Posts by Spot the Cat

Too rude for the road: DVLA hot list of banned numberplates

Used to be a Volvo round here wearing SPL 1F. That's right, a Volvo.

CERN's boson hunters tackle big data bug infestation

A Question

Am I the only one who read the title as "CERN's BOSOM HUNTERS...."?

Thought not.

(Smirk/snigger icon please)

Hey Commentards! [This title is optional]

And...

Don't forget "Bored of" etc. It's "Bored with" you idiots!

Oxford adds woot! to dictionary

Impaludism?

Norfolk? Shirley not? Here in Norfolk we'd refer you to certain parts of Lincolnshire. Impaludism certainly threw the spellchecker though, as apparently did spellchecker.

Parmo v poutine: Your cut-out-and-keep pdf guide

I remember...

1. Deep fried battered mushrooms, chips and a pickled onion or two, but it was a long time ago and that chippy is long gone now. Sadly.

2. Fried hogs pudding, egg and chips. Lovely!

El Reg to unleash rocket-powered spaceplane

Beer

Brilliantly Engineered Eartshattering Rocketship?

Is it Friday yet?

re Guess it's small....

....with a short 'naut ((c) Lewis Page, wish I'd thought of it first.)

Middle England chokes on Nice Baps

Baldock

If I recall, neighbouring Baldock was for many years home to the Ridgid Tool Company. A quick Google reveals they've moved to London and major in threading and roll grooving. They can also supply you a Scout locator. The choir boy locator is coming soon.

Bloke with hammer fixes London's Olympic clock

re Hammer

Birmingham screwdriver, shirley?

Cobalt-barrel machine guns could fire full auto Hollywood style

First bit

of common sense I've heard all day Thank'ee, sir.

Cornish pasties awarded protected status

Pedant alert ll

Well said, sir! And it cannot be said too many times. And the same applies to bored.

Seven weeks and counting

Ann's Pasties in Lizard Village, best in the world, and go down very well with a pint or two of Doom Bar.

HP gives Lou Reed a right shoeing

WTF?

OMFG - that is all.

Rare metals found in Cornish tin mine

@ Mike Richards

And don't forget the arsenic - a little goes a long way.

Pint cos it's twenty past five on Friday - no arsenic in mine, thank you.

re In further news

Emmit oppressors, boy, emmit oppressors.

PARIS laid bare in intimate snaps

Splendid!

Utterly splendid, and congrats to all the team, with a special rasing of the hat/glass to Lewis Page for coming up with the "short 'naut". Wonderful. More please.

Great white sharks menace Blighty

Innocent white flesh?

Judging by the state of some of the innocent white flesh in Newquay, any shark taking a bite would die in unspeakable agony of something unimaginably horrible in about 30 seconds. I have an idea......

Hats off!

Hear, hear, Mr Cowherd.

I prefer a 12 bore to a rod, but I'll swap you half a dozen pigeons for a couple of pollock.

Man wins $650k for stripper shoe eye snafu

Am I the only one

to have read her name as Sakeena Shagger?

PARIS lifts skirt on hot CAD teaser

Gussets...

Snigger - fnarr - snigger.

Brilliant stuff, keep up the good work, but who's looking after Aladdin?

OED goes the way of all flesh paper

Re - Damn Merkins will invent more unecessary words

What's "incompassing"?

Premiership footie ticket scam targets Barclays users

Not to mention

The sudden change of typeface in "Claim your ticket...."

Cashpoint mugger flashes distractionary chesticles

Damn!

Can I be the 493rd person to say Playmobil or it didn't happen?

Beer? It's Friday. No more need be said.

Swedes decline to FCKU2MF

Or slightly amusing.

Some years ago I was following a Volvo estate down a quiet Norfolk lane at about 20 mph.. Slightly bizarrely, given the type of car and the location, its number plate was SPL 1F Or maybe not bizarrely at all,

PARIS pumps up a Mk 2 release mechanism

Genius

Pure genius. IKB would be proud.

Xmas kicks off on 2 August

What kept them?

Scole Inn, Norfolk, 3rd June 2010. Christmas 2010 menus on the bar. I have the pictures. Wazzers.

Beer, because, well, it is a pub and the beer's OK.

Leica Pinmaster rangefinder

2 year guarantee??

Blimey, they are cutting back. When I bought my Leica bins some years back they came with a 30 year guarantee.

UK polling stations turn away 'hundreds' of voters

@ Code Monkey

Here, here, sir!

And so many idiots missing the point - if queues are forming outside a polling station then it's up to the returning officer to lay on more staff, booths etc to make sure everyone can vote, or so the Electoral Commission say, but, hey, what do they know?

And what about the polling station which managed to run out of ballot papers?

Live PARIS GPS tracker test tomorrow

Blast, bor!

And I thought Canaleja were just t'other side of Garboldisham!

Muso turfed off train for 'suspicious' set list

Oh no you don't.

"We employ highly-professional rail community officers who work closely with the British Transport Police in protecting the security of passengers on the rail network." Nope, you employ minimum wage numpties in hi-viz jackets and idiots like Stwewart and you're not really protecting anybody from anything.

Do your job- get the fucking trains working properly!

Incredible Hulk snared on Street View

No sir!

It's a herring gull, big vicious bastard, have your hand off given half a chance, so that's probably a Tesco large wholemeal unsliced it's got there, if not a small child.

Castleford locals storm Tickle Cock bridge

Blimey!

Too much time on your hands? And you still forgot Slut's Hole Lane and Upper Goat Lane. County of Norfolk, where else?

'Clumsy' French cop tasers schoolkid

Vengeance!

Maybe it was some little scrote who'd crossed his path before and it seemed like a chance too good to miss?

Michigan man in DIY rocket sled explosion

Re: Bang

Looks like in the US he just plain got charred!

Major helicopter reorganisation for RAF and Navy

Re: All looked ok...

Upto a point, but totally agree about the PFI bit at the end. The thought of the sort of fatcat gobblydyspeak fuckwits who seem to land all the major PFI contracts being let anywhere near the magnificent Air Sea Rescue service fills me with horror. If they can't even run a hospital (which is fixed to the ground, but given their profit above all ethos, probably not very well), god knows what they'll do to a squadron or two of helicopters. My heart sinks. If you want to see just how good ASR is, google 771 Squadron, and weep for the future.

State attorney nabbed in car with stripper, Viagra and sex toys

Can I be the first....

to say "Pictures or it didn't happen"?

Time for a "Pictures or it didn't happen" icon, methinks?

Ares I: What's the point?

Ares 1?

I can't be the only one who read that as Arse 1, can I? Oh.....

Guardian hitches ride in Mercedes Bunz

Hillman Gimp?

Lester, Lester, is that you out there?

Oppressed snappers focus on police in London and Chatham

@ AC 09:49 Last paragraph

Hear, hear, sir!

But still wish I could be there tomorrow. Hope y'all have a great day and we look forward to the pictures. (Hmmm....)

Vote now to name El Reg space plane

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Twatdangle 1, registration G-ODFO, got to be.

Watchdog bites Mattesons saucy sausage ad

WTF

are creative meal solutions? Marketing spokeswankers!

Kent Police clamp down on tall photographers

Kent Police - Not Surprised

We were staying in a pub in Chatham for the weekend a few months back. Went down to the bar at about 5.30 on a Friday afternoon and the place was crawling with plod, uniforms, dog handlers, dogs, plain clothes, WPCs outside the Ladies. and probably a SWAT team outside as well. When they all finally left, we asked the manager person what the frikkin hell was going on. "They're just checking my licence" came the answer. I can't imagine what they'd do if they had to go in to break up a fight.

The pub is described as one of the jewels in the brewer's crown. If that's a jewel f*** knows what the rest of them must be like. OK, the pub was the Ship and Trades and the brewer is Shepherd Neame. Not going back while I've still got a pulse so don't care.

Too thick to boil an egg? Buy 'em preboiled

I give up

I give up. I despair. I've lost the will to live. And the worst thing is some fuckwit will buy them.

'Non-compulsory' ID cards poised for a makeover?

More bollocks

Like anything else about ID cards and databases (and most everything else, come to that) put out by this clapped out power crazed excuse for a government, this latest is a mixture of weasel words, dissembling, half truths and probably lies as well.

Oliver Cromwell to Parliament: "You have sat too long for any good you have been doing lately. Depart, I say, and let us have done with you. In the name of God, go." That was in 1653, and pretty damn appropriate for 2009 too.