* Posts by AlistairJ

170 publicly visible posts • joined 3 Jul 2009

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ASA bans tyrannical German boss ad

AlistairJ
Stop

Not a complainer

But I am sick of this whole "bash ze evil Hermans" thing that has been whipped up over the past decade by the British media and tabloid press in particular.

I work for big a German company it is well managed. And their clean trains run on time.

Sony Cyber-shot DSC-WX1

AlistairJ
Thumb Up

My GF is very happy with hers

The placement of the "smile" button in favour over anything photographically useful such as exposure compensation should tell you which market this model is aimed at. So no surprise that there is no raw capture mode or manual controls.

And 4GByte MS Pro Duo card can be bought for less than £20. That is cheaper than most of the suitable camera cases. Stop your whining!

Speedo Aquabeat

AlistairJ
Go

Nice

But what they seem to have missed out is a stroke pace beeper function. And it looks decidedly un-streamlined.

Chavez decries evils of PlayStation

AlistairJ
Grenade

Have you ever been to Venezuela?

Matt your incoherent rant sounds like that of an American right-wing talk radio shock jock.

Hugo Chavez is popular in his own country precisely because he has spent some of his countries vast oil wealth on his own people. He is facing an increasingly hostile superpower to his north and the sheer size of the countries oil reserves means he would be a making a strategic blunder not to invest in his armed forces.

The fact that he can be relied upon to make apparently non-sensical and borderline nutcase statements like this only serves to spice up his otherwise interminably boring public addresses which can go on for many many hours by all accounts.

IE zero-day used in Chinese cyber assault on 34 firms

AlistairJ
FAIL

Its not the CEO's at fault

Very few top-level execs either have a laptop older than 18 months, or regular access to real important stuff like code, papers etc. No, this is down to poor IT practices and regular employees like you and me. Oh the humility.

Personally I would vote for Piers Morgan in the top job at Microsoft. That really would be the icing on the cake.

'Sandwich attack' busts new cellphone crypto

AlistairJ
Happy

k'sue you

Solution is to replace keys regularly, like in any well-managed crypto system.

Mini-asteroid sneaks up on Earth

AlistairJ
Happy

Most likely then

To be a remnant of the early solar system smash-up that left us with Earth and the Moon. Would therefore be a most interesting object to study in close detail. Especially if it is populated by frozen horny vampires

Southampton chap lodges todger in steel pipe

AlistairJ
Unhappy

Southampton women

I think this says more about the ladies of that southern city than anything else. Grim.

Paramount prepares to scale Dune

AlistairJ

You what?

Since when has David Lynch ever been interested in commercial success? Only as far as being able to make his films. Stoopid studio! Wonderful casting and some great production design on that film though. In fact it was a great, but flawed film. If only it could have been about 2 hours longer than it was.

As long as the new film doesn't have a colon in the title, it'll be better than 98% of Hollywood output.

IT consultant freed after almost three years in Baghdad

AlistairJ
Dead Vulture

Is it only me?

That thinks this entire business is somewhat murky?

I am glad for him and his family that he is out, but..:

What exactly was he doing for the Iraq finance ministry that meant he had four bodyguards, that he was specially selected for kidnapping by the Iranians, that he was clearly held in Iran but that nobody will admit this, that he has been freed under some kind of deal that has also gone unreported, that he gave our FM a bollocking on his release ..? The list of questions goes on.

Some journalism please!

ISS crew don festive hats

AlistairJ
Alert

TJ Creamer

Is it just me, or is there something deeply suspect about this astro-fella's name?

Wot, no "Santa" button?

Aliens more likely to live on moons than planets, say boffins

AlistairJ
Welcome

Seasons greetings

I for one would welcome our new cheese-eating overlords

Obama banks on NASA's big launcher

AlistairJ
Go

The ol' spacebus

Would you volunteer to sit atop a mid '70s camper van strapped to an enormous fuel tank and two fireworks, then let them fire you off into space? Me neither. Not even if they fitted an mp3 player.

I thought the point of Ares I was to make crew launches safe, while Ares V could focus on the big lift duties with a lower reliability requirement. The point being that human spaceflight is exciting and glamorous and space telescopes, robotic probes and remote sensing get valuable work done but just don't make the news.

Billie Piper hooks up with Belle de Jour

AlistairJ
Thumb Down

Great, that's just what we need

Glamorize the oldest profession. Now all our empty headed teenage girls can achieve fame through being "call girls" and getting paid at the same time. Wonderful.

'CRU cherrypicked Russian climate data', says Russian

AlistairJ
Grenade

I for one am a sceptic

I do not believe there is a significant global warming because of man-made CO2.

However, I do believe that overpopulation and deforestation are the two most serious problems we have to deal with. If there is climate change, it may or may not be anthropogenic. But we as a species must learn to cope with it, the same as we must learn to cope with our other challenges.

And I am afraid that we in the developed world have no moral right to stop the rest of the world from developing the same way we did. Which seems to be our main objective in Copenhagen this week.

Stargazers spy super-Earth waterworld

AlistairJ
Welcome

Superb, but here's the IT angle

As its a red dwarf system, one can assume its very old. Possibly any life forms that have evolved there have been and gone long before now. Or perhaps they are among us?

More likely is there won't be very many heavy elements in the system. Perhaps only up to Oxygen.

I for one welcome our new nebulous overlords!!

German electropulse energy drill bitchslaps lasers

AlistairJ
Headmaster

Shoud know better Lewis!

That would be a DEW or directed energy weapon. Electronic Warfare, as any fule kno, is already well established.

NASA aims for Friday WISE up

AlistairJ
Happy

Ah, two

These aren't the polar-bear sized thermos bottles you're looking for ...

Accused phone thief snared after phone sends pic to victim

AlistairJ

All in d'game

You have to admire the American education system. Very efficient in keeping the poor in their place.

Who owns science? Manchester Manifesto can't answer

AlistairJ
Stop

A mere glimpse

Into the insanity that whirls inside the mids of those much vaunted pseudo-science punters, economists.

We will get nowhere until we accept that any money-based system is fundamentally flawed. We need to look towards a time when money becomes obsolete. Only then can we become free. Free I tell you!! Mwahahaha

Camel carcasses menace Outback water supplies

AlistairJ
Unhappy

Strueth!

Set the bull toads on them, Shiela!

Either that or set the Shiela's on them, Bruce!

ISS crew drops from 12 to 2

AlistairJ
Happy

NASA's T.J. Creamer

Am I the only one to find this persons name faintly amusing?

Atlantis glides home with choked pee nozzle

AlistairJ
Happy

Obvious really

The space bus is getting old. Soon it will launch but by the time it gets into orbit it will forget what its gone up there for.

Microsoft enlists faceless girl band as face of Windows 7

AlistairJ
Heart

Bring back KerryK

Lets have the slightly older and more worldly sugarbabes - or sugarmilfs, if you will.

As for Redmond, its just like a fat bald middle-aged businessman in a dark blue suit trying to get down with the kids. Hilarious really.

BBC storm cockup: Wrong day's shipping forecast read

AlistairJ
Thumb Up

Ironic

The good ol' shipping forecast is the only beeb weather forecast worth its salt these days. Lets not let this minor incident sink the good ol' girl.

Apple tops Google as UK 'Thought Leader'

AlistairJ

More musings from the bunch who brought you ...

... great modern corporate and brand names. Such as

opodo - it reads the same upside down! marvellous!

O3 - the new O2!

Consignia - geddit?

QinetiQ - etc

Savage roo mauls Oz man

AlistairJ
Pint

Or so he claims ...

More likely he tangled with one of the feared antipodean women - and was found wanting.

Beer for obvious reasons.

No Freeview HD kit in time for launch, warns telly exec

AlistairJ
Thumb Up

Excellent news, number one

Plot a course to ditch CRT and invest in LCD panel in about 18 months. Make it so!

Microsoft opens Windows 7 to advertisers

AlistairJ
Gates Halo

Gotta love them mercuns

With their a hollerin' and a whoopin' and love of porches and whatnot. Personally I would prefer the Ducatic edition, natch.

Bill because, well, just because.

Mantis Reaper-clone drone flies

AlistairJ
Paris Hilton

Forehead meet palm of hand

Surely we now qualify for the same deal as the Isrealites, you know, free arms and the latest ones to boot? Being such a staunch ally of Uncle Sam and all that.

All we need now is a new breed of warship that is designed purely around the role of delivering these to unfeasibly hot places (hence, Paris).

Taser gang targets 'high value' Heathrow computer consignment

AlistairJ
Troll

Let 'im 'av' it!

Oh dear, please phone crimestoppers. No cameras working on that day then? No insider informant? Mysteriously the gang got away with it sarge?

And as for "threatened with a tazer" whats the point in that? The things supposed to be non-lethal right? So either you use it or you don't bother. Personally I would hit 'im wivvit, just to see how he reacts. If it was me on the receiving end, I would rather have my curiosity sated than be forever in the dark about how painful it is

Parking spot flies to International Space Station

AlistairJ
Thumb Up

Ahem, personal items?

Come on El Reg what we want to know is, has anyone smuggled a grot mag up there yet, and if so, who has had the first one-handed space walk?

Tax regime fails to help UK technology sector, says PwC

AlistairJ

Environmental relief

Isn't that when you stop by the roadside for a crafty hedge-based pee?

Olympus PEN E-P1 Micro Four-Thirds camera

AlistairJ
Thumb Up

@Edward Kenworthy 14:20

Standard lenses, as in legacy Nikon lenses from the film days?

This camera isn't a DSLR, its something new. Personally I would wait for one with an electronic viewfinder, and look at the Panasonic mFT lenses to go with it.

US boffins hail lab-grown rabbit todger

AlistairJ
Unhappy

Penis cancer

As if I didn't already have enough to worry abaht, you go and bring this new one up! D'oh!

SandForce gets another $21m funding

AlistairJ
Alert

Twenty one million dollars!

(best said in Dr Evil voice from Austin Powers)

... may pay a few lowly engineers salaries but doesn't buy many silicon tape-outs these days.

115,000 nabbed for in-car calling

AlistairJ
Grenade

Quite simple really

80% of van drivers are on the phone, one hand on the wheel not bothering to indicate. Changing gear involves taking both hands off the wheel. Distraction leads to poor inattentive driving.

This is already illegal, the prosecution figures merely reflect the level of enforcement, which is generally feeble but may vary according to police fiefdom.

X-rays beat computer as best invention ever

AlistairJ

The one they left out

And the one that won the previous best invention ever award, narrowly beating the wheel was .... the bicycle.

Top drug boffin renews criticism of cannabis policy

AlistairJ
Troll

pass the duchy

Well I think anyone with half a brain recognizes the fact that we live in a society that likes to think its a lot more fine and upstanding than it really is. Inhales deeply through tight lips while squinting eyes and trying to ignore painful sensation from newly burned thumb and forefinger.

Government to protect children from zombie paedophiles

AlistairJ
Pirate

Wot no zombie icon?

Disgraceful. Skull and crossbones is the closest I could get

Bond's Dr. No dies at 91

AlistairJ
Happy

Dr No.

I am sure I have worked for him in a recent job ... apparently he has not one but two Ferraris.

RIP

Magpies hold funerals for fallen feathered friends

AlistairJ
Headmaster

Social animals

Same sort of behaviour has arisen in most forms of social animal, one imagines. Strange that we equate emotional or social attachment with intelligence and the capacity for abstract thought and self awareness. We evolved as social animals long before our brains got big by chowing down on more protein-rich savanna-fodder. And the clever stuff came later.

Go to the back of the class, you.

Cambridge string theorist to succeed Stephen Hawking

AlistairJ
Paris Hilton

String observation

Good point Ken, why are we making a septic string theorist a professor of maths?

Have educational standards fallen that low already?

Robot nuclear windjammer to sail patio-gas oceans of Titan

AlistairJ
Alien

Beware the Sirens of Titan

Does nobody read Vonnegut anymore?

Cornish separatists take aim at pasty students

AlistairJ
Happy

Braying ninnies

Ha pasties are crap and surfing is waay overrated. Those Cornwallians have just woken up to the fact they live in the _worst_county_anywhere_ plus now they have nothing but a bunch of braying home-counties trustafarian would-be students on their dorrstep, doing surfing studies or whatnot, smoking dope and whingeing about how crap Cornwall is while trying to get a shag from a pasty-shop worker .... I could go on.

Hypnotist expands breasts, cures irritable bowels

AlistairJ
Coat

Look into my eyes, not around the eyes look into my eyes

Everyone knows its not the breast size that's important, its the cup size.

Mine is the grubby raincoat with the rolled-up copy of <insert name of top-shelf top-bollock based periodical here> in the pocket, ta.

US to export riot-roasting raygun

AlistairJ
Flame

Fairly handy then

For less-lethal activities such as torture. Uncle Sam, we thank you very very politely indeed.

Pluto still a planet, says Ronald McDonald

AlistairJ
Paris Hilton

That's the American educashun sys sis ^H^H

No really, that is the American education system. The exam is a multiple choice:

Which Ronald sells delicious sandwiches in his restaurant [sic]?

1) McDonald (TM)

2) Pluto

3) Geoff Hurst in the 1966 World Cup final

4) Paris Hilton

Freeview website titsup ahead of big retune

AlistairJ
Happy

Well this really is intolerable

How on Earth do you expect us to get by with no ITV3 & 4?

VTOL hovership in semi-successful X-Prize attempt

AlistairJ
Coat

Simple really

They just need to type IDKFA and Armadillo should be able to see its way through any number of levels.

Mines the one with the BFG9000 in the pocket

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