Posts by Kane

Democrats demand to know WTF is up with that DOGE server on OPM's network

Move fast, break things

The post is required, and must contain letters.

Dell ends hybrid work policy, demands return-to-office despite remote work pledge

Re: All quit so we don't have to pay you

"I'd be more concerned about the resulting paperwork if you did though."

They'd be in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying ‘Beware of the Leopard'.

Re: All quit so we don't have to pay you

""...but if I don't let them run me over with a truck twice a day, how ever will I make a living?""

Have you any idea how much damage this bulldozer would suffer if I were to let it roll straight over you?

White House asks millions of govt workers if they would be so kind as to fork right off

Re: Coming soon

"Pro Tip: Always wear a brown shirt to your loyalty interviews. It never goes out of style."

And the trousers. Just so no-one can tell when you've shit yourself.

UK telco TalkTalk confirms probe into alleged data grab underway

Again?!?!

"given our ongoing focus on protecting customers' personal data... oh look, a butterfly"

SQUIRREL!

Someone is slipping a hidden backdoor into Juniper routers across the globe, activated by a magic packet

Re: Where Is That "Someone"? Guess!

"Or the Belgians. It's always the damn Belgians"

You must be mistaken. Belgium doesn't exist. I have it on good authority from people who live there.

UK council selling the farm (and the fire station) to fund ballooning Oracle project

Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right...

Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.

Trump 'waved a white flag to Chinese hackers' as Homeland Security axed cyber advisory boards

"He died with a felafel in his hand"

I thought you were making a statement about the author, I had to look it up!

In farewell speech, Biden rails against the tech industrial complex, disinfo dismantling democracy

Re: Leaders all mysteriously wish they'd taken on the vested interests

"The problem with the US, is that Government is set up in such a way that it's alomost impossible to get any real work done."

That's a feature, not a bug

Hulk smash Musk and Zuck! Actor Mark Ruffalo and non-billionaire pals back network tech underpinning Bluesky

...as one person took over what we had believed to be a global public square...

There's a key word here being used that underpins everything.

Public.

The assumption that the platform is public is only reinforced by the fact that members of the public can use it. This does not mean that the platform itself is public.

Twitter X is a company, not a public platform. His Muskiness can do whatever he likes with it. And this is what everyone has woken up to.

Amazon worker – struck and shot in New Orleans terror attack – initially denied time off

Re: Wrong type of leave…

"Look!

Flying pigs!"

That would explain the price of bacon going up.

Japan's wooden satellite exits International Space Station

For some reason, my mind was drawn to the original scripts for Alien 3

Aliens, spy balloons, or drones? SUV-sized mystery objects spotted in US skies

The mind and spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak and spongy

We can't make this stuff up: Palantir, Anduril form fellowship for AI adventures

Re: New ways to evaporate the US Defense Budget

I have to say as a Pratchett fan, reading your post footnotes was extremely gratifying!

Maybe try adding a little something¹ for a bit of sizzle²?

^{1 - A well placed superscript does wonders for the soul}

^{2 - As any street-based hot snack purveyor understands, in order to sell the sausage, you have to sell the sizzle first3}

^{3 - Sausage-in-a-bun, sir? Finest pig, I can assure you}

Are Copilot+ PCs really the fastest Windows PCs? X and Copilot don't think so

Re: Lemme guess...

Copilot is part of Microsofts marketing team now ?

There, FTFY.

Whomp-whomp: AI PCs make users less productive

...transition to AI-assisted living...

Yeah, I've seen that film.

Congress ponders underwater alien civilizations, human hybrids, and other unexplained stuff

Re: So let me get this straight ...

"Aliens come who knows how many light years, at an unimaginable cost of energy. On arrival, the only Government that notices is the US.gov, and said aliens don't make themselves known to any others. Somehow, everybody concerned has managed to keep quiet about it since the 1940s. Today, the only people who seem to believe it are known wackjobs in Congress... and even Donald "loosest lips of the Century" Trump hasn't babbled about the news in the eightish years since he became Idiot In Chief..."

Teasers are usually rich kids with nothing to do. They cruise around looking for planets that haven't made interstellar contact yet and buzz them, meaning that they find some isolated spot with very few people around, then land right by some poor unsuspecting soul whom no one's going to believe and then strut up and down in front of him wearing silly antennas on their head and making beep beep noises.

All rather silly, really

Microsoft rolls out AI-enabled Notepad to Windows Insiders

...all Windows 11 PCs...Snapdragon-powered Copilot+ PCs.

Whew!! Dodged a bullet there!

Fired Disney staffer accused of hacking menu to add profanity, wingdings, removes allergen info

Fired Disney staffer accused of hacking

Calling it "hacking" sounds like a bit of a stretch

The horror that is VHS revived for horror movie release

The studio hasn't explained why it would effectively downgrade its own work by transcoding it to VHS

Play Alien Isolation with the VHS mod for that authentic 1979/1982 experience

Pentagon stumped by mystery drone swarm flying over Langley Air Force Base

If he was a foreign agent, he would be the worst spy ever known

Perfect cover

"Where are the nuclear wessels?"

IBM quietly axing thousands of jobs, source says

Re: What about the WARN notice?

"IBM uses deviously cleaver planning..."

Definitely not a spelling mistake.

Microsoft unveils Office LTSC 2024 for users that remain stubbornly offline

"so, a better Office than Office... sounds good."

Don't threaten me with a good time!

Open source maintainers underpaid, swamped by security, going gray

There's always a relevant XKCD

Dependancy

WHO-backed meta-study finds no evidence that cellphone radiation causes brain cancer

Re: From the article:

"Avoid water!"

The Scourge of Humanity!

Tired of airport security queues? SQL inject yourself into the cockpit, claim researchers

Re: I'm sure FlyCASS considers safety and security as its highest priority.

Ahh, Little Bobby Tables!

Microsoft security tools questioned for treating employees as threats

Re: Don't fret people

"I can’t do this at home. If I do it here and it breaks, it is you have to fix it. I do it at home, it is MY problem."

I mean, you can't fault the thinking.

Re: Don't fret people

"we spend k$ / yr on Windows licensing, if we switch to Linux/BSD (and you get training as needed), half all of those savings will be bonuses for staff manglement."

There, FTFY.

Re: Mmmmm...

"About forty years ago..."

So, around 1984 then...

Brit tech mogul Mike Lynch missing after yacht sinks off Sicily amid storms

Re: Coincidence or what !!!

"or possibly the orcas were behind it"

♪♪ ...I have a theory... ♪♪

♪♪ ...It could be bunnies... ♪♪

Re: float on back

"We seemed to be mostly concerned with rescuing rubber bricks from the bottom"

Which was odd, because on the whole it wasn't the rubber bricks that needed rescuing.

Missing scissors cause 36 flight cancellations in Japan

Re: Meanwhile in Zürich...

"Those things could do far more damage than a pair of scissors."

Me and the wife went to the Tate to see a Van Gogh exhibit a few years back. At the security check during the bag inspection, the lady behind the table asked me if there was anything that could be considered a weapon in my backpack. I replied, "My bookmark?". The look of confusion on her face was a delight as I produced my brushed metal bookmark that I purchased from Waterstones about 15 years before.

In fairness, you could do some damage with it if you were so inclined.

IBM Canada can't duck channel exec's systematic age discrimination claim

Ahh, IBM...

...that famous law firm that occasionally hires techs.

Sam Altman sues builder over $27M flooded, sewage-hit 'lemon' of a mega-mansion

Oh No!

Anyway...

Trump threatens to send Meta's Mark ‘Zuckerbucks’ to prison if reelected president

"Fuck me: flying whales."

Skywhales

Brit council gives Oracle another £10M for professional services amid ERP fallout

Bankrupt?

How can they offer another £10m if they don't have the cash? Will Oracle simply sit around and wait for the next round of council tax receipts to roll in?

Julian Assange to go free in guilty plea deal with US

Re: One thing is for sure

That's a cracking movie, I'll have to re-watch it again soon!

Asda IT staff shuffled off to TCS amid messy tech divorce from Walmart

Hah!

Can't wait for the new batch of On Call and Who, Me? stories to arrive out of this!

NASA hits wrong button, broadcasts ISS emergency training by mistake

"There is no emergency situation going on aboard the International Space Station"

Yeah, right, I've seen that sci-fi film before.

"The International Space Station crew members were in their sleep period at the time. All remain healthy and safe."

And that one!

That's exactly the sort of response I'd expect from an imminent invasion of our lizard overlords!

AI to fix UK Civil Service's bureaucratic bungling, deputy PM bets

Re: They never learn...

"just the usual shuffling of money from one column of the spreadsheet to another"

Hey, we've got an LLM that can do that for us!

Lapsus$ teen sentenced to indefinite detention in hospital for Nvidia, GTA cyberattacks

"I want to hear if he hacks NORAD using a piece of wire, a gold tooth and a medium."

Three small sticks and 4cc of mouse blood.

Missing tomatoes ketchup with ISS crew after almost a year lost in space

Re: they were discarded

That's because I blew it out of the goddamn airlock!

NASA engineers scratch heads as Voyager 1 starts spouting cosmic gibberish

Re: Have they tried

"We'll let nobby kick it in the fork."

.

.

.

"Corporal Nobbs," he rasped, "why are you kicking people when they’re down?"

"Safest way, sir," said Nobby.

- Terry Pratchett, Guards, Guards!

GNU

You don't get what you don't pay for, but nobody is paid enough to be abused

in recent weeks we've had readers suggest the word is a spelling error

Really?

Really?

UK government woefully unprepared for 'catastrophic' ransomware attack

"...setting up a central reporting mechanism for ransomware..."

Which would promptly be attacked with ransomware.

Or have every worksheet accidentally deleted by the Cabinet Office work placement lackey.

Pick your poison.

BOFH: Just because we've had record revenues doesn't mean you get a Xmas bonus

You can use that time to think about that bonus situation

Right

It's ba-ack... UK watchdog publishes age verification proposals

"Swearing is the choice of those with a limited vocabulary."

Get Tae Fook!

Government and the latest tech don't mix, says UK civil servant of £11B ESN mess

"And where, we ask, are the ministers with the qualifications and capability to do that?"

Well, we got a Minister for AI now, does that help?

Ah! Just noticed you've mentioned qualifications, sorry, can't help you there!

Damn! Also noticed you mentioned capability as well! Looks like we're fubar then!

Japanese tech startups testing cash incentives for office return

Re: I feel as if middle management is crapping themselves

"Now, if only they can get everybody back into the office to argue over who has the stapler"

Is it red?