Posts by Kane

IT sent the intern to sort out the nasty VP who was too important to bother with backups

...you get to be the hero mainly because other people don't know what you know...

"Ninety percent of most magic merely consists of knowing one extra fact."

- Terry Pratchett, Night Watch

GNU

UK won't rush to regulate AI, says first-ever minister for digital brainboxes

UK won't rush to regulate AI

So, why do we need a Minister for AI?

Robot mistakes man for box of peppers, kills him

Re: Sheesh

"Gone 5pm? that's pub oclock!"

It's always pub o'clock somewhere!

UK may demand tech world tell it about upcoming security features

Re: It would be almost impossible to write up such a law

"Is patching a security hole a "security feature"? Is fixing a bug found in key exchange a "security feature"? Is making it so group chats are end to end encrypted instead of just person to person a "security feature"? Is strengthening or replacing an encryption algorithm a "security feature"?"

Don't you worry your pretty little head about that, my dear, we'll set up a new arms-reach (hah!) non-governmental department in order to determine, on a case-by-case basis which of those are classed as "Security Features". Which will then be swiftly passed on to our in-house "technical experts" in order to "analyse" the feasibility of deployment of said feature, along with some "recommendations" in order to get it moved along.

Or Else.

Re: Shirley

"Except in Australia where the law of parliament trumps the laws of Mathematics"

Ahh, does Pi equal 3 there, then?

UK convinces nations to sign Bletchley Declaration in bid for AI safety

Re: Skynet approves

"AC, because when the Terminators DO emerge I really don't want to p!ss them off. Best to play nice."

You will be subject to Roko's Basilisk, and you will like it!

X looks back at year of so-called 'engineering excellence' under Musk

Re: Move on already

"Weyland-Yutani"

Building Better Worlds Websites

It is 2023 and Excel's reign of date terror might finally be at an end

Re: Google Sheets far better, faster, simpler and honest

"Doesn't everything of theirs steal your data and send it to the mothership to be used against you at a later date in the form of Ads?"

Not like Microsoft, eh? Eh?

Re: What do you want to do today?

"Reply to All."

RELEASE THE KRAKEN MAILSTORM!

New information physics theory is evidence 'we're living in a simulation,' says author

Re: If this is a simulation...

I went Outside once.

The graphics were great, but the storyline sucked.

Never mind SETI and NASA, if your Ring somehow snaps ET, Amazon might give you $1M

Re: What do I get for snapping the tooth fairy?

What do you mean you’ve never been to Alpha Centauri? Oh, for heaven’s sake, mankind, it’s only four light years away, you know. I’m sorry, but if you can’t be bothered to take an interest in local affairs, that’s your own lookout. Energize the demolition beams.

Big Brother is coming to a workplace near you, and the privacy regulator wants a word

"privacy covers on all the laptop cameras"

Gaffer Tape. It fixes most of the worlds' ills.

Re: "or offsite [...]outside work hours.

"I watch a lot of porn with my work supplied service — nobody has complained so far..."

Working for PornHub doesn't count.

UK civil servants – hopefully including those spending billions on tech – to skill up in STEM

Re: How about the ministers go next?

"and as a side benefit were written in a way normal mortals could understand."

But that would mean that any old oik could be a lawyer, or understand their rights. Can't be having that, oh no!

Long-lost 1977 Star Wars X-Wing prop discovered – lock s-foils in bid position

Re: I mostly want

"The flash gordan rocket."

Don't we all?

Arm's lawyers want to check assembly expert's book for trademark missteps

"And yet you still folded like a wet tissue. What did they do if they didn't say anything? Look mean?"

Just like Arm, you are a suitcase of cockerels.

If you like to play along with the illusion of privacy, smart devices are a dumb idea

Re: Smart Home

"Well, bugger me."

Demon Seed

Guild behind actors' strike fears video game workers also at risk from AI

"we got some really ropey stuff that was only used because it was still better than using a black backdrop with holes for starfields"

The Lawnmower Man

Latest Grant Shapps article

Latest Grant Shapps article

So, why was the comment section of this article closed after two contributions?

Netflix flinging out DVDs like frisbees as night comes for legacy business

Re: ...streaming rights are expensive and don't offer much of a return

"so I bought the Collectors edition series on DVD for £3, watched them all, then gave the DVD to a friend to screw Amazon over again XD"

At last, we can retire and give up this life of crime.

Amazon's latest directive: Report to the office 'cos we're watching you

Surge in Energy and Collaboration

You keep using those words. I do not think they mean what you think they mean.

On the record: Apple bags patent for iDevice to play LPs

Re: Sooo....

"And records have rounded corners, so that's in Apple's wheelhouse."

One big, continuous rounded corner.

Someone just blew over $190k on a 4GB first-gen iPhone

Absolutely Insane

See title

From cage fight to page fight: Twitter threatens to sue Meta after Threads app launch

"Instead of a cage fight, can we please just dig a very deep hole, dump them all in there, fill it nicely again, plant a forest on top and forget about it all?"

...signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters.

Two top execs quit Infosys mere months after its president skipped

"Makes you wonder what they know that no-one else does right now.

When you see people like this on the move in such short succession, you know *something* ain't right."

Something something "sinking ships" something something...

You may have heard about AI defeating voice authentication. This research kinda proves it

My Voice is my Password...

...Verify Me

Dialup-era developer writes ChatGPT client for Windows 3.1

Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether they could...

...they didn’t stop to think if they should.

Inclusive Naming Initiative limps towards release of dangerous digital dictionary

Re: And by "solving" a non-problem ...

"Anyone fancy a career as a fireman?"

It was a pleasure to burn.

(icon related >>>)

Re: Nope.

"but in a technology context"

Context is key in language and communication, which I think is what's been forgotten.

Data leak at major law firm sets Australia's government and elites scrambling

Re: Well that'll do a lot of good

"Everybody will be able to find out, including Australians - just not from Australian news sources."

Release the Kraken VPNs!

Users of 123 Reg caught out by catch-all redirect cut-off

improving our products and services

"Whilst we understand this decision will be disappointing aggravating for some most customers, our catch-all email forwarding was not performing profiting to the level our customers shareholders need, or what we expect allow them to buy more boats and send Tiffany on an extra skiing holiday. So, we made the difficult decision to stop offering the service introduce a new paid tier service in order to be able to restore the functionality that you require."

There, fixed that for you!

Thousands of subreddits go dark in mega-protest over Reddit's app-killing API prices

Re: Gold mine

"...all my tarnished posts..."

Foul Tarnished!

Florida man insists he didn't violate the law by keeping Top Secret docs

Re: What I cannot understand ...

"That part is probably narcissism and a hint of budding senility."

Looks like it's more in bloom than my wife's rose bushes!

Multi-tasking blunder leaves UK tax digitization plans 3 years late, 5 times over budget

improved processing of VAT...

"...through the scheme led to additional revenue of between £185 million and £195 million in 2019-20."

That's great and everything, but given that total revenue for 2019-20 was £633.3 billion that's kind of like pissing in the Pacific Ocean and declaring "Look, Daddy! I made it all wetter!"

Whistleblower claims Uncle Sam is sitting on hoard of alien vehicles and tech

"Personally I'm sure alien craft exist, though I question why they would bother visiting a backwater like Earth..."

“Teasers are usually rich kids with nothing to do. They cruise around looking for planets that haven’t made interstellar contact yet and buzz them.”

“Buzz them?” Arthur began to feel that Ford was enjoying making life difficult for him.

“Yeah,” said Ford, “they buzz them. They find some isolated spot with very few people around, then land right by some poor unsuspecting soul whom no one’s ever going to believe and then strut up and down in front of him wearing silly antennas on their head and making beep beep noises.”

"I predict that Mr grusch is about to have terrible difficulty with his lifestyle - dead or discredited in a week or so."

He never could get the hang of Mondays

Meta tells staff to return to office three days a week

"identity politics drivers, equity preachers, tech bubble enthusiasts, cheap money advocates and power point fans.

Sounds like a variation on buzzword bingo to me.

We regret to inform you Earth will not be destroyed by an asteroid within 1,000 years

"Never believe anything until it has been officially denied..."

Don't Look Up!

Re: What

"someone's gone out and painted all the space rocks with Vantablack."

That reminds me, I should catch-up with the last season of The Expanse.

"Three pints barman, and keep the change."

What, from a fiver, sir? Thank you, sir!

Ex-Twitter sextet sues Elon Musk for 'stiffing' them on severance

"If they consolidated all claims and enforcment against Twitter at one court in a poor state, the resultant influx of lawyers, judges and administrators would ensure prosperity for a generation of lawyers, judges and administrators"

There, fixed that for you!

Remember those millions of fake net neutrality comments? Fallout continues

Re: YouTube comments

"You can. You can click on my name and see what I've posted elsewhere, and I can do the same with you."

Not on YouTube you can't, which is what bo111 was talking about.

Of course Russia's ex-space boss doubts US set foot on the Moon

Re: Whatever next?

"Or he'll argue that black is white - and we all know how that ends!"

He should be careful crossing roads...

Capita admits some pension data 'likely' to have been accessed in March breach

Re: Private Eye named them perfectly!

"Come the glorious day citizens, Crapita's bosses will be first up against the wall!"

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy describes the Marketing Department CEO's of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation Crapita as: "A bunch of mindless jerks who'll be the first against the wall when the revolution comes."

Curiously, an edition of the Encyclopedia Galactica which fell through a rift in the time-space continuum from 1000 years in the future describes the Marketing Department CEO's of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation Crapita as: "A bunch of mindless jerks who were the first against the wall when the revolution came."

Only their complaints department survived the general economic implosion of the company as a whole.

Academics have 'no confidence' in Edinburgh University's response to its Oracle disaster

"usually in Excel and often using undocumented-macros written by a bloke who left 3 years ago and now lives in France"

Dabbsy?

If you don't get open source's trademark culture, expect bad language

"Harry because it started off living under the stairs."

Yerra Hoover, Harry!

CEO sorry after telling staff to 'leave pity city' over bonuses

"Are you privy to her bonus?"

Did you read the article? Everyone else here did.

Eufy security cams 'ignore cloud opt-out, store unique IDs' of anyone who walks by

Time to break out the Scramble Suit

The post is required, and must contain letters.

Budget: UK chip strategy still nowhere to be seen. Money for quantum, AI? Sure

Re: The nice thing about quantum money ...

"but only until you check the balance on one of them...."

And then the balance for both of them will equal zero...

Microsoft picks perfect time to dump its AI ethics team

Microsoft executives have adopted that culture and seeded it throughout the company

Adopted and Seeded. Two innocuous words that when used in that context, just don't sound right...