Posts by DJV

Boffins prove Queen ballad 'world's most catchy song'

@truly disappointed

You bastard! I followed that link and, spotting the title, just managed to close the browser tab down before it played the second note!!

Pierre Cardin reckons it can out-bling the iPad

Only if...

...it supports border-radius.

Coat, get, leave...

Ex-Microsofties' IE6 kill squad hits UK

Unibrows

Do the sweet natured and loving siblings, the Gallager brothers know about this?

Mine's the one with a wonderwall in the pocket...

Acid3 browser test drops DOM tripper-upper

You should not see this at all?

First time I've run Acid 3 in months. Funny, but I saw that message on one run using the Comodo browser (Webkit based) - a second run had it appear for a split second and then it disappeared. Other browsers sometimes show it momentarily.

All the browsers I tested* got 100%, including IE9 (and I tested the latest versions of FF, Comodo, Chrome, Safari and Opera.

*except Lynx - :)

Apollo 17 Moon landing: Shock revelations

Yay!

It's Friday and we have Playmobile! What more can a commentard ask for! (well, ok, maybe some more BOFH, please)

Hey Commentards! [This title is optional]

Opera

No, that is probably just to annoy the Opera user that everyone down votes.

Scientists devise 260GB CD-size glass disc storage tech

Powerful laser

Just how powerful is that laser? If I dismantle the drive can I use the laser to knock planes out the sky?

Ridley Scott confirmed for Blade Runner pre/sequel

3D.. pah!

Colo(u)r... talkies...

Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?

Mines the one with a grump in the pocket.

HP murders webOS tablets, phones

Hmmm...

Wonder if it's going to be worthwhile picking one of these up for the peanuts they are now worth just in case they become collectors items later on!

IBM PC daddy: 'The PC era is over'

Agreed

And, while we're at it, have a similar law apply to politicians and their so called 'promises' with the exception that if they don't keep their promises they don't wear a dunce cap but have their entire head removed instead.

LOHAN team buried under ballockets

Blimey

Looking through all that lot I think it would be simpler to forget about any balloons, launchers, toruses (tori?) etc and leave LOHAN where it is and just move the Earth out of the way instead!

Google failing to pay Android developers

Developers' Union?

A developers' union could be a good thing. Well, it is about time Google became accountable to the rest of the world+dog. They do lots of good stuff but seem to think they can live in an ivory tower ignoring those knocking on the door with legitimate issues.

Apple vanishes MySQL from Mac OS X Lion Server

@Don Mitchell

Go wash your mouth out with soap and water!

Jesus Phone saved from being man-in-the-middled

Same here

I'm just wondering why some idiot downvoted you just for stating that something happened. There are some complete twonks around here, aren't there!

Toyota tech to steer cars round jaywalkers

I wonder...

Ok, so imagine one of these is driving along a narrow mountain road with a sheer drop on one side and solid rock on the other. Now stick a jaywalker (or a goat) in the middle of the road around the next corner. Does the car plough into the rock and kill the driver or throw itself down the mountainside and ditto ditto? Or can the driver override the system and just impale the jaywalker/goat on the front grill?

Phone-hack backlash BBC in embarrassing headline gaffes

Surely knot?

But, surely, that should of bin "Shirley knot?"

Sony insurer says it's not liable for costs of data breach

I feel...

How sad, I feel a Nelson Muntz moment coming on.

Drunken bust-up woman sprays cops with breast milk

Don't bother Sarah

Here's one I made earlier:

http://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/1/2010/01/18/avatar_names/

Scroll down just past half way or Ctrl-F for "bootnotes"

Microsoft pounces as Mozilla shuns enterprise

2020?

We've got to make our web sites support IE8 until 2020? Oh bugger...

Captain Cyborg: Computers are alive, like bats or cows

@AC 16:13 Geri

"He then got his nervous system wired up to his wife's (and, I think, a robot arm controller). That is really, really cool and fuck anyone who disagrees. Nervous system control over a robot arm and inter-nervous system communications are awesome"

The most surprising bit about that is the fact that some woman was mental enough to become his wife - what WAS she thinking?

Reg hack cast adrift as Illuminati Online goes off-line

Domain

Bill - I see that, although billray.com has been taken, both billrayhack.com and billrayreghack.com are still up for grabs!

Farting death camels must die to save the world!

He should...

He should pop over here and bag a few of those in Westminster whose main aim in life seems to be to produce hot air...

Pirate-bothering ACS:Law lawyer goes bankrupt

My heart bleeds.... meh!

Couldn't happened to a nicer guy - hmm, could do with an icon depicting a hangman's scaffold here... ah well, the Satan one will have to do instead.

Chinese teen flogs kidney to buy iPad

Now that's dedication...

I vote that we honour him with the title "Fanboi Supreme" (well, until someone donates their heart in exchange for an iPad, anyway).

Nokia gives up predicting sales

Nokia Sales Forecast

A spokesman for Nokia said, "We might (or might not) sell something next quarter. But don't quote me."

Official: Apple to float iCloud on 6 June

But Shirley that should be...

...an iRoar or an iWhimper!

Both have probably been trademarked by now as Apple have, no doubt, employed someone and given them the sole task of going through a large dictionary putting an 'i' in front of every word in it and registering most of them - hmm, wonder if they've registered iCunt yet....

BT, TalkTalk seek leave to appeal DEA ruling

Go BT!

Bloody hell - can't believe I actually said that about the useless, Phorm-loving, money-grabbing bastards. But between BT and the DEA it's definitely a case of the "lesser of two weasels" (or something like that).

Unpatched IE bug exposes sensitive Facebook creds

A flaw in IE!!! Shock Horror!

SNAFU

White Space competitors fight dirty

Microsoft can't be trusted! Shock horror!

Well, that really comes as a surprise to me....

Mine's the one with the <sarcasm> tags in the pocket.

Sony's Thai website pwned by phisher scoundrels

"a phishing site running on Sony's servers"

And it WASN'T the PlayStation Network?

Shock horror!

Planet with British weather found 20 light years away

@Monkey Bob

Since when do politicians and tabloid journalists count as "life" (well, maybe, but certainly not life as we know it, Jim)

Apple seeks patent for keyboard that sucks

Yeah, but...

...will they ever get this technology working on holographically projected keyboards?

Peugeot compo cam aids amateur espionage

OMG - woman with no legs!

Pan left and down until you see a disgusting looking building covered with lime green, yellow and orange. Next zoom in to the left of the building and onto the bus coming towards you. On the pavement just in front of the bus is a woman in a pink jacket who appears to have no legs and is floating above the pavement! Fantastic!

Who cares about some shitty French car, Iooking for the bad photo joins is much more fun!

Glass aeroplanes and iPads on the way, say boffins

@z0mbee

No, if it had been it would have been called "Transparent Aluminum"

Ok, I'll get me coat...

DIY kit computer goes Forth against Braben's RaspberryPi

@Steve Button

You could really confuse them with REBOL!

www.rebol.com

Google offers to pop round and take some piccies

DIY

Nah, do it yourself and upload them here:

www.panoramicearth.com

Boffins develop method of driving computers insane

But Shirley...

...this should have been posted under ROTM, not biology?

China sets out space-station plan, asks public to name it

I suggest...

I suggest they call it SONY - it will then install a rootkit on the ISS as it passes, accidentally broadcast all the addresses and credit card details of the entire 1.3 billion Chinese population before hitting a satellite and crashing into a Japanese nuclear power station after failing to burn up in the atmosphere.

Calling all readers: Want some new icons?

Or even better

Use some nifty HTML5 (or Web2.0rhea if you prefer) code to implement icon drag and drop properly.

POPCORN...

Also known as a ZDNet icon </sarcasm>

V for Vendetta icon

Please please pretty please. Ah go on you know you want to...

Pope says gravity proves technology can't supplant God

The downvoter

I'm just amusing myself trying to imagine what colour of 'beetroot' the down-voter's face was going as he/she/it down-voted the list of anti-Pope comments above...

Police head-cam TV show debuts in US

Pity...

Pity they didn't arrest the annoying git bashing a drum all the way through it...

Got a buck to send M Night Shyamalan to film school?

direct descendent?

No no no. That's not a problem - see the Futurama episode "Roswell That Ends Well" for an explanation (of sorts).

Judge hits police with massive bill over false Operation Ore charges

BASTARDS!

See title.

Pre-release Windows 8 code hits PC makers

System Reset

Wow, what a wonderful idea! Instead of actually FIXING the problems which cause Windows to slow down let's add yet another BODGE to the system which just makes it appear like we've fixed it! Pretty much the same mindset in use when they "fixed" the corrupted DLLs that plagued earlier versions by storing backups that would get copied back over the in-use versions when they became corrupted, INSTEAD of actually fixing the things that were causing the DLLs to become corrupted in the first place. Pathetic!

Microsoft cofounder Allen unloads on Gates

Early Microsoft Coding

If you want to see how "good" some of the early Microsoft coding was, then go and read "Barbarians Led by Bill Gates" by Jennifer Edstrom and Marlin Eller - especially pages 27/8 about the "Brain dead bit of code" that just happened to have been written by a certain Mr Gates!

PHP.net breach: Concern over safety of source code

Actually...

I think the OP is failing to grasp <insert anything you like here>

Moving to Windows 7: Is it worth it?

Classic Shell

Aha, I think Classic Shell is what you are talking about. It's a free download from Sourceforge - I'm playing with it now... Hmm, seems good so far and all the settings are customisable. Neat!

6GB RAM

32-bit systems (by the very nature of using 32-bit addresses) can only access 4GB max. 32-bit Windows (XP and 7) usually only accesses 3 of those 4. 64-bit systems can access more. 2^32 = 4,294,967,296 bytes (= 4GB). 64-bit systems can, in theory, access 18,446,744,073,709,551,616 bytes though MS restrict maximum memory access depending on which version of Win7-64 you have - they even limit the Starter version to 2GB! See:

http://msdn.microsoft.com/en-us/library/aa366778%28v=vs.85%29.aspx#physical_memory_limits_windows_7