Posts by hplasm

New 'iPhoD' can 'adjust the speed of light by turning a knob'

Perhaps it's the cabling?

Is it Schrodinger's Cat V ?

Privacy watchdogs challenge laptop seizures at US borders

Or your cash-

Don't go.

I feel sorry for the US citizens- they have no choice.

DWP spent £1m on search engine 'biasing' in single year

Why do they need Marketing?

It's not like there is any competition.

Apple inks Ping trademark deal with golf gear maker

Where's me jumper? Where's me jumper? / "

Where's me jumper? / Where's me black turtleneck jumper?

NASA seeks inflatable popup roof for camper vans on Mars

Ah, the early designs...

Like the first atempt at the Lunar Module, all boiler plate and rivets.

If this habitat ever gets off the ground (!) you can bet that it will look more like it was designed in Lothlorien than Vladivostok.

That tourist railing will be the first to go...

IT engineer fights spider with improvised flamethrower

Of course you can't inhale a vacuum-

you'll die, son.

SCO gets sale approval

Ninepence!

I bid nine pence! Ten if I get to punch that Darl guy!

Diesels greener than electric cars, says Swiss gov report

Lithium?

Won't the fusion plants provide tonnes of lithium?

HP pays to end fraud probe

BANG!

And the dirt is gone! (under the carpet)

grenade full of Barry Scott.

PC World, Currys to offer cash for clunkers

And is probably worth a lot more now.

And faster than Wintel.

Danish rocketeers poised to reach for the skies

HEAT launch?

HEAT= high explosive armour tearing.

I see why the neighbours are nervous...

Boffins build lie detector for crooked CEOs

Rather...

Can they run over Phorm's top brass.

Internet, China and Russia destroying US, rock and roll

That Stevie Nicks!

She'll be putting cats in bins next, you wait and see!

Pupils find teacher's abuse images

These days-

Drawings of 18+ fully clothed in Burkas. With the word 'porn' next to it.

How extreme is your pr0n? Depends on your lawyer

Why is this stuff illegal

When other offensive material, such as the Daily Mail, and the participants of reality TV shows are not?

Taxi to Mars, please.

Sun-like star HD10180 thought to have Earth-sized world

Planets in the 'Goldilocks Zone' are hazardous-

For obvious reasons.

q.v. 'Savage Planet'

Paris - because she probably wrote the screenplay.

Skeletal scanner would ID terrorists from 50 meters

How about Adamantium?

At X-ray Station #1-

"Look at that! Metal bones!?!"

"Shhh! He might hear us!"

*schwingg*

"O crap- he did..."

Or for extra irony-

get them to do it for you.

Microsoft ID guru slams 'duplicitous' Apple

Let the official term be iPhan

Hereafter!

Inmate-frying microwave pain blaster turret installed in US jail

I imagine-

that this will look like a dalek device, with scary looking disks along the barrel, perhaps a glowing helix or a small parabolic reflector somewhere on it. Plus silvery globes in different sizes in scary SF clusters.

Or I will be quite disappointed...

True Utility Scarab and KeyTool micro multi-tools

Shurely Some Mistake?

IF you're going to compare over-zealous security services of the cold-war era with one of the most feared and reviled airport security staff, you could at least get their name right: Stasi.

There- fixed that for you.

Cleveland residents get RFID-equipped recycling

Better yet-

pull it off and glue it to a lamppost.

Opera: Firefox tab sets? We've had 'em for years

How sad.

Didn't get the job then?

Diddums.

One in five workers still clinging to IE6

Upgrade to make it slow?

No need. If the fsking thing gets any slower it will go backwards.

It really is Shit.

Where's the curly poo icon?

No.

They don't.

Fail after fail... were you expecting sense to follow stupidity?

15K Wikileaks docs 'potentially more explosive,' US frets

Which scum?

The collaborators or their paymasters? Or does that depend on who's side is 'right'?

Microsoft ends Office lovers' employee discount program

You mean-

Vista or Win7?

US appeals court bashes warrantless GPS tracking

OMG?

Zounds! How old are you?

Elon Musk plans new Mars rockets bigger than Saturn Vs

shurely shome mistake-

you mean fission? Or steam engines.

Ballmer's 'lost generation' note finds resonance

As opposed to the Windows approach?

Programming with crayons?

OTIO.

Microsoft dry-cleans browser trousers ready for IE 9 beta

If this browser IS any good-

Then the flying pig might beat the flying car into the air!

Apple as a religion: How the iPhone became divine

Oddly

Fruit-curious.

Oh-

I thought we were being Fruitist?

My apoplogies.

Solar plasma aurora storm to hit Earth tomorrow today!

You must be new here?

perhaps.

Smart meters pose hacker kill-switch risk, warn boffins

Well-

In my kitbag I would have a similar meter, hacked up with a 13Aplug on one end and a USB socket sticking out of a hole in the back.

If I was in that line of er, work.

I would also know all about the protocols etc, as I would probably have been involved with the internals of such meters at some point.

It's not Rocket Science- unless you get across two phases...

BF FB

Big Fat Ferrite Bead.

Should keep *all* nosey packets where they belong...

Sony Walkman NWZ-A845 media player

The downside to the ultra thin Walkman

Is feeding the tape into it after cracking the cassette open.

Police chief: Yes, my plods sometimes forget photo laws

Obvious Troll

is not very good at it.

Voting reform finally on the agenda

If it makes you feel any better-

Try thinking of it as:-

"it will be the same lying dishonest polititians that we will have to vote against!!"

Works for me- a little...

Microsoft issues stopgap fix for critical Windows flaw

Hi, I'm a PC

And d£sk)(*hfvskv))afdnvgf$"$rrfs8*^%^*"$.....

Hitachi hides Magic Wand vibrator under a bushel

Hitachi!!

Have you heard the buzz!!?

,</failed advert competion entry>

UK retailers want more XBox 360 stock. Now!

It is always a good idea, particularly for XBox-

To have plenty of spares in stock.

Linux to eclipse Microsoft's 'all-in' tablet enthusiasm

Not quite...

Apt is a package manager.

Windows Shortcut Flaw underpins power plant Trojan

Is there any part of Windows that won't roll over

like a cheap tart?

"The system was compromised by a disgruntled comma in an otherwise useless error message."

Kaspersky blocks BBC News over false phishing fears

Unix?

VMS? Amigados?

ABW.

iPhone 4 developers get software update, but will it fix death grip?

How many bars of signal have you got?

Just one- but it's fecking massive!!

"Captain! the gauge says we're nearly out of air! *gasp*"

"Quick! Make the numbers on the gauge bigger!"

"Ah- that's better!"

Vista-hating Microsoft throws poo at Apple's iPhone 4

"We don't have a mission statement

- to remind us not to do evil"

And it shows.

Office 2010 retail sales shaken, not stirred

Oh Dear.

How sad.

Never mind.

Apple iPhone forums gripped by deleted thread paranoia

So you can't-

actually talk TO people on the i4?

It's worse than I thought...