* Posts by DJV

1566 posts • joined 4 Aug 2009

Anglian Water fishes for on-trend laundry list – including low-code work – in £24m trawl

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scrum management

Had to look that one up!

However, if you take the "r" out I've had plenty of experience of working under that over the years.

Behold the Bloo Screen of Death: Bathroom borkage stops spray play

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Re: Video over IP?

See icon...

Amazon Lex can now speak British English... or simply 'English' if you're British

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Re: Organize!

I reckon you should organise a petition to protest about it!

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Re: Alexa can speak double Dutch for all I care

My centipedes persactly!

Brit MPs to Apple CEO: Please stop ignoring our questions about repairability and the environment

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The Register has asked Apple to comment

Apple are obviously helping to save the environment by not wasting the generation of power it would take to email some comments back to El Reg.

Or some other BS like that!

Peek-a-boo! Windows Insiders play hide and seek with a Friday night update

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"Dev Channel of the Windows Insider programme is very much a work in progress"

I think you'll find that applies to the entirety of Windows 10, not just the insider programme.

Vinyl sales top CDs for the first time in decades in America, streaming rules

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Back around 2000 when I bought my mother a mini hifi system to replace her aging separates she'd inherited from all over the place, I had to carefully explain to her that CDs didn't actually need rewinding after they'd been played.

What a time to be alive: Floating Apple store bobs up in Singapore

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Re: Bond movie

Or, in this case, it was BRAINIAC!

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Bond movie

And don't forget that Simpsons episode! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2GfKUi9ghM

Pension scheme cold caller fined £130,000 by UK data watchdog

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"This company clearly flouted the law when they should have known better"

This company clearly flouted the law while they thought they could get away with it.


Funny, that: Handy script for wiping directories is capable of wreaking havoc beyond a miscreant's wildest dreams

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capable hands of Windows Server 2003

Yeah, I've seen those "capable hands" running at a small software house where I was temping back in 2005. I don't know who set up the server but they had to reboot it at least twice a week because it would just curl up and die for no logical reason. What was worse was that it had done so since it had first been installed. No one ever investigated any further - they'd just reboot it without question.

Near the end of that temping stint (about 5 weeks), they did offer me a full time job there. Having been there long enough to see first hand how the way the place was (mis)managed - and I don't just mean the IT side of it - I politely declined. They went bust a couple of years later. No surprise.

Worried about the Andromeda galaxy crashing into our Milky Way in four billion years? Too bad, it's quite possibly already happening

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Project AMIGA

I hope the person in charge isn't called the Commodore...

Brave takes brave stand against Google's plan to turn websites into ad-blocker-thwarting Web Bundles

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Re: the circle completes

Don't forget the use of "its" instead of "it's".

Techie studied ancient ways of iSeries machine, saved day when user unleashed eldritch powers, got £50 gift voucher

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Well, if they did that to me I'd ignore them - because my name isn't Paul!

Southern Water customers could view others' personal data by tweaking URL parameters

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And even more obviously:

Dear Southern Water (or something beginning with "wa" anyway)

"We take the protection of customer data very seriously" - um, no you don't.

"we rigorously test our systems" - your interpretation of "rgiorously" and mine are obviously poles apart.

"have strong measures in place to safeguard customer information" - I think this situation proves that is a complete lie.

Start Me Up: 25 years ago this week, Windows 95 launched and, for a brief moment, Microsoft was almost cool

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I never saw a machine that would run Win9x faster than the contemporary version of NT

Unfortunately, I did - had to put it back to 98 in order to get it to do anything other than an impersonation of a lame snail. Can't remember the spec now as it was someone else's PC.

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Re: Happy memories

...back when Microsoft thought they were cool...


The Viking Snowden: Denmark spy chief 'relieved of duty' after whistleblower reveals illegal snooping on citizens

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Re: When spellcheck goes wrong

Everyoen mkaes typos and mistooks! The way to handel it propaly is to click the "Tips and Corrections" link and tell El Reg directly - not to raven about it in teh comments!

You *bang* will never *smash* humiliate me *whack* in front of *clang* the teen computer whizz *crunch* EVER AGAIN

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Re: With great power comes great incompatibility

Something like these?



CREST cancels two UK infosec accreditation exams after fresh round of 'cheat sheets' are leaked online

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Re: "...CCT is regarded as a gold standard accreditation..."

Whenever I hear the term "gold standard" I can't help thinking of this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS37SNYjg8w

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Oh wow. You guys get certified by a toothpaste company? Seriously?

Yes, how else would you brush up on your knowledge?

Dido 'Queen of Carnage' Harding to lead UK's Institute for Health Protection because Test and Trace went so well

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stupid then them


Pass that Brit guy with the right-hand drive: UK looking into legalising automated lane-keeping systems by 2021

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Automated Lane Keeping Systems (ALKS)

I expect they will probably go through a system called WALKS first: Weaving Across Lanes Killing Scores.

Capita: We were juuust about to generate revenue growth and sustainable cash flow – then pandemic stuffed it up

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"we had expectations of beginning to generate revenue growth"

Who forecast that? Gartner?

Please stop hard-wiring AWS credentials in your code. Looking at you, uni COVID-19 track-and-test app makers

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Safe? Of course the app is safe!

Well, until it's decisively proven that it isn't, by a data dump of student information appearing somewhere. Then Albion College will wheel out a brain-dead drone to state "The safety and security of our users remains our highest priority" when it patently isn't and that "no personally identifiable data has been disclosed" even though it's totally obvious to anyone with more than two brain cells to rub together that it has.

Microsoft adds 'Here's what we may have broken' screen to Windows 10 Insider PCs

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"Assuming, of course, the thing still boots – this is preview code after all."

Given that normal users are the beta testers nowadays, this applies to the non-insider versions of W10 as well...

Can't decide which OS to run today? Why not Linux inside Windows inside macOS?

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Why stop there?

Grab a copy of Vice and run C64 games on Linux (on Windows (on Mac OS)).

What are you gonna do? Give me detention? Illinois schools ban pyjamas in online classes

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Jason Wind...

...as a boy, was a spacious sexual toy...

(instant song in my "glam" head)

Pen Test Partners: Boeing 747s receive critical software updates over 3.5" floppy disks

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Re: Mercifully he only managed to KO his own screen

Yes, indeed. It's great to see him back but his computer based stuff will take a bit of getting used to until he finds his feet (or hands, more like)! Keep practising, Gary!

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Mercifully he only managed to KO his own screen

Well, if he really wanted to screw with the aircraft he should have just flipped the Gary Larson "wings" switch! https://i.pinimg.com/originals/af/08/4b/af084b2f06ab7977d9241bfbcbd08998.jpg

Apple's at it again: Things go pear-shaped for meal planner app after iGiant opposes logo

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You are Tim Cook and I claim my free Apple Mac Pro Wheels Kit.

Google offers first part of its in-house M:N thread code as open source to Linux kernel

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"Threading technology is widely used across Google."

Ah, an answer that's on par with a lot of their search results - slightly informative but not exactly what you were after.

First alligators, then dogs, now Basil Fawlty is trying to standardise social distancing measures

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Re: But what would the measure be...

Who cares - I'd be too engrossed in admiring the plumage!

Well, that was quick: Google brutally culls Pixel 4 and 4 XL before successor hits market

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They may have got to the "get" but the "go " eluded them completely, so they went for the "gone" instead.

(Damn, I must stop taking those pills amanfrommars sent me...)

The results are in: Science says the Solar System's magnetic heliosphere looks like a deflated croissant

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Re: a trip to Arundel castle

Ah, an eyesight test* AND some tea FTW!

* other castle eyesight tests are available

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Or is the irregular shape due to the current configuration of the planets?

It might be due to the butter melting.

That's how we roll: OWC savagely undercuts Apple's $699 Mac Pro wheels with bargain $199 alternative

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Re: Brace yourselves for some wheely bad puns in the comments

You "spoke" too soon.

Wrap it before you tap it? No, say Linux developers: 'GPL condom' for Nvidia driver is laughed out of the kernel

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That's similar to Commodore having holes punched through the motherboard on some models of the PET. The same motherboards were used for the 8K, 16K and 32K models and had 2 rows for where the RAM could be soldered in. The 8K and 16K models only needed to use one row so they punched holes through the second row to prevent people from upgrading them themselves! See here: http://www.computinghistory.org.uk/det/43250/Commodore-PET-4008/

Dynabook Portégé X30L-G: So light, you might even forget about its terrible keyboard

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"You barely feel it on your lap."

You'll probably barely notice someone swipe it from your lap in the café when chatting to the (socially distanced) person 6 feet away from you on your left.


An irritating itch down the back of your neck? Searing midsummer heat? Of course, it can only be SysAdmin Day

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Re: Seeking sysadmins from other colonies to mate with

January 1st 2000 was probably the last time. All were at work (because the higher ups decreed it) and they were sitting around twiddling their thumbs wondering what to do with themselves. They'd already triple and quadruple checked all the fixes for the multitude of possible Y2K problems in the preceding months. So, after drinking all the beer and eating all the pizzas, their minds turned to fruitier things.

All their offspring will turn 20 in a couple of months.

Voyager 1 cracks yet another barrier: Now 150 Astronomical Units from Sol

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Re: They don't build them like they used to

Another (possible urban legend) is the story that a new Rolls driver took a friend out for a drive in his new toy. At some point the friend asked to see under the bonnet so they stopped on the side of a road that had other traffic passing along it. The bonnet was duly opened for a couple of minutes for the friend to take a quick gander at the insides. Then the bonnet was dropped and the journey continued.

A few days later the driver received a call from Rolls Royce asking what the trouble was. When told he was only showing the friend the engine he was asked in no uncertain tones never to do that again in sight of others as RR didn't want the impression that their cars could ever break down.

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Re: They don't build them like they used to

Absolutely, and it's an interesting constrast to modern technology in that those producing the PDF in 2020 (that El Reg linked to) haven't figured out how to place the "Page X of 19" text slightly lower so that the line doesn't go right through it!

Venerable text editor GNU Nano reaches version 5.0 and adds the modern frippery that is scrollbars

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I love the way the changelog refers to "the scroll-bar thing" - makes it sound like the writer thinks it's some sort of abomination!

Two large flightless birds walk into a bar... The pub's owner was not emused *ba-dum tsh*

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The language is evolving in strange ways

The language is devolving in shit ways.


This investor blew nearly $300,000 on Intel shares the day before 7nm disaster reveal. Yup, she's suing

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Re: I'm shocked

Try rubber gloves...

Are you sitting comfortably? Then we'll begin. Hang on, the PDP 11/70 has dropped offline

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Re: We're not done reading this kind of story, I'll wager.

Indeed, for a while I had an HP tower with the (slightly recessed) on/off switch right at the top of the front cover. Maybe HP thought it was safe there. They didn't reckon on one of my cats who decided the top of the computer was a potential bedding down place and her well-placed heel was ideal for hitting that button without any problem!

No, boss, I'm not playing Minecraft. Minecraft is where I run VMs on the desktop now

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Re: Nested minecraft

Ah, turtles all the way down...

Google forced to defend new trademark foundation as Knative community takes umbrage at 'neutrality' claims

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One cannot help considering that, with a bit more thought and the addition of an extra word beginning with H, the Open Usage Commons could have been known by a much more memorable (and painful?) acronym. How about the Open Usage Commons Horde?

Sick of AI engines scraping your pics for facial recognition? Here's a way to Fawkes them right up

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Re: Yeah but ...

My UK driving license photo is already facial recognition proof as I've still got a tatty old paper one from about 23 years ago (when I last moved house and had to update it). It doesn't actually have a photo as it wasn't a requirement back then. And, yes, I have checked with the DVLA, these old paper ones are still legal despite some people claiming otherwise!

'First ever' snap emerges of something vaguely resembling our solar system 300 ly away. We'll take 10 tickets

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Yeah, but, if they've got any sense, they'll switch off as soon as reality TV reaches them!


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