* Posts by Craig 28

226 publicly visible posts • joined 1 Aug 2009


IT jargon is absolutely REAMED with sexual double-entendres

Craig 28

I'm literally blind and I dropped such a clanger in a supermarket once. I was in there with my guide dog who's great in the street but finding things on the shelves is beyond what he's capable of so I naturally ask the staff to help me find X item, at which point I follow them round as they help me gather up my shopping. While I was following this member of staff I said to my guide dog "follow the lady boy" then realised how very wrong that could have been taken, luckily she hadn't noticed that it sounded like lady-boy.

Then again there's always the time he got his tail up some poor woman's skirt in Macdonalds. Having a dog in a place where people don't expect it can be quite entertaining at times, even if it is frustrating the way people behave more often.

Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?

Craig 28

Re: I pay my council tax, so answer the damn question already!

Only if you limit yourself to female virgins.

It's finally happened: Bloke builds BOFH-style goofing-off cattle prod

Craig 28

Slapper from Craigslist... Anyone else think that sounds like something completely different?

Glassholes beware: This guy's got your number

Craig 28

I agree, if it's your network you can do as you wish. If it's a network which you manage on behalf of another party, as in a workplace, you should of course follow the wishes of that party however you're free to advise them in this regard.

That said I have to agree that if someone is really determined they'll just use 3G/4G, not all of us have access to 4G yet... in fact my hometown only gets GPRS... as a matter of fact I'd have probably gone the cellular route anyway since there'd be no guarantee of a venue having wifi. I also don't see how this would stop glassholes from simply recording to an SD card.

Klingon and Maori roar into 'mutt's nuts' dictionary

Craig 28

Anyone know what it would be in the language of Mordor when written in Elvish script?

My work-from-home setup's better than the office. It's GLORIOUS

Craig 28

I recall back in 2004 when I was at college they were still running Win 95, even reformatting newer machines just to reinstall 95. The technicians apparently claimed 95 was more secure than 98 and hadn't even considered 2000 or XP. Then again they still had machines with 32MB RAM and insisted on running Novell Netware.

Boffins build bendy screen using LEDs just THREE atoms thick

Craig 28

Duct tape is like the Force... it has a light side and a dark side, and it binds the universe together.

Hungarian eggheads unleash not-at-all-scary DRONE SWARM

Craig 28

I could potentially give them S&R after disasters in an urban area but I can't think of many civilian uses for a flock of quadcopters at 50-100m range, though if they can extend that then yes it may be useful. Imagine TV weather copters being replaced by multiple drones to give greater flexibility or with the right software even a composite overview. Even for militaries though I think unless they're willing to have dozens of them up at once for a truly absurd coverage area more than 3-5 for recon and tracking purposes is probably excessive, and definitely excessive if they're only going after single targets as is more commonly the case today with all this "low intensity wafrare" crap.

Time to pack in your job: Someone FINALLY needs a cat vids curator

Craig 28

Did anyone else read "seeking online exposure" with the internal mental caption of "porn"?

As for the side effects of cuteness, there was once a guy who got overloaded on cuteness working on cuddly animal designs to put on little girls' pyjamas. He invented a little thing called "bad taste bears" just to keep himself sane. NSFW, you have been warned.

Google patents ROBO-TAXIS to ferry punters into advertiser's shops, restaurants, etc for free

Craig 28

My understanding of the US patent system, at least from what I've heard, is you can patent anything and if it isn't valid it's up to competitors to challenge it. This is of course ridiculous since companies such as Google have the funds to tie things up in court with high priced lawyers.

WhisperSystems creates 'suicide pill' for phones

Craig 28

Re: Automatic Google account backups make this useless

I'd personally be more concerned about the local authorities receiving the information from Google themselves than torturing the password out of the user. That said I could see something like this being helpful for aid workers, sending an SMS automatically if they were taken prisoner by a terrorist group in some backwater country to be used as hostages as is the risk of such work.

James Bond's 'shaken not stirred': Down to trembling boozer's hands, claim boffins

Craig 28

Ye gods

Remember people, it's a recommended limit not a target. Same principle as credit card limits, just because you can drink/spend that amount doesn't mean you should. Be adults and use common sense.

Justin BIEBER ploughs cash into NaaS: NARCISSISM-as-a-Service

Craig 28

Just a matter of time before David Cameron posts a "selfie"... damn bandwagoner.

That said I doubt Beaber will ever post a selfie, he's so narcassistic he wouldn't let his visage be captured by anything less than a full photoshoot with proper lighting and professional photographers.

Google barge erection hypegasm latest - What's in the box?

Craig 28

Noone noticed?

They're planning on filling two barges with marketing types? Google just accidentally built two B arks.

Facebook fans fuel faggots firestorm

Craig 28

On another note all visiting Americans should actualy note under no circumstances should they use the word "fanny" with the sole exception of if it is someone's name. Telling a woman to move her fanny will guarantee offence.

HTC phone STOPS BULLET, saves Florida gas station clerk's life

Craig 28

What we need is a phone case in the style of a metal cigarillo case, problem solved. You get the additional protection for stopping cannonette balls from both the case's metal and the phone's components. Bonus points if it has a pocket for a miniature Harrods lingerie catalogue.

Top architect: The TRUTH about dead Steve Jobs' new spaceship Apple HQ

Craig 28

So he's gone from a phallic gerkin to... whatever the term for something that resembles a vagina is? Sounds like this guy has a fixation...

Swedish teen's sex video fine slashed: Unwilling co-star girlfriend furious

Craig 28

Given the obvious impact to her social standing and potentially future job prospects I'd have leaned towards the larger fine, just because a certain subset of youth culture practices excessive openness regarding their sex lives doesn't mean all young people should be expected to hold the same values. While not knowing the situation I can't possibly say for certain if he was trustworthy at the time the video was taken I do suspect there was a certain naivety on her part if it was taken voluntarily though this shouldn't diminish the damages awarded, if we let people off the hook just because their victims were stupid it'd make a real mess of the legal system. On the other hand if this video hadn't been taken voluntarily then the damages are woefully inadequate and I'd have supported at least a short prison sentence for taking the video in the first place.

In either case the lad in question's a dick, if Swedish girls have any sense he'll probably not get another girlfriend for some years.

Turkish TV presenter canned for flashing too much cleavage

Craig 28

Oh el reg, why oh why

Did you give me an advert saying "savvy use of flash"

First, flash is crap

Second, advertising use of flash in an article about a woman's revealing dress?

BOFH: Welcome to Helldesk, ma'am, may I take your bags?

Craig 28

I seem to recall the PFY scuppering a boss he actually liked once, it's a reflex that you can't turn off apparently. His comment seemed spontaneous enough that this seems to track at least, he always has had a tendency to open his mouth before thinking.

This made my day, both the PFY's torpedoing the boss and his death star comment in particular but overall excellent.

'Instant translation' glasses to come online for 2020 Olympics

Craig 28

I'm wary of how effective the glasses would be but the potential even without the translation feature for someone like me who was visually impaired would be enormous if they worked. There are already apps and services via smartphone which claim to OCR things such as menus but having it built into glasses would be very convenient, plus the additional ease in recognising who just said hello to you when you didn't recognise their voice (which can be very difficult in a lot of cases) would be absolutely fantastic.

As for 5G, meh. I can't even get 3G here and even if I could 500mb of data a month wouldn't go terribly far.

Canadian family gives up modern tech to live like it's 1986

Craig 28

Lazy parents blame technology for making their kids lazy? You want the kids to be more active buy them a Nerf gun or a Super Soaker, hell buy them a ball or a remote control car they can drive around outside. Most importantly if ou want them to go outside more go outside with them, spend time together out there together and bond.

Using a disfunctional family for an experiment gives disfunctional results, it's the GIGO principle.

Also from the comment about missing TV programs, even if it is reality crap, why not just watch it live? I know digital TV wasn't around in 1986 but analogue was so having at least live TV irregardless of the transmission medium would give a more authentic experience than no live TV at all. If you can find a digital set top box that works via SCART or other medium which can be plugged into a CRT TV so much the better, you'll get more channels but no improvement in quality.

iPhone 5S: 64-bit A7, 128GB storage, flashy ƒ/2.0 camera, and...

Craig 28

I'm betting this is so that when Apple finally do release a phone with more than 4GB they're not stuck developing two branches of the same OS for legacy devices. Lately Apple has been maintaining the two previous hardware versions as a lower cost alternative meaning they're providing the new version of iOS to the previous 4 models, assuming they would be willing to cut this down to 3 or else put up with a 32 bit legacy branch for one revision, and that they don't make a disproportionate jump in iPad RAM, then we might indeed see 64 bits not brought in until iOS 8 or even 9. One of Apple's good points is despite the limitations they've put in iOS they at least make sure the last 3 or so iterations of hardware can run the new version of iOS, albeit with reduced functionality where applicable, and to achieve that they really need to transition the hardware ahead of the software or else face legacy issues. Of course as others have mentioned it'll also help with software development and testing as far as developers are concerned, if nothing else Apple could provide a preview version of 64 bit iOS at the appropriate juncture to make sure as many apps as possible are ready to go when 64 bit iOS drops. As we all know a device without developer support is worthless and Apple won't want a lag of several months while developers update their apps for 64 bit, many of them take long enough to update to new hardware and software as it is, and Apple certainly don't want to be shipping test iphone units in advance of their public announcement because someone would be bound to leak it.

'Clippy' coup felled by Microsoft twitterati

Craig 28

The office assistant was indeed a pain in the arse, though I did sometimes turn it on with Links because he was cute and some of the animations were mildly amusing. That was Office 2000 for reference if anyone cares.

Daddy-o, you're all wet... baffled by your own kids on the web - survey

Craig 28

Any parent worth their salt would send the kid off the computer immediately upon seeing POS assuming they're swearing online so that's not a concern really. As for lets meet in real life I think stating a time and location would be enough of a give away to let most reasonably sensible people know what was going on.

As for posting under someone else's account vs having two accounts, I suppose the first could be seen as a legal issue while the second would just get you banned from the site.

Question regarding which statement regarding Will I Am songs is worrying? How about the fact that your kid wants the bloody Will I Am song to begin with, and if they do insist on wanting it better to get it from a torrent for free and not fund the record companies for turning out that crap.

That said my mother's boyfriend trashed her windows install by fannying around on the pirate bay and guess who had to fix it. He downloads absolutely anything that's going for free, and thinks just because he has AVG freeware installed he's immune to every virus in existence. He also denies doing it even though NOD32 showed the viruses under his account when I scanned it, through an external hard drive enclosure because it kept reinstalling the viruses when I tried scanning it on the actual system. Mum told him to leave it alone and I was fixing it and what did he do? First thing, he went straight to the power button. And now he borrowed my net connection to access the job centre site to avoid getting in trouble for not trying hard enough to find a job and he's been on the f***ing pirate bay on my connection without even asking if he could do that, and after all the performance we had before. Hell he's hard work for a guy in his 50s. I need to get a new router with a guest network when I can afford it and configure to block all traffic not on HTTP/HTTPS/SMTP/POP3.

Jiggy Pennsylvania couple busted by 25 bike cops

Craig 28

Re: @ Great Bu

Or even more appropriately, if there is a god maybe he decided like other posters have said that the universe should be spared the horror of the offspring and nudged the 25 cycloplods towards them.

Boffin's claim: I have found how to get girls into tech

Craig 28

I'm betting the survey was conducted on aforementioned sorority girls, the kind who put boozy parties above actual rational thought. It's always important to remember that samples can be seriously skewed by who is being surveyed.

Intel demos real-time code compression for die shrinkage, power saving

Craig 28

Lets just hope it's not another incident like the heat factory that was hyperthreading on the pentium 4. I still shudder at the memory of my sister's Pentium D laptop that was basically two P4 cores bolted together into one chip.

Google erases G8 venue from Earth: Microsoft doesn't

Craig 28

I think someone needs to get in touch with the campaign for real time, someone's obviously been monkeying around with time travel again.

Ex-Microsoft man plans brand of consumer marijuana 'fine cigars'

Craig 28

Not quite pot but...

If you went on a pub crawl dressed as Satan would that be Hellbender?

IT bloke publishes comprehensive maps of CALL CENTRE menu HELL

Craig 28

Nothing worse than spending ages on an automated system while it figures out exactly what you want, then getting a generic how can I help you when a human finally answers. I strongly suspect it doesn't even alter who you get put through to in many cases.

So convoluted I thought I saw Amelia Earhart in there, indeed.

Acorn founder: SIXTH WAVE of tech will wash away Apple, Intel

Craig 28

Lets be honest

We've been promised omnipresent computing is just around the corner for such a long time, in popular culture at least as far back as the computer in Star Trek TNG being available to answer every crewmember's slightest whim. We probably will have the capability to achieve this but is the consumer base really interested in it? There will always be gadget lovers who are willing to pay huge amounts of cash for a flash in the pan, like the VR goggles in the mid to late 90s, but chances are it just won't gain traction in the wider market.

Of course I could be wrong and this really could be the next big thing, but think how long it was after the first efforts at PDA/phone hybrids that smartphones really gained any noticeable market share. People just won't know what they're supposed to do with truly ubiquitous computing, they're perfectly happy pulling it out of their pocket when they want it.

COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO: NASA rovers scrawl giant willy on Mars

Craig 28

Re:Botany Bay

I can't confirm this but it's more likely to be named after the Botany Bay on Earth, which the SS Botany Bay was itself likely a reference to.

Here's hoping the next season of Big Bang makes a nod to this.

'He's F**KED with the wrong nerd ... I warned I'd go public'

Craig 28

Firstly it's worth pointing out that Google's spymobiles mount their cameras on poles. I haven't seen them myself so it may well be that they can see things from their elevated position which even a tall human would be unable to see. Secondly and perhaps more significantly there's Google Earth, which has reportedly according to a prior el reg article (can't be bothered to look it up) been used by police in a European country to plan their approach on a property to arrest someone during which process they discovered a quantity of narcotic plants in their back garden. That's good enough quality now to be a concern, and in years to come when they can increase the quality it will only get worse.

If anyone thinks Google wouldn't put up even higher resolution pics on Google Earth they're kidding themselves. Real time is another matter of course, but eventually I could definitely see the updates increasing in frequency.

Playmobil punts bank-heist set to wide-eyed kiddies

Craig 28

Well noone made a fuss about the McDonalds Hamburgler way back when, though I was only a young kid so I might have missed it if they had. The sheer number of action cartoon licensed toys when I was a kid with some kind of guns was very high though, yet somehow everything in the cartoon seemed to fire lasers. Oh and fantasy cartoons like Thundercats (they carried swords damn it so I refuse to call it proper sci fi) and HeMan had plenty of melee weapons. Hell, when I was at primary school the school before the holidays let us all watch Star Wars which involved Luke's hand getting chopped off. (by let I mean forced us to watch, it took all my effort not to fall asleep)

Asteroid mining and a post-scarcity economy

Craig 28

Re:Another apocalypse in making

Then the solar system will become the opening credits to Third Rock from the Sun, complete with Saturn and Jupiter's rings gyrating like a massive hula hoop, and the occasional minor planet potted down a black hole.

Razzies set to torpedo Rihanna's Battleship

Craig 28

Re: Oh, Battleship

Anyone who can resist the urge to shoot Rihanna is clearly a saint, and I haven't even watched Battleship to form that conclusion. If she emptied her gun, knowing Hollywood probably all bazillion rounds in whatever handgun she was using, then there's no doubt that the aliens were clearly far more advanced than any human in terms of morality.

Oh and we need an award for "worst 'original' series" and "worst adaptation". Twilight for the former, Battleship for the latter.

Thunderbirds, Captain Scarlet creator Gerry Anderson dies at 83

Craig 28

At 29 I remember loving all the marionette stuff while they were shown in the 80's, possibly early 90's too. I really do think he did a lot to get the science fiction ball rolling in general and I praise him for that, I also think the drydock/hangar for Stingray was a rather neat little system.

As I've grown up though I've begun to find most of the mechanical sequences showing the people and/or vehicles getting ready to be a little cringe makingly detailed, not to mention including a few too many twists and turns that just add complexity. Couches turning into lifts and hooking onto a miniature rail system are great ideas in their own way but depositing the pilot straight into their seat is just a little too much for my personal suspension of disbelief. I also have to admit his obsession with the covert side of the organisations to be a little over done in a lot of ways, I could give it to him in some of the shows certainly but in almost every show is just a little much.

Then again Star Trek did have all the deflector dish shenanigans...

Divorce lawyer spots increase in Christmas 'text message bustings'

Craig 28

That's got to be the first thing I've heard out of Dickens which wasn't wrist slittingly depressing. I guess even the miserable old sod was human after all.

Prisoner found with phone + charger in anal cavity

Craig 28

I'm sure if they really cared that much they could install mobile phone jammers in the prison or something. I know it'd stop the staff and visitors from using them too but that's the price of security.

Like others I'm wondering what he might have plugged the USB cable into. I'd have thought one of those solar keyring chargers would be more help, but then they'd struggle to give a smartphone much juice at all.

Oh and the article forgot that the internet is also a way to access materials you probably can't access in a prison, namely pr0n.

Kyocera boffins make on-screen buttons feel real

Craig 28

Re: Moor accurate tiepin ...

More accurate hapticks doesn't necessarily mean people will pay attention to what they're doing while typing either. Just think of how many cock ups are made on a conventional keyboard. Still it's a nice addition for those of us who actually pay attention to what we're doing. (He says knowing there'll probably be an embarrassing typo somewhere in this very post)

Man who put the manhood into the Speaking Clock dies

Craig 28

Re: Tom Baker

I know he did the service where a voice reads text messages sent to landlines for a while, with the proceeds going to charity.

Swedes are best at using the internet, says Berners-Lee

Craig 28

Is it just me or...

Shouldn't Google be doing this kind of thing anyway as part of its market research? Suspicious.

Chinese man blows off hands, builds new pair

Craig 28

Re:Love normally

Okay so I'll be damned if I'll shake his hand now... I'm also a little concerned about the possibilities of rust or the mechanism just generally getting gunked up. Oh and don't go round for a meal if he's been serving the food, preparing the food or washed the pots before.

As for China, I doubt even if they did ever introduce free healthcare that the current thinking over there would permit such an expensive operation for someone of such little political worth to the state. Sad but probably true.

First, Google goggles - now the world gets self-censoring specs

Craig 28

I'm just waiting...

For the lawsuits when people realise these things have ruined their eyesight. It's essentially like wearing a prescription not suited to your vision, eventually your eyes try to adapt to the glasses then you can't see properly without them. Trouble is sooner or later these'll probably go out of production, then they'll need to pay for glasses they might not have otherwise needed.

Kidney-for-iPad fanboi sues after illness strikes

Craig 28

Do remember...

The kid's mother suspected he only bought the phone and tablet because he was nervous of being caught with that much money. He didn't necessarily go into the operation intending to buy an iPhone and iPad, if he was being pressured into a spur of the moment decision he didn't necessarily plan out what he was going to do with the money afterwards. A poor decision perhaps but if we allow people to be taken advantage of just because they're ill informed or absurdly naive we'd have people selling suitcases of bricks with "Macbook Air" scrawled on them at every street corner.

NASA hands out $millions to wannabe spaceship builders

Craig 28

Lets be honest

They can't really do any worse than NASA. Great as Hubble is they haven't really achieved much else since the end of the Apollo missions, they're a collection of pet projects which might be useful one day with seemingly little effort made to push the projects along at any kind of reasonable pace. They spend years studying what kind of plants would be best for long term life support in space when we aren't anywhere near the kind of mission length they would be necessary for. While I'm not entirely sure either wa on Boeing I think the general concept here is good, so long as they don't over emphasise haste or cost concerns. I don't think either will be but if they decided to make it a first past the finish line arrangement then that would just increase the risk factor frankly.

Apple Store staircase flagged as Peeping Tom black spot

Craig 28

Nothing new

Depending on the exact spacing and depth of the steps this problem can just as easily happen with wooden or metal slatted stairs, I knew of such staircases at secondary school and college and heard joking suggestions about looking up through the gaps though never knew of anyone who did. In the school it woud have been damned obvious anyway because under the stairs was visible through a large outside window. What can I say, teenage humour.

I wouldn't of course condone anyone actually looking up through the stairs in these cases, and perhaps extra steps to make certain line of sight doesn't work would be good, but ideally I don't feel the architectural principle should be sacrificed simply for something like this. There are times when short skirts aren't practical, windy days for example, this is just another one. If someone gets caught peeping by all means throw the book at them but don't blame the building design, blame the pervert, and if it's a big enough problem wear either a longer skirt or trousers if you're going into a location where upskirt peeping is a risk. I wouldn't expect a woman to cross a raised bridge prone to gusting winds in a short skirt either.

Kiwi pooches turn into ROACH MUNCHING DOPE FIENDS

Craig 28

Re:Stupid grin

With mine you honestly couldn't tell, stupid grin is his default setting. Especially after headbutting my sister's fiance when they pop round to see him. Not that I told him off for it...

Sozzled Americans nagged by talking urinal cake

Craig 28

They still use cakes?

Last I heard of urinal cakes pubs were moving away from them due to theft, apparently it's possible to get high from them or something. Obviously this has either abated (hopefully people saw sense) or the US hasn't had this issue.