Posts by Kane

Want to feel old? Aussie cyclist draws Nirvana baby in Strava on streets of Adelaide because Nevermind is 30

"I hate to break it to you, but I consider Nickelback to be considerably better sounding than Nirvana. I never did understand why hearing someone mumble around a mouthful of marbles while the band cranked the distortion to hide their lack of skill was so popular..."

That's fine, and regarding Nickelback, you're perfectly entitled to your musical opinion, but to claim that Nirvana had no skill is doing a bit of disservice to their and Kurts' songwriting ability.

I'll just leave these videos here so you can educate yourself a bit more regarding the songwriting stuff - these are from Rick Beato, a reasonably respected musician and producer in his own right but also an academic and analyser of songwriting construction and music theory, taken from his series "What Makes This Song Great".

Episode 4 - On A Plain, from Nevermind (but covers a little bit about Heart Shaped Box)

Episode 44 - Heart Shaped Box, from In Utero (but covers some general songwriting stuff as well)

Episode 90 - Smells Like Teen Spirit, from Nevermind

However, I expect that you won't watch these videos because you already have an opinion formed regarding Nirvana.

You could however prove me wrong, if you feel like it?

Facebook overpaid FTC fine by up to '$4.9bn' to protect Zuckerberg, lawsuits allege

Re: Douglas was prescient

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy defines the marketing division of Facebook, Inc as "a bunch of mindless jerks who'll be the first against the wall when the revolution comes,”

Shame that the ZuckerBorg™ wasn't built with a Genuine People Personality.

Only their complaints department will survive the general economic implosion of the company as a whole.

One-size-fits-all chargers? What a great idea! Of course Apple would hate it

Re: Apple don't like it?

"Is it that usb-c are manufactured that much better, or does apple purposefully make theirs such utter crap to force more purchases?"

Yes.

Ofcom swears at the general public for five days during obscenity survey

Re: The C waord

"We need a show after 9pm where for 1 hour a week, Brian Blessed just repeats a word over and over again until it loses its edge."

I have a little gift for you!

Enjoy!

Macmillan best-biscuit list unexpectedly promotes breakfast cereal to treat status

Custard Creams lower tier than Chocolate Bourbons?

Outrageous!

Re: I am offended

"Fig rolls are good."

Only in small numbers. Those of us with *ahem* delicate persuasions need to be careful with how many we can consume.

Clegg on its face: Facebook turns to former UK deputy PM to fend off damaging headlines

I don't know how a british politician morally bankrupt pathological liar can bear to work with morally bankrupt pathological liars...again.

FTFY.

Space tourists splash down in Atlantic Ocean after three days in orbit

Re: Every breath you take...

"That would be pointless - is he not a divine being that is unlike us air breathing mortals?"

This would need to be tested.

For Science.

Re: Crew? More like modern day Laikas

"(Not to overlook the ukulele -- three days in a tin can with a ukulele...)"

Should have been a banjo instead...

CityFibre scores extra £1bn+ of funding to plumb in up to 8 million British homes by 2025

"Here I am, sat in a small village in the Canary Islands enjoying a really great, low latency, fibre connection. I went for the cheap offering at 38€/month, 300Mb synchronous. I didn't feel the need for the 600Mb ..."

Here I am, sat in a small town on the outskirts of Kent struggling with a really, really flaky copper connection. The only highest speed offering available from the various unbundled providers is 12/3 at £22 a month. I would be happy with 50/50 and would be willing to pay the increase cost.

RIP Sir Clive Sinclair: British home computer trailblazer dies aged 81

Re: A legend, a king, an icon

"Pouring one out into my ZX for Sir Clive."

Ah, so that's how you get yours to work!

The Register speaks to one of the designers behind the latest Lego Ideas marvel: A clockwork solar system

The instructions for Ecto-1 can be found on Waller's site...

...as well as a store selling a variety of Minifigs.

Currently the only Minifig on offer there is the Exterminator 800, which, whilst impressive does not constitute "variety".

Ex-DJI veep: There was no drone at Gatwick during 2018's hysterical shutdown

Re: Stealth cloak, anybody?

"I've even heard rumours about a Federation starship equipped with one."

But that would be in breach of the Treaty of Algeron!

"Or a bird, or a carrier bag being blown around in the wind."

Or, it was aliens

ExpressVPN bought for $1bn by Brit biz with an intriguing history in adware

Re: leopards and spots

"something about leopards and spots comes to mind for some reason?"

A leopard can't change its shorts.

Fortnite banana can appear in court naked says judge in Epic vs Apple legal footnote

Re: It's already clothed

"Then again, could you take the peel off a banana and put on a dressing of chocolate sprinkles and then describe it as a dressed banana."

With a salted caramel sauce and call it sexy banana.

Mmmmm...

A developer built an AI chatbot using GPT-3 that helped a man speak again to his late fiancée. OpenAI shut it down

Re: Sad

"We'll replace your brain with an artificial one. A simple one should suffice. All it needs to do is say 'what?', 'I don't understand' and 'where's the tea?'"

What? I don't understand.

Did someone mention a cuppa?

Mine's the one with the rabbit bones in the pocket.

LA cops told to harvest social media handles from people they stop, suspect or not

"We are all guilty to them."

Everyone was guilty of something. Vimes knew that. Every copper knew it. That was how you maintained your authority - everyone, talking to a copper, was secretly afraid you could see their guilty secret written on their forehead. You couldn’t, of course. But neither were you supposed to drag someone off the street and smash their fingers with a hammer until they told you what it was.

- Night Watch, Sir Pterry

Hat icon, El Reg?

Re: Not Criminals

"but FutureCriminals * ?

* = ® Phllip K Dick."

Give it a couple of years, and Palantir will change it's name to the PreCrime Division.

SAP 'investigating' after viral video allegedly shows anti-mask employee coughing on shoppers

Re: Of course she's an idiot, but...

"...I'm always uncomfortable when somebody is fired for something he/she does outside of his/her job..."

Then you may want to have a re-read of any code of conduct or employment contract that you're a party to.

Re: Behavioral Norms

"Remember: Don't be an ass. Living together is much more pleasant when everybody remembers to be polite."

Yeah, I agree, but arseholes are gonna arsehole whatever the reason.

Spring tears down math geek t-shirt listing because it dared to mention the trademarked word 'zeta'

Re: "The Greek alphabet is currently protected legally"

"I've just trademarked the Latin alphabet letter 'E', so please avoid using it in your communications otherwise my lawyers will be onto you for infringement of my Intellectual Property Rights."

How vεry darε you! Oncε I can afford somε, you'll bε hεaring from my lawyεrs with a vεry stεrn lεttεr!

NSA: We 'don't know when or even if' a quantum computer will ever be able to break today's public-key encryption

"With the rubber hose mention, I expected a link to the oblig. XKCD."

I came here for this, was not disappointed!

Leaked Guntrader firearms data file shared. Worst case scenario? Criminals plot UK gun owners' home addresses in Google Earth

Re: No surprises here

"Easy to overlook, he could just have been one of the Lizard People and you don't want to accidently out one of them.

We've got one that can SEE!

Re: No surprises here

"You forgot to compare anyone to Hitler."

Getting in Godwin's Law early I see!

Google's newest cloud region taken out by 'transient voltage' that rebooted network kit

clouds are far from infallible

A cloud struck by lightning?

Re: Harden the F up

"Just watch Black Sheep."

"What about the sheep?"

"Fuck the sheep!"

"No time for that bro. Go go go!"

Big tech proud as punch about cameos in Joe Biden's security theatre

state-backed disinformation naughtiness

Is that his own, or foreign?

Facebook sat on report that reveals most-shared post for months was questionable COVID story

"Zuck? That you?"

Mark ZuckerBorg? Probably had some of his drones do it for him.

British teachers' pensions set to be released from Capita's grasp after nearly 30 years

"A People Solutions division sounds like something from Germany in the late 30s and early 40s..."

"Come out of the shadows, Voter."

"What's the beef? Did she steal your lunch box?"

"M -- mm -- many apologies, Voter Colonel."

"You know me?"

"Of course, Voter Colonel."

"Who am I?"

"You are Colonel Sebastian Doyle, Section Chief of CGI, Head of the Ministry of Alteration."

"Remind me a little: what do we do at the Ministry of Alteration?"

"You -- change people, Sir."

"In what way?"

"You change them from being alive people, to being dead people. To purify Democracy."

"Purify?"

"No one has done more to purge the ballot boxes than the Voter Colonel."

Horizon Workrooms promises a virtual future of teal despair

Re: Worth repeating

"But in the meantime, somebody hide this guy's thesaurus for a bit, 'mkay?"

Maybe have a dictionary at hand so you can look up those difficult words? It's almost like you're eschewing the ability for the human mind to learn.

Eschew

Verb

Deliberately avoid using; Abstain from.

"He appealed to the crowd to eschew violence"

£3m for 8 weeks of consultancy work: McKinsey given contract to advise UK.gov on tech project business cases

All recruitment is undertaken in line with normal Civil Service regulations...

...a nod and a wink and a quick round on the green followed by cocktails?

Cunts

United Nations calls for moratorium on sale of surveillance tech like NSO Group's Pegasus

Re: Oi!

"And if it isn't enough, a stern letter should do the trick."

Where's Disgusted Of Tunbridge Wells when you need them?

It's time to decentralize the internet, again: What was distributed is now centralized by Google, Facebook, etc

Re: Facebook

"That seems to be a (if not THE) over-riding meme on most social media. People babbling about things that have no goal, no meaning, and in fact no real reason for existence. And then getting applauded for it, so they do more of the same. Lather, rinse, repeat, ad infinitum.

_{Try blocking "thumbs" here on ElReg for a week (or permanently). It's liberating."}

Absolutely agree, for the most part. However I would argue that the goal is that age old human need to reach out. We are, after all, a social species (Mark Zuckerberg notwithstanding) and that in itself is a powerful motivator.

I know I do it a lot around here, but I'll lead off with a Pterry quote:

"Individuals aren't naturally paid-up members of the human race, except biologically. They need to be bounced around by the Brownian motion of society, which is a mechanism by which human beings constantly remind one another that they are...well...human beings."

- Men At Arms

_{Also, I thumbed up your post. I don't need liberating, I need validation.}

Re: Facebook

"Facebook relies on two people aspects as central to it's business model"

I don't disagree, but I think there's a third aspect that "social media" companies rely on for their business model, and that's FOMO. The Fear Of Missing Out.

All of those notifications, all of those likes vs dislikes, all of the rantings and ravings of lunatics spewing bile across the world. All of the click-happy people who just have to log back on, I just need to see what someone said about that thing that I posted yesterday/today/an hour ago/five minutes ago...

To a greater or lesser degree, we're probably all a little guilty of it. I know I am, particularly here at El Reg. I frequently go back over recent comments I've made to see if anyone has replied to something I've posted.

However, your mileage may vary according to the platform - I certainly don't use the likes of faecesbook, but I do use Reddit and YouTube, mainly for the lulz.

And the cats.

Not sure where this post is heading, so I'll leave it here.

Salesforce gets into the vid-streaming with original content caper, promises digital inspriation

I...

...wut?

Without a trace: Baroness Dido Harding to step down as chair of NHS Improvement

Well, Hot Damn...

...and there's me just getting over those involuntary reactions to Twat Twat, when El Reg goes and sets it off again!

You'll be getting a therapists bill from me one of these days...

You can now live life like Paul Allen on Microsoft cofounder's luxury yacht for '£1m a week'

Re: I can't think of a holiday venue I'd want less.

"Except for the bill, obviously. I'd have a bit of trouble tipping . . ."

Oh, that bit's easy. You just push them over the side. Robert Maxwell style.

Re: I can't think of a holiday venue I'd want less.

"It must take a really special kind of character to remain a billionaire."

I would imagine those same qualities in order to become one in the first place.

Wireless powersats promise clean, permanent, abundant energy. Sound familiar?

Re: who go batty at a few milliwatts...

You guys would just run circuits around me if I attempted it.

...not just because of how wild it would drive the 5G wingnuts, who go batty at a few milliwatts...

You missed a trick there. Should have said "battery" instead.

I'll just leave then, shall I?

Woman sues McDonald's for $14 after cheeseburger ad did exactly what it's designed to

"So, the argument is that she did not break the fast because the supposed "meal" was neither food nor edible."

The end result was a foodstuff almost indistinguishable from any other except for two things. Firstly, the price, which was slightly higher, and secondly the nutritional content, which was roughly equivalent to that of a Sony Walkman.

- Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch. Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman.

Coat icon, because there isn't one of a hat.

GNU, Sir Pterry

AI algorithms uncannily good at spotting your race from medical scans, boffins warn

Re: Why do I suspect ...

"There must be a 'Rule of acquisition' that covers it."

Rules 1, 3, 9, 10, 16, 22, 45, 74, 98 and 239

Possibly also 112

Source.

Please, no Moore: 'Law' that defined how chips have been made for decades has run itself into a cul-de-sac

"Same way as getting a crowd of ten thousand people to hold up black or white cards depending on whether or not you electrocute their bottoms at any given moment."

You sound like you speak from experience?

South Korea to test grenade-launching drones

Re: Drones

"But but but.. firing grenades into a volcano.

Think big!"

Nukes.

Think bigger!

Blizzard president, HR chief exit games giant in wake of sexual harassment uproar

J. Allen Brack and Jessie Meschuk...

...will presumably still be keeping their shares/stocks in trading, yes? Wouldn't want them to be "retired" without any financial backup, would we?

Would we?

US SEC chair calls for crypto regulation

...rife with fraud, scams, and abuse in certain applications...

So, like cash then?

Or, if you're so inclined...

So, like HSBC then?

Hungarian tech store closed by World War II bomb

Re: I have a question...

"(Wasn't sure whether to go with pedant or joke icon, so followed my true nature)"

Fair play.

It was a shot in the dark anyway...

I'm fine. I am perfect. Every day, and in every way... I'm getting better and better...

Re: I have a question...

"Do you know what kind of a bomb it was?"

The exploding kind.

Mine's the one with the oversized magnifying glass in the pocket.

I'm feeling lucky: Google, Facebook say workers must be vaccinated before they return to offices

Re: I'm not sure

"...and you won't know which dice roll you have made until it's too late."

Usually a Constitution check.

Too soon?