Re: The beaver eulogy.
Ta Tim. It is one of the best poems I've read. The guy invited me out to his birthday party last Burns night, and I didn't go because I'm not sociable and only go out twice a year - I regret that now that I've been stuck in all year. Another poet, Attila the Stockbroker, wrote me this ode to another threatened species to read out -
WRITTEN FROM SCRATCH
The Earth is in a right old mess -
We’ve screwed it up indeed.
Pollution, global warming
And endless corporate greed.
So many species threatened
And some already gone -
Our planet groans in anguish
While the juggernaut rolls on.
We worry about the elephants
The bears and tigers too
And if they’re close to dying out
We breed them in a zoo.
It seems the only ones we save
Are big or have some hair
Cos 70 frog species have gone
And no one seems to care.
Now, since a kid, I’ve always loved
the world which crawls and squirms
I‘ve snakes and toads and newts at home
And even some pet worms….
And there’s a special little mite
The same size as a flea
I’ve always had a soft spot for -
(though no, not literally)
Now some blame the Brazilians
And some blame good old soap -
One long established guest of ours
Is quickly losing hope.
For centuries it munched its fill
Oblivious to class -
As fond of pauper’s privates
As a bit of Royal arse.
But in our hygiene-conscious age
It seems it’s had its day:
Even the Goths and Palace fans
Are scrubbing it away.
And if we carry on like this
The verdict is succinct -
Our one time nether nemesis
Will soon become extinct!
This is for conservationists
Who stand for animal rights
You need to make a bit of space
In underpants and tights…
It’s time to give it house room
And not just in your house
So heed the call of Nature now -
And save the pubic louse.