Posts by Lee

Notts police seize mobile phone stun gun

@Car HT leads

I've been hit by those. it was the single most painful thing i've done. Just got hit by one spark, but it was an in-one-arm out-the-other through-the-chest Oh-Fuck-my-heart-is-racing zap. Lucky i'm not an old guy with heart problems.

Pentagon rattles sabre at Google's Street View

Reg standard unit of paranoia...

is obviously the (tinfoil hat)/(black helicopter) ratio in the area concerned.

so the more tinfoil hats per black helicopter in a given area, the higher the paranoia levels. the US has lots of black helicopters, but also a lot of paranoid people, probably comes to about ten.

tinfoil hat donned.

New York's Freedom Tower to depend on RFID

Battery powered?

so... will they be broadcasting constantly, or only when they receive a *ping*. I wonder what the so-called _RF_Sensitive's_ will think of that? That' gotta be a lot of transmitters.

I put on my tinfoil coat and hat.

Minister defends National ID Register security

H2G2

It was an Ident-i-Eeze, and was a very naughty and silly thing for Harl

to have lying around in his wallet, though it was perfectly

understandable. There were so many different ways in which you were

required to provide absolute proof of your identity these days that life

could easily become extremely tiresome just from that factor alone,

never mind the deeper existential problems of trying to function as a

coherent consciousness in an epistemologically ambiguous physical

universe. Just look at cash point machines, for instance. Queues of

people standing around waiting to have their fingerprints read, their

retinas scanned, bits of skin scraped from the nape of the neck and

undergoing instant (or nearly instant ? a good six or seven seconds in

tedious reality) genetic analysis, then having to answer trick questions

about members of their family they didn't even remember they had, and

about their recorded preferences for tablecloth colours. And that was

just to get a bit of spare cash for the weekend. If you were trying to

raise a loan for a jetcar, sign a missile treaty or pay an entire

restaurant bill things could get really trying.

Hence the Ident-i-Eeze. This encoded every single piece of information

about you, your body and your life into one all-purpose machine-readable

card that you could then carry around in your wallet, and therefore

represented technology's greatest triumph to date over both itself and

plain common sense.

Microsoft opens APIs and protocols to all

Whoah...

<<-- I can't beleive i just did that.

And it's about time.

BitTorrent busts Comcast BitTorrent busting

@The Solution

my connection in oz is 16 GB then flat rate of $4/GB, charged pro-rata per Mb, but they still _reserve the right to_ shape p2p between 4pm-1am if the network is saturated. It is, however, clearly in the ToS. Also, 1am-9am is counted at half the speed i.e download 2gb only 1 is counted. Also i have a fixed IP and they explicitly permit running servers on the website frontpage. <rot13>nnarg</rot13> if anyone is interested.

NHS frets over Brits' genitalia

wedding tackle?

My vote goes to Full Monty.

Is there any difference on the woman, i couldn't tell.

if it was good enough for Michelangelo then it HAS to be good enough for the NHS.

'Death Star' galaxy blasts neighbour

War?

No one would have believed, in the last years of the nineteenth century, that human affairs were being watched from the timeless worlds of space. No one could have dreamed that we were being scrutinized as someone with a microscope studies creatures that swarm and multiply in a drop of water. Few men even considered the possibility of life on other planets. And yet, across the gulf of space, minds immeasurably superior to ours regarded this earth with envious eyes, and slowly and surely, they drew their plans against us...

Microsoft wins seven figure sum from distie

@BitTwister

>> "guilty of selling tens of thousands of items of dodgy software."

>

>Isn't that what Microsoft already does?

except that Microsoft sells tens of Millions of copies of dodgy software.

should their fine be correspondingly larger?

Wigan man traps todger in metal ring

The IT/PH angle..

an obtuse angle..

or is it an acute [pain] angle?

*COAT* ... *DOOR*

BOFH: Xmas party: Get a wriggle on

@Ice Cold Lager?

speaking as an aussie, isn't brittish room temperature pretty darn close to freezing anyway?

_

|\

Penguin because it's jolly cold in london ; )

Microsoft wireless keyboards crypto cracked

@finally

01100010 01101001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01100111 01100001 01110100 01100101 01110011 00101100 00100000 01110011 01110100 01100101 01110110 01100101 00100000 01101010 01101111 01100010 01110011 00100000 00101110 00101110 00101110 00100000 01110011 01101001 01110100 01110100 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110101 01101110 01100100 01100101 01110010 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01100100 01100101 01110011 01101011 00100000 00101110 00101110 00101110 00100000 01101111 01101111 01101000 00101100 00100000 01100101 01110010 01110010 00101110 00100000 00100000 01001001 00100111 01101100 01101100 00100000 01100111 01100101 01110100 00100000 01101101 01100101 00100000 01100011 01101111 01100001 01110100 00100000 00111011 00101101 00101001

apologies

MS Word edit history snares Scottish Labour on donations

Wouldn't happen to me

Plaintext files don't have a history function :-)

interesting thing to note - a .txt file with a few words made by notepad is ~1Kb, the same few words in word, save as .txt is ~32Kb!

Paris and Britney top US kids' Santa naughty list

@Number 12

"oh no, you said IT..."

"shit, now I said IT..."

"I said IT again..."

"I can't stop saying IT!..."

thanks, mine's the one hanging on the shrubbery...

UK firm 'recalls' 575 knee implants

Sorry

would the patients need to beg on bended knee for a replacement?

rusted joints, oh the iron-y

Coat donned, taxi called.

Telling lies to a computer is still lying, rules High Court

@Is it just me.....

amanfromMars is not getting understandable. You are approaching his level

Charlie Sheen in upside-down iPhone outrage

@FAO: Lester Haines - Your Coat Sir!

A. Coward, You Are A God. I ROFL at your feet.

BOFH: Spreading the festive cheer

foldy tripod chairs

I always worry about my vital parts when i sit on these. And now, obviously, it seems i have good reason to be worried. Brilliance!

How HMRC gave away the UK's national identity

Douglas Adams knew this would happen

" Just look at cash point machines, for instance. Queues of people standing around waiting to have their fingerprints read, their retinas scanned, bits of skin scraped from the nape of the neck and undergoing instant (or nearly instant-a good six or seven seconds in tedious reality) genetic analysis, then having to answer trick questions about members of their family they didn't even remember they had, and about their recorded preferences for tablecloth colours. And that was just to get a bit of spare cash for the weekend. If you were trying to raise a loan for a jetcar, sign a missile treaty or pay an entire restaurant bill things could get really trying.

Hence the Ident-i-Eeze. This encoded every single piece of information about you, your body and your life into one all-purpose machine-readable card that you could then carry around in your wallet, and therefore represented technology's greatest triumph to date over both itself and plain common sense. "

Frenchman spit-roasts 550kg camel

@ Ross Atkins

kangaroo steak is fantastic, as is Emu. .AU is the only country to eat the animals on the coat of arms. ;-)

US man dies in Taser incident

Less than lethal??!!

Bollocks, high voltage is bad for you. I've been zapped by a car ignition coil, hurt like buggery, raced my heart for a good 5 minutes. I wouldn't feel safe about doing it again. And i'm young! An older person who has a less than healthy heart could easily be killed by these things. ~Taser~ should stop marketing them as "less than lethal" and rather as "usually non-lethal". I wonder what the stats are?

Fox News: Filthier than the internet

youtube

has pulled the clip.

alternative, anyone?

Lifelike, sexy robot infiltrators influence Belgian mobs

We're Stuffed

Everyone knows that cockroaches are unkillable

I for one welcome our unassailable robot overlords

Lindsay Lohan in 84-minute jail ordeal

I Wonder

I wonder what she did for the 84 minutes.

Surely no cop cares enough about the woman to last that long

i'll get me coat.

Drunk US man asks drunk son to take the wheel

@@ Drunk drving bastards

I second that motion.

/stands *Applause*

i'm 19 (.au legal drinking age 18) and i've never been drunk. Ever.

Quite frankly i don't much see the point.

All drunk drivers are tossers and should get 10 years --> life in jail.

Woman finds boyfriend dead in catflap

Poor Bloke...

...got into a flap.

was he called Tom?

I'll get me coat.

Crime-busting gator kills Florida fugitive

@Australian Salt Water crocs

Wikipedia gives.

Saltwater Crocodile

• largest of all living crocodilians and reptiles

Saltwater crocodiles can take monkeys, kangaroo, wild boar, dingos, goannas, birds, domestic livestock, pets, **water buffalo**, gaur, leopards, sharks, and humans, among other large animals as well.

...strength to drag a fully grown water buffalo into a river, or crush a full-grown bovid's skull between its jaws.

I live in AUS. I've seen these. SCARY!

Woman bites boyf in wedding tackle

wedding tackle?

Well he had a dog of a day.

Not Wedding tackle but Seperation Tackle.

presumably she wanted him to get the snip?

[rule 8 invoked] [taxi called]

X-Files movie sequel is go

@@The Secptic

and that is a problem why?

is Anonymous Coward jealous?

it's pulling off a ratings hit

[rule 8 invoked]

Camelot pulls scratchcard amid numerical anarchy

@Top story?

There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those who understand binary, and those who don't.

/coat/door

Oz Army eyes electric vibro vest to replace batteries

@Dan

Gallipoli - brittish generals sent us to the wrong beach, held it for 8 months against the turks who held the heights

The siege of Tobruk - held against large german armoured force for 6 months

New Guinea - forced the japs back, the first time the japs lost a battle in WWII

Vietnam - we were there 3 years before the US, at the request of the South Vietnam Govt.

Yes we have an army.

an aussie.

BOFH: Budget cuts

Lager

I'd happily buy the BOFH a drink.

Several drinks.

A lost weekend.

Brilliant!

How just thinking about terrorism became illegal

@He's a witch burn her

VILLAGER #1: If... she.. weighs the same as a duck, she's made of wood.

BEDEMIR: And therefore--?

VILLAGER #1: A witch!

CROWD: A witch!

BEDEMIR: We shall use my larger scales!

[yelling]

BEDEMIR: Right, remove the supports!

[whop]

[creak]

CROWD: A witch! A witch!

WITCH: It's a fair cop.

CROWD: Burn her! Burn! [yelling]

UK minister pledges policing for Second Life

@real crime

If they implant electrodes, why would they bother waiting for the crime to be committed? Caught in the planning surely? for that matter why show up? 50 Kv applied directly to brain ought to do the trick!

It's not just law.uk and law.usa that is going down the drain, law.au is pretty bad too! We should all move to International Waters.

'Fiendish' Trojan pickpockets eBay users

Norton AV

not really a decent Antivirus solution.

Recently (with a fully up-to-date Nortons install running) my computer began exhibiting symptoms of a virus. Unplugged it from the network, installed Avast, Removed Nortons, Avast found 26 viruses, remved them all, now PC is fine. It runs much faster now too.

PC World feels the Vista pinch (again)

@Abdul Omar

Feed the troll.

I recently replaced my Old Beige box with a brand new Mac laptop and I have to say it's the best computer purchase I ever made.

That PC was such a pain to use.

Now I can finally run the latest version of Mac OS. Microsoft upgraded Microsoft Windows in 2007 so as you can imagine it's pretty slow and buggy. Also the integration with my home network never worked properly. Useless I say.

Thank god I'll never again be exposed to the brutal inadequacies of the slow, virus polluted, ugly, inelegant Vista.

Good work with OS X, Steve Jobs sir. My turban's off to you.

I'm now thinking of getting a massive new desktop Mac from Ebay or some other Website so I can run the Same version of OS X and the latest Ubuntu too.

Nokia slides latest Linux tablet onto market

and the winner is...

The iPhone

Obviously

Jobs is God

/troll

cue fanboiz

Pennsylvania woman in legal doo-doo for lav profanities

well well...

...It looks like she's in the shit now.

thanks mate, its the long brown one at the back

...Can you call me a cab?

Cane toads pay dearly for stretching their legs

Easier Solution

Who's up for a round of Golf?

Spanish regulators in mobile price fix probe

one point twenty-one...

...jigga.....euro's?

Chinese tech firm flirts with Seagate

@ amanfromMars

That made sense. Taking your medicine again?

BOFH: OutBOFHd

john & dave?

anyone else read this?

http://www.johndiesattheend.com/

Horror.