* Posts by hplasm

5606 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

What is your greatest weakness? The definitive list of the many kinds of interviewer you will meet in Hell

hplasm
Joke

Re: ...weakness?

I think you dropped this? ------->

hplasm
Coat

Crazy frog!

Alert!

hplasm
Windows

"

No they had no idea what an error message meant but were all too embarrassed to ask and so were doing interviews until a candidate could explain it to them"

So Microsoft, then?

Troll jailed for 5 years after swatting of Twitter handle owner ends in death

hplasm
Facepalm

Haven't you heard?

Americans don't have accents... apparently.

Here boy! Making the Sample Fetch Rover that'll collect soil from the Red Planet

hplasm
Joke

Re: Dust

Just give it a Turbo button, and *wizz* the dust flies off...

Facebook granted patent for 'artificial reality' baseball cap. Repeat, an 'artificial reality' baseball cap

hplasm
Joke

Re: Being British

Excellently tall for good signal, the stovepipe hat.

But - where's the Fox Hat?

(No not the MAGA one...)

Wyoming powers ahead with Bill Gates-backed sodium-cooled nuclear generation plant

hplasm
Happy

Re: You know what

"...you have a ready made fule source"

Westminster?

/chiz.

Spent Chinese rocket stage set to make an uncontrolled return to Earth

hplasm
Happy

Re:I wonder if the rocket designers used to work in the mobile phone design industry?

Well, if the battery files out and goes one way when the other parts spring off in another, then yes.

Does the boss want those 2 hours of your free time back? A study says fighting through crowds to office each day hurts productivity

hplasm
Flame

Re: Covid 19 and hot desks

"Not to mention being damn expensive."

If you do it right, you only have to do it once!

God bless this mess: Study says UK's Christian beliefs had 'important' role in Brexit

hplasm
Devil

Re: Love your neighbour

"Love your neighbour"

(Don't get caught)

Quality control, Soviet style: Here's another fine message you've gotten me into

hplasm
Thumb Up

Re: Such value for money

" Lada Niva... there was a hole in the front bumper to allow the use of a starting handle. "

Also on the Moskvitch. Which came with a starting handle, a full tool-kit including a lamp and a hand tyre-pump.

Who needs rhe AA?

Microsoft customers locked out of Teams, Office, Xbox, Dynamics – and Azure Active Directory breakdown blamed

hplasm
Devil

Re: re: Tell me again why putting everything in the Cloud is such a brilliant idea.

"When the one in the cloud goes down you wait for someone else to fix it."

True. But- the bloody phone never stops asking when *you* are going to fix it.

Half a million stolen French medical records, drowned in feeble excuses

hplasm
Meh

Re: Drink water?

"I'm not sure who came up with "eight glasses of water a day","

I'm fairly sure that was Dasani(?) a.k.a Coca-Cola a.k.a tap water with added pollution...

Habitable-zone exoplanet potentially spotted just around the corner in Alpha Centauri using latest telescope technique

hplasm
Alien

Re: So just around the corner

"Maybe the Universe really is a dark forest."

Maybe it's a Three-body Problem.

Nearly 70 years after America made einsteinium in its first full-scale thermo-nuke experiment, mystery element yields secrets of its chemistry

hplasm
Paris Hilton

Re: The dream of stable trans-uranics

"Produced by the decay of bi-corns. We're watching a herd of them. But the half life is fairly long."

Monocorns -Are they magnetic?

hplasm
Happy

Re: Open YouTube

"For me it was only 4... Yes, I'm old."

Earth Air Fire Water...

So old you didn't have the Aether?

Wow - what a fossil!

UK Test and Trace chief Dido Harding tries to convince MPs that £14m for canned mobile app was money well spent

hplasm
Happy

Re: Twat

Does El Reg still do the Post of the week?

This is that.

Cisco intros desktop switches, one with USB-C to power your laptop

hplasm

Re: NIC?

Dell laptops seem to go that way - just one USBC for everytihing.

hplasm
Megaphone

Re: "when Wi-Fi gets more reliable every year"

WiFi usually works well for devices that have to move around, such as phones, tablets and to some extent laptops that are overspecced and owned by 'Execs' who think plugging in the CAT5 that is Right In Front Of Them is demeaning.

Pah.

hplasm
Paris Hilton

Users ahoy! Red alert!

"Lay it down once, and once only."

And invest in F/O under desk patch lead companies.

Paris, because she will roll her chair over the cables...

Nothing new since the microwave: Let's get those home tech inventors cooking

hplasm
Terminator

Re: Smart heating system?

'Did I leave the robot loose in the house?'

Alexa! Can you hear "Danger, Will Robinson!" in the house? - from the app, of course, before opening the door...

What does my neighbour's Tesla have in common with a stairlift?

hplasm
Joke

Re: Charging

Don't you still have to park near your coal 'hole, else refuel with a wheelbarrow in Hudds?

They have Gas now in Halifax - much easier to fill t'jalopy!

BOFH: Switch off the building? Great idea, Boss

hplasm
Terminator

Re: LAMP TEST

"WARNING! Automatic Fault Detection System is faulty!....

The Moon certainly ain't made of cheese but it may be made of more metal than previously thought, sensor shows

hplasm
Holmes

Re: Density

Two Words - "Iron Sky"

'Tis a dicumentary!

NASA mulls going all steam-punk with a fleet of jumping robots to explore Saturn and Jupiter's mysterious moons

hplasm
Terminator

Oh, the huge manatee!

"So many body bags...and ball sacks." /Bender--->

Apple said to be removing charger, headphones from upcoming iPhone 12 series

hplasm

Re: There is no price...

"...larval stage of the wire coat-hanger."

Which is the pupal stage of the shopping trolley.

A real loch mess: Navy larks sunk by a truculent torpedo

hplasm
Flame

Re: Of course it was going to hit the boat!

Ah! The Jetex rocket motor!

A bugger to light successfully - the wick was notoriously fragile, but most impressive when working.

As a small me, I did get one of these, and, not being aware of -

a) The power of the thing

b) The actual SIZE of a model designed to use one

c) The POWER of the thng...

-decided that a suitable vehicle would be

1) A standard size Scaletrix car, sans motor (abou 150cm, 6" long)

2) A balsawood racing type powerboat, with sponsons? on the front. Same size as the car...

In order of success -

2) Flipped over backwards and sank as soon as it was placed in the water.

1a) Internal test run - successful ignition*- In The Kitchen(!!) [Experimental Lab of choice for anything inflammatory...] Zoomed into the corner at 10000000 mph and sat with the motor glowing cherry red. Filled kitchen with noxious gas. Melted car a bit...

1b) External test run- successful ignition* - Outside on flagstone pavement. Hiss! Warp 6! Hit edge of flag - liftoff! Scares dog. Lands. Grass catches fire. Quite successful!

* Ignition after 20-30 attempts and re-fusing each time.

Summary - Awesome!! would buy again ( I still have it somewhere... :> ).

Rumour has it there was a Larger Model that took 3-4 fuel pellets!

Icon -obvious

Huge if true... Trump explodes as he learns open source could erode China tech ban

hplasm
Happy

Re: Please please please...

Trump: speaking Mandarin.

* Punctuation is important...

Crack police squad seeks help to flush out Australian toilet paper thieves

hplasm
Coat

What a pair of asswipes – they even pulled a knife at a supermarket

Oblig: That's not a knife...

Tinfoil hat brigade switches brand allegiance to bog paper

hplasm
Happy

Re: @Phil

"...your repeat business is going to be very, very slim."

That's why I'm going to sell them BRAINS!

We checked in with the new Windows 10X build, and let's just say getting this ready for late 2020 will be a challenge

hplasm
Happy

Re: I'm looking forward to Windows 10X

The bugs and security holes will increase, 10X

hplasm
Holmes

Re: Please, no more.....

Change is what you have left after forking good money after bad, towards Microsoft.

US prez Donald Trump declares America closed to those flying in from Schengen zone over coronavirus woes

hplasm
Holmes

Re: Green card holders and the immediate family of US citizens get a pass.

"Guns don't kill people. Guns kill viruses."

Viruses don't kill people -people with viruses kill people.

hplasm
Devil

Re: Green card holders and the immediate family of US citizens get a pass.

"But, you are forgetting, that they have the special US-gene(tm), so they won't be affected whilst abroad!"

Generally because people avoid loud tourists with MAGA hats on...

US telcos tossed yet another extension to keep going with Huawei kit despite America's 'security threat' concerns

hplasm
Meh

Re: Ugh

"Enough of your fellow Americans voted for him..."

<Citation Needed - q.v. Electoral College >

Have you ever seen one of these, son? Ricoh spins off 360° camera boffins to debut neuralyzer-shaped snapper

hplasm
Paris Hilton

Re: I was thinking...

"From memory, having a dog"

I remember having a dog too!

Perhaps the Ricoh Neuraliser wears off after a while?

<Let's go dogging on the Downs...la la la>

hplasm
Devil

"I've got a jetson nano..."

Too much info!

I have an idea- the next big thing! Stuff! Nonsense! Nano! Cyber!

Give me tons of cash.

Ta

<Ha! that's how you do it>

Rocket Lab wants to break free, hopes next mission is more 'A Kind Of Magic' than 'Another One Bites The Dust'

hplasm
Happy

Re: Here's the deal, NASA

A Boing! Rocket?

Cruel and Unusual Punishment.. so denied!

BOFH: Here he comes, all wide-eyed with the boundless optimism of youth. He is me, 30 years ago... what to do?

hplasm
Devil

Re: "a cynical streak so wide they could land an A380 on it."

I have a cynical streak so wide they could land Steve Austin AND all of his missing bits on it...

hplasm
Facepalm

I assume there is a good reason.

Ahem.. I think not, little puppy....

Drones must be constantly connected to the internet to give Feds real-time location data – new US govt proposal

hplasm
Happy

Re: No problem.

You can clearly see the ass (arse) of the FBI agents - the fact they can't find it with both hands is not your fault.

FTFY

BOFH: Gosh, IPv5? Why didn't I think of that? Say, how do you like the new windows in here? Take a look. Closer...

hplasm
Happy

Re: Optional

5HP? How big an arsehole are we talking about here?

The Ghost of Windows 10 Past shrinks back as Microsoft's axeman tiptoes ever closer

hplasm
Devil

Re: "1809 update for Windows 10"

"W10 Morphing into Ѡ10"

Arse 10? Sounds about right...

Come on baby light me on fire: McDonald's to sell 'Quarter Pounder' scented candles

hplasm
Coat

Re: I'd rather have a Quarter-Pounder scented candle....

Filet-O-Fish Candle?

Life in plastic, with a classic: Polymer £20 notes released into wild sporting Turner art

hplasm
Coat

Re: 141 Double Decker Buses

Bin Laden?

hplasm
Happy

Re: Offensive?

"Why not use the left-overs from liposuction?"

Imagine Whirled Peas!"

Hey, Brits. Your Google data is leaving the EU before you are: Hoard to be shipped from Ireland to US next month

hplasm
Devil

Re: Convenient BS from Google...

"Google US are taking advantage of their 3rd World Count. status."

FTFY

I'm sorry, Elon. I'm afraid I can't do that... SpaceX touts robo-rides for orbital vacations, lift-off in 2021-ish

hplasm
Happy

Re: Sounds like a trial of the first B Ark

"I hope they leave us with a few telephone sanitisers."

But- you can sanitise your phone by putting it in the microwave oven for 2 minutes!

It also charges it!

Do try and keep up!

Call us immediately if your child uses Kali Linux, squawks West Mids Police

hplasm
Coat

Is a punch in the scrum-

worse than being picked up by the fuzz?

hplasm
Happy

Re: I told my Dad I use Kali

"I went to school with a girl called Kali."

How many arms did she have?

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