* Posts by Symon

2634 posts • joined 18 Aug 2009

India connects submarine cable to islands where some still live in the stone age

Symon Silver badge
Flame

Re: Speck of land....

"Have they discovered fire yet in Wigan ?"

Yes, but no way to control it yet.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-manchester-53359861

This is node joke. Tor battles to fend off swarm of Bitcoin-stealing evil exit relays making up about 25% of outgoing capacity at its height

Symon Silver badge
Go

Re: I continue to be surprised

It'll be more usable, because it'll block the bit of the internets that you didn't want anyway.

p.s. Privacy Badger, Ghostery, etc. etc.

NASA to stop using names like 'Eskimo Nebula' and 're-examine' what it calls cosmic objects

Symon Silver badge
Headmaster

Re: Human Nature

Dwarves...

In a foreword to The Hobbit, published in 1937, J R R Tolkien writes: "In English, the only correct plural of 'dwarf' is 'dwarfs' and the adjective is 'dwarfish'. In this story 'dwarves' and 'dwarvish' are used, but only when speaking of the ancient people to whom Thorin Oakenshield and his companions belonged."

But, plus ça change ...

China now blocking ESNI-enabled TLS 1.3 connections, say Great-Firewall-watchers

Symon Silver badge
Big Brother

Re: Satellite broadband?

They already do that.

https://observers.france24.com/en/20090819-chinese-hide-satellite-dishes-banned-foreign-channels

You had one job... Just two lines of code, and now the customer's Inventory Master File has bitten the biscuit

Symon Silver badge
Happy

Re: Backups

smartctl -a /dev/sda and check the serial number on the label on the end of the disk! And then do that again!

Symon Silver badge
WTF?

Re: Adding a comment sometimes caused compile failure

... & soon to be joined by Sir Ian Botham. He's on both honours boards at Lord's and now is in the Lords.

VMware discontinues Datrium hardware and hyperconverged OS, effective immediately

Symon Silver badge
Linux

Re: The usual

Other winners (sort of) include those of us who recommended using Proxmox clusters. Smug mode on.

https://pve.proxmox.com/wiki/Hyper-converged_Infrastructure

"Benefits of a Hyper-Converged Infrastructure (HCI) with Proxmox VE :- Open Source: No vendor lock-in. "

That's how we roll: OWC savagely undercuts Apple's $699 Mac Pro wheels with bargain $199 alternative

Symon Silver badge
Coat

Don't the wheels have rounded corners?

Symon Silver badge
Coat

Re: Brace yourselves for some wheely bad puns in the comments

Never mind, I expect you're bearing up.

Q: What’s big, red and pulses UV light into the cosmos three times a night? A: Mars

Symon Silver badge
Mushroom

Re: The Chances Of Anything Coming From Mars Are A Million To One He Said

Re: Panspermia.

If the cosmic seeding thing is true, it would have started at least 3.7 billion years ago here on Earth. As I'm sure you are aware, evolution through the natural selection of genes is driven by random mutation. It is not directed. So, the chance that anything coming from Mars, or the rest of the cosmos, being pathogenic after billions of years of random mutation is infinitesimal.

Other things from outer space are dangerous. E.g. large rocks, ultra-violet light.

Symon Silver badge
Pint

Re: The Chances Of Anything Coming From Mars Are A Million To One He Said

"2020 couldn't get even worse"

A mighty space it was, and scattered about it, in their overturned machines, were the Martians - dead... slain, after all man's devices had failed, by the humblest things upon the Earth. Coronaviruses. Minute, invisible coronaviruses! Directly the Invaders arrived and drank and fed in an Aberdeen pub, our microscopic allies attacked them. From that moment - they were doomed!

p.s. Sadly, "The chance that extraterrestrial bacteria would be deadly to humans is zero. Not just very, very small. Zero."

https://www.forbes.com/sites/quora/2017/06/16/would-extraterrestrial-bacteria-be-dangerous-to-humans/

Ever wonder how a pentest turns into felony charges? Coalfire duo explain Iowa courthouse arrest debacle

Symon Silver badge
Happy

Re: "the team said the plod were actually rather cordial"

"Grammar is the first casualty of slangification, and how could it be otherwise?" Are you new around here? ;-) Maybe Nazi has gone the way of the hoover, tannoys and braille?

Symon Silver badge
Headmaster

"the team said the plod were actually rather cordial"

This is what happens when someone from the west coast of America tries to 'speak British'! There's no definite article when referring to Plod and the word is capitalised because it's a proper noun, coming from politically incorrect* author Enid Blyton's Noddy stories. "Halt, in the name of Plod!"

It you really want to use an article, may I suggest 'the filth', 'the old bill' or 'the rozzers'? Or even 'the labdicks' if you're in Edinburgh.

* FFS :- "No single author has caused more controversy among librarians, literary critics, teachers, and other educationalists and parents during the last thirty years, than Enid Blyton. How is it that the books of this tremendously popular writer for children should have given rise to accusations of censorship against librarians in Australia, New Zealand, and the United Kingdom?"

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enid_Blyton#Critical_backlash

p.s. Interesting story, thanks!

A tale of mainframes and students being too clever by far

Symon Silver badge
Pint

Colleges vs. Real world.

Back in the day, we got sent to the local poly to attend a DSP course, mainly so the company we worked for at the time could put an 'Investor in People' sign up in the foyer. Anyway, your man is excitedly telling us how DSP finite impulse response filters work, insisting that it's the only way to make a linear phase response filter. So, I asked him how my 1970's PAL colour TV extracted the colour signal from the luminance signal without using DSP. After I'd taught him about surface acoustic wave filters, I was allowed to sign in each week and then go off to the pub for the afternoon. Cheers --->

'I'm telling you, I haven't got an iPad!' – Sent from my iPad

Symon Silver badge
Paris Hilton

Re: Which is why I always turn off email sigs...

There's a world of difference between going to court to sue a newspaper (sic) and going to court and successfully suing a newspaper. Just sayin'...

Two large flightless birds walk into a bar... The pub's owner was not emused *ba-dum tsh*

Symon Silver badge
Coat

Did they have diar-rhea? --->

Garmin staggers back to its feet: Aviation systems seem to be lagging, though. Here's why

Symon Silver badge
Stop

Want to mitigate ransomware?

Use https://linux.die.net/man/1/rdiff-backup

Symon Silver badge
Boffin

Re: My weekend rides synced to Strava this morning

rdiff-backup is your man.

https://linux.die.net/man/1/rdiff-backup

What evil lurks within the data centre, and why is it DDoS-ing the ever-loving pants off us?

Symon Silver badge
Megaphone

Re: Why is the IT manager deploying HA Proxy?

"just stands there shouting"

Wellington [shouting]: ‘NEVER! There’s only one way to win a campaign: shout, shout and shout again!’

Blackadder: ‘You don’t think inspired leadership and tactical ability have anything to do with it?’

Wellington [pauses, thinking]: ‘NO! It’s all down to shouting! [roars] BAAA!’

China successfully launches Mars probe that packs an orbiter, lander, rover

Symon Silver badge
Coat

Re: Beagle 2

Is that a rover? Maybe. Woof, woof, bad dog, Rover.

Symon Silver badge
Alien

"Only the USA, Soviet Union and EU have landed rovers on the red planet."

The EU? Are you sure?

"Europe’s first Mars rover delayed by two years"

https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-020-00746-6

Also, the 1971 USSR one only lasted for 20 seconds, I think!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mars_rover

VMware to stop describing hardware as ‘male’ and ‘female’ in new terminology guide

Symon Silver badge
Paris Hilton

Re: Ahem

Is that you, Katie?

Symon Silver badge
Coat

Re: You had better take these seriously

Should've told her to ask Cheggers. Pop knob in fanny.

Symon Silver badge
Coat

He can't be serious?

edit: Whoops. _They_ can't be serious...

Sick of AI engines scraping your pics for facial recognition? Here's a way to Fawkes them right up

Symon Silver badge
Flame

Re: Guy Fawkes

Maybe not the only one. "Long live the Marinus van der Lubbe international firebombing society".

p.s. OK, so that's the Reichstag, not Parliament. But surely worth an honourable mention! Especially as he actually succeeded...

Symon Silver badge
Childcatcher

Re: "16th century failed assassin Guy Fawkes"

"oh-so-important religious reasons"

Exactly. He was forced to act. There were people _actually_ doubting transubstantiation, for Chrissake!

Cornwall councillor suggests authority paid £2m for Oracle licences that no one used on contract originally worth £4m

Symon Silver badge
Paris Hilton

Re: This is the Council that has suggested . . .

It was better when this was the worst they could do...

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1272871/Cornwall-councillors-fact-finding-mission-LAPDANCE-club.html

Symon Silver badge
Facepalm

https://duchyofcornwall.org/assets/pdf/DuchyOfCornwallIAR2018.pdf

"The Duchy of Cornwall estate extends across 23 counties in England and Wales. The map highlights a number of examples from its varied portfolio"

Fucking AC emmets.

Oh what a cute little animation... OH MY GOD. (Not acceptable, even in the '80s)

Symon Silver badge
Headmaster

Re: Researching

'Grey’s Anatomy' is the TV show. The book is called 'Gray's Anatomy'.

Cf. Lee & Herring, circa 1995.

https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/plagiarists-corner-fof-book.jpg

Linux Mint 20 isn't exactly bursting with freshness but, hey, there's kernel 5.4 and it's a long-term support release

Symon Silver badge
Happy

Re: Linux flavours

"Dawkinism"

Well, around here, we think that science is interesting. And if you don't agree, you can fuck off.

https://youtu.be/ysxG5jFeTME

Symon Silver badge
Meh

Re: Linux flavours

"I have settled for one distro years ago"

I know what I like, And I like what I know!

p.s. Toyota Corolla.

Stinker, emailer, trawler, spy: How an engineer stole top US chip designs, smuggled them to China to set up a rival fab

Symon Silver badge
Trollface

Re: Trolled?

"Haha you stupid [protected characteristic] computer! What do you know about company secrets? Your mom etc. etc."

Nah, it'd never work.

Finally, a wafer-thin server... Only a tiny little thin one. Oh all right. Just the one...

Symon Silver badge
Flame

Re: Bah!

Yep, any story is improved with those three magic words, as I remember you have posted in the past!

FWIW it's recommended that for any ATX PSU :-

8.4. Catastrophic Failure Protection - Recommended

Should a component failure occur, the power supply should not exhibit any of the following:-

Flame, Excessive smoke, Charred PCB, Fused PCB conductor, Startling noise, Emission of molten material, Earth ground fault (short circuit to ground or chassis enclosure)

https://www.intel.com/content/dam/www/public/us/en/documents/guides/power-supply-design-guide-june.pdf

Symon Silver badge
Paris Hilton

"cartoons depicting lazy American workers"

They banned Dilbert?

Beware the fresh Windows XP install: Failure awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth

Symon Silver badge
Facepalm

Re: Alternatives are good.

Re:-"tasty relish" My mate had a dog who would chew the architrave around the door when he was locked in. To stop this, English mustard was applied to the affected area. Sadly, the mutt liked mustard on his wood...

Detroit cops cuffed, threw a dad misidentified by facial recognition in jail. Now the ACLU's demanding action

Symon Silver badge
Big Brother

Re: "the guard didn’t witness the crime personally, was relying on CCTV footage......

As good as the NTNON skit was, it had already bindun!

Superintendent : You are hereby charged: one, that you did, on or about 1126, conspire to publicise a London Borough in the course of a BBC saga; two, that you were wilfully and persistently a foreigner; three, that you conspired to do things not normally considered illegal; four, that you were caught in possession of an offensive weapon, viz., the big brown table down at the police station...

Judge : The big brown table down at the police station?

Superintendent : The big brown table down at the police station?

All : Assaulting a police officer!

Police Constable Pan-Am : No... anyway, I clearly saw the deceased...

Clerk : Defendant.

Police Constable Pan-Am : Defendant! Sorry. Sorry, super. I clearly saw the defendant... doing whatever he's accused of. Red handed! When kicked - cautioned, he said,

[as if reading line by line]

Police Constable Pan-Am : "It's a fair cop, I done it all. Right no doubt about that." Then, bound as he was to the chair, he assaulted myself and three other officers while bouncing around the cell. The end.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0651003/characters/nm0001037

Faxing hell: The cops say they would very much like us to stop calling them all the time

Symon Silver badge
Coat

"Brrrrr... dunngadunng... braaaaarp"

Where those noises really come from, as revealed on Monkey Dust.

https://youtu.be/dTos3CsvnLQ

PC printer problems and enraged execs: When the answer to 'Hand over that floppy disk' is 'No'

Symon Silver badge
Alert

Re: Sending a child to do an adults work

"a customer in India" " if there is a power cut you'll lose this"

From my experience working in India, I respectfully suggest that they'd know that already, as the Duke of Edinburgh will confirm. To be fair to him:-

https://www.google.com/search?q=indian+wiring

Symon Silver badge
Holmes

Re: Ah IT 'managers'

" a manager *thinks* he knows everything"

A man's got to know his limitations.

https://youtu.be/CG2cux_6Rcw

What does London's number 65 bus have to hide? OS caught on camera setting fire to '22,000 illegal file(s)!!'

Symon Silver badge
Big Brother

There's a reflection in the screen.

Enhance! The deus ex machina of crime drama...

https://youtu.be/LhF_56SxrGk

The girl with the dragnet tattoo: How a TV news clip, Insta snaps, a glimpse of a tat and a T-shirt sold on Etsy led FBI to alleged cop car arsonist

Symon Silver badge
Big Brother

Re: Who's watching whom?

As Stewart Lee will tell you, social media is like a state surveillance agency staffed by gullible volunteers.

https://youtu.be/7XpvH-j9BHg

Splunk to junk masters and slaves once a committee figures out replacements

Symon Silver badge
Joke

Re: Where will this end....

"change[s] that people have seen"

Ballcocks -> Float valves

Gropecunt Lane -> Grape Lane

Racist politicians -> Errr?

p.s. Facetious, I know. Too soon?

GitHub to replace master with main across its services

Symon Silver badge
Childcatcher

Re: A long time ago...

Interestingly, both the Ian Dury song and Joey Deacon's appearance on television were both a result of the international year of disabled persons, which Dury thought patronising. I guess he was proved right by the Blue Peter fiasco.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Year_of_Disabled_Persons

p.s. "I dribble when I piddle 'cos my middle is a riddle."

Symon Silver badge
Unhappy

A long time ago...

...Blue Peter tried to introduce kids to disabilities and had a guy on the programme called Joey Deacon. Mr.Deacon had severe cerebral palsy or, in the contemporary vernacular, he was a spastic. Despite the best efforts of Blue Peter to show how this man had overcome extreme disability, all that happened was millions of kids ran around the playground gurning at each other and calling everyone a 'spaz'. The word 'spastic' became so derogatory, that the Spastics Society eventually renamed themselves 'Scope'. This excellent charity does a lot of great work, and if you've been to a Richard Herring gig anytime in the last 20 years or so, I expect you've given them a few quid. Anyway, the point of this story is that, in the manner of the old woman that swallowed a fly, the derogatory term 'spaz' has now been replaced in the playground with the term 'scoper'.

In Hancock's half-hour, Dido Harding offers hollow laughs: Cake distracts test-and-trace boss at UK COVID-19 briefing

Symon Silver badge
Meh

Re: the Independent Scientific Advisory Group for Emergencies,

Interestingly, as you should mention prejudice, the author of this piece used to write for the Grauniad, you'll be surprised to gather.

Symon Silver badge
Paris Hilton

Have a go at the policy...

...that's fine. But there's nothing wrong with using a metaphor now and again. Especially with cake. Mmmm, cake.

Lettuce Encrypt, Encrypt We Must: Hobby projects change name after Let's Encrypt fires off trademark complaints

Symon Silver badge
Coat

Maybe if you have it for dessert?

Symon Silver badge
Coat

Re: The key takeaway

"Lettuce Encrypt isn't that absurd" unless you know that it's pronounced "Throatwobbler Mangrove". --->

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes: UK man gets 3 years for torching 4G phone mast over 5G fears

Symon Silver badge
Pint

Re: All this outcry at 5G....

Our G goes up to 11...

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