* Posts by Shooter

158 posts • joined 13 Jul 2009


'I'm telling you, I haven't got an iPad!' – Sent from my iPad


Re: Which is why I always turn off email sigs...

I've got a Proficiency in Computering Certificate from my company IT department!

Beware the fresh Windows XP install: Failure awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth


Re: eX-hamster


I see what you did there...

PC printer problems and enraged execs: When the answer to 'Hand over that floppy disk' is 'No'


Re: "The IT manager turned up clutching a clipboard"


A clipboard, a flashlight, and a pissed-off expression guarantees that no one will bother you!

Trump issues toothless exec order to show donors, fans he's doing something about those Twitter twerps


Re: Is it true

I had never heard of Nebraska Man until now, so thanks for that.


Re: Thoughts and prayers

"So, if it's the older population that dies then there goes the Congress, the Supreme Court, and much of the Executive branch including the guy at the top. Not to mention many of the top corporate guys."

No, the people you mention will all be fine. They will have access to daily testing and the very best medical care money can buy.

Grandma and grandpa Joe Public, however, are screwed.


Re: Simple Response.

There is both an official presidential Twitter account, and Trump's personal account.

He prefers to use the personal account. Shut that one down. Force him to use the official account, or shut up.


Re: Worst American president ever

You might be surprised.

A group of crows is called a "murder" for a reason!

So you really didn't touch the settings at all, huh? Well, this print-out from my secret backup says otherwise


Re: Fear the

Well that sucks!

Back in March he tweeted that SFTW would be in "self-isolation" for the duration. Never saw a thing about him leaving El Reg permanently

Home working is here to stay, says Lenovo boss, and will grow the total addressable PC market by up to 30%


Re: Home working leads to more laptops

In a related vein, here's my story...

I used two different PCs at work; one a desktop shared by all the technicians, and the other a laptop used for giving presentations at customer sites.

I was informed at the end of 2019 that both machines would soon be end-of-lifed and no longer allowed on the corporate intranet (Windows 7 machines too old to be feasibly upgraded to Win 10. Both machines saw limited use - since I'm no longer in an IT related business, most of our work can easily be done on the company-provided iPhones. But it can be very hard to review electrical schematics on even the biggest iPhone screen!)

Put in a requisition to replace both machines with the cheapest company-approved models, and of course the req was sat on by skinflint management for several months. Then came the corona cutbacks; all spending frozen. And next came the "temporary" lay-offs and work-from-home orders. Followed by the permanent job loss of a number of co-workers, which resulted in a sudden excess of available laptops. Now I have a much better machine than I'd ever hoped for!

Frankly, I'd much rather have my co-workers back.

You can't have it both ways: Anti-coronavirus masks may thwart our creepy face-recog cameras, London cops admit


Re: A solution occurs to me

Close, but no cigar.

I think it's probably all the ANPR cameras that are deployed everywhere. The better to spread the virus more widely!

Behold: The ghastly, preening, lesser-spotted Incredible Bullsh*tting Customer


Re: "He had made up the stories of his friends"

A school in Canada. You wouldn't know them.


Re: Yes the users are bad

I loved my old (boutique) DSL provider for exactly the opposite thing. I would have an issue (rarely, 2-3 times in over 10 years), troubleshoot on my end and give them a call.

I'd get a real tech on the line, not a script monkey. I'd tell him what I've already done, and he would believe me. "Right then, we'll run some tests on our end". It always turned out to be an actual line problem. Once it was because AT&T cut their own line while running service to my neighbor :(

I was sad when that provider decided to get out of the residential service biz.


Re: "He had made up the stories of his friends"

I suspect he made up the "friends".

Stripe is absolutely logging your mouse movements on websites' payment pages – for your own good, says CEO


Re: Prevent fraud ?

They are available as Add-ons for Firefox. Don't know about other browsers.

Search for Canvas Fingerprint and AudioContext Fingerprint.

Elevating cost-cutting to a whole new level with million-dollar bar bills


Re: remote diagnostics

Sometimes that's all it takes to cement your reputation as a miracle worker!

Iran military manages to keep a straight face while waggling miracle widget that 'can detect coronavirus from 100m away'


Re: ADE 651 - it's not just for detecting bombs!

Hey - I have a golf ball finder just like that!



Re: you may laugh

The earliest conspiracy theories that I heard did indeed claim that the virus was engineered as a bioweapon by the Chinese. Actually, the first "theory" I heard had it that there were two versions of the virus - a "weak" strain that was meant to be released first in China and thereby immunize the Chinese, followed by a stronger strain to be unleashed upon the rest of the world. The story is that someone screwed up and released the wrong strain first.

Once it was shown that the virus was almost certainly of natural origin, the narrative has switched to claiming that it was being studied as a potential bioweapon in Wuhan and escaped into the wild either deliberately or accidentally.

I've only heard these theories from fans of talk radio and conspiracy web sites, not reliable news sources.

A paper clip, a spool of phone wire and a recalcitrant RS-232 line: Going MacGyver in the wonderful world of hotel IT


Re: Luxury

Five or six years ago I was helping my parents clean out their cellar prior to moving house, and came across a shoebox full of paper tapes from my high school years (mid '70s).

The tapes that hadn't gone moldy were so dry that they couldn't be unrolled at all without crumbling to bits.

Guess what's heading to trial? IBM and its tactic of yoinking promised commissions after sales reps seal the deal


Re: In a previous life

I now work industrial service rather than IT. For a few months I was sat at the Spare Parts sales desk while I was on light duty status (recovering from an injury). When I was told that I had a budget to meet, my first thought was "How can that be? I have no control over how many parts a customer might need and no say regarding the prices". And my job didn't involve calling up customers and flogging parts; I was essentially just an order clerk.

Whatever. Not like I was going to make a career out of parts sales...

So about a month into that role, I get a Request For Quote from one of our biggest customers for a huge number of various widgets. I do the research, find the appropriate part numbers, pricing, shipping, etc.; and get the order. It took most of a week to get it all sorted, but blew away my budget for the month.

I proudly went to my temporary boss with the good news that I had exceeded my budget.

"That's not Spare Parts," quoth he. "That's Components".

"Huh? How can that be? I sold the same stuff last week (in much smaller quantities, to different customers), and it was Spare Parts then!"

"Once you exceed X number of dollars, the sale moves from the Spare Parts budget to the Components budget, regardless of what parts they are".

I asked "Well then, who's the Components salesperson? Next time this happens I'll let him spend *his* time on figuring this all out".

He just smiled and said, "Me. Thanks for helping out my bonus".

That's when I discovered that "bonus" is spelled "bone us" at that company!

Remember Tapplock, the 'unbreakable' smart lock that was allergic to screwdrivers? The FTC just slapped it down for 'deceiving' folks


Re: hmmm..

"Q1: how tough is the metal loop on the lock? Related q: how tough is whatever the lock is used to lock? A good bolt-cutter or a heavy hammer would work wonders."

The linked article discusses the shortcomings of the metal used for the lock.


Remember that clinical trial, promoted by President Trump, of a possible COVID-19 cure? So, so, so many questions...


Two additional points to your comment:

1) The *quine drugs are not just used as anti-malarials, they are also used to treat other serious diseases such as lupus. And apparently the dosage has to be pretty closely controlled as they can become toxic in pretty short order. Also, I understand that they can cause heart arhythmia in some patients.

2) Due to the wild speculation over these drugs, I have seen reports that some doctors and pharmacists are already hoarding them for use by themselves and their families. This is causing shortages for patients who in some cases are already having a difficult time filling their prescriptions do to problems associated with being in lock-down.

That awful moment when what you thought was a number 1 turned out to be a number 2


I don't see this so much in modern (i.e., recently written books), but I notice it a lot in e-book versions of older titles. It's very obvious that someone simply scanned a paper version of the original work.

It would be nice if Amazon would correct these errors and update the edition I purchased automatically. I don't see a technical hurdle to doing this, as all of the e-books live on an Amazon server somewhere, and occasionally get removed from my local storage (every so often I'll go to re-read a book, and even though I know that I read the book on *that* specific device, it still needs to be downloaded again).

It's not like I'm going to purchase a new copy of the book just because of a few typos, so no financial incentive to *not* do this.

I know, there's no financial incentive for them to update already purchased books, either. Just saying that it would be a nice gesture to paying customers to do so. And I'm assuming that they correct errors when they are made aware of them. I'm probably wrong in that regard also.

Announcing the official Reg-approved measure of social distancing: The Osman


Re: Anti-social distancing

My suggestion is that everyone be legally required to wear antebellum-style hoop skirts at all times. [1]

If your skirt touches someone else's, you are too close!

[1] Possibly fitted with warning lights and/or buzzers.


Re: "two metres (six and a half feet)"

A two-metre meter!

BOFH: Gosh, IPv5? Why didn't I think of that? Say, how do you like the new windows in here? Take a look. Closer...


Re: "There are no stupid questions..." as I always start my Q&A sessions

I had that Demotivator on my desk for several years.

I heard somebody say: Burn baby, burn – server inferno!


Re: But of course

"Man, I would have so fired that guy."

Out of a cannon!

Tech can endure the most inhospitable environments: Space, underwater, down t'pit... even hairdressers


Re: Cigarette smoke.

Back in the day (early to mid 90's), i replaced a fair few floppy disk (later, CD-ROM) drives that had died an early death due to cigarettes.

Floor-sat tower computers, with fans sucking in carpet fibers and mixing them with nicotine smoke, made for a short life span for anything with moving parts. The rest of the computer usually survived a bit longer, but not much.

I was quite pleased when smoking in the office was outlawed!

Windows takes a tumble in the land of the Big Mac and Bacon Double Cheeseburger


MickeyD's is how the cool left-pondian kids generally refer to the burger slingers.

The time that Sales braved the white hot heat of the data centre to save the day



Despite never having been in the military himself, my father gave me the advice that served me best on the day I left for boot camp:

"Keep your sense of humor - but keep it to yourself!"

Tea tipplers are more likely to live longer, healthier lives than you triple venti pumpkin-syrup soy-milk latte-swilling fiends



my urologist informs me that green or black teas are contraindicated due to my issues with kidney stones.

So herbal teas are it for me. Currently enjoying Orange Spice.

We’ve had enough of your beach-blocking shenanigans, California tells stubborn Sun co-founder: Kiss our lawsuit

Thumb Up

Re: Not quite right

I would upvote you., but you currently stand at 42 and I'd hate to spoil that.

Icon instead.

Flying taxis? That'll be AFTER you've launched light sabres and anti-gravity skateboards


Re: @ Warm Braw @ Charles 9

Here, you forgot this ==>

Greetings from the future where it's all pole-dancing robots and Pokemon passports


Re: Haptic dick pics popularity

I shudder to think of the animated versions!

Y2K? It was all just a big bun-fight, according to one Reg reader


Re: optionally employed

I bought a generator in March of 1999. I wasn't even thinking of Y2K at the time; I was just tired of the spring storms knocking out my electricity for days at a time. Made even worse because my house is on a well rather than city water - no power meant no water, no water meant no toilets, etc.

I ended up paying about twice what I would have a year later, and was quoted a delivery time several months in the future (it actually showed up about a month early). Still, it was worth every penny when the power was out for a week in November 1999! Water, warmth, and a refrigerator full of unspoiled food..

The time PC Tools spared an aerospace techie the blushes


Simpler times

But not always easier times.

I still have nightmares of the time (mid '90s) that I was the new supervisor of a new branch office for an industrial service firm. Our regional administrator showed up bearing a slightly used SX386 with a minuscule hard drive and two 3.5" floppy drives. At least Windows was already installed. MS-Office was installed via about 45 floppy disks - nothing productive was accomplished that day!

Why is the printer spouting nonsense... and who on earth tried to wire this plug?


Re: DIY Electricians


IT protip: Never try to be too helpful lest someone puts your contact details next to unruly boxen


Re: Even after he'd left...

*PHB* refers to Pointy Haired Boss, of Dilbert fame.

BOFH: Judge us not by the size of our database, but the size of our augmented reality



I was almost certain that was a misspelling of allocate. Then I thought "Nah, he's too smart for that".

So I looked it up.

You learn something new every day!

Linky revisited: How the evil French smart meter escaped Hell to taunt me


Re: obligitory

Found the physicist!

The time a Commodore CDTV disc proved its worth as something other than a coaster


Re: hmm

So, what's it like being born on the 5th day of the 23rd month?


Re: hmm

Many years ago a friend of a friend bought an old farmhouse that the suburbs had grown up around. Just the house, no appliances or furniture. His new wife preferred to cook on gas rather than electric, so they went out and bought a gas range.

Not being very handy himself, he called my friend for help with the install when the range was delivered. My pal went into the basement to look for the gas line, but couldn't find it anywhere. Thinking that he would start at the gas meter and work his way back, my friend discovered a capped gas pipe next to the house - not even a meter on the pipe!

Cu in Hell: Thousands internetless after copper thieves pinch 500m of cable in Cambridgeshire


Everything you always wanted to know...

...about the electric chair.


Thanks, El Reg!

Outlook turned eBay into DD-Bay: Topless busty babe mysteriously fronts souk's emails


We're looking into the matter and will take the necessary actions to support our customer

So Microsoft is going to provide a brassiere?

Beware the developer with time on his hands and dreams of Disney


Re: Why yes, yes I have...

Up voted just for "needs ironing".

US regulators push back against White House plan to police social media censorship



In my mind's eye, I can picture all the "croonies" standing around and serenading Trump.

Security? We've heard of it! But why be a party pooper when there's printing to be done


Re: On-call was compulsory

I had a similar issue years ago when the service company I worked for switched from pagers to mobile phones. I would have one bar of signal when in my driveway, but once in my house it was "No Service".

I even offered to carry a pager in lieu of the phone, but corporate had canceled the contract with the pager company, so that was a non-starter. And for whatever legal reason, the answering service we used was not permitted to have our home phone numbers. I could have left the company phone in my truck and forwarded the calls to my home phone, but the idea never occurred to management and I never suggested it. 8^)

Every so often we would get a new manager, and before long he would bitch about me not answering after-hours calls. I would happily point out the memo in their desk regarding my lack of service, and suggest switching cell providers. Since that decision was well above their pay grade, the issue was promptly dropped and I would go back to nights of uninterrupted sleep.

Here's to beer, without which we'd never have the audacity to Google an error message at 3am


Drunken troubleshooting

About 25 years ago, when I was transitioning into industrial maintenance, an old army buddy and his wife were visiting over the Christmas holidays. We'd spent the evening drinking, went back home and everybody retired for the night. Just as I was turning the lights out, my pager went off in that annoying fashion that they have. Even though it wasn't my week to be on call, I answered the page anyway (new enough at the job to want to appear reasonably eager to please).

The tech paging me was in full-on panic mode: He had what he swore was an electrical problem at a paper mill, and the entire mill would shut down in about two hours if he didn't get the machine up and running. I told him I was three sheets to the wind and not about to go to work in that condition. He said I was the only one who had answered his cries for help, and he was practically in tears. So I agreed to look at the problem, but he would have to pick me up and drive me back, and under no circumstances would I speak to the customer or touch the equipment - I would just point and tell him what to do.

Got back to the mill with about 45 minutes left before the shit hit the fan. Several mill supervisors standing around asking dumb questions. We went to the machine in question and shut the door behind us. The original tech showed me the problem - the motor would bump a little, but give no more movement before tripping the overloads.

I took one look and told him that the motor was fine, but the brake was so far out of adjustment that it wouldn't release. Not an electrical problem at all. Two minutes later everything was running smoothly, and I was in the passenger seat of his truck snoozing while he wrapped up the paperwork and basked in the adulation of a grateful customer!

BOFH: Oh, go on, let's flush all that legacy tech down the toilet


Re: Check everyday

"Where is our favourite tart?"

On holiday for the month of August.

Rise of the Machines hair-raiser: The day IBM's Dot Matrix turned


Re: I had the reverse situation

Judging by the upvote/downvote ratio of Cristoph's comment (as of the time of this writing), it's more like 87%.


Re: Try a Lathe

When I was in high school, I had a chemistry teacher who showed a select few of us how to make nitrogen triiodide.


These days he would certainly be fired, and quite likely arrested if he dared to do such a thing.



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