* Posts by Barry

67 publicly visible posts • joined 14 May 2007


Asda clamps down on killer teaspoons


What about bags of flour?

Do you think that if they knew how explosive flour is (when mixed with air) they'd require some kind of explosives licence for purchase?


And the plastic picnic knives

Bought a 50pk of disposable plastic knives the other day on the self-service till. Had to wait for someone to come over to authorise my purchase.

I pointed out how daft this was, as they were only plastic knives and can barely cut room temperature butter. But, was told, "we don't make the rules".

I then pointed out that I could quite easily buy a pen/pencil or even screwdrivers without needing authorisation, and stab someone with them.

I reckon that the funny look I then got was down to how quickly I was able to think about methods of stabbing people using common household items. Hey, I'm resourceful like that.

Darth Vader tops movie misquote poll


Michael Caine in Zulu

"Stop.. throwing.. those.. bloody.. spears.. at.. me!!"

Ireland bucks trend with anti-blasphemy law

Paris Hilton

Careful now! Down with this sort of thing.

Only Jeebus can save us now.

Or, possibly Father Jack Hackett.

Paris, 'cause she's called out His name plenty of times of an evening, and probably thinks that the smock+sandle look is 'hot'.

El Reg Street View snappers caught on camera

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But, the privacy!!?!?!

You didn't blur the number plate / drivers face?!? Ban this sick filth. Think of the children. And some other Daily Mailesque stuff.

Boffins: Blue light kills MRSA 'superbugs'

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Finally, a used for chav'd-up cars

Get the risky MRSA'd patients out of the hospitals and leave them in the nearest Halfords carpark. With all blue washer-jet lights, and the like, they'll be cured in minutes.

Boy George jailed for 15 months over bizarre false imprisonment


*Everything I Own

#You sheltered me from harm, kept me warm, kept me warm

You gave my life to me, set me free, set me free

The finest years I ever knew, were all the years I had with you

I would give *anything I own, give up my life, my heart, my home

I would give *anything I own, just to have you back again#

For the purpose of the Jury, *'anything' (everything) means 'excluding photos on my laptop'.

Noise-cancelling headphones head-to-head test


Don't discount passive noise-cancelling

Ok, so these are two pretty smart active noise-cancelling headphones. But, don't discount the abilities of the passive noise-cancelling ones.

I can personally vouch for the Etymotic ER4p's. Ok, so they are inner-ear type, and you have to use the little foam earpiece to get the most noise cancelling effect. But, with them in place, and your music turned *off* you can barely hear a sound. It's like wearing earplugs. Of course, this means that your personal choice of music is almost entirely isolated from the external noises. And, because of their passive nature, no batteries are needed.

Peaches Geldof - she's back!

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Peaches = (female) Nathan Barley

Someone get her a job at trashbat.co.ck

Hotmail holdouts grumble about 'pathetic' new interface


Bad? It's unusable (for me+Ubunutu+Firefox)

If you try to use hotmail.com and your O/S of choice is Ubuntu, and your browser of choice is Firefox, then hotmail is entirely broken!!

You can browse/read your email. But, you cannot 'click' in the message area for newmails.

Apparently, if you 'fake' your useragent as IE it works fine. Go figure.

Gadget Show competition spews text spam


Not 'tech' enough for my liking

I like TGS, but, it also winds me right up.

The moment I hear, "so we tested it to destruction", I turn over. I've never yet had something broken because I *accidentally* tied it to the back of quad-bike, and drove around the volcanic beaches of Iceland. So, I'm not sure why testing products like that is relevant.

ditto blowing up gadgets that claim to be 'rugged'.

Also, their test criteria is sadly lacking.

eg. last Monday's net-enabled stereos. No mention made of why they dumped certain brands for "not looking cool enough" (my Radiostation was one - which is amazing, btw, although I have the iPod enabled version). Jason made reference to how important the sound quality was, and then tested different tunes, with no reference to whether they were DAB/streamed/etc, or what the bitrate was. Needless to say, my list of gripes goes on. Yet, I still watch.

Don't get me started on when they test 'mountain bikes' (or anything remotely cycle-related). As a keen MTB'er I find those episodes the hardest of all to watch.

And, for the love of all things good and great, stop giving away all your fecking prizes in one big hit. Ok, so it means that some lucky fecker is a *real* lucky fecker. But, why not just make it one per person? Like some kind of lucky-dip?

Mind you, that Suzi Perry... She's a year older than me, and yet I still would.

Oz pub dishes up really crap ice cream


DNA in poo

I'm pretty certain you can get human DNA from (human) poo.

The lining of the intestines is constantly being shed. All they have to do is pickup upon specifically those cells, and they can track the perp.

Believe your own hype - always


In summary

Ben Cohen = Cock 2.0

Muslim leader rejects Sony's LittleBigPlanet edit


Should have released it intact

If they'd released the game as-is, and it did upset a few people, perhaps the crazies would have been buying PS3 consoles and LBP games to burn in the street, filming it, and placing it on youtube?

Hey, a sale is a sale.

'Podestrian' risk rising for drivers, warns insurer


Back in the day....

I remember when the pavement was for pedestrians (try walking along them now, with the amount of cars parked with 2 wheels up on it), the road was for driving long (now the cars barely move), a telephone was considered 'mobile' if it wasn't bolted to the wall and the cord was a couple of feet long, and a personal stereo was *personal*.

But, I am starting to get on a bit now.

I blame the safety brigade. Cars need to be made more dangerous, not safer.

Start with: no seat belts, and a 6in spike in the middle of the steering wheel.

Then, spikes over the bumpers.

That would make people pay more attention.

Reg competition: Cisco goes isup


Someone is taking the 't'

Well, I take tea at 9am, 11am and 3pm.

Perhaps Cisco takes theirs on Thursday's?

Microsoft's Live Mesh doesn't want you

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They tell you, 'Change your regon to "US"'

Trouble is, it's not that easy.

The moment you do that, the profile page tells you your address/postcode is no longer valid. And then there's the phone number.

My profile is linked to my 360/Live account, I can't just muck around with my settings/region and fake my address just to test some beta software!!

Thieves take out Cable & Wireless centre


Not me!

I live/work about 15min walk from there!

It wasn't me, I swear!!

I'll keep my eye out for white tracksuit+cap wearing hoodies trying to offer me Cisco kit 'round the town centre.

Small, Cheap Computer countdown continues

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WinXP 901 @ ebuyer now

Ebuyer.com have 2 Atom-based "EEE"'s.

9in 20GB SSD with WinXP


10in 80GB HD with WinXP


PC World pips Asus to UK Atom sub-laptop premier

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atom-based EEE's now on sale

See: http://www.ebuyer.com/product/146026

96 in stock (as I write).

It's the WinXP, 80GB HDD model. Not the 20GB SSD Linux one I'm waiting for.

But, all the same, it's Atom-based.

Duff UK nukes risk 'popcorn' multi-blast accident apocalypse

Paris Hilton

And I thought that video games were the greater danger...

... and it turns out that nuclear weapons are actually more dangerous. Who'd have thought it?

Paris: because a nuclear blast is 'hot'.

Police probe pirate-DVD detecting dog's demise


They detect...

... the chemicals used to create the discs (the dye on the surface) - although, they cannot tell the difference between illegal and legit.

See: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/northern_ireland/6454375.stm

Sony Alpha 200 digital SLR

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Get another 3% off of £275

See: http://www.hotukdeals.com/item/195257/sony-alpha-a200-digital-slr-camera-/

You can get another 3% off (about £8) if you use Quidco.

Revealed! The new face of the Eee PC

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I reckon...

She looks like she'd make particularly good usage of the extra 1.9 inches.

Asus Eee PC 901 spied on web... in black

Paris Hilton

Will I still use my beige systems?

I've heard that once you have black, you never go back.

This is of concern to me, as I still have some beige systems.

Paris, because she'll have anything, as long as it's 'hot'.

When flash mobs go bad


Ban this sick filth

We must ban water. It's about time. It's also the cause of so many drowning related deaths. And, what if these terrorists start building super power, long-range water pistols, and start targeting planes with them? And we thought laser pointers were bad!?

Think of the children.

Mind you, they did look like a bunch of students. Throw in a few bars of soap, and you've solved a separate problem. So, I suppose it wasn't all bad.

Lancashire plodcopters in laser dazzle outrage outbreak


Sad news for the Daily Mail

We can't blame these "weapon" attacks on gaming.

AFAIK, there is no "laser pointer weapon" in GTA IV.

Although, there are laser sights available in FPS's. Although, I'd assume that the 'bullets' would finish you before the faint red dot would.

Nigerian duped gullible NASA employee


Apologies in advance...

Phishing - it's not exactly rocket science, is it?

Ofcom says yes on more TV ads

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Whilst on holiday in Canada (not quite N.America, but, close enough) I died a little inside at every ad-break. And, they were frequent, & sudden.

More videogames to face censor scrutiny

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I'm removing her...

from my "I would" list.

Commuter jetpacks offered: $100k, August delivery


Test flight was using ground effect?

Doesn't ground effect kick in under a certain height? Or does that only apply to winged craft?

I'd like to see a test flight of over 50m in altitude. Until then all those rockets throughout the galaxy will have to remain unassembled*.

* a very thinly veiled reference to 'Jet Pac' on the ZX Spectrum. Just in case you didn't get it.

Apple tells iPhone vendors not to reveal sales figures


If only this were headline news

Tomorrows red-tops:

APPLE: We thought that UK consumers would fall for it. Like they did over here.

US flight authorities tighten rules on gadget battery storage



... if I'm caught with a battery, that is only just under the limits, I'll be allowed on the plane just as long as I <here it comes> don't start anything?

Game throws out bullish forecast

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Oh, I'm with you on that!! I've never dream of buying anything from Game. Far too uncompetitive.

But, for every one of us shrewd 'net bargain hunters, there's 10 (or more) suckers prepared to pay high-street retail prices (which are generally full RRP).

Even if the next 5yrs brings a growth of game downloads/streaming/etc (via the 'net), this will be the exception, and not the norm. eg. with Blu-Ray content being 10-50GB (in theory), I don't want to be downloading 50GB!!

So, there's definately some money to still me made in this area (high-street sales).

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I wish I still had my shares!!

About 4yrs ago I bought at 33p. It was early December, and they'd announced a profit-warning. I thought this was crazy, as Christmas sales wouldn't be for another 2 weeks.

I knew from my retail background that things would pickup in the week before Christmas, I was even in their stores after their warning, and knew trading was 'brisk'.

Sold a year, or so, later at 73p. Was a happy bunny!!

Mind, you, if I still had them..... currently @ 250p.

Only a month ago, they were 170-180p. Didn't think they were worth a punt at the time, as I didn't foresee them going over 190-195p.

Which is why I work for a living, and don't get rich quick on the stock market!!

Car crash driver blames pterodactyl


There's a flying in....

... Wargames!!

Where they go to the island to find the Doc responsible for building WOMPR.

Monitor maker aims s.book sub-notebook at Asus Eee PC


Forget the price/spec of it...

If it's not being marketed with images of some hot, young, blonde totty using said product on a towel, on the beach - then it can't be very good.

Ofcom urged to clamp down on broadband speed deceit


Guarantee you...

... that The Gadget Show (ch5) will claim this as their coup.

(if you don't watch the show, then this is one of their weekly bug-bears, and they have half-ass attempts at getting ISPs "on-board" with their campaign.

Virgin Media network collapses nationwide


Poor network design/management?

Wasn't the initial (military) idea behind network design/protocols/routing that the network (as a whole) would survive in the event of direct nuclear attacks on a routing node? I seem to remember DARPA being involved at some point. Someone remind me.

So, given there hasn't been a catastrophic nuclear attack on the VM network, is it safe to assume that it doesn't handle routing failure well?

Don't get me started on Virgin Media.

Worse thing I ever did was sign up with ADSL from Virgin Media.

Best thing I ever did was pay the £50 "exit fee" to leave and find a decent ISP.

Virgin Media eases off bandwidth throttling



Yet again, VM prove they are all about *cable* broadband users.

What about us poor sods on their shockingly bad ADSL service?

What of the recent traffic prioritisation work (about 2 weeks ago) that meant all streaming/video/VoIP/gaming data was treated as P2P, and throttled right back - which, due to the time-sensitive nature of gaming packets, meant that gaming was broken? And, when it wasn't broken, latency was 220-280ms!?!?

Just have a look at:


And you'll see the poor latency for yourself.

Actually, see if you can guess the month when I moved onto their ADSL service?!

But, what do I care? Branson can stick his ADSL broadband service up his jacksy. I'm off to Be. Should be activated tomorrow.

I hope Beardy-Branson takes the £50 "exit fee" I'm having to pay, and puts it towards more infrastructure. Because, they sorely need the investment.

Virgin downs 1and1 and Germany


Online gaming b0rked since *last* Friday (for ADSL customers)

When is anyone going to post a story about the traffic management changes they made to their (terrible) ADSL network last Friday, that has broken online gaming/VoIP/etc ever since?

Not like it was good prior to then. I mean, tell me a gamer that wants latency of 280ms to UK servers.

Checkout my 24/7 monitoring if you don't believe me:


Try clicking on 'Year' and see if you can guess when I joined their service?

More on the traffic management:


Virgin Media strategy boutique boss quits


Don't let the door hit you on the way out

Was it his strategy to change the traffic shaping last week (Thu night/Fri morn) so that it broke all online game (eg. 360/PS3) and VoIP?

In which case, would he mind un-doing it, before he leaves. He's FUBAR'd it.

Just read the complaints at:


Kindle, Eee PC top Amazon.com 'most wanted' list


Something wrong with her hand?

Well, I've got 2 here.

And, would gladly give her one.

Putting coat on now, and leaving with my eee PC in the pocket of it.

Drink rats' milk, suggests battling Heather Mills


Milk a rat?

You're going to need very small hands indeed, to milk a rat.

Virgin Media stops the rot


Trialling 50Mbit?!

They want to start off simple - start trialling 1Mbit (at peak) with latency below 200ms!!

Real F-15 joins massively multiplayer virtual war


Idea from a movie?

Wasn't this (sort of) done in a movie?

They had computer games hooked up to drone fighters, and the kids playing the games were (unknowingly) fighting against another force?

How long until the army starts talking about 'pwning teh n-a-me'? Or whatever the kids say these days.

Congestion charge dodgers register Bentleys as minicabs


Just goes to show...

the more money you have, the easier it is for you to work the system.

Sun: MoD has Bond/Potter/Klingon cloaking device


If all else fails...

... it will prevent the Yanks from shooting us!

If they can't see us, they can't shoot us!!

Or, would they just shoot anyway, and then claim (legitmately) that they, "Couldn't see y'all there".

Virgin Media pins hopes on the broadband donkey


Virgin Media ADSL is the work of the devil

If you want 5-20% packet loss, and pings (to UK servers) around the 280ms mark, evenings & weekends, then Virgin Media's ADSL offering is the product for you.

Checkout my 24/7 latency/loss monitoring, and see if you can guess the month I moved to their ADSL?


*broad*band my arse.


Developer to demo 400Mbps powerline Ethernet


I (red heart) powerline ethernet!

I live in an apartment block, and a quick scan showed 9 visible wireless networks!! All competing for frequencies.

Until I moved to 200Mbps powerline I would get dropouts, poor signal/throughput, etc. But, life is great now!!

What kind of nic would the adaptors have, though? My Netgear adaptors have 100Mbit NICs, even though they are 200Mbit devices.