Posts by AlistairJ

Boffins squeeze a mesh onto Android handsets

The cervil

Its like a tabby with big enormous ears. Trust the Aussies not to bother spelling it right.

Hubble squints at most distant galaxy

Not to mention

That all of these supposed measurements of the cosmos are based on our current theories and observations. Once that new James Webb space telescope comes on stream, assuming it does, I think there will be new observations that challenge these very theories. And at some point in the future, we are likely to view our current set of theories as we now regard the ideas that were dominant before the age of enlightenment. A flat earth in the middle of everything.

Big thumbs up for space telescope science

Blackadder style chemists transform gold into purest ... purple

Yeah right

This will be the same bunch of yank boffins who mistook some fizzy water for cold fusion some years ago.

Matrix 4 and 5 in works, threatens Keanu

Oh ffs

I read the first four comments and already I am in Matrix head wobble land. Let me out!

Yes the idea of a M2/3 mashup leaving out all the rubbish underground human stuff sounds great.

Will M4/5 be any better? Perhaps the oracle has the answer. Or failing that, ceefax.

Ex-eBay CEO lands post-purge HP board seat

Not to mention

The former boss of former telecoms giant Alcacent.

Gizza job.

COBOL drinks from cloudy fountain of youth

Don't underestimate brain-dead sloths

They accelerate at 9.81 ms-2 and can have tremendous impact

Harder to read = easier to recall

Its got to go in to come out again.

Where does this leave Powerpointless?

Custom ICs in small numbers to be cheap as (normal) chips

Commentard fail

This story seems to have dredged up an awful lot of uninformed comment.

My attentions will be focused elsewhere in future.

Space boffins save BT's satellite station for Mars missions

Say what?

Let's hope that naughty Mr Naughtie manages to say "goolies" in tomorrow's broadcast, then proceeds to choke on his own stifled laughter. Or maybe John Humphries.

Hoxton social media types hit by Silicon Roundabout power cut

Wasp icon needed

As a self-enabling media node, Nathan does not rely on wired power networks.

For a nostalgic laugh, check out his web site trashbat dot co dot ck

Runaway hydroponic fungus attacks real-world Starship Voyager

Bless

A story like this makes me all nostalgic for the days of the evil weed ... pass me that spatula would you?

Google battles Derby cops over access to Street View data

Surprising really

Surprising that the plod even bother looking for stolen caravans. I would have expected the response "If you have a caravan you should expect it to get stolen, here is your crime number, now f--- off".

Body of murdered cyberwar expert found in landfill

Simple explanation

Neighborly dispute turns ugly, some violence inflicted in own home, followed by unexpected death possibly from heart attack or similar. Neighbor disposes of body and blood-stained floorboards.

South African wireless traffic lights pillaged by SIM-card thieves

Way way back

There was a similar scam in the UK. The AA had set up a string of wirelessly connected emergency telephones along the early motorway network. Each was powered by a car battery in the base that was presumably replaced with a freshly charged one at a regular interval. Thereby helping to keep the British motorist moving (hence the thumbs up).

US bumblebees in 'alarming' decline

Evolution

The point about evolution is that in a natural state of things, the pathogen would arise in a certain area, killing colonies within a certain radius. It may spread beyond this area but at a limited rate. Those colonies on the edge of the infected zone may slowly develop resistance, those that do will survive and eventually take over.

Unfortunately modern industrialized farms use pollination contractors who transport their hives all over the land. This means the pathogen is spread very rapidly over the entire area and the colonies have no chance to develop resistance, or evolve.

Very sad state of affairs.

Disconsolate Spanish smokers driven out into blizzard

This somking ban is all very well

Until you experience the modern phenomenon of dance-floor arse gas or eau-du-armpit. Bring back the smokers!

Skull and crossbones to illustrate the effect thereof.

First 'cryovolcano' discovered on Titan, ice moon of Saturn

You may, however,

you forgot to leave out the doormat. Therefore it is up to I, AlistairJ, to welcome our new cryo patio-gas breathing overlords.

This year's DSLR stars

Monsters?

I've seen the film. While I applaud the indie approach and in fact quite liked the film, I was continuously irked by the poor image quality and especially the fuzzy focussing. Could try harder.

Channel Five to air Walking Dead

Thank god for that

At least it will stop El Huevos from making those awful sugary voiceovers that pay his mortgage.

Nick Cave smashes speed camera with Jag

Welcome, speed camera wrecker

While I applaud his speed-camera destructive tendencies, I have to say, his was the only CD I have ever seriously considered taking back to the shop and asking for a refund. What a pole.

French woman chased up tree by wild pigs, rescued by copter

This says more

About the quality of French totty than anything else. Or perhaps something to do with the availability of properly made kebabs in that area of the country. Or possibly both ..?

BURNING LUST for SEXY BUSTY BLONDES - Science explains

I for one ...

Would welcome some stereotypical Hefner-style lady action, but all I seem to get is pleasantly chubby brunettes. Sigh.

Sarah, are you fixed up in the man dept?

And are you naturally, or otherwise, blonde?

EXPLODING GARBAGE TERROR hits Florida

And ...

The local police would have staged a press conference asking for someone to come forward with information about the perpetrators of the pressurized-canister dumping incident, then arrested the nearest-dwelling social misfit, concocted the necessary evidence and locked him up for the best part of a decade.

Plasma space-drive aces efficiency numbers: Set for ISS in 2014

Wait

Lets not fling ourselves out there until we have worked out how to live here sustainably. We should spend the effort on solving the challenges of nuclear fusion power first.

Erotica 2010: One big Teese, and a bit of a flop

Don't tell me

The bottom has fallen out of adult toys?

Mine is the rubberised yellow one, ta

Hasbro unleashes 'Spastic' Transformer

What happens?

When you pull the arms and legs off, does it transform into a FLID?

IP Wireless enlists ST-Ericsson to design in mobile TV

Only one comment?

And no tumbleweed icon.

Police-baiting website Fitwatch returns

The bond of trust is broken

Since the death of Ian Tomlinson I don't trust the police at all. I have been harassed for the perfectly legal pastime of taking photographs in the street (crap art photographs, actually).

Comet bomber flyby pics show spaceball belching ancient dry ice

That's tremendous

No sexy space vampires though?

Pesky weather grounds Discovery

Farewell, Discovery

So, the end of an era indeed? Not for a few hours at least. Then we can say a final prayer as the space-vw-camper blasts off one last time until it is safely in orbit. Then that really will be the end of manned American space flight.

DARPA, NASA team on '100-Year Starship' project

Head stuck on the past, mate

You may not have noticed, since the 1940's the Germans have built a fair and equal society in which everyone benefits from the hard work they all put into it. Plus, their cars are quite reliable, or so I'm told.

Shuttle Discovery to bring back PLAGUE RODENTS from SPACE

Easyjet

This has been tried on human subjects for years. Your regular charter jet is an airborne breeding ground for virulent strains of mutant virus, and usually packed full of meaty test subjects with compromised immune systems to boot.

Ever wondered why you always get at least a cold and usually worse after returning from your holidays? Now you know.

NASA Mars rover leaves moist skidmarks in boggy struggle

Fear not

Spirit will remain there long after we, our civilization and all the remnants of our species have long gone.

Alien Earthlike worlds 'like grains of sand', say 'wobble' boffins

So there may be plenty of small rocky planets

Fair enough. The number with temperate conditions and suitable mineral/liquid/gaseous resources that actually go on to develop carbon-based life forms that evolve into intelligible communicative beings remains to be seen. Our own planet has not yet satisfied the last criterion.

Boffins mount campaign against France's official kilogramme

Put it on eBay

It will make a fine paperweight.

US Army trials robot 'leccy-n-bandwidth war-mules

That will be handy

When "Civil War II - this time its personal" breaks out.

My money's on Snork.

Trucker jailed for deadly motorway gamble

Moron

Driving trucks is one of the few occupations that filthy gesticulating morons such as this are qualified for. The only mistake is for the rest of us to assume a decent level of responsibility and behaviour on their part.

BBC One HD launch date revealed

History Direct

So, we can catch up with history in HD. Marvellous.

Dixons risks future of humanity with Star Wars-themed ads

You are all upvoted

Story was amusing but the comments up to 14:29 - priceless.

New keyboard, stat!

Gov axes £35bn Severn Barrage tide-energy scheme

Load of codswallop

That's all the wildlife you've find in the Severn estuary, because its a marine desert. There is too much silt in the water, therefore very little plant life or algae, supporting very little animal life or fish, supporting very few birds.

We must end this enviro-nimbyism now, before we can no longer do anything of value.

Guardian super-blogger flames Reg boffinry desk

I used to read the Grauniad

On Thursdays, back when they used to have a proper science and technology section. They ditched it with the excuse that science belonged in the main paper, not a sectional ghetto. Since then science coverage has disappeared and I no longer buy it.

Go Reg!

Rogue engineer supplied dodgy power to 1,500 homes

I for one

Welcome this mans sense of independence and David-v-Goliath electron smuggling. The only losers are a the shareholders in the big American or French owned energy company and I applaud that wholeheartedly.

Another huge ice discovery made in Asteroid Belt

I for one...

Welcome this news, as it means our puny planet is less of a target for interstellar pirates intent on plunder and booty and water. Still if they want sex slaves, we're ready will and able. Hence the welcome mat.

Three new 'nauts head off to ISS

Didn't make the grade?

What happened to poor Robonaut 1? Did he fail the training? Screw the pooch? One too many low-passes over the admirals daughter? Run out of chewing gum?

I think we should be told. Get off your yellow journalistic butts and find out!

Much of recent global warming actually caused by Sun

Whether you read it one way or the other

You have to accept that climate change is a continuous process that's been going on as long as the Earth has had an atmosphere.

Man-made global warming caused by fossil fuels has yet to be proven.

Brits not buying into Freeview HD

Late adopter

Well I for one welcomed Freeview HD with open wallet. That is, I avoided buying an "HD Ready" TV until it could actually receive said broadcasts, and kept my large and heavy CRT until that point.

Now I can watch the history channel (sorry, the BBC) in HD for free on my 32" LCD. Its definitely a cleaner clearer picture but not much more than that. I haven't yet tried any other HD source though.

Fruit bat fellatio team crowned Ig Nobel laureate

Why?

Because you are supporting some biological research that is interested in the contents of whale snot. Seems obvious really. World's largest mammal may have some interesting viruses or antibodies present. Either that or you like collecting really large bogeys.

Mines the one with the extra-large packet of man-sized tissues in the pocket, ta.

Intel to acquire wireless chipmaker for $1.4bn

Coming late to the party

Seems like Intel have been asleep and woken up late. The smartphone party is already in full swing, and it isn't playing the mobile WiMax tune. Seems like the Intel board are desperately trying to make it look like they know the way ahead, when in reality, their business is running out of steam.

Smart move for Infineon to unload their perennially loss-making wireless division at a time when its apparent value is into 10 figures.

BBC adopts El Reg units

That's all very well

If you actually have an Olympic sized swimming pool in your impoverished borough. Most of us have never seen one.

Perseid meteors 'thrill star-gazers'

Meteor? Certainly will.

Regularly see meteors along with satellites and other celestial bodies out here in the west. Just gotta look up and be patient.

Nice to see Andromeda in the binos now I know where to look for it.

Best to see meteors after midnight, because then the side of the Earth you are on is heading into the particle field so collision energies are higher.