* Posts by AlgernonFlowers4

143 posts • joined 30 Jul 2009


SpaceX Falcon 9 and Dragon cleared to hoist real live American astronauts into space

Paris Hilton

Free Falling Paris River

What if I told you insane was working fifty hours a week in some office for fifty years at the end of which they tell you to piss off; ending up in some retirement village hoping to die before suffering the indignity of trying to make it to the toilet on time? Wouldn't you consider that to be insane?

Sky Broadband is not the UK's cheapest, growls ad watchdog


Is it man made?

'And people would rather buy chap shit than expensive shit'

Bye, Russia: NASA wheels out astronauts, describes plan for first all-American manned launch into orbit since 2011


Re: Way Cool...

From Space.com

NASA will likely pay about $90 million for each astronaut who flies aboard Boeing's CST-100 Starliner capsule on International Space Station (ISS) missions, the report estimated. The per-seat cost for SpaceX's Crew Dragon capsule, meanwhile, will be around $55 million, according to the OIG's calculations.

To put those costs into perspective: NASA currently pays about $86 million for each seat aboard Russia's three-person Soyuz spacecraft,

CFAA latest: Supremes to tackle old chestnut of what 'authorized use' of a computer really means in America


Book 'em Danno!

'He was charged with two cases: committing computer fraud for financial gain (violating the CPAA) and honest services fraud and violating the CFAA. '

Three 'and' clauses do not make 2 cases or am I reading it wrong?

Academic showdown as boffins biff-baff over when Version 1.0 of Earth's magnetic core was released



Shouldn’t they be looking for Unobtainium? A ship made of Zircon would have melted long before it got to the centre of the Earth and they wouldn’t have been able to start The Core spinning in the first place to generate the magnetic field!

Ethernet standards group leaves its name in the dust as it details new 800Gbps spec


Insane Speed

Oh goody, soon a lie will be able go round the world several times while truth is pulling its boots on.

Microsoft staff giggle beneath the weight of a 52,000-person Reply-All email storm


Cursed to Live in Interesting Times

Wasn’t one of Blind Io’s commandments that thou shalt use bcc or be cursed to live in interesting times!

One man's mistake, missing backups and complete reboot: The tale of Europe's Galileo satellites going dark


The Road to Bohemia is paved with good intentions!

(Galileo) Galileo.

(Galileo) Galileo,

Galileo Figaro


Oh oh oh oh

No, no, no, no, no, no, no

Oh, mama mia, mama mia (Mama mia, let me go.)

Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me.

COBOL: Five little letters that if put on a CV would ensure stable income for many a greybeard coder


Days of Future Past - Cobol

In the 1980's, I remember Cobol as the programming language for writing real-time client server applications running on Virtual Machines with IDMSX databases, where validation rules and data definitions were held in Data Dictionaries (define once and reuse) but this was a long, long time ago.

Dark matter's such a pushover: Baby stars can shove weird stuff around dwarf galaxies


Matter of fact, it's all dark!

By the way, which one's Pink?

The 'roid in Spain drills mainly on the plain: Plucky Brit Mars robot laps up sun, sand and, er, simulated science


Make Mars Great Again!

This is the voice of the Mysterons. We know that you can hear us Earthmen. It will be useless for you to resist for we have discovered the secret of reversing matter and we are going to build a wall to stop your robotic rovers from crossing our borders and attacking our shrubberies. Make Mars Great Again!

It's big, it's blue, and it'll be raining down on you – it's 3200 Phaethon


Monty Phaethon?

Is it Norwegian Blue? Does it prefers keepin' on it's back! Is it PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!?

Powerful forces, bodily fluids – it's all in a day's work


Barium Meal?

When they said come and have a barium meal, I was expecting fish’n’chips!

NASA to celebrate 55th anniversary of first Moon landing by, er, deciding how to land humans on the Moon again


Re: "real possibility of no US astronauts being present aboard the ISS"

We're all living in Amerika

Amerika ist wunderbar

We're all living in Amerika

Amerika, Amerika

We're all living in Amerika

Amerika ist wunderbar

We're all living in Amerika

Flying to Mars will be so rad, dude: Year-long trip may dump 60% lifetime dose of radiation on you


Re: Anti-ageism

Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids

£1 in every fiver that UK biz, public sector spent on software in 2017 went to *drumroll* Microsoft


Money for Nothing!

Having seen at first hand, it is all to easy for large organisations to carry on paying Microsoft for CALs for users who never logon or have stopped using the system. It took a while to get the message across but let's only pay for accounts that have authenticated on Active Directory in the last quarter and stop giving away money for nothing!

Click this link and you can get The Register banned in China


Gov.UK to make its lovely HTML exportable as parlous PDFs


Print to PDF

On webpage press Ctrl-P to Print, Select PDF as target printer and save as a file (.pdf)

Open plan offices flop – you talk less, IM more, if forced to flee a cubicle


Re: Lost In Space

Even virgin trains let you pick if you want to sit in a quiet carriage or not, so why the downvotes against the right to choose?


Lost In Space

Divide the office into quiet zones and noisy zones. Allow people to sit in their zone of choice and let battle commence.

USA! USA! We're No.1! And we want to keep it that way – in spaaaace


Re: Isn’t NASA announcing life/water found on Mars tomorrow?

Nasa announcement video footage https://youtu.be/DngcYImh0-Q

Is your smart device a bit thick? It's about to get a lot worse


Only Women Bleed?


NASA demos little nuclear power plant to help find little green men


Advanced Power Unit

Is it available from all good Kwik-E-Mart stores?

Morrisons launches bizarre Yorkshire Pudding pizza thing


We'll do you proud

Yorkshire pudding pizza served with live eels stuffed inside a large snake, giant beetles and chilled monkey brains with rhubarb cricket bats for starters

Total recog: British AI makes universal speech breakthrough


Re: Looking good!

Yes it can definitely say that’s language that is

You'll get a kick out of this: Qualcomm patents the 'Internet of Shoes'


Not So Smart Shoes

Shoes: User Error - Wrong Feet Detected!

Me: These are the only feet I've got!

India to world+dog: Go ahead, please hack our elections ... if you can


PokeMan GO

Just troll and spread fake news, so much easier to hack people instead.

Intelligent robots can walk the walk – but if they can't talk the talk, we can't get along


Re: Great...

All they have to do is learn how to tweet 'fake news' in response to anything and they will have won

Boeing details 'Deep Space Gateway' for Mars mission staging

Thumb Up

Trump Tower 2026

On the moon with a wall!

Former Mozilla dev joins chorus roasting antivirus, says 'It's poison!'


To Paraphrase Terry Pratchett

> User education is more effective.

From bitter experience - you can not educate lard.

You have not got the brains of a tub of lard!

Microsoft cans pay-as-you-go Azure for new MPSA licensees


Re: More lockin...

Yes - why introduce a new layer of dickheads when the pay-as-you-go service is fine as it is

Virgin surprises market by hopping into bed with BT for MVNO love-in


No Thanks

To mobile virtual virgins - can't they get real ones?

My fortnight eating Blighty's own human fart-powder


Brawndo - The Thirst Mutilator!

It's got electrolytes!

Ridiculously small Linux build lands with ridiculously few swears


2016: The Rise of the Intelligent (cloud) Machines


Re: A.I. could free humanity...

Blessed are the cheesemakers for they shall inherit the earth after the rich all die from over exerting themselves with their sex robots (Sexbots could ‘over-exert’ their human lovers, academic warns)!

It's Gartner Magic Graph of Wonder time! And Google won't be happy


Re: Spelling errors.

"Or instead of moaning you could report the article in the provided link at the bottom and help them sort out the errors privately"

Why not offer a spelling/grammar bug bonus?

Caption this: WIN a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive with El Reg



Dick was overjoyed when his internet order for a penis enlarger finally came

WIN a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive with El Reg


Winnie thought her business plan for a webcam based laptop dancing streaming service was something not even Lord Sugar could pooh pooh!

WIN a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive with El Reg


What the fuck just happened?

We dropped out of VR because some bastard El Reg hack swiped the hard disk as they had run out of the WD 6TB ones for the caption competition prize!


Cats in their pies

Duane Dibley'e virtual Great British Bake Off was proving to be a hit with young and old alike!


What do you mean I haven't really won the Register caption competition?


What did you pull the plug for? I was just about to collect my EuroMillions £100 million lottery win!

WIN a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive with El Reg


Tits looking for a devine response - Jesus Christ, "It's divine!"


Hugh are you?

Yes you can have a blowjob Mr Grant or my name isn't Divine Brown!

So, what's happening with LOHAN? Sweet FAA, that's what


Re: Can´t you

Ask Paris Hilton to show you the stairway to heaven?

WIN a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive with El Reg


Titillating the hands of IT!



Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2020