Posts by Bilgepipe

KIBOSH 'non lethal' sticky-bomb hits a car, fills it with gas

"For The Win," an American sporting term, I believe.

Nokia's Brave New World is (almost) Finn-free

Colours

No brown ones?

The IBM PC is 30

Just FS?

Our testing was much more extensive, and covered Space Quest, Leisuresuit Larry and EA Golf. We had to be certain those machines were /absolutely/ compatible....

Logitech unwraps fold-away keyboard for iPad

Re:Buy a laptop

Why buy a laptop if you've already got an iPad?

Nokia's software exits the US market

Windows Phone

I wonder how much Windows Phone's success will be linked to Nokia's? If Nokia fails in the US (or elsewhere), is there enough support from other manufacturers to make WP7 viable? Will Microsoft just buy Nokia to prop WP up?

Windows Phone dev GM splits with Microsoft

Knob

>>> "Remember, every time you use Google, a puppy dies."

What a knob.

"Every time you use Bing, you don't find what you're looking for."

Lightning strikes cloud: Amazon, MS downed

The Cloud

So, this whole "cloud computing" thing can be felled by a bolt of lightning? Is there no redundancy built into this rubbish at all? Wow.

Let's see an end to this cloud nonsense, ffs.

Beware of Macs in enterprise, security consultants say

Windows?

Yeah, because Windows has the whole "security" thing down pat.

Google claims 'bogus patent' conspiracy against Android

Ahhhh

Ahhhh, poor Google.

So why was Google also bidding for those patents, then, and would this guy be bleating and whining if they had won them?

Microsoft man saves drowning woman

Clippy

Hey, it looks like you're drowning. Would you like help with that?

- Yes, I'd like to call for help

- No, I'll drown

- Explore more drowning options online

If you choose Yes, you'll be prompted to upgrade your life jacket and fall in again.

How about...

The guy has a Zune, but all his music was on PlaysForSure....

RIM launches five BlackBerry smarties

Nokia

Same reason people would buy a Nokia Meego phone - they wouldn't.

Serial Web2.0 investor pumps Twitter valuation to $8bn

How much money?

Apparently it doesn't /need/ to generate any money - the people behind it just grab a chunk of that "investment" for themselves:

>>> Half of that money is understood to have been dished out to staff and shareholders at the privately-held company.

So they'll all be quids-in even if Twitter tanks.

London plods raid Wikipedia in counter-anarchist operation

Beech Volleyball

The ball is made of wood, apparently.

What?

Police arrest alleged LulzSec hacker 'topiary' in Scotland

Heh

I can haz fonecall?

Sorry, time travelers, you’re still just fiction

Dilbert

http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/2006-05-07/

Nuff said.

Microsoft hit with lawsuit in Kinect tech spat

Karma

Aren't Microsoft the ones trolling companies with a patent on the Progress Bar?

Karma's a bitch sometimes.

Apple Mac OS X 10.7 Lion Part Two

Conversations

>>> Messages with the same subject line are grouped together iPad-style too. Apple calls them "conversations", although since they don’t include your replies, these conversations are a bit one-sided.

I believe there's a hint on OSXHints describing how to add your replies..

Apple Mac OS X 10.7 Lion Part One

Reviewer Fail

>>> If I want to run Adobe InDesign CS5.5, I do not want to call up LaunchPad, flit back and forth between screens until I find a group called ‘Adobe Creative Suite’, click it to open it up and then hunt through the 20 or so programs in there to find InDesign, especially when I also have to distinguish between InDesign CS5, CS4 and CS3 (not to mention CS6 in beta) on the same computer.

Well don't bloody use it then. Did you have Steve Jobs holding a gun to your head forcing you to use it? And if you can't be bothered to rearrange your icons into usable groups then you only have yourself to blame.

Your mom, girlf, boyf: Spying on your phone and email

Cats

I'm sure my cat is monitoring my communications. I just can't prove it.

MS bashes BlackBerry in tablet fight

Windows Tablets

Wait - there are Windows tablets? I genuinely had no idea.

Nokia WinPho handset resurfaces in factory flick

Generic Winphones

What other types of Winphones are there?

Captain Kirk's Google+ account gets zapped

That joke....

Awesome.

Ofcom ignores radio in annual report

Carbon Shmarbon

See the years along the bottom of the carbon graph? They're aiming to cut the same amount over two years that they just cut in one year.

It's all just waffle.

Azure: it's Windows but not as we know it

Err...

Sounds straightforward enough then...

Samsung Chromebook: The $499 Google thought experiment

Yes, Microsoft killed the netbook

Steve Ballmer was really quite public about his intention to make netbooks much more expensive than they were at the time by increasing the ransom - sorry, price - he charged OEMs for his shitty software.

So setting aside the fact that many people didn't know what they were getting when they ordered a Linux netbook - which is a different problem entirely - yes, Microsoft killed the netbook. The price of this Chromejunk thing isn't relevant to that fact.

One-armed Belarus man monocuffed for clapping

Hair

That bloody comb-over should carry a few extra years imprisonment, too.

GOLDENBALLSUP! Beckham website defaced

Disney

>>> But my money is on Harper Finkle a character in the Disney Channel sitcom Wizards of Waverly Place.

You know...... I can picture David Beckham watching Disney quite a lot.

Harper Seven

Harper Seven - isn't that Latin for "My parents are both as thick as posts?"

Sweaties decode ultimate mystery of chips

Racism

Being Scottish is nothing to do with race.

Please learn the meaning of the word "racism" before post[ur]ing again. Thank you.

'Unconvincing' Met top cop Yates: My phone was hacked

Slippery

Heard him on the radio. He was as slippery as a slimy, eely, slippery thing.

Putting the Square Kilometre Array on a Cloud

Einstein

>>> ...and if Einstein was right with his General Relativity Theory

Let's face it, he probably was...

Apple said to have 3G-enabled iPod in pipeline

Err...

>>> Though, again, Wi-Fi would be sufficient.

Well... not in an area without Wifi coverage - you know, like most of the world.

Google+ disk space cockup creates notification spam-storm

Hmm

Off to good start, then, this Google+ thing.

Xboxer SWATTED by armed cops after online spat

Leaky

>>> Indeed, Xboxes have long been known to leak users' IP addresses...

Who makes those things again?

Oh yeah. never mind.

Apple to out-ship HP in 2012, say pundits

Only

>>> HP ... needs only tell 15m tablets

They better start selling paracetamol then...

Ballmer leaves investors speechless in Seattle

Fixed

>>> "There's a reason why we'll do almost $70bn in revenue this year and we'll make over $20, whatever, $26, $27bn in profits," he added.

"Because our customers are stuck with our expensive junk products whether they want them or not." he continued.

Pricey Apple Thunderbolt cable inner chippery exposed

Do some research, ffs

Look it up - optical cables are coming down the pipe and will be compatible with existing Thunderbolt ports.

Oh, sorry, facts getting in the way a bit there. Pay no attention.

Because...

...the port can also handle forthcoming optical cables - and the "gubbins" for sending and receiving the optical signal is also in the cable. If the gubbins were in the port the port would not be compatible with optical cables and you'd be whining about that instead.

Read up on the subject.

Microsoft patent points to Skype snooping

WTF?

>>> - algorithms can use the sound of keyclicks to guess [...] what is being typed.

Is that claim actually supposed to be taken seriously?

Bloke ordered to remove offensive numberplate

Ooooh, a private plate Range Rover... * yawn*

... "Everyone just bursts out laughing when they see it and it's unique."

They're all unique, genius - that's kind of the point.

Umbrella-wielding Steve Ballmer gets cloudy with Office 365

Testing Schmesting

>>> The company said today that 200,000 people had tested the beta version of Office 365 since it was released in November last year.

Lots of people test all of Microsoft's software, but it's still all a big pile of shite.

Cloud storage survey FAIL: May have to, er, back up

No Sh*t

My bandwidth cost has NEVER decreased, and I can pick up a 1Tb hard disk for £40-50. Nuff said.

Side-lined suppliers beat on Police procurement deal

Failed already

Our IT supplier wanted £90 for a GPS dongle I can get off Amazon for £15. Anything like this has failure written all over it.

'Robots can save America', says Obama

Hmmm

The factory where my father used to work categorised employees as "Cost Units." I wonder what these robots will be classified as/

Google battles MicroSkype with 'open' VoIP protocol

Heh heh heh

Eight and a half billion dollars.

DRM-free music dream haunts Apple's app-store lock-in

WTF?

What a crap article.

Apple's next iPhone planned for September, says report

Re: Attention. We Interrupt This Programme with a Dose of Reality...

Pipe down, you, you'll make the trolls cry. Coming in here throwing facts around. Tsk.

Fact Straightening

>>> That would be Apple fanbois, I believe.

Not when they're on two year contracts they don't.

Bluetooth goes 3D with Apple

Patents

Apple have been quietly patenting a lot of ideas which might relate to this, like an iPod which links to your fitness machine at the gym to record your workouts, etc. It did take them years before the iMac would pair with stereo bluetooth headphones though.