* Posts by hplasm

5624 posts • joined 10 Jul 2009

NASA to send prototype robot surgeon into space

hplasm
Terminator

May I just be the first to say-

*bootup_sequence_completed*

"Please state the nature of the medical emergency."

Bad news, older tech workers: Job advert language works against you

hplasm
Devil

"And so the language wars begin..."

Begun the language wars have...

BOFH: Selling the boss on a crypto startup

hplasm
Happy

I have said to users that IT kit have star signs

e.g. Cisco, Meccano - any others, people?

I paid for it, that makes it mine. Doesn’t it? No – and it never did

hplasm
Mushroom

Re: You know you're old when...

"There's nothing like the sound of boiling water hissing and bubbling near your ear to pull you into full awareness."

And if you sleep though that.... BUZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!

British intelligence recycles old argument for thwarting strong encryption: Think of the children!

hplasm
Big Brother

Re: Surveillance

"We" by Yevgeny Zamyatin.

People who live in glass houses dare not cast aspersions...

Disentangling the Debian derivatives: Which should you use?

hplasm
Pirate

Re: APT was a killer feature

Devuan - (because) No Shit (SystemD)

Everyone back to the office! Why? Because the decision has been made

hplasm
Meh

Re: We're not all British

"Spotted the bloody colonial!"

I'm sure the have T'internet in the colonies.

(I'm not sure they know how to use it...

Musk can't tweet about Tesla without lawyer approval – and he's still fighting to end that

hplasm
Paris Hilton

Anyone else getting the sense that his attention is starting to wander?

Well, he did get dumped by his girl recently - he does seem a little more bitter these days...

Minimal, systemd-free Alpine Linux releases version 3.16

hplasm
Facepalm

Why? Docker

RTFA...

Amazon puts 'creepy' AI cameras in UK delivery vans

hplasm
Terminator

Re: just a stop gap

Robocop Directive #4 (hidden)

"Any attempt to arrest a senior officer of OCP results in shutdown"

When the expert speaker at an NFT tech panel goes rogue

hplasm
Coat

Re: Oversimplified explanation

" I'm sorry but your NFT is unavaiable due to an Artwork Outage. Please contact Artwork Support Desk"

Can we talk about Kevin McCarthy promising revenge if Big Tech aids probe into January insurrection?

hplasm
Devil

I like Americans. They’re funny!

Funny, huh? Funny how, eh? Funny- what's funny, huh- etc, etc?

Wakey-wakey! A quarter of IT pros only get 3-4 hours' kip – and you won't believe what's being touted as the 'solution'

hplasm
Happy

Re: Bollocks to cloud....

Carried around a pager on alternate weeks for a few years. I got called out twice - once wa a wrong number, the other because we were going to lending that pager to a colleague for his wife to announce labour pains, and she called it (me - I still had it) to try it. I was in the bath...

Anither time I was on call at the weekend and had hired a tipper truck to pik up a shed - oddly, from work -

and I called into the garage to fuel it. When I got out, I heard a strange whistling noise, behind me...

Must be under the truck? No...

In the cab? No, behind you.. The pump? No..

Expecting an explosion... keep looking. Half a hour later; it's the pager, round the back of my belt, complaining about a dying battery...

Shamefacedly confessed to a colleague from the Northern offic, only for him to confess back that he had done the same thing last week in Glasgow...

Pagers -good times.

More than half of companies rethinking back-to-office plans amid variant uncertainty and vaccine mandates – survey

hplasm
Meh

Re: Monday - Friday

"...I really need to be in work, at my desk when the dull work needs doing."

Then the kitchen floor goes unmopped, the windows don't get cleaned, the shower curtain doesn't get washed, the stringy bits don't get untangled from the vacuum cleaner head and, on top of all that, the dusting - all will be waiting for you, when you could be relaxing at the weekend.

US boffins: We're close to fusion ignition in the lab – as seen in stars and thermonuclear weapons

hplasm
Holmes

Re: Seems like fusion power gets reaching the same milestone

"It's almost as if fusion research is stuck in a temporal loop and keep emitting the same press releases."

the time loop is to keep us from seeing the next press releases -

"Fusion plants actually working time machines.."

hplasm
Devil

Re: So

Naw - fusion scientists check their work.

hplasm
Happy

Re: "a key aim of the NIF is researching the design and maintenance of thermonuclear weapons"

"There is no verkill - only 'open fire' and 'I need to reload'."

#37

Russian Arm SoC now shipping in Russian PCs running Russian Linux

hplasm
Big Brother

"spyware guaranteed to be installed and hidden away."

Like Cisco et al, then?

What is your greatest weakness? The definitive list of the many kinds of interviewer you will meet in Hell

hplasm
Joke

Re: ...weakness?

I think you dropped this? ------->

hplasm
Coat

Crazy frog!

Alert!

hplasm
Windows

"

No they had no idea what an error message meant but were all too embarrassed to ask and so were doing interviews until a candidate could explain it to them"

So Microsoft, then?

Troll jailed for 5 years after swatting of Twitter handle owner ends in death

hplasm
Facepalm

Haven't you heard?

Americans don't have accents... apparently.

Here boy! Making the Sample Fetch Rover that'll collect soil from the Red Planet

hplasm
Joke

Re: Dust

Just give it a Turbo button, and *wizz* the dust flies off...

Facebook granted patent for 'artificial reality' baseball cap. Repeat, an 'artificial reality' baseball cap

hplasm
Joke

Re: Being British

Excellently tall for good signal, the stovepipe hat.

But - where's the Fox Hat?

(No not the MAGA one...)

Wyoming powers ahead with Bill Gates-backed sodium-cooled nuclear generation plant

hplasm
Happy

Re: You know what

"...you have a ready made fule source"

Westminster?

/chiz.

Spent Chinese rocket stage set to make an uncontrolled return to Earth

hplasm
Happy

Re:I wonder if the rocket designers used to work in the mobile phone design industry?

Well, if the battery files out and goes one way when the other parts spring off in another, then yes.

Does the boss want those 2 hours of your free time back? A study says fighting through crowds to office each day hurts productivity

hplasm
Flame

Re: Covid 19 and hot desks

"Not to mention being damn expensive."

If you do it right, you only have to do it once!

God bless this mess: Study says UK's Christian beliefs had 'important' role in Brexit

hplasm
Devil

Re: Love your neighbour

"Love your neighbour"

(Don't get caught)

Quality control, Soviet style: Here's another fine message you've gotten me into

hplasm
Thumb Up

Re: Such value for money

" Lada Niva... there was a hole in the front bumper to allow the use of a starting handle. "

Also on the Moskvitch. Which came with a starting handle, a full tool-kit including a lamp and a hand tyre-pump.

Who needs rhe AA?

Microsoft customers locked out of Teams, Office, Xbox, Dynamics – and Azure Active Directory breakdown blamed

hplasm
Devil

Re: re: Tell me again why putting everything in the Cloud is such a brilliant idea.

"When the one in the cloud goes down you wait for someone else to fix it."

True. But- the bloody phone never stops asking when *you* are going to fix it.

Half a million stolen French medical records, drowned in feeble excuses

hplasm
Meh

Re: Drink water?

"I'm not sure who came up with "eight glasses of water a day","

I'm fairly sure that was Dasani(?) a.k.a Coca-Cola a.k.a tap water with added pollution...

Habitable-zone exoplanet potentially spotted just around the corner in Alpha Centauri using latest telescope technique

hplasm
Alien

Re: So just around the corner

"Maybe the Universe really is a dark forest."

Maybe it's a Three-body Problem.

Nearly 70 years after America made einsteinium in its first full-scale thermo-nuke experiment, mystery element yields secrets of its chemistry

hplasm
Paris Hilton

Re: The dream of stable trans-uranics

"Produced by the decay of bi-corns. We're watching a herd of them. But the half life is fairly long."

Monocorns -Are they magnetic?

hplasm
Happy

Re: Open YouTube

"For me it was only 4... Yes, I'm old."

Earth Air Fire Water...

So old you didn't have the Aether?

Wow - what a fossil!

UK Test and Trace chief Dido Harding tries to convince MPs that £14m for canned mobile app was money well spent

hplasm
Happy

Re: Twat

Does El Reg still do the Post of the week?

This is that.

Cisco intros desktop switches, one with USB-C to power your laptop

hplasm

Re: NIC?

Dell laptops seem to go that way - just one USBC for everytihing.

hplasm
Megaphone

Re: "when Wi-Fi gets more reliable every year"

WiFi usually works well for devices that have to move around, such as phones, tablets and to some extent laptops that are overspecced and owned by 'Execs' who think plugging in the CAT5 that is Right In Front Of Them is demeaning.

Pah.

hplasm
Paris Hilton

Users ahoy! Red alert!

"Lay it down once, and once only."

And invest in F/O under desk patch lead companies.

Paris, because she will roll her chair over the cables...

Nothing new since the microwave: Let's get those home tech inventors cooking

hplasm
Terminator

Re: Smart heating system?

'Did I leave the robot loose in the house?'

Alexa! Can you hear "Danger, Will Robinson!" in the house? - from the app, of course, before opening the door...

What does my neighbour's Tesla have in common with a stairlift?

hplasm
Joke

Re: Charging

Don't you still have to park near your coal 'hole, else refuel with a wheelbarrow in Hudds?

They have Gas now in Halifax - much easier to fill t'jalopy!

BOFH: Switch off the building? Great idea, Boss

hplasm
Terminator

Re: LAMP TEST

"WARNING! Automatic Fault Detection System is faulty!....

The Moon certainly ain't made of cheese but it may be made of more metal than previously thought, sensor shows

hplasm
Holmes

Re: Density

Two Words - "Iron Sky"

'Tis a dicumentary!

NASA mulls going all steam-punk with a fleet of jumping robots to explore Saturn and Jupiter's mysterious moons

hplasm
Terminator

Oh, the huge manatee!

"So many body bags...and ball sacks." /Bender--->

Apple said to be removing charger, headphones from upcoming iPhone 12 series

hplasm

Re: There is no price...

"...larval stage of the wire coat-hanger."

Which is the pupal stage of the shopping trolley.

A real loch mess: Navy larks sunk by a truculent torpedo

hplasm
Flame

Re: Of course it was going to hit the boat!

Ah! The Jetex rocket motor!

A bugger to light successfully - the wick was notoriously fragile, but most impressive when working.

As a small me, I did get one of these, and, not being aware of -

a) The power of the thing

b) The actual SIZE of a model designed to use one

c) The POWER of the thng...

-decided that a suitable vehicle would be

1) A standard size Scaletrix car, sans motor (abou 150cm, 6" long)

2) A balsawood racing type powerboat, with sponsons? on the front. Same size as the car...

In order of success -

2) Flipped over backwards and sank as soon as it was placed in the water.

1a) Internal test run - successful ignition*- In The Kitchen(!!) [Experimental Lab of choice for anything inflammatory...] Zoomed into the corner at 10000000 mph and sat with the motor glowing cherry red. Filled kitchen with noxious gas. Melted car a bit...

1b) External test run- successful ignition* - Outside on flagstone pavement. Hiss! Warp 6! Hit edge of flag - liftoff! Scares dog. Lands. Grass catches fire. Quite successful!

* Ignition after 20-30 attempts and re-fusing each time.

Summary - Awesome!! would buy again ( I still have it somewhere... :> ).

Rumour has it there was a Larger Model that took 3-4 fuel pellets!

Icon -obvious

Huge if true... Trump explodes as he learns open source could erode China tech ban

hplasm
Happy

Re: Please please please...

Trump: speaking Mandarin.

* Punctuation is important...

Crack police squad seeks help to flush out Australian toilet paper thieves

hplasm
Coat

What a pair of asswipes – they even pulled a knife at a supermarket

Oblig: That's not a knife...

Tinfoil hat brigade switches brand allegiance to bog paper

hplasm
Happy

Re: @Phil

"...your repeat business is going to be very, very slim."

That's why I'm going to sell them BRAINS!

We checked in with the new Windows 10X build, and let's just say getting this ready for late 2020 will be a challenge

hplasm
Happy

Re: I'm looking forward to Windows 10X

The bugs and security holes will increase, 10X

hplasm
Holmes

Re: Please, no more.....

Change is what you have left after forking good money after bad, towards Microsoft.

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