Posts by Rogerborg

US govt says it has cracked killer's iPhone, legs it from Apple fight

Re: Why is it not a good outcome for Apple?

If by "a lot of trouble" you mean Googled "iphone 5c hacks" and paid some monies, sure.

Murdochs won't talk to MPs over phone-hacking scandal

Wait, what?

If I become a citizen of Umbongo Land, can I then just stick two fingers up at UK law?

Last I checked, laws apply to anybody IN the country, regardless of citizenship - he doesn't have diplomatic immunity, although doubtless he'll buy some if it appears convenient to do so.

Official: Pastafarian strainer titfer is religious headgear

As the great Bill Hicks said : "No middleman required"

Yes, but Hicks was always ripping off Martin Luther.

BSkyB/News Corp merger: Wait for the cops, says Ofcom

[Blah blah I'm not a mong, this doesn't effect me]

This effects you because the Mong Mob will vote for whomever Murdoch tells them to vote for. This makes him the de facto Emperor of the Minor Murdoch Islands (nee Great Britain).

Consider him as Berlusconi, only Murdoch hasn't even bothered stroking his ego by wearing the crown in public.

I'm not even saying that he's a particular malignant Emperor, but he and his creatures are demonstrably above the law. We should just send him the Magna Carta so that he can wipe his arse with it.

ICO: Volunteer to be audited by us, we might not bust you

Muppet mongs

Sending demands for payment[1] to Councils? Why not just send the taxpayers a bill directly, it works out to the same thing?

The ICO should bring cases against individuals, go after commercial targets, or sod off and get proper jobs.

[1] Last I checked, a "fine" can only be imposed by a court, not some pathetic quango.

WTO: China being naughty over rare-earth exports

China vs The World

I know who'll blink first, and it won't be the [INSERT PRINCE PHILIP IMPRESSION OF CHINEEE FELLOW] ones.

Twitter hacker flings poo at PayPal

Yup, can't see anything inaccurate in those tweets

Never, ever, have more than you can afford to lose sitting in a PayPal account. It's like splitting your money red-black at roulette - you win nothing, and eventually it's going to come up green.

Cameron backs public inquiry into NotW hacking claims

If Murdoch strangled and then ate an orphan, live on Sky 1

I'm betting that Downing Street would really make good on their threats, and send him a Strongly Worded Memo.

Actually, I'm being a bit ridiculous, aren't I? More like a respectful suggestion to please consider moving future orphan devouring to after the watershed.

UK will obey Euro unisex-insurance rules from 2013

Women shouldn't have to pay as much as men for insurance!

Why, taken to an extreme, they might get it into their pretty little heads that they should *earn* as much as men.

Star Wars fans want Sony sued over game shutdown

Cupid stunts.

Instead of giving the money to lawyers, why not offer to buy the source and rights to the game?

Oh, it's not financially viable? Quell surprise.

Strike hits police, ICO and the Rev

Moan, moan, public sector has it so hard

I don't see them resigning in droves for the milk and honey to be had out here in the real world. Why's that then? Hmm?

Aaaanyway, more power to 'em, and keep those bleeding heart bleats about being overworked coming while your department runs just fine on 10% of its usual staff and nobody else notices a difference.

Feds on trail of LulzSec raid Ohio house

HE'S SPARTACUS!

And so's his wife.

No honour among thieves, no backbone among spackers. They'll all be busy working on their "bigger boys did it" plea bargains by now.

New plan: Send humans into space, keep the robots on Earth

Sex bot, sex bot, you're my sex-bot

No longer do astronauts' spouses have to DIY it while their other half is exploring outer space. Never mind Waldo, how about Dil... bot?

Lloyds aims 15,000 job cuts at IT and back office

Might as well just call it "Bank of Bank"

What's the (actual) alternative now? Santander?

Teenager tries to trade virginity for iPhone

Come round my estate after 8pm

You can get anything you like for a bottle of Buckfast and a £10 phone credit.

Ads watchdog bites Virgin Media over 'con' claims

Virgin are actually pretty fast

Until you hit the cap after a stunning 10 (ten) minutes of using the advertised bandwidth, and they throttle you back to 1/4 speed for 5 hours. Over 24 hours, you can (at most, under ideal conditions) use about 1/3 of the bandwidth that you think you're paying for.

I've noted this to the ASA, but they durrrrn't seem to get it.

Proper scientists: Old folk should drink more, not less

Psychlos want people to be happy

Like bodywork shops want people to drive safely.

Bunch of miserable Vulcans, the lot of 'em. Send 'em all back.

Councils and police to publish speed camera data

More common bleedin' sense from Mike "The Bike" Penning

Comprehensive educated, ex army, ex fire-and-rescue, decent working bloke who got into politics late. This is what happens when you vote for the guy who's CV doesn't read "Sociology degree -> election agent -> election candidate".

Can we clone him, please?

Travelodge admits hack

My financial data hasn't been compromised?

Well, yesterday you said that about my email.

Accused SOCA attacker reportedly 'keen' to help cops

Now the squealing begins in earnest

I look forwards to seeing many more Lulztards wetting their pants as they're arrested one by one, and point the finger at the next tard in the logs.

Fridge-sized war raygun for US bombers gets $40m

$39,833,499?

Well, that'll cover lunches, plus the PowerPoint explaining why they need another $150 million or so to reach the next stage of development: a yacht for every executive.

Virgin Media blames Activision for Call of Duty lag problems

Heh, "managed", nice newSpeak

Try throttled. Or strangled. Or held down and donkey punched while being violated by a rhino.

And all the time, a PR bunny simpers "Oh, golly gosh, no, we don't 'manage' that sort of thing[1]! Gee willickers, no sir, no we don't."

[1] Sotto voce: "to the best of my knowledge"

The real reason most source is closed? Open is hard

Consumers consume

I open sourced a little app about 5 years ago, saying "I'm done with it, here's all the source, released to the public domain, no license terms, do as thou wilt. Here are clear instructions for the (free) tools that you need to build it, and here are step-by-step build instructions. Good luck."

To this day, I still get both polite request and bare faced demands to implement features X, Y and Z. As far as I can see, not one of the sponging mongs has taken it upon themselves to pick up the ball and do their own build. You just can't help some people to help themselves.

FBI fat-thumbs data centre raid

Tried and tested method, chumrades.

They had to destroy the data centre in order to save it.

Apple dealers hit with Lion bar

Snickers

Bit of a marathon story there.

The KILLER MUTANT FUNGUS in YOUR DISHWASHER

Hahahahaaha!

My mate died of cystic fibrosis at 26! HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA! What a laugh, eh?

Met arrest alleged Lulz hacker

1337 days in pokey

Come on, y'r honour, sentence for the lulz.

Apple wades in to defend developers

You got this from Mueller?

Then I'm guessing that the true story is that Apple are suing Lodsys whose customers are stepping up to defend them.

That's the beauty of Mueller: he's never, ever right about anything, so you can be sure that the opposite of what he says is the unvarnished truth. It's all about consistency, chaps.

Flickr thinks again about 4,000 pix loss

As grown ups figured out many years ago

"Deleting" an object should usually just mean flagging it as such. Adding storage costs less than losing revenue, and it's better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it.

Couple crash into church, curse satnav

I like to blame squirrels

There's one called Charlie Orange who hides under the seats and tells me what to do. I have to obey him or he bites my ankles, Drinkstable.

Nine per cent of gamer kids are 'addicted'

Ha, Singapore? The world's most benign dictatorship

Just ask anyone who lives there - they'll look over their shoulder, then tell you how happy and law abiding everyone is.

Ever see the McCoy Who story The Happiness Patrol? That was just Singapore with a giant Bertie Bassett.

Console games 'hack' reseller gets community service order

Dude, what?

Don't you know that mod chips are distributed by The Serious Organised Terrorists, and that they sneak out at night and harvest your childrens' organs while they sleep?

Why do you hate the children?

Police reject Labour MP's call for Bristol-wide DNA test

>how the fuck is it possible for someone that stupid to get elected in this country?

She wasn't elected, she was selected by "Community Leaders" who deliver blocks of votes to whomever promises them the best housing deals for their cousins and wives (with lots of overlap) straight off the plane.

Kerry has basically brought the democratic process of downtown Mogadishu to Bradford. Can't fault her for her cultural inclusivity.

Mum arrested for seducing teen on Xbox Live

>Wonder what achievement he unlocked?

Epic Level Gonorrhea.

Look, if you're a 13 year old boy with unmonitored intartubes access, nothing a real broad does to you is going to corrupt you any more than what you've already seen online. I bet she didn't even know what teabagging was.

Ford unveils all-electric Focus for 2012

Utter, total, complete unmitigated fail

Taking your stock heavy steel-and-glass-box and slapping technowank batteries in it is the opposite of smart. Instead, make a new plastic or carbon fibre box that weighs as much as a tart's undies, slap a couple of AAs in there, and you're good to go.

Enraged wives hand Pakistani polygamist vicious shoeing

Uh, IT?

I fancy some peanut butter on toast. Go on, run a story on that.

Labour moots using speed cameras to reward law-abiding drivers

nuLabour thinking in the raw

From the the crowd that made "cockholster" a lucrative career path and gave prisoners X boxen in return for not stabbing each other too often.

So having introduced so many laws that everyone is guilty of something, the idea is to arbitrarily reward a token number of random people who didn't get caught breaking one law at one specific point in time? Presumably irrespective of their past or future behaviour.

You know, I think even Orwell would have a hard time satirising that, but I'd love to see him try.

Boney M frontman checks out at 61

<-- Icon

That is all.

Skype still staggering after major blackout

Can't they just move it into The Cloud?

All this technobabble about "supernodes" seems awfully complicated. Surely that should be Somebody Else's Problem?

Massive new US spy airship 'could be used to carry big cargoes'

Guns. Guts. Guts and guns. Butterfly.

... Butterfly WITH A BOMB.

Since the opposition just has rocks, it should be safe to float this thing just out of rock-range and bomb them slightly further back into the stone age.

Santander mixes up 35,000 bank statements

They really are fucknozzles

Call up any bank in their group, beep boop, press 2 if you don't know your credit card number, boop, enter your date of birth, beep. Based on your CLI and date of birth, your credit card balance - for any card issued by any bank in our group, even if you naively think you've called a different bank - is...

Yes, for realsies.

Councils show true grit in the face of ... FOI requests

"at -20 you cannot even skate or ski"

I've skated at -25C, but since you say that's unpossible, I must have been deluding myself.

Duke of Edinburgh gives spintronics researchers a pile of cash

But if such devices are made in China

Won't the orbits be all slanty?

self->coat.get();

BAA accused of banning passengers from filming travel chaos

Good news from Central Services

Tomorrow, the flight ration will be increased from 300 flights to 200.

Senior Guardian hacks turn on Assange

Hello, World

Catching on about Assange yet? If not, give it time.

Queen set to outlaw ID cards today

Jobs for the New Old Boys

Don't get your hopes up - it's just shifting contracts to a different lot of Friends and Family.

Mind you, if they're looking for populist ideas then burning the DVLA to the ground and salting the earth would guarantee a landslide win.

Missile defence FAIL: US 'kill vehicle' space weapon flunks test

Limp wristed nancy boys

The Commie plan to defend Moscow was (and as far as I know still is) for the Inner Party to flee for bunkers deep underground, while airbursting nukes overhead to slag any incoming warheads at a safe(*) distance. Soviet pragmatism at its best.

(*) Safe for the Inner Party - the Outer Party and Proles are glowsticks either way.

Car immobilisers easily circumvented by crafty carjackers

Rise in car thefts = rise in gyppos

Now, I'm not saying that you can prove there's a casual relationship, but come onnnnnn.

Struggling MySpace inks new Google deal

MySpace is also still used by hookers and rent boys

The distinction between musicians may be a fine one, but the hookers and rent boys do have a slight edge in dignity - they only pimp themselves out to one john at a time.

2010: The year open source went invisible

What's Linux on, 1% of desktops?

Might as well get your editorials from that guy trying to sell Commodore 64s.