to a greater or lesser degree.

If these clowns persist I think we should bury them with reports of every picture we encounter on the web.

Pirates pee on Amazon's MP3 parade

Patents

Doesn't this infringe on Amazon's single click to (not) buy patent?

MS kills off OneCare to introduce free security software

Farewell

Microsoft Wanker, the most appropriate name ever.

El Reg seeks top net neologism

Neo Whats?

Can't think of any good ones. I'll just go and look for some on the internerd.

Jacqui Smith prints seized by No2ID in daring dabs grab

DNA too?

We really need a DNA sample too. This should be possible to obtain from a small quantity of blood. About 8 pints should be sufficient.

Police poison speed debate with fuzzy figures

Lying with statistics

Assuming we take the police at their word that excessive speed was a factor in 12% of all accidents. Does this just mean that 12% of accidents involved people speeding or that the speed was actually the cause? Driving around, it seems that nearly everybody is breaking the speed limit, judging by the way the red lights come on as we approach a camera. I'll be really conservative and estimate that 50% of all drivers break the speed limit.

Now, if 12% of accidents involve somebody speeding, and 50% of drivers speed, this acually indicates that fast drivers are less likely to be involved in an accident.

And that is why I was doing 180mph through a residential area, the defence rests its case your honour ;D

Woman cuffed for deleting virtual husband

I don't need no steenking title

I bet she wishes she had killed him for real now.

Captain Cyborg to chew the fat with Ultra Hal

Droid detector

Will the good captain be able to pass the test himself? Or has he become more machine than man now?

US Army unit deployed to home front

Whoopee

At last, finally a chance to try out all of those fancy new weapon systems we have been developing which turned out to be too controversial for Iraq.

Now all we have to do is enrage some group there is no sympathy for, say black moslem students, and then we can get out the microwave cannon for a test blast.

Phorm: Our business is fine, honest

untitled, unprincipled too

"She said it had not been decided whether the text of the UK's letter to Commissioner Viviane Reding's office will be made available." That's ok, I'll just read it as it passes through my servers. Nobody here has a problem with that do they? Not that your opinion matters, because I'll be doing it secretly anyway.

Microsoft Mojave 'outs' secret Vista lovers

Blind fools

Can't you see the Emperor Fester's fine new robes, the scintillating stitching, the rakish cut, such resplendent finery.

Only and idiot would say it looks like a sweaty naked fat man throwing chairs and doing the monkey dance.

;D

Microsoft pledges love and money to open source

Beware of geeks bearing gifts

As true today as it always has been

Happy Sysadmin Day!

Rubbish

Personally I think sysadmins are a bunch of useles....

<fx: cattle prod> ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT

<fx: empty lift shaft> WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH - SPLAT

;D

How government will save you from P2P deviance

"check whether the file is subject to copyright protection"

Oh yeah?? How???

Proof of age system moves net ID a step closer

Well whoopee

I always encourage my boy 9 & 11 to provide fake login details for anything they want to do on the web, even if it is legitimate. They are not interested in sex yet, "yecchh kissing", but when they are I guess they will be ready, whatever age that happens to be. They actually told the truth about their age on one site, and it came back with some nonsense about wanting me to fax permission for them to join, easier and quicker to just create another false id.

Police told: Delete old criminal records

@James

Easy - Just go out and commit the perfect murder but with one small exception - Forget to wear your gloves. Then if plod comes after you, you can complain that they lied about destroying your dabs.

North Carolina targets WTF licence plates

WTF

"Hi is that the Division of Motor Vehicles? I have an issue with my numberplate. It does NOT say what the fuck. How do I get this rectified?

Spain plans 'human rights' for great apes

Bootnote

Obviously if the apes are granted legal "person" status, they will be entitled to work as matadors too.

;D

Brits more fearful of ID fraud

"downloading music and video from file-sharing services was illegal"

Er...

No it isn't.

Perhaps they meant uploading.

US dairyman inaugurates bovine biogas plant

Can't resist

Sounds like bullshit to me.

Mine's the one with the arms tied together.

Redmond puts key Vista update on ice

Lord High Mufti (A title is required)

“So far, we've been able to determine that this problem only affects a small number of customers in unique circumstances,"

small number of customers = all Vista users

unique circumstances = those who have not upgraded to Xp or Linux

US military prepares for plummeting spy satellite

"a crash could put the secrets of the satellite at risk"

Yep, it would be a real disaster if foreign powers got their hands on the top secret U.S. "fail on deployment" technology.

US doesn't need orbital battlefleet - pundit

Options for getting them back again remain unclear at present

Send them with a pack of stamped addressed bodybags?

Security minister defends ID cards, longer detention

@Richard

When we have blown the innocent suspect's head off with dum dum bullets, it will make it much easier to identify the corpse.

;D

Fred

Schoolkid chipping trial 'a success'

This should be foolproof

Luckily none of the schoolkids will be smart enough to just leave their jacket at school.

Fred

Pentagon: Chinese military hacked us

very high level of confidence...trending towards total certainty

Would these be the same intelligence experts who swore blind that Iraq was crawling with WMD's? I would not trust them to tell me the time of day.

On the other hand I'd be very surprised if China or the Palestinians were not doing everything in their power to keep tabs on the US. It's not like their networks are hard to hack (see Gary McKinnon).

Whoops

Sorry, misread PLA as PLO, my mistake. Really must wake up before posting :~

Microsoft strips Office from charity PC scheme

Take careful aim at foot...

How long will it take for the offer to be reinstated, when the machines start to ship with OpenOffice installed instead?

Google gets into green transport policy

But, Steve

I think you missed something from your calculations. The fuel has to be delivered to the cars to get your 32.5% figure. How about if you factor in the difference between supplying the power stations and ferrying the petrol to every garage in the land. I would not presume to put figures to this, but I reckon it swings the balance towards the hybrid.

Paris Hilton released for 'medical reasons'

Medical reasons?

What they really mean is that everyone in the prison was sick of her.

US Patent Office returns to Microsoft-Eolas fray

A crime has been committed

I don't care whether the patent was valid or not. ActiveX was a crime against humanity, and they need to be punished, preferably eternally.

iTunes Plus - plus user details that is

DRM Free?

Not really, this is just another way to implement it. Your rights will be administrated, resistance is futile.

Spammers stuff PlusNet email accounts (again)

Aha, that explains it

I have a plusnet account, and for the last year I've generated a new email address for every new contact of the form [e-mail]

The idea being that if I start to get spam, I can tell who's address book got raided, and also filter out that address.

It was all clean until two days ago when suddenly I started to get spam on several of these addresses at once.

Glad to know that it was not me that got hacked, but very annoyed that it was my isp that blew it in such a big way.