Posts by lukewarmdog

Firefox 3.6 goes live and final

que?

"That's just ridiculous. Generally the two camps are people who buy memory because their apps demand it, and the spotty oiks who want to play Top Trumps with their mates"

My machines all came with RAM. I would like it to be used optimally to power my apps. I've never seen any spotty oiks playing Top Trumps. Do spotty oiks even have mates? Ones that can read? To reiterate.. all that memory doing NOTHING can be used to make your browser go faster. In other news pope, branch of Christianity. Bears, wood.

IFPI wants another stab at OiNK

Doesn't

Double Jeapordy apply?

Any further attempt to get this guy back into court would surely be harrassment and wasting the courts time. Judges aren't keen on that.

Why Bono is wrong about filesharing

Wont do what you tell me

Bono grew rich during a time when home taping was killing the music industry.

Doesn't seem to have done him any harm.

Bit tired of these elder statesmen with a vested interest telling me about what goes on on the Internet.

Google taps Gmail for more clicks with ad tweak

Ads - no thanks

I can confidently state I have never clicked on an ad. I've never bought anything just because a big flashing box on my screen tells me to. In fact those boxes scare me, I don't trust them at all. I buy stuff all the time but I do it by shopping around my own trusted sites, not a big random flashy advert.

I have never been in the middle of reading an email and thought "Oh yes, I really do need to buy some fish fingers, must pop out and get some now". Has anyone? If it keeps my free services free then by all means push the adverts but I can't see that they really work.

As for Go Compare.. their advert is having the opposite effect to the one they want, I would actively use any service BUT theirs.

Oz man coughs to DD-jub job advert outrage

Perhaps

They could also ask that the prospective candidate is able to write Engish properly:

"Border Express is a one of"

"the opportunity for to enhance"

Oracle power couple take Manhattan by billboard

Sorry

Skeptics feel Phillips could be apologizing for something big

- Maybe he promised her the moon 8 years ago and now he's trying to buy her off with Sun

Manchester ID staff suffer isolation as new dawn fades

Mancunians

I'd rather imagine that if 2,000 people expressed an interest, they mostly went to get a card. I'd also suggest that those people probably work in and around local government.

Can't recall seeing any advertising for an id card in Manchester.

Apple's iPad - the tablet with the data center soul

OK

All back to the apple forums now pls.

A giant iPhone for £500? Pass.

Israelis develop Nazi-doodlebug sonic deathwave cannon

Dammit

Now I need to dig a bigger hole for my secret bunker.

/grumble

Google ices Android launches in China

confused

Whilst I'm all for people sticking it to the Chinese in an effort to improve human rights and stuff, I really didn't expect Google to be the one to do it.

What is really going on?

MS spins IE security disaster into Windows 7 upgrade opportunity

Damage Limitation

"there are a number of ways to limit the attack to an IE crash"

Chrome, Firefox, Opera..

Ballmer: no China exit for Microsoft's Bing

Lol

Microsoft in admits-we-get-hacked-all-the-time-and-nobody-bothers shock.

Health Net's missing drive could cost it millions

Software

Health Net said the data could only be viewed with specific software, but unfortunately that software was commonly available.

so that's Adobe Reader then.

Discrimination warning over airport body scanners

@Valerion

The perfect family is actually also the best target for extremists to try and recruit.

How soon before the perfect son is strapping the bomb on?

There's a whole world of home grown terror out there.

UK BitTorrent admin acquitted on fraud charge

Radio

I'm listening to the radio in work and I haven't paid and absolutely refuse to pay for some of the material they play. I demand some cartel stops it being streamed to me. I am also cheapening several artists by only listening to their music casually and with no concern for their lyrical or musical content. Since it's a shared office I'd like to postulate I'm sharing this music with other people with no regard for the financial model in place by the various music companies. Now if only I could persuade my colleagues to pay me say £50k a month for this service.

You wouldn't download a car... er yes, yes I totally would.

World braces for Lindsay Lohan sex tape

occupational hazard

Not wearing a bra is an occupational hazard?

Not in my place of employment.

NuLabour 'Bribo' laptop pops up on eBay

@KK

Blackadder: Baldrick, have you no idea what irony is?

Baldrick: Yes, it's like goldy and bronzy only it's made out of iron.

Peppa Pig told to belt up

wut

The animators had "initially considered including seatbelts and child seats in the show but felt it might limit the characters' range of expressions"

- why would the seatbelt cover their faces?

Surely they would need an extra "ow this seatbelt is really pinching my massive pigbody" expression, not less.

Anyway, let this be a lesson to them. ONE WHOLE MUM complained. Take that. Never do shoddy work again. Next time it might be TWO PARENTS.

It doesn't say how old the mum is. She might actually not be much older than her kid. At least the mum didn't use the excuse herself to the cops as to why SHE wasn't wearing a belt.

McKinnon: The longest ever game of pass the parcel

partner in war

And like most partners they screw you, run up massive debts in your name and then bugger off to live in the nice big house that you somehow ended up paying for. Thank deity we never had kids, getting custody would make this look like a walk in the park.

Iraqi weapons inspector accused in online sex sting

trained polizei officer

Trained to do what? Lie about her age? Get men to come on to her so she could nick them? Seek out and destroy once and for all this one particular guy?

Does she lie down and roll over and pretend she's dead as well?

Swedish Weight Watchers bring down the house

smell of sewage

The smell of fat people simultaneously crapping themselves?

In Japan they'd actively make such a club over an open sewer as an incentive to lose weight. And then film it. With hilarious consequences for the contestants.

West Country pagans tie horses in knots

Srsly

And to think, the government wants me to pay 50p PER LANDLINE to give these people the Internet. They get all the news they can handle already from their alphabeti spaghetti.

I liked the "IF" it's kids ponies. What if it's not. She didn't even check? Reminds me of Brass Eye Cake. Checking your information before going on record with an opinion is highly recommended.

As for making them pretty - it's called dressage and is apparently quite classy, not "an awful thing" at all.

As for marking horses by braiding their tails. Yeah cos in the dark you are going to go "eh john.. is this a braid? no never mind, it was just a rather complicated burr, I combed it out"

If you're going to steal horses in the dark, some kind of UV marking would a better idea.

Lightning catches up with Thunderbird

Frisian

Ah the language of that most majestic of Beligan horses.

Wednesneigh 5th Neigh - get laid.

Rest of week - eat hay.

Knuckle rap for riot shield sledging coppers

This is what happens when..

Police DON'T arrest someone taking photos of them.

New Labour bring old Nuremberg Laws to Britain

Peh

This pathetic soon to be ex-government should be forced to stop talking / doing anything. They know they're at the end of their term and seem to think it's fine just to talk complete bollocks until May.

It really doesn't matter what they think the law is, what they say the law is or what they hope the law might be. They can win their legal battles in every single UK court they see fit, if Europe overturns it then that's it. Someone get one of those gagging orders and just apply it to the whole government, please.

Time to go and get arrested for nothing then retire on the court case payout.

RealNetworks boss in sudden exit

Real wut?

Completely pointless product, did we REALLY need MORE proprietary file formats?

Thought not.

Spam filters stuff Canadian Beaver

Srsly

How much were they spamming?

Just wait til the Bald Eagle protection society or every single Brazilian gets filtered.

Where will it end?

Will nobody think of the children?

Labour MP experiences nasty video shock horror

re-election DVD

Hi I'm <personal information removed> and I represent <location removed per anti-terrorist policy> with a population of <Population details censored in line with policy on protecting children and minorites>

Yes, yes. Let's censor everything.

Judge awards Dish Network $51m from satellite pirate

You wouldn't download a car

'Substantial and unquantifiable harm'

So if it's unquantifiable how did they manage to set a figure?

"We don't know how much damage you've done so we'll just call it $69 million shall we? Good, that's agreed then".

Celebrity goat declines Britain's Got Talent gig

Maximum Acceptable Distance

Would that be laden or unladen?

Ofcom proposes squeezing £4m out of airlines

Free Air

Dear Ofcom,

I found a bit of air above me.

Nobody flies in it, nobody uses it. If it would be any use to you I'd be prepared to sell it to you for a very reasonable fee.

What's that you say, you're a completely pointless quango who might not make it through the end of next year?

All the more reason to buy my air! People might say "git off my land" but not here. I live in the reasonable North. Screw those Southerners and their fox chasing ways, be of the people and for the poeple and buy my air. NAO.

yours.. a Northerener.

Facebook boss joins Disney

Damn them

I've also been at the forefront of the way that people see Disney and their business. Admittedly I've been there saying "Don't buy Disney, they're an evil company" but still.. surely I fit the criteria. My turnover was also 500 million, 500 million invisible Esperantinos. I appreciate that is a drop in the North Atlantic ocean but every drop counts.. just ask Opec which has been pricing by the (some might say same) drop since 1984.

I would like to be the CEO of an RIAA protected company by the time I'm 40. This is my application. Thank you.

Multiple travel firms refuse ID cards as passport alternative

wtf

"However one ID card pioneer, Norman Eastwood from Salford"

Wait.. I'm from Salford and I've never heard of this person. He isn't so much a pioneer as a complete and utter twonk. I know.. that is a Brum term and I don't use it lightly. Please do not labour under the assumption that this person is in any way representative of someone from Salford. He isn't. He's a cunt. Those of us who know our vernacular will realise that this means he is someone to fuck with which our government has clearly done. Clearly Norman Eastwood is blonde, has large breasts and is in possession of a large amount of contrababand. See that film with Cristian Slater who my cousin looked like when he was younger as proof.

That notwithstandind, there is no call for an id scheme, the pope did indeed poop in a wooded area this weekend (prior to being attacked by a lunatic aslyum seeker) and bears were seen in Rome. Or something.

Santa sticks up bank to 'pay elves'

staff said

We're so used to being robbed by Nixon, security didn't bother with Santa.

Wait til Easter when they get robbed by the same guy as the Easter Bunny.

And again at Halloween when he robs them as a skeleton.

And yet again at Kwanza when he robs them as a robot.

Seriously.. they need to sit up and smell some coffee.

Software fraudster 'fooled CIA' into terror alert

only in america

For those americans who are so quick to say "omg if only you swapped the word "america" for "britain".

Look, we accept that you're not ALL universally stupid.

We also accept that Britain has it's fair measure of stupid. I mean srsly.. look at our Government..

Ok also look at the Queen and her offspring.

Fine.. I admit it.. Harrods wasn't our most special moment.

But in the spirit of Christmas let's accept.. this was one of "those"moments that whilst none of us are especially proud of them.. this one was brought to us by Playboy and is courtesy of the C I of A.

Hey if it was anyone else we'd all be ganging up right? This one.. we should all sit back and just shake our heads. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to anyone reading this article. It's ftw in any community. Except the defense community. You people should be profoundly ashamed of yourselves.

Googlephone Nexus One leaks more news

removable battery

Surely for every person that has or might be wanting to.. there's someone who hasn't and can't see why you'd bother..

Fo sho the non-removable battery is an issue.. you can't change it yo. Dammit.. because honestly.. I've never changed one once in any device except my work provided Dell laptop. Which I don't use that much. Nor do most people at work. But we've all had the same issue. Oh no.. an issue which isn't covered by El Reg and which doesn't boil down at some witching level to an issue between IBM and Apple hardware.

But I digress. Just wait until el googlephone plays ads between and during calls. Then let's see what the real issue is. I mean.. Hello, we cannot connect your call right now, the new laptop from Dell is might fine however, mmm.. Dell.. new laptop. bm bm bm mmm.. oh no. your caller is free.. how aboot that eh.. did we mention the new laptop from Dell? Contains an Intel processor you know.. mad to pass it up.. mad.

Twitter buys geo-firm

earthquake

So governments can just close down their expensive geowatching departments and use twitter. Cool.

It would be much cheaper to do the same with other natural disaster watchers too, cheaper to pay some guy with a mobile phone to sit on a volcano than take all that expensive equipment up one. And some guy with a mobile phone on each beach watching for tsunamis.. I could be tempted to do that if it didn't mean having to have a twitter account.

Sony plots death of Amazon Kindle

cost

I just bought a load of books online secondhand.

Paid more postage than for the product.

Now if ebooks were the same.. less the postage cost then I *might* buy some hardware to support it. Thing is I got a trilogy and two cycles for less than a single ebook it appears.

Opera on Google Chrome OS: what me worry?

It's behind you

Lot of AC "Google isn't a monopoly" posts recently.

If you fervently believe this is so, post your names.

Will they match the Google employee list?

Google is no Microsoft but you don't have to be, Microsoft doesn't have a monopoly on monopolies. There can be more than one, despite what Highlander told you.

Ingres goes after disgruntled MySQL customers, partners

Analogy

I don't get it - "They're like the Tiger Woods of the technology world"

Really well paid, some might say ridiculously so for what they actually do?

Endorsed by some really big, if maybe a bit bizarre, companies?

They're black and good at golf?

Media reports a crashing issue that could potentially destroy their reputation?

Watchdog files complaint over Facebook 'privacy' settings

Nothing to fear

Wow the rabid fanbois are out in force this morning.

Did none of you pay any attention this week? It's a quote by one of the Medusa heads of Google.

Get over Facebook.. stat.

Iraqi insurgents hack US drones with $26 software

propaganda

Now we have the insurgents attention, swap the video feed to images of their bases being pwned, their leaders being killed and, just for sng's, pictures of mohammed.

Might as well get some use out of this snafu.

Accused phone thief snared after phone sends pic to victim

no statistics were supressed in this title

"that is why the NRA is a very strong advocate of firearm safety training"

No, the reason the NRA advocates anything with the word gun in it is because it is run by people with a vested interest in gun sales and aftersales. Own a gun safely = 1) own a gun 2) train at one of our family owned ranges 3) buy our bullets.

THAT is why the NRA does anything.

Firms fuse high-tech sensors into concept phone

hm

Squeeze for fart noise and lift and tip for beer app.

Because you know there will be improved apps for them.

US warships to get plane-snatching robot arms?

plane and arm

Clearly they will be used to launch them in exactly the same way that humans do with paper planes. Just hopefully they wont crash and burn into the sea like my paper planes do.

Data collector threatens scribe who reported breach

McKinnon

IMaybe his defence should have been that he was a reporter instead of having Aspergers. Might have had more luck.

Google says ad blockers will save online ads

word

Could that Shell advert BE any more annoying?

Can you imagine if billboards did that IRL, you'd be suing for invasion of privacy if not ABH.

Rollover to have your entire screen filled by our advert is what it should say.

Their TV adverts annoy me as well but I shout at the TV a lot in the comfort of my own home.

'Steve Jobs' dupes blogosphere with AT&T protest hoax

strike

Actually seems to me to be fair enough, various airport staff, teachers, government workers etc threaten to go on strike regularly enough. Representatives meet up and hear relevant demands and protests and a compromise is reached or a strike takes place if that is what the voters want.

In this case the voters are the iPhone owning customers and threatening to flood the network on a regular basis - every Friday dinner time for instance - gives the phone company time to plan for emergency failures etc. and to come up with a response re better service.

It's a bit net 2.0 tho, why not just throw together one of those class action lawsuits America is so fond of and have done with it?

Police moot pop-up social network warnings

warning

You are about to share drunken photos of sexual exploits that could ruin your future job prospects.

Maybe that warning every time you think about going on to Facebook et al. wouldn't be such a bad idea after all.

Googlephone facing 10m more Jobsian challengers?

Googleyphone

So.. phone my brother, chat about the weather, the latest games, laugh at or with Penny-Arcade, bemoan the latest Government idiocy.

Later, receive text ads from game.com, a weather update sponsored by Everest double glazing, promotions from the EA shop and an invite to join the Conservative party.

Walking round town, phone constantly vibrates offering the latest trainers from the sports shop I am passing, informing me of todays special from the bakers I'm passing, telephone numbers of escorts as I pass a private shop. Oh wait, the camera has facial recognition software and has just spotted someone wanted by the police so it drops your call and forwards information to the local station.

Yeah no thanks.

Altho I can't wait for the exploit that gives you peoples private details, will make people like Perez Hilton very happy as they spy on "celebs"