* Posts by hplasm

5580 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

A real loch mess: Navy larks sunk by a truculent torpedo

hplasm Silver badge
Flame

Re: Of course it was going to hit the boat!

Ah! The Jetex rocket motor!

A bugger to light successfully - the wick was notoriously fragile, but most impressive when working.

As a small me, I did get one of these, and, not being aware of -

a) The power of the thing

b) The actual SIZE of a model designed to use one

c) The POWER of the thng...

-decided that a suitable vehicle would be

1) A standard size Scaletrix car, sans motor (abou 150cm, 6" long)

2) A balsawood racing type powerboat, with sponsons? on the front. Same size as the car...

In order of success -

2) Flipped over backwards and sank as soon as it was placed in the water.

1a) Internal test run - successful ignition*- In The Kitchen(!!) [Experimental Lab of choice for anything inflammatory...] Zoomed into the corner at 10000000 mph and sat with the motor glowing cherry red. Filled kitchen with noxious gas. Melted car a bit...

1b) External test run- successful ignition* - Outside on flagstone pavement. Hiss! Warp 6! Hit edge of flag - liftoff! Scares dog. Lands. Grass catches fire. Quite successful!

* Ignition after 20-30 attempts and re-fusing each time.

Summary - Awesome!! would buy again ( I still have it somewhere... :> ).

Rumour has it there was a Larger Model that took 3-4 fuel pellets!

Icon -obvious

Huge if true... Trump explodes as he learns open source could erode China tech ban

hplasm Silver badge
Happy

Re: Please please please...

Trump: speaking Mandarin.

* Punctuation is important...

Crack police squad seeks help to flush out Australian toilet paper thieves

hplasm Silver badge
Coat

What a pair of asswipes – they even pulled a knife at a supermarket

Oblig: That's not a knife...

Tinfoil hat brigade switches brand allegiance to bog paper

hplasm Silver badge
Happy

Re: @Phil

"...your repeat business is going to be very, very slim."

That's why I'm going to sell them BRAINS!

We checked in with the new Windows 10X build, and let's just say getting this ready for late 2020 will be a challenge

hplasm Silver badge
Happy

Re: I'm looking forward to Windows 10X

The bugs and security holes will increase, 10X

hplasm Silver badge
Holmes

Re: Please, no more.....

Change is what you have left after forking good money after bad, towards Microsoft.

US prez Donald Trump declares America closed to those flying in from Schengen zone over coronavirus woes

hplasm Silver badge
Holmes

Re: Green card holders and the immediate family of US citizens get a pass.

"Guns don't kill people. Guns kill viruses."

Viruses don't kill people -people with viruses kill people.

hplasm Silver badge
Devil

Re: Green card holders and the immediate family of US citizens get a pass.

"But, you are forgetting, that they have the special US-gene(tm), so they won't be affected whilst abroad!"

Generally because people avoid loud tourists with MAGA hats on...

US telcos tossed yet another extension to keep going with Huawei kit despite America's 'security threat' concerns

hplasm Silver badge
Meh

Re: Ugh

"Enough of your fellow Americans voted for him..."

<Citation Needed - q.v. Electoral College >

Have you ever seen one of these, son? Ricoh spins off 360° camera boffins to debut neuralyzer-shaped snapper

hplasm Silver badge
Paris Hilton

Re: I was thinking...

"From memory, having a dog"

I remember having a dog too!

Perhaps the Ricoh Neuraliser wears off after a while?

<Let's go dogging on the Downs...la la la>

hplasm Silver badge
Devil

"I've got a jetson nano..."

Too much info!

I have an idea- the next big thing! Stuff! Nonsense! Nano! Cyber!

Give me tons of cash.

Ta

<Ha! that's how you do it>

Rocket Lab wants to break free, hopes next mission is more 'A Kind Of Magic' than 'Another One Bites The Dust'

hplasm Silver badge
Happy

Re: Here's the deal, NASA

A Boing! Rocket?

Cruel and Unusual Punishment.. so denied!

BOFH: Here he comes, all wide-eyed with the boundless optimism of youth. He is me, 30 years ago... what to do?

hplasm Silver badge
Devil

Re: "a cynical streak so wide they could land an A380 on it."

I have a cynical streak so wide they could land Steve Austin AND all of his missing bits on it...

hplasm Silver badge
Facepalm

I assume there is a good reason.

Ahem.. I think not, little puppy....

Drones must be constantly connected to the internet to give Feds real-time location data – new US govt proposal

hplasm Silver badge
Happy

Re: No problem.

You can clearly see the ass (arse) of the FBI agents - the fact they can't find it with both hands is not your fault.

FTFY

BOFH: Gosh, IPv5? Why didn't I think of that? Say, how do you like the new windows in here? Take a look. Closer...

hplasm Silver badge
Happy

Re: Optional

5HP? How big an arsehole are we talking about here?

The Ghost of Windows 10 Past shrinks back as Microsoft's axeman tiptoes ever closer

hplasm Silver badge
Devil

Re: "1809 update for Windows 10"

"W10 Morphing into Ѡ10"

Arse 10? Sounds about right...

Come on baby light me on fire: McDonald's to sell 'Quarter Pounder' scented candles

hplasm Silver badge
Coat

Re: I'd rather have a Quarter-Pounder scented candle....

Filet-O-Fish Candle?

Life in plastic, with a classic: Polymer £20 notes released into wild sporting Turner art

hplasm Silver badge
Coat

Re: 141 Double Decker Buses

Bin Laden?

hplasm Silver badge
Happy

Re: Offensive?

"Why not use the left-overs from liposuction?"

Imagine Whirled Peas!"

Hey, Brits. Your Google data is leaving the EU before you are: Hoard to be shipped from Ireland to US next month

hplasm Silver badge
Devil

Re: Convenient BS from Google...

"Google US are taking advantage of their 3rd World Count. status."

FTFY

I'm sorry, Elon. I'm afraid I can't do that... SpaceX touts robo-rides for orbital vacations, lift-off in 2021-ish

hplasm Silver badge
Happy

Re: Sounds like a trial of the first B Ark

"I hope they leave us with a few telephone sanitisers."

But- you can sanitise your phone by putting it in the microwave oven for 2 minutes!

It also charges it!

Do try and keep up!

Call us immediately if your child uses Kali Linux, squawks West Mids Police

hplasm Silver badge
Coat

Is a punch in the scrum-

worse than being picked up by the fuzz?

hplasm Silver badge
Happy

Re: I told my Dad I use Kali

"I went to school with a girl called Kali."

How many arms did she have?

Huawei to the danger zone: Now Uncle Sam slaps it with 16 charges of racketeering, fraud, money laundering, theft of robot arm and source code

hplasm Silver badge
Terminator

Re: Stolen robot arm....

"We all know why that was nicked!!

One word: Wolowitz"

Two words - Sarah Connor

Internet's safe-keepers forced to postpone crucial DNSSEC root key signing ceremony – no, not a hacker attack, but because they can't open a safe

hplasm Silver badge
Facepalm

Re: Yep.

"Really?....)

Most Firearm 'safes' can be opened in under 30 seconds, with a bit of string or a twig....

hplasm Silver badge
Happy

Obligatory-

"the tradesman's entrance round the back"

Oo-er, Missus!!

hplasm Silver badge
Devil

Re: Ironic yes

Cold Iron -keeps out the daemons.

(Or in, in this case...)

Astroboffins agog after spotting the first repeating fast radio burst that pings every 16 days from another galaxy

hplasm Silver badge
Alien

Re: Aliens? Or something more prosaic? We're hoping for aliens

oh shit. Cosmic Influencers...

Raise Shields and harden the IPS!

Jeff Bezos: I will depose King Trump

hplasm Silver badge
Facepalm

Re: To be honest ...

"Do you worship his blessed senility?"

Government by the senile, for the senile.

q.v. senate...

Fed-up air safety bods ban A350 pilots from enjoying cockpit coffees

hplasm Silver badge
Coat

Re: Put coffee in non-spill containers

Or break the tradition of the steaming Stewardess knocking on the door with a tray of open coffee cups?

Bow chick a wow wow...

I know, i'm going now!

Microsoft reorg places Surface evangelist Panos Panay as boss of Windows too – report

hplasm Silver badge
Coat

Re: Will touch-screens become mandatory?

"...do I want ripple or smooth toilet paper?"

Or used, in the Win 10 case.

Outlook more like 'look out!' as Microsoft email decides everything is spam today

hplasm Silver badge
Facepalm

Re: Windows Search is down, too.

Are you certain? It can take some considerable time before it decides it cant find things that are right in front of it...

Bada Bing, bada bork: Windows 10 is not happy, and Microsoft's search engine has something to do with it

hplasm Silver badge
Holmes

B.I.N.G

Bing Is Not Good.

Things I learned from Y2K (pt 87): How to swap a mainframe for Microsoft Access

hplasm Silver badge
Coat

Re: help!

"Not easily. They're deposited in an HSM."

Steganography in High School Musical songs?

(I hoped HSM was long gone... erk! )

Quick, get the popcorn: Amazon Web Services says Microsoft's benchmarks for Azure are a load of stripe

hplasm Silver badge
Happy

Re: 3.4 times faster and up to 87 per cent less expensive

"...a picture of my balls"

Basically a Microsoft press release then?

Very little helps: Tesco flashes ancient Windows desktop on Scan-As-You-Shop device

hplasm Silver badge
Coat

Re: "May I be the first to welcome Tesco to the 21st century"

"My kitchen garden's just outside the tradesman's entrance ..."

Makes for easy fertilizer delivery...

hplasm Silver badge
Mushroom

I honestly cannot conceive of the mindset...

I can't believe you don't have an underpaid lackey to do your shopping for you.

Oh the shame!

Microsoft Teams starts February with a good, old-fashioned TITSUP*

hplasm Silver badge
Holmes

On the job training...

"You did your job. So what."

" Never mind that I spent half the weekend of my own time and own equipment at home, unpaid, testing things to make sure I'd get it right first time. :("

Here endeth the first Lesson.

/ConneryVoice

At last, the fix no one asked for: Portable home directories merged into systemd

hplasm Silver badge
Holmes

" And if it turns out to be someone OVER IT's head, like an executive?"

Cattle Prod.

Remember those infosec fellas who were cuffed while testing the physical security of a courthouse? The burglary charges have been dropped

hplasm Silver badge
Meh

Re: State is not county

"Lest we forget, Sheriff Big Pants could have said "oh makes sense" and just left"

Now, jest hol' on there Deputy Dawg!!

/Cletus Rides Out

hplasm Silver badge
Facepalm

Re: Measuring the speed of Justice?

"They move slowly when they're eating."

So do the Lawmen...

Need 32-bit Linux to run past 2038? When version 5.6 of the kernel pops, you're in for a treat

hplasm Silver badge
Holmes

Re: CLOCK_MONOTONIC

Thinging the grand/children is deprecated.

If only 3 in 100,000 cyber-crimes are prosecuted, why not train cops to bring these crooks to justice once and for all, suggests think-tank veep

hplasm Silver badge
Facepalm

"Trump & pals listening to her "

"To that end, building diplomatic ties and getting cooperation from law enforcement in other countries will be critical."

nuff said...

US government grounds drone fleet (no, not the military ones with Hellfire missiles) over Chinese espionage fears

hplasm Silver badge
Facepalm

Return of the Yellow Peril!

The Red Menace is over- all good comrades now - the best!

Back to the 1930s!

/covfefe

Remember when Europe’s entire Galileo satellite system fell over last summer? No you don’t. The official stats reveal it never happened

hplasm Silver badge
Thumb Up

Re: WTF?

Bi percent. tThe biggest. Bigly available.

Star wreck: There's a 1 in 20 chance a NASA telescope and US military satellite will smash into each other today

hplasm Silver badge
Coat

Re: it would be like a car hitting a shopping cart

Less hairy?

hplasm Silver badge
Happy

Re: Pittsburgh, Philadelphia?

Slough.

It has dibs.

needs a big target painted on it though...

hplasm Silver badge
Happy

Re: Recycling

Cue Peakies with a horse with a rocket up its arse...

hplasm Silver badge
Thumb Up

Re: Recycling

Curses- wheer is my BOX!

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