Posts by Paul 37

Steve Jobs' Apple yacht freed after family settles the bill

The Good Ship Venus ?

Never had Jobs down as a Rugby fan

#frigginintheriggin

Linux kernel dumps 386 chip support

Windows 3.1

The stupid thing is I'm not really doing anything today that I wasn't doing then

WordPerfect, Lotus 123, Foxpro, Monarch and Corel may have bitten the dust (in varying degrees) but I'm esentially using something I could fly to the moon to write roughly the same documents, spreadsheets, small database systems and draw the odd diagram. The ony real difference is my email is now intregal, rather than stuck on an IBM green-screen in the corner.

Progress anyone ?

GhostShell hackers release 1.6 million NASA, FBI, ESA accounts

We are not the Judean Peoples Front

We are the Peoples Front of F£$*ing Judea

Splitters

(Well, it is nearly Christmas)

Visual Studio 2012: 50 Shades of Grey by Microsoft

I'm not using it.....

.....until they put Foxpro back in it

Microsoft Surface: Join the Windows 8 teardown

If you need a pad to do your job....

....you don't have a proper job.

Brits get red PlayStation 3 next month

That isn't red.

It's pink.

The Register obtains covert snaps of Google's new London offices

Re: Has anyone ever met any nice employee of Google UK?

Ah... I know that

It's called "HP Syndrome"

Hong Kong scientists claim 'self-charging' graphene battery

Re: IANAC but...

I've worked with people like that...

Five things that knocked CES 2012 for six

Ultrabooks, like tablets fall under Pauls Law

If you can do your job on THAT, you don't have a proper job.

Ofcom grills pirates, loses report under fridge for two years

ISP's

If downloading copyrighted material requires a payment to the owner of the copyright (which all reasonable standards of logic would suggest is true). Why are you coming after me for the payment ?

I'm currently paying my ISP circa 20 quid a month for somthing that, on the face of it, should be a low or no-charge add-on to my already extortionate phone rental contract....Surely if Mistra Performing Rights wants his pound of flesh he should be looking at the man making the money out of providing me with the means, motive and opportunity ?

Vodafone turns its back on '360

Pre-360

Vodafone had a system called 2-4-2 (presumably "twice as good as 1-2-1") in which you could run email, group sms and get your voicemail forwarded to any POP3 account as a .wav.

It was perfect, if a bit ugly.

The without much (ie any) consultation they ditched it and invited you to join 360. A platform for single-cell life forms more interested in x-factor and facebook than , oooh lets say, usability.

Moral of the story: If a thing ain't broke.....etc

I miss my voicemail forwarding.....

Middle England chokes on Nice Baps

Okkaay...

A Google search for bakeries in Henlow sadly didn't show Nice Baps.

http://www.google.co.uk/search?sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&q=henlow+bakery#q=henlow+bakery&hl=en&prmd=ivnscm&source=univ&tbs=plcs:1&tbo=u&ei=bm6UTdCbE4eXhQfwmeDnCA&sa=X&oi=local_group&ct=more-results&resnum=1&ved=0CEoQtQMwAA&fp=5cbc1c678812025a

However the first two are called Gunns and (wait for it)

Rogers

Wooden spaceship descends into Moscow sandpit

Cue a million paranoid "enthusiasts"

Claiming this is how they did the moon landings......

EC parades common phone charger

Ref Car Chargers

Thats because Cuban cigars have been size-standardised for over 50 years.

(Mines the one with the 48 Cohiba in the pocket)

Berners-Lee: Facebook 'threatens' web future

Vaclav Havel

Disjointed, often illogical society takes pristine system and makes it disjointed and often illogical in order to get any use out of it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Memorandum

PARIS in 89,000 ft climax

PARIS 2....Four words

Wing Mounted Laser Weapons

PARIS HAS LANDED!!! Epic supra-atmos flight ends

I'm willing to bet...

....that when the plane is retrieved from the tree there's a PlayMobil ape piloting it

Moms stand firm against antenna madness

Fortunately....

...I've just invented this brand new mobile phone that runs purely on happy thoughts and moonbeams.

Given the sound judgement and common sense exhibited by the good people of Long Island I'm sure I'll have no problem flogging them a few hundred handsets.

BBC workers lose £240k of tech gear in two years

Surely not ...

Absolutely, completely and utterly wrong.

Everyone knows that the Columbian marching powder budget is subsidised by making documentaries about the horror of drug abuse on sink estates; whilst Tarquil and Tabitha are in the editing suite shoving next weeks wages up their nose .....

HOW Many warzones ?

The idea that most of the laptops can be written of to the UDA or the Taliban seems a little absurd. For every flack jacketed journalist there are probably 2 dozen glorified junior/middle managers with any combinantion of the words "strategic", "analyst","business", "financial", and "resources" in their job title.

A much more likely equation is :

Large number of people made redundant in the last 12 months = reasonable number of laptops "lost" in the last few weeks of employment...

World Cup stats fever - have you got the balls to win?

The Only Stat you Need

Bookies always have twice as many "Paying In" windows as "Paying Out" windows....

Murdoch's paywall: The end of the suicide era?

Podcasts

So what happens to the podcasts that are currently provide gratis ?

I download The Bugle every week but I wouldn't touch the Times with a shitty stick....

Am I going to have to forgoe my Zaltsman/Oliver based chuckles ?

Inside Microsoft's innovation crisis

Foxpro

The only bit of Microsoft taken-over software that they "improved" and was worth a damn afterwards was Foxpro....and they've killed it off.

The world still needs a really good desktop-sized database and development tool, and Access isn't it.

McKinnon: The longest ever game of pass the parcel

@Carsten Holmskov

"If a guy walks past your kid with a knife and slashes his face..."

True, but if I'm plod and you've just brought your kid into the station for the 83 time with a slashed face I would be inclined to think your parenting skills might be at the root of the problem....

3D TV gets cold shower from Avatar man

Novelty will soon wear off

3D is a childs toy

30 % colour loss and images that are still blurry in any high-contrast content (Avatar was dark blue for a reason).

Also, I can't imagine anyone leaving the cinema saying :

"Well , the story was crap, the acting was terrible, but the floaty depth objects looked greeeatt*"

*with the exception of pron, natch.

Microsoft predicts Linux will fail mobile 'quality' test

Directionaly Challenged

"Bach, talking to Wall Street analysts, also painted the forthcoming Windows Mobile 7.0 as somthing thet will "move the bar forward" "

Bars move up and down.

Tapes and boundaries are moved backwards and forwards.

Envelopes are pushed.

If the man can't be trusted with a simple metaphor I'm certainly not trusting him with my mobile phone...

iPhone gets a decent keyboard

Doesn't have to windows based

Nokia n95, Quick Office and a £25 quid iGo keyboard have been doing me nicely for about 18 months now....

Apple adds Tesco as iPhone partner

Wow

If anything is designed to wipe the smug, middle-class shine from a product......

Murdoch puffs Microsoft over Google

Murdoch Media Removed From Internet...

....Internet experiences 10 % upswing in decency and hope

The biggest flash drive in the world

Great

Now semi-soused civil servants can leave whole governments worth of information on the train on a Friday night

Sony Reader PRS-600 Touch Edition

I've found a much better alternative

Its an open-source repository of every book published. Its works on simple magstripe technology. It goes several hundred years between charge-ups and best of all is absolutely free.

According to the graphic on the front its made by Spelthorne Borough Council and is badged up as a "Library Card".

Am I the only one who suspects these things are only used by the same people who sit and write their novels on Macs in Starbucks ? To quote Family Guy, "Writing isn't writing unless somone is watching you doing it"

French cheer on €11.6m heist security guard

@MHF Wilkinson

Because you don't know if the money in the van can be traced

Google retrieves coder's Microsoft badge from rubbish bin

What does the badge confer

What can he do with the badge, that he couldn't do without it ?

Is it a question of access to various bits of beta software / forums or is it all about status ?

Brit space agency to probe 'crackpot' antigravity device

If only I could power my hover car..

...on defeatism and name-calling - El Reg Comments Section would almost certainly have been invaded by the US* by now

* Other lap-dog states are available for blame sharing and fossil fuel stealing

Chinese media finger Swedish lesbian enclave

I'm not going

Think about it

1. Everything would be your fault

2. Guess who'd have to put out all the bins ?

iPhone voted UK's 'coolest brand'

Violent Tendencies

I have nothing against Apple, I even own a mac mini

But was there ever anyone in an iPod/ iPhone advert you didn't want to punch ?

Repeatedly ?

Bet there isn't an app for that...

Google blames Gfail on 'availability' upgrade

And the moral of this story is...

Always choose an email supplier in a radically different time zone that does their upgrades when you're in bed...

Blackpool acts to avoid fall of Pericles

Eh?

It's not like the software is going to disappear in a puff of logic. If there are 10 medium size councils using it that sounds like a sustainable market for a small(ish) business - why isn't somone (maybe even the councils) buying the rights and the source code ?

Month Of Twitter Bugs exposes microblogging flaws

Hacking Twitter ?

You mean people may be able to make self-absorbed comments and over-thought witty asides on my behalf without my say so ?

DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL !!!!!!!!!!