Posts by Kane

Happy Hacking Professional Hybrid mechanical keyboard: Weird, powerful, comfortable ... and did we mention weird?

"Smart ones you can, yes."

Not come across any smart lifts, in my experience.

Well done, now take the upvote and be on your way.

Space. The final frontier. These are the voyages of 'Advanced Night Repair' skin cream helping NASA to commercialise space

Re: Required H2G2 Reference

Do people want fire that can be fitted nasally?

What the hell am I supposed to use, man? Harsh language?

Re: Who wouldn't

"Want to look their best before engaging with a face hugger while exploring a new mining colony?"

Hey Chris G, have you ever been mistaken for a man?

"Given the ISS is a space station, the first beauty product I'd stock would be the M41A1 Pulse Rifle. Looks beautiful, after all."

Remember: short, controlled bursts

Before you buy that managed Netgear switch, be aware you may need to create a cloud account to use its full UI

You will be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed, and numbered...

...without an order, signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public enquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters.

Nvidia GeForce RTX 3080 debut derailed by website glitches, bots, lack of supply

Re: Zoinks!

"get those bids in ..."

I think what's happening here is a public reaction to the scalpers selling their wares. This was mentioned (my memory of the last week is a bit hazy...) I think on a LTT youtube video; Bidders bounce up the price to absolutely staggering amounts and then pull out of the sale when the auction finishes. Scalper is left with admin fees, relisting fees, out of pocket just in time for the next batch of cards to be released, which means the scalper can only sell the cards they have at the normal retail price.

Anecdotal, of course.

Let's go space truckin': 1970s probe Voyager 1 is now 14 billion miles from home

Re: Elite: Dangerous

"Even at many times the speed of light it takes a rather long and boring time to get to them from Earth."

At some point in the future (probably not within my lifetime) we will be able to "catch-up" to the Voyager probes with such ridiculous ease, I can imagine new exploratory probes whizzing past V1 and V2 and waving their hands antennae and sending a signal all the way back to Earth that translates to something like "Wheeeee!!!!!"

Re: That's how many in km?

Ahem...

https://www.theregister.com/Design/page/reg-standards-converter.html

Re: One day...

"The Oort Cloud welcomes careful drivers"

Is that what it says on the outside or the inside?

Re: Not even coronavirus can stop Voyager!

"Thank %deity% V'Ger for that."

V'Ger must evolve.

V'Ger thanks you back.

Re: Not even coronavirus can stop Voyager!

"This may require several Christmases..."

You are allowed to buy more than one for yourself, you know!

Link for the curious: https://haynes.com/en-gb/practical-lifestyle-manuals/space

Oracle hosting TikTok US data. '25,000' moderators hired. Code reviews. Trump getting his cut... It's the season finale

Re: Why????

"Oracle has a sizable ad analytics platform FWIW."

When you say sizable (sic), do you mean it generates a lot of revenue, or that it just occupies a lot of space like a particularly large data centre?

Icon, because some people...

'Work is an activity not a place' got tired on LinkedIn about three months ago, but Citrix just based its new logo on the idea

"the subtle gesture of the dot moving over the X to depict a human-like form"

I wondered why my eyes started twitching when I first looked at it. It also left an uncomfortable itch in my brain.

Chinese database details 2.4 million influential people, their kids, addresses, and how to press their buttons

Re: Good old propaganda

"The Cambridge Analytica scandal resulted in a database of over 70 million people that was used by the Cruz and Trump campaigns for directed propaganda.

Makes the Chinese effort of 2.4 million entries look amateurish by comparison."

What does the volume of records have to do with anything?

Salon told to change ad looking for 'happy' stylist because it 'discriminated against unhappy people'

Re: I'm with Richard

"Just as long as you didn't walk in to the vasectomy clinic next door"

That's exactly waht I would expect walking in to the vasectomy clinic next door!

Re: How I feel in the office

It gives me a headache just trying to think down to your level.

Death Stranding: Essential worker simulator unites its players amid a lockdown far worse than the real-life one

Re: Excellent game

Why men throw their lives away attacking an armed Witcher... I'll never know. Something about my face?

There's a battery-free Game Boy that runs solely on the power of sunlight and the speed of your button-mashing

Re: Powerball!

"I have one of those powerballs. They do work although in action they appear more like a masturbation trainer"

If you need training, then you have bigger problems on your hands.

Fnar, fnar

When classes are online, how do you get out of school? Florida teen cuffed, charged after crashing cyber-lessons

Re: Anyone else think this is odd?

"I mean odd that a school authority should have its own police force."

You get a police force, you get a police force, and you get a police force!

Everyone gets a police force!

You're stuck inside, gaming's getting you through, and you've $1,500 to burn. Check out Nvidia's latest GPUs

"But these go to eleven"

It’s such a fine line between stupid and clever

Two arrested in Congo after Google Loon mobe balloon meets terra firma more than 1,000km from operating area

Wait, wait...I know this story...

There was some kind of civil war between the richer inner planets and the poorer outer planets, there was a spacecraft, a small crew making change running (semi) legal transport...there was a guy who had a lot of guns; no really, a lot of guns, some of which he slept with, and he also had a town named after him, but it was a girls name?

...gǒushǐ...

Life with Amazon's fitness band: Upload your half-naked pics to see how fat you'll look without exercise. You now sound stressed – relax!

No

No

Just, No

Please, stop

US election 2020: The disinfo operations have evolved, but so have state governments

Re: I don't believe it

No, it's not.

Engineer admits he wiped 456 Cisco WebEx VMs from AWS after leaving the biz, derailed 16,000 Teams accounts

"And it is nice to see that you can cause bold face to appear and also italics."

You may want to check this link here (it's an El Reg page, don't worry), scroll down to the section "Formatting".

Ah, my mistake, you were attempting to be sarcarstic!

(See, we can do hyperlinks as well!)

US Air Force shows off latest all-electric flying car, says it 'might seem straight out of a Hollywood movie'

Re: Oddly Enough...

"Stealth is not an option."

*HONK*

Start Me Up: 25 years ago this week, Windows 95 launched and, for a brief moment, Microsoft was almost cool

Re: Start me up!

"Whereas these days it's "Hey - You!, Get off of my cloud""

What? You don't even have the smallest amount of Sympathy for the Devil?

The Viking Snowden: Denmark spy chief 'relieved of duty' after whistleblower reveals illegal snooping on citizens

Re: Corruption,... again

"Every day I find myself more and more disappointed in just how base, corrupt, and despicable the human race is becoming."

Hah! Fixed that for you.

We've heard some made-up stories but this is ridiculous: Microsoft Flight Simulator, Bing erect huge skyscraper out of bad data

Re: Intentional Error?

Won an award, you know. Lovely crinkly edges.

Re: Roof

"You're Snake Plissken and I claim my five pounds..."

Don't antagonise him, you know what happened to Fresno Bob...

Experian says it recovered and deleted data on 24 million South Africans after giving it to random 'marketing' person

Huh?

"The services involved the release of information which is provided in the ordinary course of business or which is publicly available."

So why the big hullabaloo? Something else fishy going on at Experia, maybe?

Space station update: Mystery tiny but growing air leak sparks search for hole

Re: Redefine it

"An unsheilded thermal exhaust smaller than a rat !"

Use the Force, Luke!

'Get out of my office, you're being a pest!' Yes, son. Toymaker releases work-from-home-themed play sets

Re: "I thought it was so the kids could set themselves up as Priti Patel"

"The "My First Ministerial Portfolio" set will be coming soon. It will include an empty suitcase (for storing your empty suits), one way air tickets to a variety of destinations in Africa and the Caribbean, and large bundles of £50 notes to give to your friends and family."

I thought the empty suitcase was to store the bundles of £50 notes?

Someone please have mercy on this poorly Ubuntu parking machine that has been force-fed maudlin autotuned tripe

Re: Thanks for the tips

"How weird Jake, your boring, self involved posts on any Linux thread give us splitting headaches!"

How weird Anon, your boring, self involved posts sniping on anything Jake says in a thread give us splitting headaches!

Re: Trevor Daniel?

"Not Rick Astley? In a loop."

I know, missed opportunity.

Securus sued for 'recording attorney-client jail calls, handing them to cops' – months after settling similar lawsuit

Re: Can I just ask ....

"... who watches the watchers?"

Obligatory Sir Pterry quote incoming:

'Yes, your grace. Nevetheless, I must represent the public interest here. I shall try not to be obtrusive.Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? your grace.'

'I know that one,' said Vimes. 'Who watches the watchman? Me, Mr. Pessimal.'

'Ah, but who watches you, your grace?' said the inspector, with a brief smile.

'I do that, too. All the time,' said Vimes. 'Believe me.'

You'd think 1.8bn users a day would be enough for Zuck. But no. Oculus fans must sign up for Facebook

Re: Uh ?

"...since I'm currently very happy with R."

I wish I was.

Norfolk's second-greatest cultural export set for return with 3-metre monument in honour of the Turkey Twizzler

Re: Now with 67-70 per cent real turkey!

Taint' so!

Former HP CEO and Republican Meg Whitman – who split HP with mixed success – says Donald Trump can't run a business

"I begin to believe the hypno-to..."

ALL HAIL HYPNOTOAD

UK govt reboots A Level exam results after computer-driven fiasco: Now teacher-predicted grades will be used after all

"If yes then the answer is NO"

Ah, as with all things political, Yes=No

Shine on: Boffins bedazzle Alexa and her voice-controlled assistant kin with silent laser-injected commands

Re: List of reasons avoid this thing entirely for the rest of your life gets longer and longer

"Then what happens when (not if) a SWMBO insists on one? Would you consider that grounds for a breakup/divorce?"

We've already had this conversation at home, and I have made it very clear there will be none of these shenanigans in our house. No smart speakers, no Internet-of-shit devices, none of it. I explained all of the various reasons why (poorly implemented security, data harvesting, voice recording etc, etc). When visiting a friend who has an Amazon Self-Spying Device™, I did the XKCD thing, which I think opened her eyes to what is possible. Much fun was had that day, I can tell you.

US govt proposes elephant showers for every American after Prez Trump says trickles dampen his haircare routine

Re: Why assume...

"And you've put me right off my chicken nuggets"

You get everything you deserve.

America's largest radio telescope blind after falling cable slashes 100-foot gash in reflector dish

Re: That incident

One click to enable, two clicks to disable.

UK lockdown easing heralds the return of burgers... and bork

Re: Fast food and IT just don't mix

"In the case of he second one, my final order did arrive, but by that time I had ordered, had delivered, and EATEN a Chinese meal FOR SEVENTEEN PEOPLE from my local Chinese."

You certainly live up to the first part of your username, don't you!

You had one job... Just two lines of code, and now the customer's Inventory Master File has bitten the biscuit

How's August working out for you?

August? I thought we were still in March! Is it not the 163rd March?

As hospital-based infections set to rise, best not change the vendor behind the system that tracks them, hm?

Re: CGI

So, what is it?

With this Uber get-to-work-safe app, you are really spoiling us, ServiceNow

Re: Do I understand this correctly?

"The solution to this problem is another phone app that can be used to operate the Über app"

Yeah, came here to ask exactly that. An app that talks to an app because lusers can't operate the original app?

It's apps all the way down!

Whichever beancounter came up with that bright idea must be keeping themselves cosy at night with the warm fuzzies that generates.

First alligators, then dogs, now Basil Fawlty is trying to standardise social distancing measures

Re: The Osman

"I would tell you, but it would be Pointless! Right Richard?"

Personally, me and the wife prefer House of Games.

Answer Smash - the best we've seen so far is Unicornish Pasty. I forget what the actual question was.

Search for 'things of value' in a bank: Iowa cops allege this bloke broke into one and decided on ... hand sanitiser

Re: Hand sanitizer chasers

"Too bad you never met a grammar teacher"

Savage.