Posts by seanj

Brit MPs blast Baroness Dido Harding's performance as head of NHS Test and Trace

Just saying...

Wrong department, same fuck ups... I called this back in 2017.

https://forums.theregister.com/forum/all/2017/02/01/dido_of_carnage_steps_down_from_talktalk/#c_3091293

Hungover Brits declare full English breakfast the solution to all their ills

"2 paracetamol, 2 ibuprofen, washed down with a small (but concentrated) tumbler of berocca"

This - except I tend to use the cheap Tesco/Asda own-brand of Dioralyte. Then back to bed for a bit followed by much full fat lemonade and fried chicken...

If the Solar System's 'Planet Nine' is actually a small black hole, here's how we could detect it... wait, what?

Re: Great just what I need in 2020

To be fair, it sounds like being swallowed by a black hole would solve a lot of problems for you.

Morrisons puts non-essential tech changes on ice as panic-stricken shoppers strip stores

Re: "throughput of goods is in excess of the usual Christmas peak"

Depends on how many rings it needs to support... If it's just the One Ring it could last a while...

Totally Subcontracted Business: TSB to outsource entire IT estate to IBM for a cool $1bn after 2019 meltdown

Re: So, if things go wrong again

IBMTSB - I Bet Management Trouser Serious Bonuses

Labour: Free British broadband for country if we win general election

Ahhh the good old days...

Back to a 6 month wait for an engineer to set you up because they're all on strike again.

Former BAE Systems contractor charged with 'damaging disclosure' of UK defence secrets

Spooky...

The incident occurred 'on or around the 28th October 2018', he's appeared in court in October this year, and the prosecuting barrister is Sam Main...

Satan because there's no 'it was witches' icon...

Give us cash and think about the kids, UK tells Facebook and Twitter

re: How many PPEs does it take to change a light bulb?

650.

But first, an independent regulator should be set up (at taxpayer expense, naturally), to conclude after a two year review that the light bulb must be given a one year period in which it has the opportunity to change itself before they recommend legislation be brought in to force it to do so.

Stephen King's scary movie reboot provokes tears from 'legit clowns'

Re: Spawn Spawnned An Evil Clown

"a TV series set in a lighthouse..."

Round The Twist?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0103529/

RBS is to lay off 92 UK techies and outsource jobs to India – reports

Re: Confidence

"20 years ago it was Blair and Labour who were doing that."

Well, even 10 years ago they were doing that... At the time I wrote a letter to my MP about it, and got a response from Pat McFadden - then Minister of State for 'employee relations', and subsequently Minister of State for Business - who told me that offshoring jobs was a Good Thing as it enabled businesses to be competitive.

Samsung battery factory bursts into flame in touching Note 7 tribute

Reminds me of Monty Python and the Holy Grail...

"Those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked have been sacked."

Dido queen of carnage steps down from TalkTalk

I can see the press release now...

"Dido's vast experience in running a successful private sector technology company (which has never ever ever been hacked or lost customer details and anyone who says otherwise will be 'renditioned') makes her the ideal choice to take the lead at the Information Commissioners Office and managing digital policy going forward..."

Vegans furious as Bank of England admits ‘trace’ of animal fat in £5 notes

Re: Really??

"What, like cotton or wool?"

Well, I mean, I've heard of a cotton plant, but what plant does wool come from?

Yahoo! tries!, fails! to! shoot! down! email! backdoor! claim!

The statement would be far more believable...

... had their email service not been up and down today undergoing 'maintenance'...

I'm sure the two things are entirely unrelated, however, and no frantic removal of all trace of this from their systems took place at all. No sir. Just some regular ol' unscheduled maintenance...

Got to dash out for some rubber johnnies? Amazon has a button for that

Don't get the hate...

Maybe I'm just not thinking this through though.

I order my dog's food in a box of 48 from Amazon already - costs me about £12 every 6 weeks or so. I have arthritis in my knee (luckily my little dog doesn't need much walking!) so my regular shopping is also already delivered, but for this, Amazon are just a bit cheaper.

I can go to Amazon's site and order it, or I can have the button near where I keep the dog food and when it gets to the last couple I can just push it... Is the latter genuinely being classed as lazier than the former?

UK gov says new Home Sec will have powers to ban end-to-end encryption

"We're not saying we want to ban end-to-end encryption...

... We're just saying we want to redefine what end-to-end encryption means..."

Like Bill Clinton and 'sexual relations'.

"What? My dick in her *is* sexual relations? Well I'll be darned!"

Surveillance forestalls more 'draconian' police powers – William Hague

"We will defend your freedom at any cost..."

"... even if that cost is your freedom!"

UK Home Sec makes concessions to please Snoopers' Charter opposition

3 years from now...

Council: I see you put your bin out on Tuesday, and it's not collected until Thursday?

Taxpayer: I'm sorry. I got my days mixed up and put it out early.

Council: Well I can see from your internet history you accessed the bin collection calendar two years ago, so it's not like you didn't know. Jail for you, hardened criminal!

'Bring back xHamster', North Carolina smut watchers grumble

Re: Detail?

'Can you dumb it down a bit? Just a little.'

Now I've got the theme tune to The Big Bang Theory in my head. That'll be there all day now. Thanks for that.

'Planet nine' theory boosted by Kuiper Belt Object with odd orbit

Re: Anyone feel a pulp scifi novel coming on?

You mean planet IX, surely?

UK Snoopers' Charter crashes through critics into the next level

Andy Burnham thinks it's a great idea to get the bill passed and *then* fix the issues.

That's totally fine, as long as I can put Andy Burnham in a rocket and fire it into space.

Oh, but don't worry Andy, we'll fit the life support stuff after you've launched, we "promise"! Twunt.

You've heard of Rollercoaster Tycoon – but we can't wait for Server Tycoon

In a world where 'Goat Simulator' is a thing, this doesn't seem overly far-fetched...

Day 2: Millions of HSBC customers still locked out of online banking

Re: HSBC =

Holy Shit, Borked Cron

UK's super-cyber-snoop shopping list: Internet data, bulk spying, covert equipment tapping

Re: "where life is at immediate risk"

... Yeah, I can see the local council cogs turning there...

"That wheelie bin is just out there on the pavement waiting for someone to trip over it and die. We need to look at all the comms from that house as a matter of emergency to make sure this isn't a terrorist wheelie-bin threat!"

TalkTalk CEO admits security fail, says hacker emailed ransom demand

Unlikely to be the real culprit.

If Talk Talk received the email today, it was probably a ransom demand for the previous breach...

Re: Ransom demand

Well, if as she says, she is a Talk Talk user too, then the rest are probably still lost in the intertubes somewhere and should arrive tomorrow sometime.

Caption this: WIN a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive with El Reg

TalkTalk's CIO decides it might be best to take his chances on The Grid...

Lancashire Police warn of malware email impersonation scam

I like how everyone commenting so far was checking the technical details of the email. I saw an email from 'Lancashire police' with a subject of 'Invoice attached' (or whatever it said) and just deleted it whether it was spam or not...

El Reg celebrates Back to the Future Day

"Ok Google, find me the nearest Starbucks..."

UK MPs have right old whinge about ‘defunct’ Wilson Doctrine

"If I can't be above the law...

... then why the hell did I become an MP?!"

WIN a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive with El Reg

Bezos Spin Team hard at work interpreting the 'Staff Satisfaction' data trends...

Bezos' BAN-HAMMER batters Chromecast, Apple TV

For TV? Yes. I'm quite partial to Black Sails, personally. I'm also quite looking forward to finding time to watch Hand of God, too.

For film, however... only on my darkest, most desperate, US Netflix-can't-provide-and-out-of-sheer-desperation-maybe-Amazon-has-something-to-offer days.

Attempted bank robber demands cash transfer ... to his own account

Re: @msknight

Indeed, if Kent is the Garden of England, the Medway Towns are the compost heap.

(Source: lived in Gillingham for two years)

Indiana Jones flicks out on Blu-ray this Fall

Re: "Paramount promises [...] a few new surprises."

A nice thought, but I wonder how many people would actually open that fourth box to find the apology in the first place....

If you've seen the movie, you'll understand the extraterrestrial connection. If you haven't seen it - don't bother. Really, don't.

Doctors sick of anonymous-coward NHS feedback commentards

What the NHS Choices forum really needs....

... is more Sarah Bee. If people think that responses to trolling have been abusive already, they ain't seen nothin' until they've seen the (ex-) moderatrix in action.

BT reveals ultra-fast cable blowing plan for homes, biz

Bloody Druidian....

Everyone knows that after that comes Ludicrous Speed....

Ofcom: UK broadband speed on the up as punters' packages swell

Interesting....

My connection (with BT as my provider) dropped over the weekend from around 5-6Mb/s to about 2-2.5Mb/s... I may be being unneccesarily cynical when I wonder if it's at all related to the fact that "superfast" BT Infinity will be available at the end of the month ....

Netflix vs Lovefilm

Netflix + PS3 + DNS tweak...

I've signed up to the Netflix trial, and like many others found their offering pretty poor for the UK market - this could be down to the fact that it's a new service, it could be down to digital boundary enforcement by dumb-ass distributors.

I heard about a quick DNS change in my PS3's network settings, which has now given me full access to the US catalogue, and it's now totally worth the £6 a month. I've no idea (not being a networky techie) if the dns change will affect my online gaming or PSN Store offerings - not that I use either very much, but for the sake of a dead quick amendment to the network settings (which could also be applied at router level to affect every machine on your network), it's opened up a whole raft of movie and tv choices...

Anyway, that's my experience and if it helps anyone else, then best of luck to you.

Darth Vader mounts defence of doomed empire

Darth Vader? PC World?

Nooooooooooooooooooo!!

Don't bother with that degree, say IT pros

IT Pro's know this to be true....

... but try getting that past the HR fucknuts who seem to think a degree is required to take a shit unsupervised...

Not having a degree has put me out of the running for so many jobs, despite having the ability to do them blindfolded and with one hand tied behind my back.

First smut site erected on .xxx address

Re: soiled.

Erm, are you actually berating the morality and unrealistic aspect of the porn industry?

Union talks up offshoring dangers to UK economy

Re: Private Sector strikes.

Don't you see how private sector strike action is totally self-defeating?! Private sector companies work on the premise of making profit. If they stop providing a service due to industrial action, customers go elsewhere, profits drop, and a round of redundancies follows shortly thereafter - BA being a prime example - do you think the union cancelled strike action because they achieved their aims? No, they cancelled it because the terms they were fighting for would be academic if the company went bust!.

In the private sector there's competition - the choice of the consumer to use another provider if one can't live up to your expectations. If my house catches fire while the local fire brigade is on strike because the toilet paper in the station house is just a little too scratchy for their poor bums, short of starting up my own rival fire brigade service, what can I do but burn?

@Michelle Knight.

"So let me ask you a question .... how would you handle this if you were our side of the fence; having to contribute more money to your pension, working longer for it, having it be worth less at the end and also having it rise at a rate which is slower than inflation; seeing you descend in to poverty with each ongoing year?"

If you add to that the constant threat of redundancy/company administration, no pay rises for years, actual real-terms pay cuts to keep companies afloat - never mind mere "below inflation" pay rises which are constantly propagandised as "pay cuts", and no ability to strike, you have what the private sector have been facing for years

Unions/Labour.

Funny how offshoring is suddenly a bad thing when it's public sector jobs being offshored, but when my private sector job was being offshored a few years ago I was told that it allowed "increased competition" and it was a "very good thing".

Ghost of 'ACS:Law' threatens alleged Greek filesharers

Story update...

From the BBC:

"Andrew Crossley told the BBC that e-mails sent out in the name of ACS:Law were a scam and nothing to do with him."

Now, which emails is he talking about? The recent ones, or the original ones? Perhaps he's trying the Murdoch approach - "yeah, people were apparently extorting money with threats in my name, but I didn't know about any of it...."

MPs probe science behind bogus gov booze guidelines

<title>

"Governments sponsor academics to produce "science" of dubious quality to support conclusions reached in advance, what you might call "evidence-based policy-making". We recounted one example of that here related to minimum pricing for alcohol."

Surely you mean policy-based evidence-making"?

A good article, and it'll be a nice step forward if it were to ever come to anything - no government wants to be in the position of making policy based on sound science, surely...

Moderatrix kisses the Reg goodbye

Don't go! They'll double your pay!

Title says it all - if "they" say they won't, there's an army of commentards who'll storm Vulture Central and open filing cabinet drawers and leave them in a dangerous, open position for unsuspecting hacks to bash shins, elbows and foreheads on, fling stacks of papers recklessly and without care to the floor, stuff plasticine down the vending machine coin slot and add itching powder to the coffee granules...

But, just slightly more seriously (about as serious as you are about missing the place), all the best, your distinctive style of loving^H^H^H^H^H^H abusive moderation will leave a constant pang of emptiness for all who post shit in future.....

Commons hit by rash of laptop thefts

Re: What do you expect?

... especially when you take away a large portion of their "salary", which they usually steal in the form of expenses...

Attorney General threatens Twitter injunction-busters

Re: But they don't get a say

I did suspect after I posted that may be the case...

Or possibly...

... because the CPS would (if they show any sort of consistency in their decisions whatsoever - so don't rely on that!) not deem the case to be in the public interest to prosecute, making the AG look like the biggest, most useless twat this side of the other big, useless twat who's been shagging his brother's missus....