...you get to be the hero mainly because other people don't know what you know...
"Ninety percent of most magic merely consists of knowing one extra fact."
- Terry Pratchett, Night Watch
1816 publicly visible posts • joined 17 May 2007
"Is patching a security hole a "security feature"? Is fixing a bug found in key exchange a "security feature"? Is making it so group chats are end to end encrypted instead of just person to person a "security feature"? Is strengthening or replacing an encryption algorithm a "security feature"?"
Don't you worry your pretty little head about that, my dear, we'll set up a new arms-reach (hah!) non-governmental department in order to determine, on a case-by-case basis which of those are classed as "Security Features". Which will then be swiftly passed on to our in-house "technical experts" in order to "analyse" the feasibility of deployment of said feature, along with some "recommendations" in order to get it moved along.
What do you mean you’ve never been to Alpha Centauri? Oh, for heaven’s sake, mankind, it’s only four light years away, you know. I’m sorry, but if you can’t be bothered to take an interest in local affairs, that’s your own lookout. Energize the demolition beams.
"Instead of a cage fight, can we please just dig a very deep hole, dump them all in there, fill it nicely again, plant a forest on top and forget about it all?"
...signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters.
"Whilst we understand this decision will be
disappointing aggravating for some most customers, our catch-all email forwarding was not performing profiting to the level our customers shareholders need, or what we expect allow them to buy more boats and send Tiffany on an extra skiing holiday. So, we made the difficult decision to stop offering the service introduce a new paid tier service in order to be able to restore the functionality that you require."
There, fixed that for you!
"...through the scheme led to additional revenue of between £185 million and £195 million in 2019-20."
That's great and everything, but given that total revenue for 2019-20 was £633.3 billion that's kind of like pissing in the Pacific Ocean and declaring "Look, Daddy! I made it all wetter!"
"Personally I'm sure alien craft exist, though I question why they would bother visiting a backwater like Earth..."
“Teasers are usually rich kids with nothing to do. They cruise around looking for planets that haven’t made interstellar contact yet and buzz them.”
“Buzz them?” Arthur began to feel that Ford was enjoying making life difficult for him.
“Yeah,” said Ford, “they buzz them. They find some isolated spot with very few people around, then land right by some poor unsuspecting soul whom no one’s ever going to believe and then strut up and down in front of him wearing silly antennas on their head and making beep beep noises.”
"Come the glorious day citizens, Crapita's bosses will be first up against the wall!"
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy describes the
Marketing Department CEO's of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation Crapita as: "A bunch of mindless jerks who'll be the first against the wall when the revolution comes."
Curiously, an edition of the Encyclopedia Galactica which fell through a rift in the time-space continuum from 1000 years in the future describes the
Marketing Department CEO's of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation Crapita as: "A bunch of mindless jerks who were the first against the wall when the revolution came."
Only their complaints department survived the general economic implosion of the company as a whole.