* Posts by Danny 2

2212 publicly visible posts • joined 6 Jul 2009

Up yours, Europe! Our 100% prime British broadband is cheaper than yours... but also slower and a bit of a rip-off

Danny 2

County lines

If we legalised drugs then we could retrain all the young drug dealers sent to rural areas to install fibre.

SolarWinds: Hey, only as many as 18,000 customers installed backdoored software linked to US govt hacks

Danny 2

Waiter, there's spy software in my spy software

Who makes watches for the watch makers?

Cruise, Kidman and an unfortunate misunderstanding at the local chemist

Danny 2

Finger caught

I was 17, still living at my parents, working in a micro-component clean room. Mum took me aside and started giving me 'the sex talk', and I froze because I wasn't sure what she knew about what I'd been up to. She ended with, "I'm not judging you but I found these in your jeans."

I collapsed laughing on the floor in relief. It was fifty finger cots, latex finger coverings for the clean room that looked like tiny condoms. We had to put them on and off every time we entered the clean room. My mum had either never seen a condom or thought I had a dick like a pinkie and yet screwed like a rabbit.

Raven geniuses: Four-month-old corvids have similar cognitive abilities to great apes at same age, study finds

Danny 2

Re: We struggle [with non-human language]

@Palpy

Bored? These Americans are teaching their dogs to talk

Provided with a board full of buttons, some pets appear to be communicating with their humans – and researchers are investigating

https://www.theycantalk.org/about/our-approach-to-research

Danny 2

An unkindness of ravens

I posted here a month ago that I'd started experimenting using LEDs of differing colours to chase away magpies. They were eating the nuts I left out for squirrels, and the squirrels weren't scared away by LEDs. I want to apologise for that moment of lockdown madness. I realised the squirrels weren't concerned with the avian competition, they happily co-exist with the magpies.

Huawei and top Chinese AI startup accused of building 'Uyghur alarm' facial recognition scanner for govt

Danny 2

Re: Dzungar genocide

Hiya Gene,

We all have to execute a few folk to establish the emperor's awesomeness.

Mao Wenlong was reported to Ming authorities by Joseon for cowardice and treachery. Mao began acting independently and minted his own coins in 1628, while conducting illicit trading in contravention of Ming law. He was caught by Yuan Chonghuan in 1629 and executed for smuggling on 24 July, 1629. Yuan reported the death of Mao Wenlong to the Joseon court, stating that it had been done to "properly establish the emperor's awesomeness."

Sorry, I'm deep mining Wikipedia for cool quotes. It's my bitcoin.

Danny 2

Dzungar genocide

I surf Wikipedia and learned this last night. The Uyghurs were among the tribes and nations recruited by the Chinese to destroy the Dzungars, formerly the abusive overlords of the Uyghurs.

"the Qing victory was, in a certain sense, a victory for Islam".

Okay, so nobody could ever trust historical allies, but technology amplifies power to the point / risk of total domination.

You've got to be shipping me: KatherineRyan.co.uk suggests the comedian has diversified into freight forwarding

Danny 2

Re: Website redirection

www.loser.com

Soy un perdedor

I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?

(Double-barrel buckshot)

Soy un perdedor

I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?

Danny 2

Re: Website redirection

"I'm not sure if I'm proud of this or not"

Pros:

Didn't post revenge porn

Didn't throw acid in their face

Didn't kill them

Cons:

Sad

Danny 2

Better than reality

I wish comedian Katherine Ryan would take over Brexit shipping, plus trade deals with Australia, from comedian Boris Johnson.

Rogue ex-Cisco employee who crippled WebEx conferences and cost Cisco millions gets two years in US prison

Danny 2

Re: Sudhish Kasaba Ramesh

It's criminal that the account was left open, and someone still in Cisco should be arrested for that negligence. It's not as if he was a criminal mastermind:

In a sentencing memorandum filed last week, federal prosecutors said Ramesh made little attempt to cover his tracks.

“The government is perplexed on how the defendant — a highly intelligent individual — could have left a trail of bread crumbs that (led) the FBI to determine that he was responsible for the deletion of Cisco’s servers on AWS,” U.S. attorneys David L. Anderson, Hallie Hoffman and Susan Knight wrote in the memo. “He did not use a proxy internet service to hide his identity, registered his Google Cloud Platform account with his email address and American Express card and launched the attack from his work computer.”

An FBI agent who searched Ramesh’s work computer found Google searches for information on AWS servers and how to delete servers, which prosecutors said suggests that Ramesh “possibly did not realize that he was accessing a live production environment.”

https://www.bizjournals.com/sanjose/news/2020/12/09/former-cisco-engineer-prison.html

Reading El Reg while working from home? Here's a pleasant thought: Kaspersky says 1 in 10 of you are naked right now

Danny 2

Re: Webcams?

I'm sorry to hear that Eclectic Man. It's not been acceptable here in my lifetime to beat up people for their sexuality - although wearing a puffer jacket is just asking for trouble.

I beat up a gay five year old once and was heavily punished even though I felt justified at the time. He'd burst my balloon in the balloon race at my birthday party. I was sent to my room and never allowed another party.

Weeks later he threw stones at me - like a girl! - so I skimmed his ankle with a stone. He cried, turned his back saying, "I'm not fighting anymore", and threw his stone over his head, hitting me on the bridge of my nose. The angels were with him, but he didn't even realise until I told him decades later. I found out he died a few years ago, not violently but drugs and sex and rock and roll. So a good death.

Another gay pal, in his 40s, started his first fight ever at a Low concert - the bands first ever fight! - because someone wouldn't stop talking. I said, "Violence is fun, isn't it", and he burst out grinning.

Danny 2

Re: Webcams?

"there seems to be a disease going around that makes people worry entirely too much about what other people are thinking/doing"

It's called "Britishness", and it's been endemic here for generations. Kick me and I'll apologise for getting in the way of your foot. Just don't cut the queue or we will glower at you, mutter under our breath, and some brave soul may even lash you with stern rebuke.

Danny 2

Never Nude

I got piteous looks in the shop yesterday because my pyjamas had escaped my socks and were dreeping below my breeks. Mind you, I normally live in an area where people often went shopping in their pyjamas before the pandemic so shame is a choice. I have left my silk thermals where I legally can't retrieve them and it's not warm out, it's not warm in. Mine's the 'audio only' video link.

UK coronavirus tier postcode-searching tool yanked offline as desperate Britons hunt for latest lockdown details

Danny 2

Re: PC -off World

Ah ha!

Currys PC World asked to honour cancelled Black Friday sales

Currys PC World is facing a growing number of complaints about cancelled Black Friday purchases, which customers only learned about after the sales period was over.

The firm has blamed a technical fault for causing some orders to fail even though it had sent confirmation emails.

Danny 2

PC -off World

I notice the Curry's / PC World website says, "We’re down for a bit of maintenance…but we’ll be up and running again soon!"

Really, they planned website maintenance for Black Friday? Or have they sold the laptop it was running on?

PSA: The 2020 monolith is a dead meme. You can stop putting them up now. Please

Danny 2

Re: Its baaack.....

My mum's father's father was a riveter on the Forth Bridge - one of the few who survived the job.

The bridge is still there and working, and painting it became an idiom for any never ending job. They'd paint it from end to end and then have to start again. Although lately with better paint technology it only has to be painted every decade, saving the bridge but ruining the idiom.

Danny 2

Re: Basildon

Actually all the 1960s Scottish new towns came with loads of weird riveted steel 'sculptures'. I think you'll find the worship happens in Shepperton, not Basildon.

In The Unlimited Dream Company, a man named Blake crashes a stolen aircraft into the River Thames outside the London suburb of Shepperton. Whether he survives the crash, to become a sort of supernatural messiah for the small town, or if he actually drowns, and dying, imagines the whole thing, is never truly revealed.

Danny 2

Re: IoW "art" claimed...

Thanks Jake & Dr Syntax,

There are decent local manufacturers here. I think Perspex is used the same way as other brand names such as 'doing the hoovering' even if it's a Dyson, or 'speaking over the tannoy' even if it's another public announcement brand.

I knew foil wasn't safe on glass. If you ever have to break a window quietly then place foil over the outside and then wood cut to fit the glass, then hit the wood. It's a burglar's trick I used as a peace protester but the wood was needed to avoid shards, and that wouldn't work as a mirror.

I don't have children so this is the first time I've had to 'child proof' a home. Unlike me and my mum my dad refuses to use a sippy-cup, yet he dropped three cups of tea yesterday, so I bought him a manly thermos mug from renowned toolmaker Stanley. I paid extra for the name as I think he'll respect it enough to use it. I bought him a wheeled zimmer frame six months ago and he was so insulted he made my mum return it, hence his falling now. I've been putting up new handrails everywhere, got rid of the bath and put in a wet-room, and bought Alexa dots that he is sometimes able to use. I wanted to get him a smart watch in case he wandered off, but none of them were good looking enough for him and he won't get far now anyway.

Just before Harry Dean Stanton died aged 91 he made the movie 'Lucky'. What do you do when life leaves you nothing? You smile. But life is less important than memory.

Danny 2

Re: Reaction

Confessions of a Crap Artist

When I was homeless I got quite good at drawing and painting, I thought so at least but wasn't sure as I hadn't been trained and people are overly polite. I showed some of my stuff to a successful artist to appraise and he just laughed and said, "Oh, I haven't done any of that for decades, I hire people to do that for me." Given he didn't offer me a job I took that as my answer.

Danny 2

Re: IoW "art" claimed...

That's fascinating stuff, but the perspex (like me) is cheap!

Danny 2

Re: IoW "art" claimed...

The mirrored perspex is interesting. My dad's been falling down a lot recently, and is rightly worried about going through the mirrored wardrobe doors in his bedroom. My mum was advised to cover the glass in reflective foil but mirrored perspex is obviously a lot safer, plus it doesn't seem that expensive. Maybe good for households with young children too.

Marine archaeologists catch a break on the bottom of the Baltic Sea: A 75-year-old Enigma Machine

Danny 2

Re: WTF? WWF

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_Wide_Fund_for_Nature

Danny 2

Re: Old typewriter

Cullen skink soap is what we comedy writers refer to as a 'call back'.

When the covid warnings started I posted here that Scots were happy to wash our hands for twenty seconds in soup but we weren't told Cullen skink or cockaleekie.

For decades Edinburgh folk called Glasgow folk 'soap dodgers', which led to the unfortunate circumstance of English folk calling Scottish folk 'soap dodgers'. My ongoing soap/soup confusion is self-depreciatory humour as many readers here don't appreciate how majestic Scotland is - well, apart from Glasgow.

Danny 2

Old typewriter

The marine biologists thought it was an old typewriter. Micro biologists and molecular biologists get annoyed at being lumped together with marine biologists, whose only qualification is looking good in woollen sweaters.

Apparently they had different Enigmas on u-boats, so this was thrown off a warship. I'm not sure why they'd dump them when the war had ended, I guess it was like clearing your browsing history while having a heart attack.

[Speaking of heart attacks, here is my recipe for Cullen skink soap. It's this recipe, then you double the double cream and add a cup of Islay malt]

Glastonbury hippy shop Hemp in Avalon rapped for spouting 'plandemic' pseudoscience

Danny 2

Re: Pro-hemp, anti idiocy

I bow to your better knowledge. I hadn't heard of Cowvid. I hope they've reached herd immunity.

Danny 2

Pro-hemp, anti idiocy

Please don't let the odd idiot disgrace the whole hemp community.

Back in March I didn't think there would be any vaccine - these are the first coronavirus vaccines in history, and they've been trying to develop them for the 'common cold' for decades. I know it's not a panacea, it'll need to be repeated and updated vaccinations, but it's an undeniable miracle to be celebrated.

Now if only the government would follow the recommendations of their own scientific advisory committee and legalise cannabis.

Four or so things we found interesting about Qualcomm's Snapdragon 888, its latest 5G chip for high-end Androids

Danny 2

Re: 5nm engraving, wow

Thanks Clockwork Owl,

An hour later and I still can't figure out if Murphy's Law trumps Moore's Law, or if the jokes are just whooshing over me. I'm going back to XKCD where I know it's a joke.

Danny 2

Re: 5nm engraving, wow

"how can you watch multiple 4K videos on a mobile phone screen ?"

One phone to cast to them all.

(To be honest I don't understand this articles details, or indeed many now. I feel like I'm stuck on a sunless planet in a heat death universe watching a spaceship passing over. I'm happy to see it but I know it's not coming to my rescue.)

Scotch eggs ascend to the 'substantial meal' pantheon as means to pop to pub for a pint during pernicious pandemic

Danny 2

Re: I'm bored of the whining about pubs.

"let the virus sort the idiots out. They will love it"

It is slightly tempting to add to the insane vaccine conspiracy theories, just to ensure the initially limited number of vaccines go to sensible people.

(I heard the chips they are injecting into you aren't capable of running Windows 10. )

Danny 2

Re: A friend of mine came up with this suggestion.

It's not borrowed, it's out of the existing budget so will mean cuts elsewhere. I personally think it's too little and suggested here months ago the same £29 daily bonus that soldiers get when in a warzone.

It appears that the English government is insisting on taxing the bonus so the poorest workers will only get £123 - it's complicated but the headline optics of that is terrible for the Tories.

Danny 2

Re: A friend of mine came up with this suggestion.

Hey you Huw!

Scotch eggs are not Scottish nor named due to Scotland. Maybe if you cover them in chocolate and deep-fry them, but so far nothing to do with us.

And for the first posters here complaining about 'the Government response', health is a devolved matter so there have been four government responses. Scots seem to appreciate the Scottish Government response so far. Yesterday they gave £500 to all health and care workers, plus £100 to any family that gets school meals, plus free breakfasts for all school kids to go with their free lunches after the election. And we didn't even need a footballer to intervene.

Don’t panic, but five jet drones just used their AI to chat and collaborate while in flight

Danny 2

Re: I was out walking the dog last afternoon

I have to say that was a surprisingly, scarily quick escalation from explosive drones to drones with chemical weapons. If you ever need a career break then the Syrian regime could use your talents.

Apologies for the Daily Mail link, but a sparrow hawk caused a starling murmuration to form into a spherical 'death star'.

[My spell checker replaced murmuration with menstruation.]

Danny 2

Re: This Reminds Me Of Dark Star!

Ta, I've never seen Dark Star but will fix that this morning.

I note that Boeing aren't testing this in the US but in Australia, where the UK tested our nuclear bombs.

Uri Geller calls off 20-year ban on Pokémon trading card that 'stole' his 'signature image'

Danny 2

@J27

That article mentions Richard Feynman and James Randi - had you heard of them?

Geller was a big thing for decades, albeit a big, bad thing. Good pals with Michael Jackson, if you know what I mean.

DeepMind's latest protein-solving AI AlphaFold a step closer to cracking biology's 50-year conundrum

Danny 2

Re: This is great news ...

I was skeptical two decades ago when all the young computer students I met were specialising in AI, yet without substantial results from the field. With this breakthrough I admit I was wrong. I can finally hold my head high around my first love who is a published molecular biologist - admittedly I never worked in AI but I did read a book on it.

Manchester United email servers remain offline amid what is being called a 'ransomware' attack

Danny 2

Here all week

I would like to resubmit my original jokey comment for reappraisal. It's dry, but failing that I'll start releasing personal information about myself.

Master boot vinyl record: It just gives DOS on my IBM PC a warmer, more authentic tone

Danny 2

Re: The most impressive bit...

Nostalgia - not what it used to be.

Mysterious metal monolith found in 'very remote' part of Utah

Danny 2
Danny 2

Re: Film set

All of the Netherlands is as flat as a Doctor Who set.

I guess most of you smarties know this already, but the standard frog 'ribbet' noise in Hollywood movies is not representative of most frogs, just the hyla regilla (Pacific tree frog) that lives around Hollywood.

Danny 2

Re: Period

Guid mention! Every toilet has free toilet paper because obviously, I'm proud Scotland is the first nation to provide free period products in public toilets.

[Slightly ashamed we are closing so many public toilets]

Retired engineer confesses to role in sliding Microsoft Bob onto millions of XP install CDs

Danny 2

Colorblind James Experience

My baby was talking in her sleep

She said, "Bob?"

I said, "What?"

She said, "Bob?"

I said, "I'm Bob!"

She said, "No, I mean a different Bob."

And so I asked her the next day

I said, "Jane?"

She said "What?"

I said, "Who's Bob?"

She said, "You're Bob!"

I said, "No, I mean a different Bob."

My baby was run over by a truck

It was a Dodge

As she lay dying, she called for Bob,

I touched her hand and said "I'm here!"

She said, "No, I mean a different Bob."

Considering the colonisation of Mars? Werner Herzog would like a word

Danny 2

Re: Immortality

“... millions long for immortality who don't know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.”

― Susan Ertz

(Although Robert Heinlein stole it too I think)

Frenchman who wanted to 'smash a guy's face in' fined €135 – despite correctly filling out paperwork stating why he left home during lockdown

Danny 2

Re: France = Prison

France has art, culture, beautiful women, lovely cuisine, liberty, slow food, decent workers rights, beautiful women, philosophers, museums, nudist beaches, stunning countryside and mountain ranges.

I admit I've never been to Montoya, but what is there that compares? My impression is a huge wilderness of steroid cattle and you. Ye ken, yer irrational anger and lack of love life is maybe due to excess steroids. I don't say this often, but get tae France!

Danny 2

Re: Lucky punk

I'm in Scotland so obviously 'to smash wife and mistress's faces in', cheating hearts.

That was intended as a feel good joke about domestic violence. I know, I'm a product of the 1970s.

If anyone here needs a genuinely 'feel good' boost from BBC Scotland, I heartily recommend "Born to be Wild" on iPlayer. A bunch of Scots gave up fighting each other to heal wild animals at the SSPCA and release them back into the wild. It'll make you cry for both reasons as obviously some of the wounded wild animals die.

Audiences get to vote on which wild animals live or die. Not now, it's a year old repeat. Spoiler: the crovid croaks it. "An unkindness of ravens" is projection.

Danny 2

Lucky punk

Since Saturday it's a criminal offence with a £10,000 fine to travel to or from tier three and four areas in Scotland. I asked Police Scotland online if that applied to me who forwarded me the Scottish Government statement and which read like Dirty Harry, "You've got to ask yourself one question. Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?"

I felt lucky so I drove the M8 and the A71 without any police checkpoints, problems or even presence. Slightly less traffic than normal, which was nice.

Amazon's ad-hoc Ring, Echo mesh network can mooch off your neighbors' Wi-Fi if needed – and it's opt-out

Danny 2

Re: The real problem is the data caps

"The engineer in me thinks this is a clever idea that makes use of a pooled resource to provide optimum performance for everyone."

Upvoted for irrational innocence. I recall when Dick Cheney's pacemaker was wifi hackable.

Yep, the usual suspects are sitting down to feast: Dominant vendors get a fat slice of CIA cloud pie and so do IBM and Oracle

Danny 2
Joke

I heard there will be a Trump vaccine available by early January. Of course not everyone who can be immunised will want to be, but we should reach jerk immunity by summer.

US Air Force deploys robot security dogs to guard base

Danny 2

Re: No offensive capabilities?

I had a mad whippet and lived by woods. It would seek out the biggest stick in the woods and retrieve twenty foot branches balanced in it's jaws. Not once but many times, I saw her fell people when her log hit the back of their knees. She did it to me too, twice.

She would never willingly give up her branch. I'd pick it up and swing it around and she kept biting on it and swing around.