* Posts by Shooter

230 publicly visible posts • joined 13 Jul 2009


How is this problem mine, techie asked, while cleaning underground computer


Re: Nasty IT places

By far the nastiest place I ever went to was a rendering plant. In high summer.

For the uninitiated, a rendering plant takes in all the leftovers from butcherings (sometimes roadkill as well, but not this place) that had no value on it's own. Think fat/tallow, guts, blood, beaks, feet/hooves, etc. That stuff then gets "rendered" (processed) into commercially viable by-products. The smell alone is enough to knock you off your feet, and there's a coating of rancid grease over pretty much everything on the plant floor. Including the electronics. Covers helped, but not much - you still need ventilation!


Re: Oil company security

Or this...



Oil company security

Of course they were secure - they didn't want the secrets of how to run your car on water to "leak"!

BOFH: Ah. Company-branded merch. So much better than a bonus


Re: When do people understand that cash rules?

I believe the word "salary" is derived from the payment the Romans gave their soldiers to purchase salt.

Florida folks dragged out of bed by false emergency texts


Re: The thing is

Ideally, the alert is sent after the nuke is launched, but before it detonates.

Thus, allowing everyone to view the fireworks!

Thanks for fixing the computer lab. Now tell us why we shouldn’t expel you?


id Software's finest...

Gotta use the BFG 2000 on those printer demons, er daemons!

Techie fired for inventing an acronym – and accidentally applying it to the boss


Re: brightness adjustment needed

You could ask some random Moscow resident...

Cop warrant orders Ring to cough up footage from inside this guy's home


Home-brew to the rescue?


What's up with IT, Doc? Rabbit hole reveals cause of outage


Re: Ouch

What - never heard of hydroponics?

Canadian owes bosses for 'time theft' after work-tracking app sinks tribunal bid


Re: Thinking Time

Since he was gone for a cig break, we can guess it probably wasn't the fresh air!

BOFH: The Boss has a new watch – move readiness to DEFCON 2


Re: Savages, savages I say!

Puts my OCD into overdrive!

I compromise by leaving the switches that I see most frequently in the DOWN position when off. Then I try to avoid looking at the switch that's UP when off. Works well for the cellar lights, and acceptably for the outside lights (controlled from the front door and the garage entryway).


Re: Very nice episode again

Maybe they feel that the Russians have stolen their thunder.

Senior engineer reported to management for failing to fix a stapler


As Dabbsy would say...

"Autosave is for wimps!"


Fixing an upside-down USB plug: A case of supporting the insupportable


Re: Can't put my finger on it

Dabbsy got sacked a few weeks back.

He can be found at: https://autosaveisforwimps.substack.com/

Datacenter migration plan missed one vital detail: The leaky roof


Re: Architect Smartitect

You forgot to mention Dunder-Mifflin.


Re: worse yet

This is actually the origin of my handle on El Reg. I was widely known as the guy who would "shoot down" idiotic management ideas before they were implemented.

Nowadays, those same types of plans are thought up several management layers (and often several states) away from where us lowly plebs have to implement them.

BOFH: You want presentation layer, but we're physical layer


'work to rule'

Sometimes known as "malicious compliance'.

Not that I would know how that works.


Well, Dabbsy *does* live in France currently...

Keeping printers quiet broke disk drives, thanks to very fuzzy logic


Re: Carpets are nothing compared to tobacco smoke.

I think I've told this story before...

About 25 years ago - back in the days when we still had such luxuries as in-office admin people - we had a PC with a CD drive for our office gal, who was a fairly heavy smoker (the smoking was heavy, not the gal herself). Eventually the CD drive stopped working, and the IT department was consulted (at that point I was industrial service, not IT).

In due course, a new drive arrived at our office. No IT tech, no instructions, just a drive in a cardboard box. The office gal was aware that in a previous life I had "done something with computers", so asked me for help. No problem! Until I opened up the PC's case.

I could barely make out any of the innards, as everything was coated in a nasty mixture of carpet fibers and sticky nicotine residue. The computer was unplugged, taken out the back door and cleaned with compressed air before being (carefully) vacuumed. That at least made it possible to replace the CD drive. Everything else was wiped as clean as could be while in place, the PC was buttoned up and returned to service.

A short time later the law was changed to forbid smoking indoors, and sometime after that the lady in question moved on to greener (or not, as the case may be) pastures.

Icon for required PPE -->

BOFH: It's Friday, it's time to RTFM


Re: This brought back nightmare memories ...

I remember reading about a young officer at his first posting who had written a report chock full of TLAs.

His superior promptly returned it to his desk with the letters "UNA" scrawled across every page.

Perplexed, the young officer asked what UNA stood for.

"Use No Abbreviations", came the reply!

Enough with the notifications! Focus Assist will shut them u… 'But I'm too important!'


Re: Does your neighbour have kids?

Makes a certain amount of sense in this particular use case - a battery too drained to power the car's drive motor would still have plenty of juice to operate a few LEDs and a speaker.

On the other hand, it's not like Junior is driving a Tesla through Death Valley. No big deal if the toy car just grinds to a halt.

Rejoice! System Administrator Appreciation Day (SAAD) is nigh


Brother, does that ever ring true!

British intelligence recycles old argument for thwarting strong encryption: Think of the children!


Re: Surveillance

Smart TVs...

No more fossil fuel or nukes? In the future we will generate power with magic dust


Re: "some of the daylight that the sun carelessly drops in our direction and is just going to waste"

"a Cambridge physicist calculated a few years back that, given the typical density of UK housing estates (20+ dwellings per acre), geothermal heating would not work except for the few, as there wouldn't be enough to go round."

Holy crap!

My house sits on a one-acre lot, and I sometimes think my neighbors are *still* too close for comfort. I can't imagine living with 19 other homes on the same size plot.

(I know - I'm privileged.)

Switch off the mic if it makes you feel better – it'll make no difference


Re: Four......

The way I play, they are!

Thinnet cables are no match for director's morning workout


Re: Full names please.......

During the course of my professional duties I have made the acquaintance of both a Randy Dancer and a Rusty Cox.

Have you tried restarting? Reinstalling? Upgrading? Moving house and changing your identity?


So that you can be locked out if you don't pay the subscription.


Why should I pay for that security option? Hijacking only happens to planes


Re: Would they ever...

This reminds me of the only time I ever managed to put a blemish on my mortgage payment history.

Back in the day (about the turn of the century) I had the habit of spending my Saturday mornings paying the upcoming bills. Writing actual checks by hand, as I wasn't yet comfortable with internet banking and bill-pay. Then off to the post office to drop them in the mail, and continue with the rest of my Saturday chores.

Then one day I had a phone call from my mortgage company, letting me know that my payment was a bit light that month. Turns out that I had inadvertently put the check for the electric company in the mortgage envelope and vice versa. I immediately called my bank, to be informed that the electric company had already deposited my mortgage check. So I then called the electric company to ask why they had done that, and ask for a refund. The electric company said they thought I "was just making an advance payment", even though the check wasn't made out in the name of their business. And was roughly twenty times the amount of my normal bill (budget plan - same amount every month, adjusted annually. Makes it easier to plan the bill payments).

I immediately wrote a new check to the mortgage company, but I didn't have enough money in the bank to cover it until the electric company returned the over-payment, which took a LOT longer than it did for them to cash the check in the first place. By the time the mortgage company received my new check, it was past the grace period, so I was charged a penalty and got a black mark on my payment history.

I don't blame the mortgage company - after all, the initial screw-up was all my fault. Nowadays, I make sure I have enough funds in the bank to cover several months of bills in case of any problems, but at the time I was freshly divorced and things were a bit tight. And I've learned not to pay the bills until AFTER the first cup of coffee!

Software guy smashes through the Somebody Else's Problem field to save the day


Re: Why cant you

For the uninitiated:


Reg reader returns Samsung TV after finding giant ads splattered everywhere


Re: Used to be so easy . . .


That's what children were for!

Oh! A surprise tour of the data centre! You shouldn't have. No, you really shouldn't have


Re: I could only wish

I believe he may be referring to the fact that thecodelesscode hasn't been updated for over five years.

I have no answer for that one.

Try placing a pot plant directly above your CRT monitor – it really ties the desk together


Re: Back in the olden days

Audiovisual Auto-Alert Fuse!


Ah, I see you found my PowerShell script called 'SiteReview' – that does not mean what you think it means


Re: Dangerous sites?

Way back when dinosaurs roamed the earth and there were more than two major cell phone operating systems, I was researching which system I wanted to invest my electronic future in.

Let's just say that when googling for Symbian, you *don't* want to leave out the "m".

Glad to have made that particular error at home, and not at work!


Re: Hands on...

The guy's "tackle" was the issue.

BOFH: Where there is darkness, let there be a light


Re: Anything with a network connection can be scanned

Nope - as Bob specified, the tenth "tail" is used to form the handle.

A real go-GETTR: Former Trump aide tries to batter Twitter by ripping off its UI


Re: Litigiousness.

A good example is the suit filed by the Dominion voting machines folks.

They are suing *specific* people for *specific* statements that Dominion claims damages their reputation in a way that harms their business. They are not suing over general remarks made by random people. That is generally covered by freedom of expression clauses.

Will Dominion prevail? I have no idea - there is a ridiculous amount of legal mumbo-jumbo from both sides to be sorted out by the judge. But I can guarantee that whoever loses will be appealing the case as far as possible. This will drag on quite a while.

Radioactive hybrid terror pigs have made themselves a home in Fukushima's exclusion zone


Re: The Tower of London collection has just the thing...


My understanding is that Hawaiians will hunt wild pigs with just a knife.

They call it "poke da pig".


Re: Domestic cross breeding is the real problem

I spent the early '80s in the army, stationed in SE Georgia (the state, not the country).

Feral pigs were quite a problem, enough that we would sometimes stop patrolling and circle up when the pigs were checking us out at night. Got bad enough that some of us would carry a magazine of live rounds (as opposed to blanks, and carefully segregated from them), or personal sidearms. It was a well-known secret, and officers/NCOs never made an issue of it. The pigs did not seem particularly impressed when we shot blanks, but artillery simulators made them scatter!

I suspect things might be different these days.


>>when bread with domestic pigs

I call that a ham sammidge!


Serious question

Why do Brits sometimes drop the definite article "the"?

I've heard them say "I went to hospital"; and the same person will say "I went to the library".

Why "the library" and not "the hospital" (as we left-pondians say)?

Thanks in advance...


Re: I, for one,

Have you seen Washington, D.C.?

Ouch! When the IT equipment is sound, but the setup is hole-y inappropriate


Re: "tales about all manner of things being inserted into all manner of orifices"

She probably could have stuck a matchstick in before the glop set and pulled the mess straight out, but felt you needed a sharp slap on the side of the head just for doing such a silly thing!

BOFH: Oh for Pete’s sake. Don’t make a spectacle of yourself


Non-idiot colleagues

My what?

Never heard of those!

Playmobil crosses the final frontier with enormous, metre-long Enterprise playset


Flat cats

Holy crap! I (vaguely) remember checking that book out of the school library when I was about 10 years old.

Never made the connection to tribbles, though.

Amazon exec's husband jailed for two years for insider trading. Yes, with Amazon stock


Club Fed


Dealing with the pandemic by drinking and swearing? Boffins say you're not alone


Re: The 5 rules of problematic drinking

In my experience, beer in a glass tends to go flat more quickly. But I'm not really a quick beer drinker.

At least, not after the first five or six.

We don't know why it's there, we don't know what it does – all we know is that the button makes everything OK again



I copied this from a comment in a different thread, years ago:

"In the late '70s I used to work at a cinema, and we were constantly beset by menopausal women complaining that the theater was too hot, followed immediately by post-menopausal women complaining that the theater was too cold (I know that sounds sexist, but I honestly don't recall ever having a male complain about the temperature). This was during the "Energy Crisis (TM)", so the HVAC system was set at a government mandated setting, and the thermostat was in a locked plastic box to boot. I quickly learned to respond "Yes ma'am, I'll get right on that! Takes a while to change the temperature in a huge room like this, though." Then I would ignore the issue. Very rarely got a second complaint..."

Icon, for the temperature >>

Whatever you've been doing during lockdown, you better stop it right now


Re: That "family" movie review site...

As a counterpoint, may I refer you to the God Awful Movies podcast?


You don't have to pay to listen, but Patreon was a convenient (not player-specific) link.

How many remote controls do you really need? Answer: about a bowl-ful

Thumb Up


Kept mine specifically for use as a media player/remote control.

Currently, all my TVs, set top boxes, etc., are older than the G4, so I haven't had any issues with programming codes not being up to date.

And when I'm working around the house, I can use it to listen to music without being too concerned about damaging an expensive phone.

For blinkenlights sake.... RTFM! Yes. Read The Front of the Machine


Re: Communicating with only obscenities?

I'll just leave this here...