* Posts by diver_dave

106 publicly visible posts • joined 2 Sep 2009


How is this problem mine, techie asked, while cleaning underground computer


Re: Ah, the 80's...

For certain given definitions of mine


Re: Nasty IT places

As an electrician now, I heartily concur.

I've been in places where BEHIND the cooker is the cleanest place in the kitchen.


Ah.. the joy...

The A30 in the 80's/90's.

The M5 services closed as they were jammed.

We used to hate going down there in summer.

I live in Fife now and spring when the camper vans come out of hibernation and begin their annual migration north is almost as bad.


Network died, hard, during company Christmas party, leaving lone techie to fix it


I can just see...

An office chair with a note saying "now I have a network analyser" taped to it

Datacenter fire suppression system wasn't tested for years, then BOOM



From my military days there's 7 P's

Proper Planning and Preparation Prevents Pi** Poor Performance.

Shocks from a hairy jumper crashed a PC, but the boss wouldn't believe it


Re: Not quite the same

Yep. Not cheap.

Getting the tube alignment, cc'd calibration and white balance/grey scale setup after was a nightmare. Although you got some very pretty patterns on the scope!


Re: "Hairy jumper"

Pray tell.

Fried spider?


Not quite the same

I once watched an engineer remove a brand new master board for a Sony DXC3000 camera from it's antistatic packaging.

As he did so he spotted a static discharge from his index finger. All I heard was a sotto voce "Oh Shit" as he realised he had forgotten his anti-static band.

Board not functioning on receipt read the return paperwork....

BOFH: Generating a report the Director can show the Board – THIS is what AI was made for



Couldn't be limited to one paragraph.

Coffee -----> nose

What's up with IT, Doc? Rabbit hole reveals cause of outage



Top man for thinking of that.


The capacitor is going to dump anything it's got in one go.

The RCD/RCBO is going to bang out immediately. BS7671 says a maximum of 40ms to trip. In the real world from testing I'd guess median is around 20ms. The longest I've found without me failing it is around 30ms. Fault current maximum is 30 mA.

I've only gone through a live cable once and the damage to my cutters was quite spectacular. Normal reason for tripping is producing a L-E fault/short when cutting a dead cable..


Depending on the type of cable coupled with how poor bunny nibbled at it, it's possible he just nicked the earth (ground for our leftpondians) and nearly through the line.

That would give enough leakage to trip an RCD/RCBO.

Squirrels and rats tend to be the reason I end up crawling under decking. I don't find as many fried bodies as you would imagine.

I think it's one campus at Alabama State University that's nick named Squirrel U due to the amount of incidents.

Learned that from 'The Internet Tour Bus" back 25 years or so ago!

Man wins court case against employer that fired him for not liking boozy, forced 'fun' culture


Re: "Fun & pro, that's our motto!"

Eurasian or South American Giant Otters.

Be specific man!


Re: "Fun & pro, that's our motto!"

Rub his briefcase with the insides of a firework. Add alarm clock and wires for the full BOFH experience.

Look! Up in the sky! Proof of concept for satellites beaming energy to Earth!


Some details already examined

Check Orbital Decay and Lunar Descent by Allan Steele.

He's thought about most of the issues already.


No, working in IT does not mean you can fix anything with a soldering iron


Slightly larger scale

Remember I'm now an electrician. Definitely not white goods repair.

I was recently asked if I could have a look at a built in freezer that "appeared" damaged.

Cause of damage you ask.....

Kitchen fitters had dropped a granite worktop and smashed all the back away.



Bad UI killed the radio star


Re: Bah!

Safe isolation is now pretty much the second thing you get taught after where to find the toilets.

Yes I occasionally work live but never if drilling or saws are involved.

Seriously, you do not want to make that cable your earth


Re: From the domestic side

I know it sounds silly but maybe more electricians would sleeve if you didn't have to buy 100m looms or pay through the nose for short lengths.

I go through 200-300m of earth sleeving a year and probably 5m of brown and blue.


Friday, clear weekend, pint o'clock.


Re: From the domestic side

Oh yes....

Take the ceiling rose out and both 2 way switches. Chaos ensues given you can almost guarantee that the N cores have been used for switching.

It's a joy to take 2 continuity readings and put it back together working, then listen to SWIMBO lecture husband.


Re: What On "Earth"?

Potential disaster.

I see what you did there!!!


From the domestic side

50v L-E is something I see regularly. Normally a fluorescent fitting died


Having worked both sides I'm always very very careful with Band 1 and Band 2 cable separation.

On the earthing side. Several times I've seen the earth used instead of fitting 3 core cable for 2 way lighting. Plus I had the delights the other week of tracking a fault following Easter DIY work. Somehow client had managed to feed all the upstairs lighting from one of the 2 way strappers. Obviously, in the loft, on a hot day and under 3 layers of insulation.


Great weekend all.



Re: Of earths

Big TT spike.

Always a good time move!

Buying a USB adapter: Pennies. Knowing where to stick it: Priceless


Re: As an ex

I actually draw a line here.

As far as I'm concerned it's an SEP.

I had one where I quoted jus over 4k to replace 136 lighting panels in a small supermarket. Very narrow time window.6pm Sunday to 6am Wednesday.

Asked if I could price match £600. I declined.

Called 10 days later as nothing switching correctly. Seriously, it's panel down, 3 wires, panel up.

Quoted original price as I was pissed by their nerve. Client declined....



As an ex

Telephony guy turned electrician I get this alot.

1) well YouTube said..

2) but all you did was reset the RCD after unplugging the kettle. (I did ask you to do this on the phone before coming out)

3) Mr I know 'bout lectrics it must be something other than plugging the multiple 4 way blocks into themselves. (Regular Christmas lights problem)

4) Why £60 to connect my cooker? It's only 5 minutes work and Dave down the pub will do it for £20 [1]

The joys. Aaargghhhhh

Pint day all....


PS:. First! (Nearly)

[1] yeah but is he going to continuity, IR and Zs test it?

NASA will award contract for second lunar lander to a biz that's not SpaceX


I'm reminded of

Both Star Cops and Lunar Descent by Allen Steele.

Surely two companies providing the service is actually good. With the proviso that the priority is safety and there is adequate oversight.

Obviously with the latter being NASA I'm not convinced that's enough. Especially given how vested Boeing are in ULA and NASA hardware in general.

BOFH: Gaming rig for your home office? Yeah right


Oh please please...

I want to see Simon handle an actual wannabe Influencer.

That would be a joy.

Tell me more about this collaboration and exposure idea. Prey do...... Please

BOFH: The Geek's Countergambit – outwitted at an electronics store


Has ....

The BOFH met his match?

I'm expecting an electrified doorplate

Crypto outfit Qubit appeals to the honour of thieves who lifted $80M of its digi-dollars


Err... I think

I think you managed to miss a certain Mr N Tesla

Bouncing cheques or a bouncy landing? All in a day's work for the expert pilot


It is almost as if the company does not test things properly before unleashing them on the world.

To be honest.

With the RJ problems at least they are identical

You want a reboot? I'll give you a reboot! Happy now?


Re: Longest wait

Is that you Dave?


Longest wait

I PM'd our project to change our call recording system. 500+ users.

Was updating some permissions and accidentally deleted the source permissions file by uploading a completely blank table.

Stage 1: Panic.

Stage 2: Panic some more.

Stage 3: Try and find backup. No joy.

Stage 4: Ring supplier, who managed a remote restore.

Stage 5: Dent wallet badly at project end buying copious amounts of beer for tech who not only restored but forgot to document said restore.

I do like working with Business Systems.... Lovely company and oh so discreet!

Should have added, this was a parallel run to old system before switching over.

Docking £500k commission from top SAS salesman was perfectly legal, rules judge


See it elsewhere

I know a diving shop owner in Lanzarote who used to sell industrial air con.

Pulled in a deal to supply, fit, comission and a service contract for Aldi Süd in Germany.

Management baulked at paying his comission as he would have earned more than the CEO that year.

He, along with the entire sale team walked. He's happy now doing something he loves but is still a little bitter about it.

DBA heroes don't always wear capes. Sometimes they just have a bunch of forgotten permissions


Re: Ouch. Memory trigger


Having the only working phone line does lead to your desk becoming very very popular.


Ouch. Memory trigger

Mentioned it before I think.

The great Manchester Comms fire.

I was first in that day and couldn't reach anyone on the DR teams.

So took the decision myself to shift all linklines to other offices then waited for the fallout.

Luckily we were trialling Sametime so at least had some semblance of real time Comms given even mobile networks were down.

All worked out in the end.

By lunchtime I had a single working phone line courtesy of Otis lifts the floor below who were on what's now Virgin with a cable strung out the window to the floor below.

2 days later my colleague at our main site in Bournemouth had to crash a DR meeting to explain that just because the Manchester office could call ourselves didn't mean we could move everything back!

Happy days. Not...


'I'm telling you, I haven't got an iPad!' – Sent from my iPad


Re: Which is why I always turn off email sigs...


Learn something new every day!


Re: Yeah. Been there..

Oh I wish. I wish...


Re: Yeah. Been there..


The Nortel 3820 was the fixed line equivalent of the Nokia 3310.

I once dropped an unboxed one down the center of the stairwell. 3 floors...

Only damage was a few scratches.

You have to really try to kill one.


Yeah. Been there..

Telecoms again.

Called by one of our more technologically challenged users.

Phone turret not working. One of the almost indistructable 3820's.

Get down to client [1] Ask usual questions.

Client had of course done nothing that may cause the issues. However, turret is total Dodo.

Pick it up... And.... Get a cup of cold coffee down my shirt.

Fairly simple diagnosis from that point.a few choice words were exchanged. Well actually the conversation was one sided.

She did offer to get my nice CT shirt dry cleaned.

Roll on pint time....

Have a good weekend all...


[1] Same client who took recabling every desk to the board as it was obviously cr*p because pushing her bag right under her desk was pulling extension leads apart regularly.

Gaffa tape fix.

What evil lurks within the data centre, and why is it DDoS-ing the ever-loving pants off us?


Re: That said

IIRC Jones Cable /VM disconnected an office block in centre London.

By basically driving a JCB through the incomer shed.


Re: That said


Strange as this was behaviour that technically shouldn't have been possible.

I've always sworn the damb thing was Maliciously sentient!


That said

I've been headscratching with an old Meridian switch before.

Getting multiple capacity drop outs that gave every indication of a card fault. Very very intermittent...

So after hours myself and Big Dave from BT have the panels off and start testing. Nothing. Anywhere.

Fault keeps reoccurring on and off.

Eventual diagnosis and all round circular arse kicking.

We had two sites. North and South.

One team split across the two sites. North forwarding phones to South hunt group. And.. Yep Vice versa.

Telephony equivalent of the old mail out of office auto response.

Nightmare to chase down. Only found it after some very careful traffic analysis.

Pint o'clock.


Snapchat domain squatter loses comedy £1m URL sellback attempt


I seem to remember a BOFH where this was the PHB's idea.

Unsurprisingly a merry jape followed.

Where's the best place to add Mentos to Diet Coke for the most foam? How big are the individual bubbles? Has science gone too far?


To protect...

The victim of his own (suggest suitable word here)

A colleague of mine once tried dissolving solpadine in diet coke.

This resulted in much swearing, soaked laptops and three of us announcing we were going for lunch and would, maybe, be back later depending on how long it took him to clean up.

Effervescent tablets plus coke = wooshh

NASA mulls restoring Saturn V to service as SLS delays and costs mount


Re: I've read that story

Orphanage by Robert Buettner.

Fun series.

Adapting 767 fuselages as dropships.

Take DOS, stir in some Netware, add a bit of Windows and... it's ALIIIIVE!


That said

Anyone know how to get Day of the Tentacle running in W10???



64k for a flight sim

Zx81 did it in 1k


BOFH: Judge us not by the size of our database, but the size of our augmented reality


Happy Friday

I regret I only have one beer to pay down for the author!

Traffic lights worldwide set to change after Swedish engineer saw red over getting a ticket


Re: Show this to the Mexican police

Woebetide you being on the Tulum to Cancun road on a Saturday morning.

The amount of hire cars pulled on their way to the airport is astounding.

Of course. Quick donation required to a trapped motorist rushing to catch a flight.

When the satellite network has literally gone glacial, it's vital you snow your enemy


Re: Battleship!

Not if a candle charge goes in after the pigstick.


Right-click opens up terrifying vistas of reality and Windows 95 user's frightful position therein



Once was asked to double check some figures as 18 out of 24 didn't "feel" like 75% to the user.

Too early for pint o'clock?