Posts by DI_Wyman

BOFH: The Explosive Christmas Evacuation

All I got...

..from the Boss this morning was a cheap bottle of Australian red wine. At least I think it is wine. I am a feared his car may suffer a flat tyre when it gets dark this afternoon.

Merry Christmas Simon.

BOFH: Where's my free fondleslab?

Register Management #

Should not loiter at the top of the stairs.

Should not loiter at the bottom of the stairs.

Should not loiter in the underground car park.

And should not even think about trying to get home this evening by the Northern Line at Leicester Square.

Naked cyclist streaks through Suffolk village

eejit..

...he had no socks on!

NO-SH*T CURE FOR BALDNESS discovered by accident

Well...

..rugger me up!

BOFH: Who's been naughty and who's been nice?

It is..

Friday and BOFH is here....splendid.

:-)

PARIS concocts commemorative cocktail

1 word....

wicked

:-)

US woman @theashes stumped by cricketing tweets

Crickey!

..good job she didn't opt for @massachusetts. Just think of how many Bee Gee fans that would have pulled in

:-)

LHC boffins turn lead into quarko-gluotic Big Bang incrediblo-stuff

Very good, but..

....will it shorten the time period between Monday morning to Friday pubtime?

BOFH: Pain fear games

It's..

slow Friday afternoon on the Hell desk and then along comes this.

My day ends on a high.

Thanks.

:-D

BOFH: Look out!

My....

Friday is now perfect!

Well it will be at 12:45 Z when I will be in the pub.

:-)

How to make boots on Mars affordable - One way trips

Please...

.....can you send my wife?

Burglar cuffed after crime scene MySpace blunder

I guess...

.....the gene pool is pretty shallow on Sugarloaf Key!

Shuttle Discovery further delayed by leaky boil-off umbilical

Maybe....

......Discovery just don't wanna go!

PARIS joins the 17-mile-high club

Nice...

......big round of applause for the PARIS team!

A well done with big shiny irreverence knobs!

US Army's new $0.5bn British airship will fly 'mid-next summer'

Now....

.....that shouldn't be too hard to shoot down!

Clive Sinclair unveils 'X-1' battery pedalo bubble-bike

Splendid.....

glad to know we British are still streets ahead in the inventing total crap game!

Carry on Sir Clive you may get a Gold in the 2012 Olympics.

PARIS laid bare in intimate snaps

'kin...

great.....UK 1 ROW 0

:-)

BOFH: Join the club

My...

Friday is now perfik.....well nearly.......I just have to get to the pub!

:-)

PARIS nursing mother of all hangovers

Fant....

...bloody...tastic.

Well done all!

:-)

Boffins mount campaign against France's official kilogramme

why not...

.....just use half a 2Kg bag of sugar from Sainsburys?

MYSTERY of vanished PARIS spaceplane, playmonaut

Buttock cheeks..

tightly clenched and fingers crossed that you will have some good news soon.

:-(

Palin email hacker asks judge for leniency

LOL...

....but the lipstick totting pit bull was Yahoo Mail. She should have been using Google mail, far more secure.

:-p

Vulture 1 sprouts wings and a tail

Following the Strategic Defence Review..

..the Royal Air Force would like 30 and could you knock up 20 or so for the new Royal Navy carrier?

Cameron: Carriers tomorrow, bombers today

Carriers?

Its not as if you can't sink one with a supersonic anti shipping missle is it?

Oh cripes, I forgot we have no defence against that particular threat.

:-(

BOFH: Lock shock

..to see how the dogs react...”

Crackin' idea Gromit!

PARIS emerges triumphant from hypobaric chamber

Fant..

bloody tastic!

Vulture 1 Mk 2 release mech prepped for testing

Vulture 1 Mk 2 release....... mech prepped for testing

.......mech prepped for testing.

Splendid stuff, fingers crossed you don't have to go to the expense of a Mk 3.

:-p

Black helicopters circle 'Welsh Roswell'

Odds on it was..

....a Welsh hill farmer searching for his favourite girlfriend by torchlight.

MOON SHRINKING FAST - shock NASA discovery

Lottie!

I actually misread your post as .....'the LHC is responsible for all baldness.'

And as a shiny dome head......I agree.

PARIS acquires visual tracking capability

It has to be said......

.......capturing an A4 sheet of cardboard from 23,000 metres was a big ask, but it's hats off to Alejandro for this view.

Splendid stuff, job well done, give that man a pint!

:-)

iPod meltdown strands Tokyo commuters

Dear Steve Jobs....

...come on baby light my fire.

I thankyou.....

ISS cooling pump refuses to come quietly

Can anyone..

..smell something?

PARIS pumps up a Mk 2 release mechanism

Being a pedantic bugger......

may I point out that a tap is for holes and a die for rods?

:-p

Feds admit storing pervscanner pics

In the UK...

........the Department of Transport recently closed a consultation on a code of practice for using body scanners. It, like the TSA, says the machines will not be capable of storing images.

Yep and the Met will stop harassing amateur photographers…….Oh look a flying piggy!

The Sun saves parasailing donkey's ass

Has anyone got..

Rupert Murdoch's phone number? I have got a pig that can fly and cow that jump over the moon. I must be able to make a few quid out of those two..

Flaw could expose 'millions' of home routers

Change password...?

Guess it's not a good idea to use 'admin' & 'password' as the log in credentials to my router then?

Two infosec blunders that betrayed the Russian spy ring

Ah Comrade...

...today we will be using the password putinswilly, now have you written it down?

Good!

See you in Starbucks tomorrow, I will be the one in disguise!

Dos vedanya Tovarisch

Google geek slammed over XP exploit

Other...

......observers suggested Ormandy was acting on behalf of his employer to fuel the row between Google and Microsoft

Never!

Not in a million years!

:-)

BT staff to down tools tomorrow

But..

....will it stop the BT jerk that lives next door to me parking his van on the pavement most nights that then forces all pedestrians to use the road?

Nope, thought not!

ISPs told to keep filesharer naughty list

I'm on..

..the case, already have some official looking headed note paper!

TwitPic-nicking Mail nicked

Circulation?

She shouldn't really worry! The Daily Wails circulation used to be so bad that to 'boost' the numbers you could get a free copy at any Little Chef! And now they don't bother stocking it as it was putting off their customers!

Queen's speech pledges faster deficit cut, 'freedom bill'

Huh?

@ you h 6..........'cos we dun't need one boy!

Atlantis spacewalkers snapped through shuttle windows

Proof...

....this is like the whole landing-on-the-moon-thingy! What proof is there that they are actually in orbit?

Perv scanner todger quips provoke Miami airport assault

Size

doesn't really matter. It's how you use it what keps them coming back for more!

:-p

Radical hypersonic glider vanishes above Pacific

Hope

The sharp-edged delta shaped carbon-carbon airframe, it was hoped, would resist the terrific heat of hypersonic flight much better than previous materials, though it would still burn away to some degree - losing perhaps an inch or two from the leading edges.......or in this case the whole lot. Oh well back to the drawing board!

BOFH: Forgive and forget

BOFH is..

.....back and all is as it should be!

Boobquake fails to destroy planet

A poor grasp?

Iranian clerics have a poor grasp of the fundamentals of plate tectonics. In fact I think you may find they have a poor grasp of most things!

Supersonic stealth jumpjet achieves its first mid-air hover

Now where did..

..I put those F35B's.....oh yeah on that hulking great carrier.....not so stealthy now are thay!

London Sperm Bank whips out its wedding tackle

Sky Cock

When I was a boy I asked me dad what the white lines in the sky were. "Aeroplane farts, son, aeroplane farts!"

Carly Fiorina unleashes 'demon sheep'

Crikey Gromit..

Thatcher is reincarneted before she has even shuffled off the mortal coil!