Posts by Kane

You want WHO?! Reg readers vote Tom Baker for Doctor 13. Of course

Re: Sean Pertwee

Agreed, his current turn as Alfred Pennyworth in Gotham is marvellous.

Planned Espionage Act could jail journos and whistleblowers as spies

"It's odd because May doesn't seem the imaginative type. I suppose the army of civil servents and three letter agency people behind her are."

I've said it before and I'll say it again, two words;

Charles Farr.

Who's behind the Kodi TV streaming stick crackdown?

"If they could come up with one shared service, with all the content, and they received their money by content watched (like royalties to different artists/labels with music on spotify) it would be a much better solution."

.....

"Ah, like a cable or satellite provider like Virgin or Sky you mean. Hang on..."

So tell me, how would I be able to watch shows like "Stranger Things" or "The Man in the High Castle" on either Virgin or Sky, seeing as they don't have the licence rights to broadcast/stream these shows, as these are Netflix originals.

And since when are Virgin and Sky considered a "shared" service? I suppose you are thinking about how certain Sky channels are available on Virgin services, yes?

I'm hanging on....

Disclaimer: I am currently a Sky subscriber.

Let's replace Ethernet with infrared light bouncing off mirrors!

Re: Firefly

"Shiny!"

No power in the 'verse can stop me.

WTF? Francis Ford Coppola crowdsources Apocalypse Now game

Re: Tom Clancy Games @ Dave 126

Aye, saw that article the other day. Death Stranding is looking mighty fine, judging by the trailers so far. Guillermo del Toro, Norman Reedus and Mads Mikkelsen. It could be the perfect comeback after the cancellation of Silent Hills (I didn't get to play P.T. as I didn't get a PS4 until after it had been removed from the Playstation Store, and I was not prepared to pay up to £1000 for a PS4).

I don't go in for the whole pre-orders thing, but I may end up doing that and booking a few days off work for it.

Re: Tom Clancy Games

"Isn't this the idea behind the XBox Tom Clancy stealth games?"

It sounded more like Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater, to me!

2014: El Reg booze lab proves Bluetooth breathalyzers are crap. 2017: US govt agrees

Re: Too true

The best way to prevent alcohol being on your breath is avoid drinking alcoholic drinks

Right, straight onto the intravenous drip then!

Shocked, I tell you. BT to write off £530m over 'improper' Italian accounts practices

Re: No prosecutions then?

"Yes and no..."

More importantly, No.

On last day as president, Obama's CIO shrouds future .gov websites in secret code

"the dotgov.gov program"

Did someone actually read that out as a press statement?

Did Oculus swipe blueprints from rival? Zuck takes the stand

Re: Zuck Schmuck

"About three grand an hour."

Wow, them's some expensive demons!

"The idea that Oculus products are based on someone else's technology is just wrong."

I agree, Zuck, it is wrong. The very concept that a major piece of invested technology has been built based on stolen ideas is wrong. But is it true?

Stupid law of the week: South Carolina wants anti-porno chips in PCs that cost $20 to disable

Re: More Magic Technology

"And while you're at it, how about reviving that law making pi = 3.0?"

Ahem, I bring to you the Bergholt Stuttley Johnson "New Pie" Mail Sorting Engine.

US voting machine certification agency probes potential hack

Re: "liberal anti-people propaganda"

"They come in pill form?"

Why, I'll have a little of the roast weasel, if you would be so good!

NASA – get this – just launched 8 satellites from a rocket dropped from a plane at 40,000ft

Re: Thats nothing.....Named meat costs extra...

"Hot sausages, two for a dollar, made of genuine pig, why not buy one for the lady?”

“Don’t you mean pork, sir?” said Carrot warily, eyeing the glistening tubes.

“Manner of speaking, manner of speaking,” said Throat quickly. “Certainly your actual pig products. Genuine pig.”

WINNER! Crush your loved ones at Connect Four this Christmas

"What's the formula for gaining an advantage when playing Diplomacy then?"

Kill all the Diplomats?

Microsoft's Edge to flush Adobe Flash in Windows 10 Creator’s Update

"It looks like you're trying to run Flash: would you rather fire it into the heart of a star?"

No thanks, I wouldn't want to take the risk that the star would then collapse into itself, become a stellar black hole, and wipe out any potential for life forms to evolve in the local stellar environment.

Is your Windows 10, 8 PC falling off the 'net? Microsoft doesn't care

Re: You know what isn't affected by this update?

"Windows XP."

I'll base your comment on the assumption that you forgot to add the joke icon, and have an upvote for making me chuckle...

UK.gov has outsourced tech policy to Ofcom because it is clueless – SNP techie

"leave us in a whole world of pain...

...if an authoritarian government gets in to power"

Too late!

Icelandic Pirate Party asked to form government

Re: Enquiring minds want to know..

"A broadside then boarding and hand to hand fighting. It will be carnage."

"So what're you going to do when we catch them?"

"Er. .." Vimes hadnt given this a lot of thought. But he recalled a very bad woodcut he'd once seen in a book about pirates. "We'll swing across on to them with our cutlasses in our teeth?" he said.

"Really?" said Jenkins. "That's good. I haven't seen that done in years. Only ever seen it done once, in fact."

"Oh, yes?"

"Yes, this lad'd seen the idea in a book and he swung across into the other ship's rigging with his cutlass clenched, as you say, between his teeth."

"Yes?"

"Topless Harry, we wrote on his coffin."

Eugene Kaspersky is now personally defending your feet

I suspect that you could say Kaspersky was going in two-footed on malware.

Has Canadian justice gone too far? Cops punish drunk drivers with NICKELBACK

Re: What if...

"Then they'll break out the big guns.

Beiber and Dion."

Nah, it'll be a spot of Daphne and Celeste.

Lib Dems to oppose porn checks in Blighty's Digital Economy Bill

Re: The problem with this country

if you have nothing to hide you have nothing to fear...

"The news that they have nothing to fear is guaranteed to strike fear into the hearts of innocents everywhere."

Small ISPs 'probably' won't receive data retention order following IP Bill

Re: Next steps

"* Outlaw https access to websites"

Well The Reg will be alright then, eh!

'Data saturation' helped to crash the Schiaparelli Mars probe

"Oh no, not again"

Actually, that was the bowl of petunias. But have an upvote anyway.

Mines the one with the Sub-Etha Sens-O-Matic in the back pocket, thank you.

Reg man 0: Japanese electronic toilet 1

Sounds like...

"Without warning this caused a jet of hot water to shoot, well, directly up the old cigar clipper."

...the Patent 'Typhoon' Superior Indoor Ablutorium with Automatic Soap Dish to me!

"Reminds me of the Three Seashells..."

He doesn't know how to use the three seashells...

FYI Apple fans – iCloud slurps your call histories

no escape from reality...

Pythons Idle and Cleese pen anti-selfie screed

Re: Shouting at clouds

"Aha! There's the solution.

Retrain the sharks to go for the Selfie takers instead."

Selfies in Shark Tanks?

Smut site offers to buy Vine

Re: So, in 6 seconds...

"Yeah, about 6 seconds."

So, does that include the time it took to eat the pizza?

Yahoo! begs! US! spymaster! Clapper!: Spill! the! beans! on! secret! email! snooping!

Re: So long, and thanks for all the fish

"...but the new owner of those bits (servers, routers, hosting datacenters and so on) would have to physically inspect all the inherited equipment to remove the additional snooping hardware inserted in them..."

You assume of course that:

a) the hardware/software hasn't already been "cleansed" or

b) the hardware/software will be "cleansed" shortly before any new owner even gets a sniff of physical access.

Hack suspect hospitalised

"The suspect is reportedly in hospital after collapsing at the time of his arrest."

Obligatory Discworld Quote:

"Of course, you'd have nothing to fear from us," said Vimes. "Although you might trip on your way down the stairs to the cells."

"There's no stairs down to your cells!"

"Stairs can be arranged."

Spinal Tap’s bass player sues former French sewer

Re: Best comedy of all time?

"I thought comedies were supposed to be funny..."

That's just nitpicking, isn't it?

Wi-Fi baby heart monitor may have the worst IoT security of 2016

Re: How adorably 1990's

"The whole IoT stuff is about making people installing people's data gathering devices through offering some side features. Data they resell and make them earn more money than selling devices."

Exactly this, which is reflected in this statement:

"The Owlet base station encrypts data sent to and received from the manufacturer's servers..."

So the data they are gathering is encrypted, because it has more value to them than the actual data that is generated between the device and the base station.

GDS shouting matches so severe team takes to talking by hand signals

"And if you haven't, maybe it's you..."

Reminds me of an old saying - "If you walk into a room and can't spot the arsehole, that's because it's you."

Killer Hurricane Matthew threatens to wreck Kennedy Space Center

"Day After Tomorrow?"

That'll be Saturday then.

Good God, we've found a Google thing we like – the Pixel iPhone killer

"Well you can piss right off - I know the start of a Vogon poem when I see one."

Oh freddled gruntbuggly,

Thy micturations are to me,

As plurdled gabbleblotchits,

On a lurgid bee,

That mordiously hath blurted out,

Its earted jurtles,

Into a rancid festering confectious organ squealer.

Now the jurpling slayjid agrocrustles,

Are slurping hagrilly up the axlegrurts,

And living glupules frart and slipulate,

Like jowling meated liverslime,

Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turling dromes,

And hooptiously drangle me,

With crinkly bindlewurdles,

Or else I shall rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon,

See if I don't!

If someone can translate Salesforce's $700m cool Krux plan into English, we'd be really grateful

Re: I for one would like to say to Salesforce...@Marketing Hack

"That this strategic partnership unlocks world-leading data management and enrichment potentialities, maximizing customer touchpoints in a virtual global market while enabling one-to-one engagement. The managerial insight alone delivers groundbreaking models for dynamic growth and success-driven metrics achievement."

You really live up to your name, don't you?

Two Sundays wrecked by boss who couldn't use a calendar

Re: Thank Bibulous it's Friday @ GrumpyOldMan

"Is that Billious source and as in Open Source"

There, FTFY!

Re: Thank Bibulous it's Friday - Wow Wow source?

"Is this some product of this Agile thingumy I keep reading about?"

Source for the Sauce, you say?

Re: Thank Bibulous it's Friday

"Oh God, maybe some Wow-Wow source will help so you'll be fit again for Monday?"

Nah, Bibulous will be fine, he never suffers the hangover.

Poor Bilious though...

Fanbois iVaporate: Smallest Apple iPhone queues ever

Re: Hardly Scientific

iWut?

EU ends anonymity and rules open Wi-Fi hotspots need passwords

Re: The EU

"Let me see your papers!"

"These are not your papers! Guards! Guards!"

'What this video game needs is actual footage of real gruesome deaths'

Re: And for those who may have forgotten...

"Good evening, madame and gentlemen. I am the main dish of the day. May I interest you in parts of my body?"

UK oversight body tipped to examine phone snooping tech in prisons

@Dr.Flay

"To "triangulate" needs contact with multiple bases (hence triangulation), 1 fancy box can't do it."

You make the assumption that there is only "1 fancy box" within a prison's land area. Most prisons are pretty big places, you know?

Hollywood offers Daniel Craig $150m to (slash wrists) play James Bond

Chris Barrie

Nul points: PM May's post-Brexit EU immigration options

"I don't understand what all this fuss about Europe is. They said it would be awful, but we left back in June and everything has been ok since then"

There aren't enough facepalms in the world to express my sheer exasperation...

Helpful airport robots

"And, what do they actually do?"

And, how do they know?

A spot of profiling perhaps?

Transmission hijacked to broadcast Mac malware

Re: Not true

"This story is patently not true, as Macs don't get malware."

You clearly forgot to include the "Joke Alert" icon.

Didn't you?

Phoney bling ring pinged by Tolkien's kin

Re: Shouldn't these rings come with a health warning?

"The eagles are coming! The eagles are coming!"

Obligatory...

Notting Hill Carnival spycams: Met Police rolls out real-time live face-spotting tech

Re: How long will they keep the collected mug shots ?

I wonder how many IMSI catchers will be deployed?