Posts by Peter Clarke 1

Depressed Scottish file-sharing nurse gets 3 yrs probation

Cost per Track

£54,000 for over 30,000 is a little over £1.50 per track. Someone is buying their MP3s at the wrong store.

Total Recall rehash – exit Martians, enter Jessica Biel

Great Title

If it's a re-boot with alterations then surely it should be called PARTIAL RECALL!

I'll leave if you stop calling me Shirley

Europe promises immigration action as North Africa moves

@Steen Larsen

Alex Salmond and the SNP now have a majority in Scotland- expect checks and harrasment of sassenachs on the England/Scotland border sometime soon!!!

Jupiter's Io a hotbed of lava

Sounds Familiar

1200C ocean, covered with a low density crust with localised hot spots- School dinners rice pudding anyone?

Hope they do a good survey before setting down on that surface

White van men swipe British black bees

Illegal Trade

Surely it would be a black and amber market?

Ten... fantasy gadgets you wish you owned

Joe 90

Whilst I loved the TV series as a kid I think it was brought right up to date by Joss Weadon in Doll House. Mmmmm, Eliza Dushku

World 3D TV sales to jump in 2011

More research needed

Would be interesting to know how many 3D TV purchasers have any intention (short and long term) of using this capablity.

Dear Google and Facebook: You don't want Skype

@ Eddy Ito - Obviously

You forgot the small print in the contract- you're not allowed to hang-up if you get pissed of with those dinnertime phone calls :)

Insurance firm pushes out iPhone app that rates driving ability

Pocket Rocket?

Just wondering what the vibration from an old Gold Star or Triumph Twin would do to the readings.

Man arrested wearing hair scrunchie on short and curlies

Police are slipping

I spotted at least two 'justifiable' actions that could have earned him a tazering!

Forget China and India, Sweden is tech's superpower

Sweden??

I've watched Wallander (original and BBC) so I know it's full of criminals and murderers- too dangerous for me! It doesn't seem chock full of beautiful people either. I can't get over all the doors opening outwards.

PS I won't be visiting Oxford, Glasgow or Denton either. Add Las Vegas, Miami and New York to the list.

Paramount to recount The Martian Chronicles

I don't need no stinking title!

Someone get them to eat the chocolate pudding!

NASA hangs bunting for shuttle anniversary

Time flies ...

is it really 30 years? I remember managing to persuade our A-level physics teacher to let us watch the launch.

Space flutes salute Yuri Gagarin

Easy Option

Much easier to stand on one leg in a low-g environment :)

Leicester unloses key data

Missing the Important Question.

Why was the lunchbox left unopened and unwashed for nearly a month?

Yeah, I'd like to know how they could check access.

Swedish newlyweds enjoy lively honeymoon

An advance apology

from the BBC for the QI team calling them 'lucky'

Labour MP says police should clamp down on online incitement

Already here

Obviously David Hanson isn't aware of the consequences of 'threatening' to blow up Robin Hood Airport.

Go Daddy CEO under fire for 'elephant snuff film'

Saving Hungry Zimbabweans

If he'e really serious about saving the locals then maybe he should be shooting Brother Robert and his cronies?

Just a little bit of political satire in the Ben Elton mould.

Labour MP debuts fondleslab-assisted Parliament oratory

Hansard

The post I saw mentioned she was having difficulty getting a copy to Hansard. I don't own (or want to own) a pad so I've no idea if it should be easy to print or send electronically.

Fire-quenching electric forcefield backpack invented

Can I Be The First To Say

Don't Snuff me, bro!

Actually I can see the device using the acronym SNUFF

Japanese quake shakes semiconductor biz

Quality drop

Will we see an increase in failure/returns due to lower quality products derived form alternative suppliers? I'm thinking of a repeat of the bulging motherboard capacitors of a few years ago and failing hard drives around 2002.

Oz governments find new use for censorship

@Poor Aussies

"How long before women have to wear a Burka and have compulsory breast enlargement if they haven't managed a C cup by age 18."

I pity the young lads!

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Ten... fantasy swords you wish you owned

Still something missing

Not one mention yet of the Predator wrist blades, built to resist acid blood!

Do you have to be over 7 foot to own one?

Asian soup peril menaces bionic shark

Execution Pool

A good alternative for Dr Evil is the Humbolt Squid- very aggressive, will eat anything AND increasing in numbers. Could be a bit difficult to find a mounting point for the lay-zor.

Anon Mail commenters to stay anon

Different outcome ...

... if it had been a 'well-known celebrity' with a better funded legal team?

Credit cards at the turnstile across London by 2013

@ Which card is billed?

Coming soon to Dragons Den- a wallet/purse with a pouch that blocks the NFC signal so only the card you have outside is billed/skimmed. You saw it here first, folks.

Or maybe you can make your own with some tin foil?

Dear US gov: Stay the hell out of Silicon Valley

Daer US gov

stay outta Silicon Valley, we don't need your stinkin' help.

PS thanks for the DMCA and USPO :)

Obama in private confab with Jobs, Zuckerberg, Schmidt

Stepford CEOs

At sometime during the meeting they'll all be asked into a sideroom for a 'private meeting' and come out replaced by gubberment/MS controlled dopplegangers.

OR

the 'private meeting' is an FBI sting (as used against common criminals) to arrest them for crimes against humanity

Excuse me, nurse says I have to take my medication.

Channel Five reborn as Channel Five

@William Towle

Damn, you beat me to it!

My vehicle is the bright yellow submarine.

Rare metals found in Cornish tin mine

In further news

The Ooh Arrr A have been found to be selling Iridium on the black market to fund their fight for independance from the cruel Grockle oppressors.

News just coming in- Cornish Pasties to be re-named Iridium Oggies

Apple tosses Sony iBooks rival from iTunes

Steve Jobs email to Sony CEO

No big deal. get over it

China plans city 'twice the size of Wales'

Fiction Meets Reality

We've got the MegaCity, when are we gonna get the Street Judges with their LawGivers?

Mines the one with the big badge and the chain across the shoulder

Apple $10k winner hangs up on 'prank caller'

Big Prize

We all know the big corporations use a one to one exchange rate when selling software so she's gonna get £10,000 ! Oh, wait a minute ......

Keira Knightley, Jessica Biel eye Batman

Beaten to the Punchline

by Alien Doctor and AC. Bah!

Bugs R Us - thought KK was OK in Domino

MOSSAD SPY VULTURE seized in Saudi Arabia

Fiction becomes Reality

Maybe someone at Mossad played the old Atari/Amiga game StarGlider? What better way to fool defences than to have a ship the same shape as a migrating bird but 100 x bigger

Queen set to outlaw ID cards today

@Tigra 07

Maybe Brian May, John Deacon and Roger Taylor (and Paul Rodgers) will be playing Hammer To Fall whilst they work?

Coat please, it's bloody cold outside

Senior Guardian hacks turn on Assange

Coming Over Creepy

"As far as I'm aware "coming over as creepy" isn't an arrestable offence (yet). He just came over as softly spoken and extremely careful with his words to me."

Just wait until PC Suvidge catchs Mr A looking at him in a funny manner or, god forbid, urinating in a public convenience, then he'll be for it.

This was meant to be a joke until I relaised that if I'd used 'taking a photograph in a public place' then he could be under arrest

.

Bummed-out users give anti-virus bloatware the boot

Useless pile of s**t

Judging from a current radio advert seems that at least one other developer (Trend Titanium?) has done the same research.

Being able to turn it off would be nice but fairly sure you can't with McAffee or AVG. Being able to completely uninstall it without leaving bits behind would be even better

Windows 7 really was some girl's idea, rules ASA

@ Tony Smith

Also

PC = Proper C##t

Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit

Let's go Mr Driver

Damn, got beat to the Chase HQ reference. Will have to have words with Nancy at HQ

Would an updated version with wizz-ban graphics sell?

USA to bin colour-code terror warning system - report

Obligatory Red Dwarf Quote

We're going to go to Purple Alert.

Are you sure, sir? It means changing the bulb!

Buffy to slay her way back into cinemas

No further comment

Joss Whedon has said it all

Scarlett Johansson unleashes voracious sexuality in steamy alien film

Spoiler

But you're telling us the plot!

I'm sure it will all be done in the best possible taste

Rooney exits Man U with a few choice words

Re: More acceptable in America...

One more to add to the collection- Phil Collins used wanker in a guest appearance on Miami Vice in the 80s.

If you want a laugh then check out Paul Hogans character Leo Wanker on YouTube- I'm sure the fire extinguishers made an appearance in IronMan

Germans develop sleepy-driver car 'warning' system

Obvious Quote

I mentioned the war but I think I got away with it.

For me the comment is over

Mine's the one with the Fawlty Towers box set in the pocket

Spuds for laptop fraudsters strike in Huntingdon

If...

.. the spuds were grown near a nuclear reactor the maybe the could be used for fission chips?

Mines the one with Rest Home For Old Jokes on the back

Star Wars set for 3D rehash

Title: *Star Wars set for 3D rehash*

The last word says it all

Steve Jobs no ninja, says Apple

Intersect

Oh no, the great NerdHerder Chuck Bartowski (aka superspy Charles Carmichael) had better watch out next time he goes out on an installation.

I wonder if anybody showed Steve the cool computer mogul (any resemblence to ...) played by Chevy Chase in series 2? best show on Channel 1/Virgin 1

Excuse me whilst think of Agent Walker

US military builds laser backpack for 3D indoor mapping

Mark 2

Next model will be hand-held, have a natty little arc screen, go pip-pip-pip and show a little blip .... just before you get shredded by the alien. Will it come with a red shirt?

Monster Afghan spy airship to feature quad drinking straws

Alternate Power Source

Something that big should be able to catch a lot of solar power to keep the daytime fuel comsumption to a minimum