Posts by Joe K

Mobile games not bringing in the bucks

I used to enjoy mobile games....

..till they got such long loading times(along with fucking unskippable pubisher logo-wank screens) by the time you can start playing your bus has shown up or your shit has hit the water and its wipe time.

Gov u-turn sinks EDS's Indian outsourcing plans

If you'll permit me....

....a snippet from The Simpsons

"Haw haw" - *points at the indian contractors who mostly desperately want to come over to the west permanently*

And Selma: "Meh, plenty more where they come from"

Masked thieves storm into Chicago colocation (again!)

Insurance scam?

Wouldn't any normal company just move location after the 2nd or 3rd robbery? Why on earth stick around, they're obviously the no.1 target for big hits in that region.

Fucking get out of Chicago already!

Oz 'Family First' candidate sacked for todger-flash email

Good stuff

I don't care how IT this one is, i was in hysterics by "my enemies must have drugged me"

The James Bond Defence never works in the real world!

Man who urinated on dying woman for YouTube glory jailed

Grim

This is the kind of crap that bums me out for a few days.

I'm not saying its totally non-reg, if he really did shout about Youtube, but geez.

Now i have the mental image of some scumbag pissing on a poor dying disabled woman to tide me over the weekend.

This is why i've stopped reading the papers. That and the never ending Maddie bullshit.

EDS beagles blast 'absurd' BSkyB

"Murdoch and the wizard's sleeve"

Am i the only one who thought it would be a story featuring Jordan somehow?

Apple: 1.4m iPhones sold, 250,000 unlocked

They wouldn't dare brick all those

....would they??

Thats one HELL of a class action lawsuit if they bricked over a quarter of a million phones, these aren't exactly evil pirates were talking about here.

If people lose their expensive phones because Apple says so they have every right to be majorly pissed off.

I bet theres a lot of "what do we do?!?" at Apple HQ right now.

Virgin Media pins hopes on the broadband donkey

Going down the shitter

"Despite our technical advantage we are still not really standing out from the crowd"

They did, by not having any caps. Then they introduced them and are now the same as all the other ISP's us unlucky brits are forced to put up with.

Now i'm looking at going to Sky soon, their fair usage policy is 100GB a month, and at least there my speed isn't cut in half after i've downloaded 350mb.

RIAA aims lawyers at usenet newsgroup service

"Note: Usenet != Usenet.com"

Actually, thats a point.

I bet the techno morons at the RIAA heard about "some Usenet thing", typed in www.usenet.com, and went "there it is, lets get them!!"

Fucking morons, when they speak to a techie instead of a lawyer and find out that it'll involve shutting down hundreds of well-paid service providers, instead of a nice central server, they'll quietly shelve this one.

Pentagon in orbital solar power plan for world peace

Interesting

So for a tiny fraction of the trillions wasted on war and its weapons, we could have got ourselves a nice orbital powerstation?

A tad optimistic maybe, humans will always find a reason to fight, but still gets you thinking. It'd pretty much end climate change worries too, at least fossil fuel ones from the hundreds of coal fired powerstations going online in Asia every month.

It'd NEVER happen with the current government, who like their oil power very much indeed. Could be a real votewinner for the opposition though.

AOL axes another 2,000 jobs

For the record

I meant IF THEY WERE A GOOD ISP!!

Not "they were a good ISP"!!

What a difference one word can make!

The days of AOL are over

Abandon ship, last one off the boat has to explain what the hell happened to The Stockholders.

The hilarious thing is that they actually were a good ISP, with good speeds, customer support, and crucially *no caps*, they would clean up.

The market could sure as hell use a decent ISP right now, certainly more than another ad broker.

Hackers unlock iPhone - again

Never mind the iphone!

This works for the iTouch too.

So our pricey MP3 gadget may actually get a calendar that works, and an ebook reader would be nice too.

I'll wait till they refine the hack, as its a nightmare to get going,

Content delivery firm trials novel authentication method

Good stuff

Shame someone will get fired for this.

Ironic if Phils mum was actually a lady of the night too.

MPs slam employment agency IT

Obvious

I've worked for both EDS and the Jobcentre, never have i seen a more brain-dead couple so suited to one another.

One keeps sucking up the money the other is happy to keep handing over.

Not that the money ever reaches the "employees", so you end up with either indian data-chimps or 18yr olds here on minimum wage not giving a toss about their work.

Yay for outsourcing!

Online casinos hit by bot armies

Errrrr.

USA today? A quote in dollars?

I thought online gambling in the land of the "free" was punishable by death now, naughty journos.

So thats about £1.5mil a year? A nanoscopic drop in the ocean. Wouldn't even keep Kerry Packer in socks for a year.

RIAA hits paydirt: wins first music-sharing jury trial

This story is a joke, surely?

It has to be a joke, come on.

I can't believe that this kind of extortion can go in, in a courtroom no less.

Utter insanity.

Apple TV 160GB media player

Well thats crap then

No divx, xvid, or anything? Whats the point of that then?

Everything worth downloading, all the HD copies of The Office, Prison Break, ect, won't work.

Honestly, its plugged into a PC i presume, surely you could rely on the PC to play and just stream to thing bloody thing.

I'll be leaving my PC plugged directly into my DVI connection of the HD telly then, or burning things off to DVD.

Harvard boffins brew up chilli-based anaesthetic

Amazing stuff

This could be huge, chilli's target pain sensors yet do no damage, so why not attach a painkiller along for the ride. Brilliant.

I read that theres a burning sensation until the painkiller kicks in that they want to get rid of, but i could live with that.

Japanese Wii sales rain on PS3 parade

Another week, another console sales "story"

Yawn, is this a regular occurence now? Its not even christmas for fucks sake.

Honestly, with the PS3 being more than twice as expensive its like comparing sales of mars bars to caviar.

Utterly pointless.

Now if they were the same price it'd be interesting, otherwise its just getting tiresome.

Microsoft: New Live Search 'as good as Google'

Google isn't a good yardstick anymore

Type most stuff into Google and the vast majority of guff you get back are sites either trying to sell you something, or link referral/"review" sites.

I would hope that someone somewhere is trying to get us a search engine again without all the capatalist junk.

And yes, i know about http://www.givemebackmygoogle.com

Acer plans renewed effort to drag up PC prices

Growth growth growth!

Meh, almost everyone who wants a computer now has one, and we don't need to upgrade as much as we used to.

A low-end dual core will be able to do everything now for years to come.

Would love to see those boardroom graphs for all these idiots who rely on them to keep going up every year.

Vodafone billing woes continue

You get what you pay for

Always amuses me to read stuff like this.

Having worked with many outsourcing companies, including the ones mentioned, it comes as no shock to hear that they appear to be staffed by a bunch of minimum-wage monkeys who couldn't care less about the job at hand.

Yet still the march for cheap labour rolls on. Anything for the shareholders.

ABN Amro customer deets tip up on BearShare

Bearshare?!?!?

I haven't heard of that since about 2001 when it was castrasted by all for being riddled with spyware (one of the first offenders)

Bloody hell, people still use that thing?!?!???!

Malware spectre haunts Adobe Reader

Adobe are the new Real

They shouldn't have to scan PDF's for malicious code, its a bloody text/graphics document!!

I'd like to thank whatever fellow commenter on the reg pointed me towards Foxit, a STAGGERINGLY better PDF reader without all the addon/spyware/pointless bullshit that Adobe is packing on.

Just look where that got RealNetworks! Idiots.

Facebook's marketing goldmine may be crock of shite

You underestimate how dumb the masses are nowadays

Especially the morons who use Facebook.

Lil' Britney will happily enter her birthday so all her moron friends can see when to buy her the next Peter Andre album.

Wii becomes best-selling next-gen console

Oh bloody hell, who cares?!?

What is this, the 15th "story" about some tabloid style chart site that proclaims "x sells the most" once per week??

Who the hell cares, except the fanboys, and i wouldn't wipe my arse with their opinions.

If they all cost the same price, like albums, then it'd mean something, but they dont. The PS3 still costs a bloody fortune, i'm amazed its sold so many already, and the Xbox is dead in Japan and forever will be, the yanks love nintendo.

End of.

MusicStation arrives, but will we pay for digital music?

You had me at "£1.99 a week"

...then lost me again at "DRM".

I ain't paying to RENT music! If it was vanilla MP3's, at 192kps or higher, i'd be all over this, and my days of piracy would be over.

Next idea please.

Toshiba to tempt Matrix buffs with freebie HD DVD player

Huh?

So if you buy the HD-DVD Matrix, yet don't make the cut to get the player, then what the hell do you do with it?

List price is $100, so it'll probably be £100, i wouldnt pay that without having a player first, and couldn't afford both as i'd rather spend that kind of money on a PS3.

Mars rovers roving again, for now

I love those little guys

Its amazing that those things are still going. They're on another PLANET for cocks sake!! I hope they trundle on for decades.

Come on, we have little robots exploring that planet in Total Recall, thats gotta count for something!

NBC to Apple: 'You're fired!'

Utter bollocks

The american version of The Office is SUPERB!! And i love the UK version, and hate americanising of our shows.

But seriously, if you haven't give it a go, get past the first few episodes and it takes on a life of its own and is the finest comedy since Arrested Development.

As for it being off Itunes.........meh.

Like Homer says "why pay for something you can see on TV for free"

AVG cries wolf at Adobe Reader

Can't complain

Yeah, i have to disable it to play Bioshock, but seeing as its free and it doesnt rape my system like Norton/McAfee, i can live with the occasional false positive.

Families bond over video games: report

Spending time with family causes bonding shocker.

And wait till Rock Band comes out..

That will either unite them even more, or cause kids to leave home through embarassment.

UniquePhone answers sceptics with video

Print this

Seeing as my comment never made it to the last comments page, which degenerated into nothing more than another "i hate/love the iPhone", i'll try again.

Uniquephones have degenerated into scam artists. They used to be reputable, but now they are not giving out unlock codes to NORMAL phones, never mind the friggin iphone. They take your money and thats the last you see of them.

The support section of their site has been AWOL for months, emails and refund requests go unanswered, and some of us are awaiting a dispute decision from Paypal, hopefully resulting in freezing of their accounts.

All of world's biggest firms hit by typosquatting

Who buys those adverts?!

What kind of moron would, when surprised to see an ad-riddled page instead of their desired site, clicks on adverts?!

No-one, thats who! If i was a company who paid for an advert somewhere but found it on link/search/typo dumps, i'd sue. This isn't advertising at all, its dumping customers paid-for ads on sites no-one wants to see or takes any notice of, and quoting utterly meaningless visitation statistics.

"20 million people a month will see your ad". No, i think their eye will be drawn to the url they've typed in to see how they cocked it up.

Sky to offer broadband to non-TV punters

Kick up the arse for VM

Hopefully this will convince VM to drop the ridiculous throttling they've recently implented, which is the sole reason why i'm considering ditching them.

Sure, Sky ain't perfect either, but at least you get what you pay for, and don't get your speed cut in half every night yet still have to pay the same like with VM now.

Channel 4 cans Celebrity Big Brother

I believe him

I don't think it was anything to do with racism, just that no "celeb" of any kind would now go on such a career destroying show.

It used to be thought that it'd resurrect your career, no-one is falling for that anymore. Besides, they'd all rather be on Come Dancing, or whatever soft crap the BBC is desperate for Z-graders for.

Foxy Brown hauled off to jail

Who?

The one from that crap Tarantino film?

I thought she'd be too old to get pregnant now.

Still hit it though.

Amazon punts grot flicks to hardcore Natalie Portman fans

V for Vagina

V for Vendetta was pretty good i thought. I'll have to get back to you on the grumble flicks.

Who the hell would buy porn on amazon anyway?! If you're on the interweb, limitless free porn is a mere click or 5 away.

Virgin Media boss in shock exit

Good riddance

Now hopefully all the other NTL nazis will piss off too so the company, formerly a quite nice Telewest i was happy with for 7 years, will be free of their seemingly customer-hating antics.

Pirated Simpsons movie traced to phone

Luxury?

Christ, they are anything but luxury.

Anyway, back then we all had 21" sets with one speaker and 4:3 aspect ratio.

Now we have 32" (minimum) HDTV's for £400, with DTS soundsystems available for less than £50. I'll take the home experience anyday now.

I guess the studios know that putting them up for download in HD would kill off 60%-80% of cinemas within months. And that would do wonders for the box office receipt/chart system on which the industry precariously relies on.

Moron

Like mentioned, the DVD perfect copy has been around the net for months.

Even better, its a leaked screener complete with a FACT warning left at the start.

I'm not a pirate, i just can't be arsed with putting up with kids and other idiots spoiling the cinema going experience, that and the godawful quality of screens nowadays.

If they legally had it available for download i'd have happily paid for it.

Sony threatens to evict naughty gamers from Home

Sounds good

Though can we get anyone under 16 banned as well? Just because they annoy me.

And they don't need to know where you live, he probably just said that because he doesn't know what a MAC address is.

YouTube-Viacom trial turns comic

1 BILLION?!?

The logic of the stations baffles me.

So some kid posts it on Youtube, so that means that Comedy Central lost 340 million viewers as the WHOLE of America is watching it for free courtesy of Google instead?!

If anything needs satirical comedians, its that courtroom.

Porn company Perfect 10 sues Microsoft

Print porn mags?

They still make those?

Nokia gets into user-created crud content

And this is better than Youtube.....

....why, exactly?

Yawn, next!

Boffins simulate plasma-eating dusty 'life-forms'

Trek-fest

And don't forget that nifty episode of Voyager where they flew into a nebula that turned out to be a big plasma creature.

Total world Wii sales close in on Xbox 360 tally

Fanboy-wank

I'm sick of all this "who is winning?" arse, who cares as long as the console you buy doesn't go tits-up after 2 years or so.

Well, on that basis MS is not a good bet, its fairly likely that the Xbox Revolution will be out within 24 months and MS expect us all to bet on their third horse.

And stop it with the "Wii is revolutionary" guff, its a gamecube with a new controller.

Council employs automatic PC shutdown

Again?

This is a copy of a previous story.

Expecting the same comments:

1./ "Why spend money on a program when you can set your GPO's to shut down the comps when idle in the power options."

2./ "If they went off the IP list for exclusions then you'd have random shutdowns as DCHP assigns addresses elsewhere"

3./ "We used to wonder why the site went offline for a while after 5pm, our cleaner used to unplug our server everynight for her hoover"

Harry Potter and the Virus of Doom

Bizarre

This article made me feel like i was on LSD at a geek party 2 days after the last book came out.

Mental.