* Posts by Symon

2580 posts • joined 18 Aug 2009

Surprise! That £339 world's first 'anti-5G' protection device is just a £5 USB drive with a nice sticker on it

Symon Silver badge
Thumb Up

Re: How Gullible are you ?

@tsrc, well, I got your joke!

Symon Silver badge
Joke

Eratosthenes would have never come up with such a device. He knew the Earth is round. (And he measured it!)

So you really didn't touch the settings at all, huh? Well, this print-out from my secret backup says otherwise

Symon Silver badge
Big Brother

May I recommend rsyslog?

Local logs mysteriously missing? No problem...

https://www.tecmint.com/install-rsyslog-centralized-logging-in-centos-ubuntu/

You E-diot! Formula E driver booted off Audi team after getting video game ace to take his place in online race

Symon Silver badge
Coat

"Cheating in a video game? Happens all the time."", and won't be the last."

And it'll still be happening in 260 years' time...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kobayashi_Maru

Twitter ticks off Trump with new 'Get the facts' alert on pair of fact-challenged tweets

Symon Silver badge
Happy

Re: Even a stopped clock is occasionally right. But then, immediately wrong again.

For the avoidance of doubt:-

"In the case of Arkell v. Pressdram (1971), the plaintiff was the subject of an article. Arkell's lawyers wrote a letter which concluded: "His attitude to damages will be governed by the nature of your reply." Private Eye responded: "We acknowledge your letter of 29th April referring to Mr J. Arkell. We note that Mr Arkell's attitude to damages will be governed by the nature of our reply and would therefore be grateful if you would inform us what his attitude to damages would be, were he to learn that the nature of our reply is as follows: fuck off." In the years following, the magazine would refer to this exchange as a euphemism for a blunt and coarse dismissal, for example: "We refer you to the reply given in the case of Arkell v. Pressdram"."

https://proftomcrick.com/2014/04/29/arkell-v-pressdram-1971/

Symon Silver badge
Holmes

Even a stopped clock is occasionally right. But then, immediately wrong again.

Anyway, if postal ballot fraud doesn't work, there's plenty of other methods to fall back on. This bloke pretty much ran the gamut. It almost deserves a 'well done'.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-32428648

The Election Commissioner upheld a number of the allegations, including:

Voting fraud: ballots were double-cast or cast from false addresses

False statements made against Mr Rahman's rival Mr Biggs

Bribery: large amounts of money were given to organisations who were "totally ineligible or who failed to meet the threshold for eligibility"

Treating: providing free food and drink to encourage people to vote for Mr Rahman

Spiritual influence: voters were told that it was their duty as Muslims to vote for Mr Rahman. Mr Mawrey cited a letter signed by 101 Imams in Bengali stating it was people's "religious duty" to vote.

'I wrote Task Manager': Ex-Microsoft programmer Dave Plummer spills the beans

Symon Silver badge
Coat

Re: It hasn't been able to kill lots of stuff

Does it turn the kill up to -11 ?

It wasn't just a few credit cards: Entire travel itineraries were stolen by hackers, Easyjet now tells victims

Symon Silver badge
Pint

To paraphrase Sir Winston Churchill, “capitalism is the worst form of economic system, except for all those others that have been tried.” Cheers!

COVID-19 sparks new wearables to push the pandemic away

Symon Silver badge
Holmes

Re: Buzzer?

No, but it can be activated remotely to discharge eight litres of pressurized sewerage. This puts off social contact, and uses proven anti-paedophile technology developed in 2001.

https://youtu.be/Q9frVTgoKSI?t=90

Hey Siri, are you still recording people's conversations despite promising not to do so nine months ago?

Symon Silver badge
Alert

Re: I don't know if Apple is still doing this or he's reporting what they did back in 2019

Re: "Apple has a slightly better track record and less income derived from privacy breaches than Google."

Damn with faint praise, assent with civil leer,

And without sneering, teach the rest to sneer;

Willing to wound, and yet afraid to strike,

Just hint a fault, and hesitate dislike.

— "Epistle to Dr Arbuthnot" by Alexander Pope (1688–1744)[5]

A real loch mess: Navy larks sunk by a truculent torpedo

Symon Silver badge

Top Secret.

In Plymouth there's a floating bridge ferry which connects to Torpoint in Cornwall. These things drag themselves across the river on a set of big metal fixed chains.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Torpoint_Ferry

Anyway, just upstream from the ferry in Devonport is the RN's only nuclear submarine repair and refuelling base. Here's a picture with the ferry on the right.

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/59/Devonport_dockyard_from_Torpoint_ferry.jpg

So, years ago, the Navy let it be known that one of its nuclear boats was coming in for maintenance. The actual date and time was meant to be secret, but anyone popping over to (say) the 'Harbour Lights' for a beer or whatever, was greeted by a big sign saying that the "Torpoint Ferry will be closed this Saturday from 2am to 4am."

Symon Silver badge
Coat

Re: Too many return() statements in the code?

In a ship launched torpedo, you don't need RETURN. All you need is GOSUB.

Symon Silver badge
Mushroom

At least the O-ring wasn't frozen this time...

"A checklist is a type of job aid used to reduce failure by compensating for potential limits of human memory and attention. It helps to ensure consistency and completeness in carrying out a task."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Checklist

A.k.a. "Yes, of course I've rebuilt it properly. And look at all these parts I've saved!"

Russia admits, yup, the Americans are right: One of our rocket's tanks just disintegrated in Earth's orbit

Symon Silver badge
Alien

Re: Irresponsible?

No lasers required. Just Nick Drake's sister in a silver miniskirt. Immediate launch!

https://youtu.be/j2PoXfZdYVU?t=62

'We're changing shift, and no one can log on!' It was at this moment our hero knew server-lugging chap had screwed up

Symon Silver badge
Pint

Re: It's easy to detect the Aarons of the world nowadays.

Haha, that's true, but even then you notice because the WebGUI goes all grey and you get those little circling things all over the screen.

Symon Silver badge
Devil

Re: Labels people, and read them!

You can do it on the same subnet in an SME with something like pfSense doing your DHCP. You run two in parallel. Then use CARP to failover when things go haywire.

https://docs.netgate.com/pfsense/en/latest/highavailability/configuring-high-availability.html

That's how I've done it. But there's a load of ways to do it. Search for DHCP failover.

p.s. Icon for BSD! --->

Symon Silver badge
Go

It's easy to detect the Aarons of the world nowadays.

You need a server running Zabbix (my choice) or some other monitoring software, e.g. Nagios. When someone unplugs a monitored server, within a few minutes you've got alerts, XMPP messages coming through, whatever, and you can fix it before anyone notices, most of the time. It also tells you when the disk is getting full, when it's getting too hot, when the RAID is degraded, etc. etc.

Just the other day, I found a server running cryptocurrency mining software in a user account because the CPU was constantly at 85C...

Quick Q: Er, why is the Moon emitting carbon? And does this mean it wasn't formed from Theia hitting Earth?

Symon Silver badge
Coat

It was whey over the AC's head.

Sweet TCAS! We can make airliners go up-diddly-up whenever we want, say infosec researchers

Symon Silver badge
Coat

A guy walks into a bar, orders six gin & tonics.

The bartender asks him if it's a special occasion?

The guy answers "Yes, I just had my very first blowjob".

The bartender gets excited and says "Congratulations, I'll give you the seventh on the house".

The guy answers "Nah, if six G&Ts isn't enough to get rid of the taste, the seventh won't make much of a difference".

Symon Silver badge
Mushroom

For every Chesley Sullenberger, there's an Andreas Lubitz.

Square peg of modem won't fit into round hole of PC? I saw to it, bloke tells horrified mate

Symon Silver badge
Thumb Up

Re: ain't no problem in the world that can't be solved with hot-snot

Enginering:- Making what you need from what you've got.

So how do the coronavirus smartphone tracking apps actually work and should you download one to help?

Symon Silver badge
Holmes

Re: ...and should you download one to help?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Betteridge%27s_law_of_headlines

HTH

Symon Silver badge
Paris Hilton

What's to stop...

...some twat going on a packed commuter train with their Bluetooth app., and then falsely declaring themselves positive, just 'for a laugh'?

Internet Archive opens National Emergency Library with unlimited lending of 1.4m books for stuck-at-home netizens amid virus pandemic

Symon Silver badge
Coat

Re: Out of print

Don't forget the monkey butlers.

p.s. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Library_Genesis shhh!

Samsung says it has the future of DRAM sorted after success with new EUV process

Symon Silver badge
Headmaster

Did you say ridicurous?

https://youtu.be/Xb1PRxV0mpw

First impressions count when the world is taken by surprise by an exciting new (macro) virus

Symon Silver badge
Coat

Re: Why would you leave bootnotes?

What about jake (the peg)?

The show Musk go on: Tesla defies Silicon Valley coronavirus lockdown order, keeps Fremont factory open

Symon Silver badge
Mushroom

Will we have to send them our pot and pans, and cut down our steel railings? When does 'Dig for Victory' start?

"Billy: There's something out there waiting for us, and it ain't no man. We're all gonna die."

Symon Silver badge
Coat

"> The coronavirus panic is dumb > Fear is the mind-killer"

The quote carries on, something like "Coronavirus is the little-death that brings total obliteration to your granny." Something like that.

Symon Silver badge
Facepalm

My thoughts entirely. If you're not eating, you won't need loo roll.

Control is only an illusion, no matter what you shove on the Netware share

Symon Silver badge
Pint

Re: NAS

"Ransomware? Not so much. "

Your NAS is using rdiff-backup, right? Then the ransomware is defeated.

https://linux.die.net/man/1/rdiff-backup

Not exactly the kind of housekeeping you want when it means the hotel's server uptime is scrubbed clean

Symon Silver badge
Devil

Put one of these on the input to the UPS.

It's loud enough that the cleaner will plug it back in...

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/120db-Power-Cut-Failure-Outage-Automatic-Alarm-Waring-Siren-LED-Indicator-White/113954197799

No joy for all you Rover McRoverface fans: NASA's next Mars bot is christened Perseverance

Symon Silver badge
Coat

Re: Ok then...

After that suggestion, names can only get better...

Disk stuck in the drive? Don't dilly-Dali – get IT on the case!

Symon Silver badge
Headmaster

Dwarfs or dwarves?

They were all dwarfs until Tolkien came along with his bloody dwarves. Anyway. Walt Disney called them dwarfs, and the subheading is clearly referencing his film, so I'm staking my prescriptivist claim --->

https://grammarist.com/usage/dwarfs-dwarves/

UK.gov lays out COVID-19 guidance as the tech supply chain considers its own

Symon Silver badge
Happy

Re: Government Guidance

@COCM There's one dot in a full stop and there are three dots in an ellipsis...

What you've got is an 'I' in Morse code.

Symon Silver badge
Holmes

Re: Government Guidance

https://www.grammar-monster.com/plurals/plural_of_virus.htm

"The noun virus has a Latin root, but is one of the few nouns that has no plural in Latin. It occurs only in the singular. The English plural viruses (which adheres to the standard rules for forming plurals) is the only way to make the noun virus plural." Sorry --->

Symon Silver badge
Big Brother

Re: Government Guidance

Re Protect & survive.

"If your grandmother or any other member of your family should die whilst in the shelter, put them outside, but remember to tag them first for identification purposes."

Alleged Vault 7 leaker trial finale: Want to know the CIA's password for its top-secret hacking tools? 123ABCdef

Symon Silver badge
Happy

Re: Why can't we have brilliant people without toxic personalities??

If you were that brilliant, you'd have worked out how to pretend to care about other people's feelings like the rest of us on here! E.g. --->

Symon Silver badge
Holmes

Anyway, he's under no obligation to be a witness against himself to anyone...

https://www.justia.com/criminal/procedure/miranda-rights/right-to-silence/

FWIW, use the sixth amendment rather than the fifth. Here's why:-

https://www.amazon.co.uk/You-Have-Right-Remain-Innocent-ebook/dp/B01DAD218W

"Getting a lawyer is not only the best policy, Professor Duane argues, it’s also the advice law-enforcement professionals give their own kids."

In the US:-

"1) Don't talk to police. 2) Don't plead the fifth. 3) Plead the sixth."

In the UK, things are different. Keeping schtum or giving the 'No comment' interview can have negative consequences.

Fancy that: Hacking airliner systems doesn't make them magically fall out of the sky

Symon Silver badge
Go

Re: GO!

p.s. https://youtu.be/BHIo6qwJarI

Public Service Broadcasting. Go!

Symon Silver badge
Alien

Re: NO!

Actually:- “We’re GO on that alarm”

https://apollo11.spacelog.org/page/04:06:35:51/

Let's Encrypt? Let's revoke 3 million HTTPS certificates on Wednesday, more like: Check code loop blunder strikes

Symon Silver badge
Coat

Get me Rex Kramer!

Starship bloopers: Watch Elon Musk's Mars ferry prototype explode on the pad during liquid nitrogen test

Symon Silver badge
Pint

They forgot the ping pong balls.

https://youtu.be/nolYmenCcDc

We did this down the pub once (also without ping pong balls) with a 2 litre coke bottle and the AI lady's LN2. Those bottles are hella strong. The secret is to use silicone sealant on the cap and invert the bottle which freezes the gloop rock hard and stops it all blowing off prematurely. People could hear the bang for miles...

How's this for a remote support fix? Solar storm early-warning satellite repaired with million-mile software update

Symon Silver badge
Holmes

Re: Physics?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solar_wind#Properties_and_structure

"a velocity of 300–500 km/s"

We regret to inform you there are severe delays on the token ring due to IT nerds blasting each other to bloody chunks

Symon Silver badge
Paris Hilton

Re: We were doing that at the lab at uni

Testing, testing. What Captcha?

Edit:- no Captcha here...

Review of IR35 is in: Quelle surprise, UK.gov will forge ahead with controversial tax reforms in the private sector

Symon Silver badge
Paris Hilton

Re: We need more tax...

@DFTT, but did those companies also give you the employer's NI that they saved?

Symon Silver badge
Headmaster

Re: Gramatical Error

FWIW, a true pedant can spell grammatical...

Symon Silver badge
Pint

Just don't go in a big group...

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/feb/28/swiss-government-bans-large-events-on-back-of-coronavirus-crisis

Symon Silver badge
Big Brother

Re: We need more tax...

Contractors who are the directors of limited companies can also put 40k a year into a pension before any tax is paid on it, deferring tax until retirement when their tax rate might be lower. This option is not usually available to permanent employees.

BOFH: Gosh, IPv5? Why didn't I think of that? Say, how do you like the new windows in here? Take a look. Closer...

Symon Silver badge
Coat

IPv5?

"The protocol uses the version number 5 in the version field of the Internet Protocol header, but was never known as IPv5."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet_Stream_Protocol

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR WEEKLY TECH NEWSLETTER

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2020