Posts by DJV

Surprising absolutely no one at all, Samsung's folding-screen phones knackered within days

@Andrew Heenan

No, that was Microsoft Bob.

Let 15 July forever be known as P-Day: When UK's smut fans started being asked for their age

"Its"

But if you want "It's": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6UaU_Dzysc

A quick cup of coffee leaves production manager in fits and a cleaner in tears

Not useful if the cleaner can't speak or read the Queens English.

Or is colour (or plug) blind!

Why is it...

...that the comments for a "Who me" are always better than the original article?

"we were still working out just how things like Windows did work"

Microsoft are still trying to figure that one out...

User secures floppies to a filing cabinet with a magnet, but at least they backed up daily... right?

Sigh...

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/pore

Be wary, traveller: There is no going back if you step over the Windows 10 20H1 threshold

My insider test build (in a VM for safety!) tried to update to 18875 yesterday and then promptly failed with error 0xca00a000 and reverted back to 18362. So, probably SNAFU then - seems par for the course.

Apple disables iPad for 48 years after toddler runs amok

Re: Three year olds can't read

Amateurs! I came out of the womb reading War and Peace!

The Reg takes a trip over the New Edge. Mmmm... New Coke with extra fizz

Menus

Obviously, they have been covered...

well, covered up completely so you can't find them!

MS Account

Avoid like the plague!

I only use my MS Account in a VM* - other than that my PCs (7 and 10) always quite deliberately use a non-MS account as I always attempt to do my best to reduce the slurpage.

* for testing the latest bug-ridden Insider joke!

Microsoft realises more testing wouldn't hurt and plonks Windows 10 May update into Preview ring

Dark Mode, Light Mode, Meh...

If only there was a Windows 7 mode... sigh...

Rust never sleeps: C++-alike language tops Stack Overflow survey for fourth year in a row

I laughed when I saw...

...that WordPress was the most dreaded platform! Having seen for myself what a mess it makes under the hood, it doesn't surprise me...

See: https://insights.stackoverflow.com/survey/2019#technology-_-most-loved-dreaded-and-wanted-platforms

Town admits 'a poor decision was made' after baseball field set on fire to 'dry' it more quickly

Re: Why not construct SportsBall pitches with proper drainage

How dare you come around here with your sensible suggestions!

Centrica: Server fault on Wednesday caused Hive to crash on the Tuesday. Yes, yes, that's what we said

"the press office had not responded to our call for comment at the time of writing"

Don't worry, they'll get back to you last month.

You were warned and you didn't do enough: UK preps Big Internet content laws

Meh...

Sajid Javid decided to make it a personal issue: "I'm giving tech companies a message that they cannot ignore," he said.

I bet they're quaking in their boots... </sarcasm>

Want to learn about lithium-ion batteries? An AI has written a tedious book on the subject

Tedious and boring...

...but still more believable and plotted more realistically than anything Dan Brown will ever come up with!

It's alive! Hands on with Microsoft's Chromium Edge browser

"Didn’t Firefox do the same and quit on Gecko?"

No, Gecko is still around but Mozilla have been enhancing Gecko with Quantum (or something like that)! These two links sort of explain* things:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quantum_(Mozilla)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gecko_(software)

* or confuse the reader further - I just read parts and am still not exactly clear on things!

Oops! Almost a year in and ICO staff haven't been handed a GDPR privacy notice yet

Re: It should fine itself the maximum amount possible...

Absolutely! Though, to make sure the big boys take it seriously, it should probably fire a few of its own minions (i.e. those that do the actual work) and pay the CEO a fat bonus for implementing and collecting the fine.

Microsoft buffs its rings, emits Code and goes global with Kaizala

Skip ahead?

More like skip to the looney farm, methinks! Just what are Microsoft smoking these days?

HMRC accused of not understanding its own IR35 tax reforms ahead of private sector rollout

"HMRC will stand by its results, if the data had been entered correctly"

Well, if it was actually possible to enter all the relevant data on CEST then maybe that would be fine. I tried it out a few months ago and found I couldn't specify exactly how I work - I'm self-employed with several unrelated clients for whom I build and administer websites. Under no circumstances would anyone consider me to be employed by any one of my clients, but CEST's rabid conclusion to the restricted amount of data it allowed me to enter was that I should be registered as employed.

The whole CEST system is a stinking pile of crap and HMRC living in cloud cuckoo land with regard to its fitness for purpose is a major source of the problem. Idiots!

One step forward and one step back for Apple's privacy campaign with latest Safari build

"The Register asked Apple for comment. We don't expect anyone to answer"

One day they will and scare the living daylights out of El Reg!

Hello, tech support? Yes, I've run out of desk... Yes, DESK... space

"A mechanical engineer SHOULD be able to turn the thing over and work out the relation between mouse movement and mouse ball movement, even without having to remove the mouse ball and mess around with the rollers."

Yeah, but where's the fun in that!

Microsoft's corporate veep for enterprise puts the boot into boot times

Re: I wonder what I'm doing wrong.

HP load up whole piles of crap onto their PCs. Maybe a clean install will help (though make sure you download any appropriate drivers first in case networking is borked when doing the clean install). Here's a few links that might help:

https://www.howtogeek.com/224342/how-to-clean-install-windows-10/

https://www.windowscentral.com/how-do-clean-installation-windows-10

https://www.groovypost.com/howto/clean-install-Windows-10/

Searching for "clean install windows 10" will give loads more.

Good luck!

It's coooming: Windows 10 October 2018 Update adoption slows ahead of the next release

Check for updates still won't install 1809

I suspect one of the reasons the roll out is so low is that, even if you click "Check for updates" on an 1803 system, it will only ever install updates for 1803 and then tell you that "everything is up to date" without ever offering 1809.

I wanted to test 1809 on a low-priority system to make sure it didn't bork anything important* and the only way to do it was to download the update assistant and force an update. Most people probably won't even know that the option even exists. I'm sure there are probably thousands of 1803 based systems out there that are exactly the same.

(* So far, much to my surprise, it has behaved, but give it time...)

Brexit jitters fingered as UK consumer PC sales collapse

I tried upgrading my flying unicorn to Windows 10 - it crashed with a Blue Horn of Death.

Brit broadband giants slammed as folk whinge about crap connections, underwhelming speeds

Re: Switch

Upvoted for "openretch" - most appropriate!

Azure thing at last: Windows Virtual Desktop takes to the cloudy stage

the company was "Just getting it right."

Well, that will be a first!

Apple's revamped iPad beams a workhorse in from Planet Ludicrous

@Ralph the Wonder Llama

Agreed. If they insist then tell them to phuck off!

Croydon school rolling in toilet roll after Brexit gift deemed unfit for the Queen's Anus Horribilis

Re: That's only half the job

She's already done that ten times over!

Don't be too shocked, but it looks as though these politicians have actually got their act together on IoT security

Re: "Politicians" and "got their act together"

Politicians on the UK side of the pond always get their act together when it comes to awarding themselves pay rises!

Boffins discover new dust clouds in the Solar System, Mercury has a surprisingly filthy ring

Dust

Don't tell my ex-wife's mother otherwise she'll be out there perpetually flicking at it with a duster!

They're BAAACK: Windows 10 nagware team loads trebuchet with annoying reminders to GTFO Windows 7

@PhilBuk

Hah, nicely done for spotting the "new" troll! Have an upvote!

Re: Windows 10 is a Bathroom

Classic Shell is now Open Shell.

Re: Solving the Windows Issues

Troll alert!!!

On the eve of Patch Tuesday, Microsoft confirms Windows 10 can automatically remove borked updates

Re: I bet it keeps rebooting

If only!

You'll never guess who's giving Google a right shoeing lately. Talking about barring Chrome, Search as defaults... any other nations watching?

"search ranking algorithm is already transparent enough"

So, being around 1% transparent is apparently "enough"...

Linux 5.0 is out except it's really 4.21 because Linus 'ran out of fingers and toes' to count on

It reminds me...

...of the programme numbering of the Burkiss Way (with Burkiss spelt wrong) where they not only started a new series half way through one programme (which is referred to as episodes 31 and 32) but also had two episodes called "Repeat Yourself The Burkiss Way" one broadcast a week after the other where the first few minutes of each were identical and are both referred to as episode 39.

For anyone not familiar, it was a sketch show that was the nearest equivalent to Monty Python on radio and is still often repeated on Radio 4 Extra. See:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Burkiss_Way

USB4: Based on Thunderbolt 3. Two times the data rate, at 40Gbps. One fewer space. Zero confusing versions

"In that case, I'm waiting for the USB standard where all the knobs are black on a black panel."

I wanted one of those but they said I had to spend the year dead for tax reasons before they'd me have it.

Then there will be:

USB with knobs on

USB with even more knobs on

USB with really shiny knobs on

USB with so many knobs on that there isn't room for any more knobs

(then some knob will come along and start adding version numbers back in again)

The first ZX Spectrum prototype laid bare... (What? It was acceptable in the '80s)

Saints of Silicon at the Centre for Computing History

Are they related to the elders of the internet?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDbyYGrswtg

Customer: We fancy changing a 25-year-old installation. C'mon, it's just one extra valve... Only wafer thin...

@Voyna i Mor

That reminds me of what someone wrote on an error report form for a program of mine back in the 1980s. In the fault/error section she'd written "Funny on screen."

Why are there never free power sockets when my Y-fronts need charging?

@Dave K

What!! How dare you come around here making sensible suggestions!

"It's possible for a while to jury-rig them by wedging a notepad under them or even getting a minion to sit holding the cable in a special position, but sooner or later they die."

Ah, so that's where all those dead minions are coming from - I did wonder!

'They took away our Cup-a-Soup!' Share your tales of bleak breakout areas with us

A fridge!!!

You lucky bastard!

We can only have a drink by standing outside facing upwards with our mouths open when it's raining!

The biggest uptick in demand for software devs by bosses is for... *rubs eyes* blockchain engineers?!?

What's the betting...

...that most of these companies will require someone with at least 20 years blockchain experience as a minimum...

Lenovo kicks down door of MWC, dumps a stack of sexy new ThinkPads

Re: 13.3" display in a 12" chassis

It's larger on the inside.

Re: 13.3" display in a 12" chassis

"My 17.3" laptop goes everywhere with me. It comes on planes with me. It comes on holiday with me. It goes in the car with me. It used to go to work with me (every single day for many years). It's used every single day for the entire life."

Sounds like you and your laptop are in a wonderful loving relationship - are you two married yet?

Windows 10 1809 looks unlikely to overtake prior build before 19H1 lands

Could it be that it's because Windows is (shock horror!) crap?

Looks like 1903 might be delayed anyway (no surprise there) given what ZDNet are saying here today:

https://www.zdnet.com/article/windows-10-previews-grind-to-halt-over-gsod-bug-that-microsoft-cant-fix/?ftag=TRE-03-10aaa6b&bhid=19136564736087995589861975608527

No yoke: 'Bored' Aussie test pilot passes time in the cockpit by drawing massive knobs in the air

You sure you don't mean "ballshit"?