* Posts by Jelliphiish

199 publicly visible posts • joined 29 Jun 2009


Sysadmin's £100,000 revenge after sudden sacking



Sounds about right for that particular business entity.

(Cue Our Tune music) 1996: I was a lowly shop floor 'redshirt' ..The IRA had just done their insurance job on the shabby bottom end of the Arndale, and I was at a loose end due to my normal place of work being just the other side of the breezeblock to the offending van.

I was shunted out to the provinces and was helping out in another location. The end of the busy half-term week comes and a swift visit from our 'Chaplain' to the manager comes and goes..and 2 minutes later I get called into the office to be told I'd been reported by a customer for swearing in front of their kid.. which I naturally disputed. Some managerial re-thinking ensued and after another ten minutes it's retconned to the manager himself having heard me.. again, some dispute aired about this also. I'd never swear on the shop floor.. I mean, really..

I was being stitched up as surplus to staffing requirements whilst there was a lack of location..

The kicker: whilst in this somewhat turmoilsome state of mind, there was a secondary ruccus occurring. A smallish kid had been in the shop all week, being left there by it's mother. And I do mean all week: she was leaving it with a packed lunch. Management appeared OK with this and whilst mildly obnoxious in the way of young teenies, he was a customer (well, his mum was..) However, this particular Friday, after a week of this, he'd gotten into his head that he had some leeway around shop behaviour. It didn't help that the manager and the other redshirt were goading him and appeared to have no concern for his antics.

Cut to me: pricing paint sprays on the central island, somewhat distracted by my recent conversations with said manager and just a tad wound up. The kid is circling the table whilst kinda being pursued by either of the other staff, hijinks ensuing all over the place. Quite irksome, and to my mind, potentially hazardous.

So I did the obvious thing: as the kid is coming around the nearest corner, I level the price gun around shoulder hight and give it my best Dredd: Freeeze Punk! .. only to realise the kid is just that bit closer that I'd anticipated and had taken a 3.99 right between the eyes.

We'd just about gotten him calmed down with profuse apologies and the bribe of some free lead when his Mum arrives.. and he bursts out crying for the benefit of his fresh audience..

I just fetched my coat. There's just no arguing with the weather..

Martha Lane Fox: Yeuch! The Internet is made by men?!?


Baroness SOHO

Our Lady of the Small Office/Home Office

who says the guvmint have no sense of hoomerr

Read The Gods of War for every tired cliche you never wanted to see in a sci fi book


careful now..

You'll only annoy the DudeBros.. Or is it a troll-piece exercise to attract eyeballs to ads by starting a fight?

either way.. Game On!

Also, I should say, this is not the sort of Sci-fi I like.. I'm more an Anne Lecke/Scalzi/K.B. Spangler/Marry Gentle/passed-the-Bechdel-test kinda reader. And whilst I'm not averse to mil-spec-fic, it's generally far to shallow a pond for swimming in, but each to their own. It's just SAS-porn in SPAAAACE.

Sony Xperia Z2: What we REALLY thought of this Android fondleslab


looks verrry nice

The Better-90-Percent* has the phone variant with the 801 in it: blisteringly fast and looks properly NOM-some.

I wouldn't want to buy the phablut at that price.. it's certainly lovely and high-end though..

However, Pandawill dot com have some lovely toys ..

Octa-core and 2048x1536 screen for under 200 quid? **


Toaster-wise: got one of those Bosh Solid Element radiant ones.. has an actual On button and 8 shades of toasted.. very precise and will even do burger buns without the scorching.

* she tells me it's a fair ratio.

**yes, they're not built as well, but then I'm not prone to dropping my tablets or caring about the case too greatly ... everything else is just dandy :)

Dixons Retail and Carphone Warehouse mull merger



just want to sell you some insurance.. the electricals are a by-product.

Sony enlists Michael Jackson's GHOST to flog Xperia Z2


why are they still

'Flogging*' that idea?


Reg readers! You've got 100 MILLION QUID - what would you BLOW it on?



a paperclip through government procurement channels.

Ecuador: Snowden is Russia's problem


he didn't think it through..

If he knew this was going to happen.. and I'd have thought given his background, he should have.. Why didn't he get himself to Ecuador or somewhere useful Before he started this game? no travel problems if he's already in somewhere he can request asylum from IUIC?

Salesforce and Oracle forge partnership to smash rivals



that is all. (can't be arsed running them through anagram creators)

Google erases G8 venue from Earth: Microsoft doesn't


for the record

if google make the bermuda triangle dissappear for April Fools day next year, it's because i told them to. ok?

just putting it out there...

It's a fiddle! Funnyman's Irish tax flashmob floods Apple flagship store


'bout time

Nice to see Mr Thomas getting back into the greater public eye. I remember the Comedy Product.. and watching him at stupid o'clock in the morning at the Reading festival. More power to this man's elbow.

Doctor Who? 12th incarnation sought after Matt Smith quits


It's already decided

Warren Ellis said it was going to be him yesterday..

Spamhaus-style DDoS attacks: All the hackers are doing it


anti-parrot wand

You don't seee any parrots do you? It must work..

Plusnet's 'Everyone's a winner' claim is a plus-sized whopper


'run like a separate company'

oh, like Openreach are a separate company then.

MakerBot demos 3D object scanner that fits on your desk


physical DRM

impliment copy protection on ALL THE THINGS now

<mines the one with the handheld version from ten years time in the pocket

Good news! UK IT jobs up. Bad news? They're with a bunch of bankers


Re: Error in title

I came accross the term in Accelerando and it took me far to long to figure out... it sound Germanic and my brain just parsed as a collective noun I'd not heard of prior..

Mine's the one with the lobster in the pocket.

BSkyB to flick switch on network-level smut-'n'-violence filters

Black Helicopters


it's just a socialy 'acceptable' lever to allow them to deploy the hardware for the DPI so they can look at the things you do. it's a long road and these are just the first steps. good intentions etc..

and they'll probably use the chinese kit too.

/dails cynicsm down a couple of notches..

Asteroid-mining 'FireFlys' will be ready for action by 2015, vows space firm



a bunch of VC cash because space is sexy and the internet is all mined out. Where's the ROI?

What happened to comics for kids? Hell, what happened to COMICS?

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Re: Four words

and the Ian Gibson artwork is still wonderful. along with the Sam Spade stuf.. absolutely my fave bits. shading past Simon Bisley, but only just.

A hundred Brit IT bods' jobs under threat at Direct Line


Re: Training

i once got asked to do that as part of the winding up of a department is was working for prior to the server building function being outsourced to some people in Denmark. it didn't go well for them.

Mission to Pluto faces DEEP SPACE DEBRIS PERIL


quick mis-read as

Mission to Pluto faces DEEP SPACE HUBRIS PERIL

not sure why that seems better..

UK.gov tries to close site giving home addresses of badger cull figures



to be replaced by 'Shotgun,Shotgun'

badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger etc..

Natwest's Get Cash app pulled, but NOTHING to do with frauds


unfortunate font

initialy read that as Get Gash...and that's a whole 'nutha App .

mine's the one set to vibrate in the pocket

Pair face £250k fines for spamming mobes with millions of texts


waiting for


mine's the one with the PAYG numbered mobe with a history from before the dished it out in the pocket..

Vote now for the ultimate bacon sandwich

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also, but not only

the wholemeal barm with the side of caffieney goodness, modded with +1 tomato sauce.



How to improve a song:

Hello Bacon, my old friend,

I've come to talk with you again..



Just killed a man,

put my bacon 'gainst his head,

pulled the trigger,

now he's dead.

Your turn. Insert Bacon to improve. Go.

NZ bloke gets eel stuck up jacksie

IT Angle

Nobody tell Noel Fielding about this.

<sudo cockney accent> EELS!

Google swims with the fishes



beach-side properties have wifi too.

Inside the guts of a fiendish Internet Explorer 0-day attack

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nice article

. reminds me of vultures-gone-by

E-books get Brits reading more



many of these were the fifty shades-'o-shite sales?

how much does it track against sales of e-readers.. like .. say .. a south amerkin large river-based loss leader..

not that i care a lot, mind. just curious.

GoDaddy stopped by massive DDoS attack



That they're angry at the guy that took them down, is understandable.. but I'd be more pissed at GD for letting it happen..

I'd wondered where grrlpowercomic had gone..

Google engineer finds British spyware on PCs and smartphones

Black Helicopters

Paging Mark Thomas..

Same malarky as the Royal Ordnance and Hechler/Kock Transhippment-Two-Step, made much easier by the fact that you don't have a physical product. Arms Dealers gone virtual.

<<< well it's early, and i've only had one coffee..

Publishers pony up $69m in ebook price-fixing settlement


Re: Learn something before speaking

another place for people to learn before spouting....


exhaustive and depthy explanations and long years of experience distilled nicely.. warning: Requires Thinking

Darksiders II

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a bit like Karsa Orlong.

Reg readers scrap over ultimate bacon sandwich

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i like the happy cow ones.. they wedges are a little bigger. and my Dad's chilli chutney. omnomnomnomnom

Hello nasty, don't use my music: Deceased Beastie Boy to admen



apparently put a similar embargo on Disney and his works.. ie., they shal not pass..

Neal Stephenson on swordplay, space and depressing SF


Re: Dystopian

playing Warmachine these days..istr lots of old GW staffers doing the rules (?) and a certain Mike McVey doing the figures, well some of them ;) think 40k steampunk with cards for prompts etc. not perfect but as darn sight better than 5th ed...

JELLYFISH bio-bot built with rat cells to mend broken hearts


your welcome

this bit's required apparently.

Ice island snaps off Greenland: Just a fifth the size of 1962 whopper

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mildly off-topic..



Gamers bereft as Xbox Live takes a dive



no, not really.

Watch out for the GIGANTIC ALIEN JELLYFISH, warns space boffin



I've never been to jupiter.. uranus, now..

Multimillion-pound hoard of 50BC GOLD PIECES found in Jersey

IT Angle

i must have missed the IT angle

yet more mission creep into the realms of the daily fail..

Sony SmartWatch Android remote


got one of these

nice toy. used it for about a week when i got it with the xperia. it's in a box somewhere. it should have a speaker/mike combo built in, that would make it useful. yes the bt headset's an option but then you just look ike a tw@. i don't need the 'social connectivity' apps... and the battery life is abysmal, i barely got it off the charger before it would fail.. the connector's a bit odd too, seemed prone to not contacting fully..

but i can see the applications for iut, the runnig thing as sited above seems like a good use.

might dig it out again and have a mess around.. but only when i'm bored enough.

Sci Fi recomendations?

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Stross +1

Charles Stross. excellent writer of many and varied styles. I know he's mentioned above but very worth the re-mention here. The Laundry books are lovely and there's a new one due shortly ( Apocalypse Codex) .. Halting State and Rule 34 are near-ish future stories with lots of good ideas tested to distruction.. the hard/mundane SF is clever and has lots of good world-building and doesn't patronise.

aside from that, and in the same mental company: Pratchet (yeh, i know discworld ain't sf.. but anyone with a brain will enjoy the City Watch stories..) Banks's Culture and other SF, Hamilton is a bit brain-on-the-shelf plot-wise.. but lovely graphics, William Gibson, Neil Stephenson, The Gap series by Stephen Donaldson ( not for the faint-of-mind, some adult topics.) ,

Steven Errikson's Malazan stuff.. again, couched in Fantasy terms.. but hella good and some clearly cyber-punky things via 'magic' and the best characterisation and word-smithery of the lot. and there's lots of it too.. :)

Watchdog relieves iPhone 5 scammers of £10k


the gullible elephant in the room

see? there *are* ways to make money from FB.

mine's the one with the pre-packed administration and fsck-the-creditors kit in the pocket.

Facebook tests parental-guidance tools in plan to pull in under-13s


get em while theiy're young

tried and tested.. se Roman Catholic Church for examples.

Researchers find backdoor in milspec silicon


type one HOG

The Laundry's been using these back doors for ages..

HTC peeves punters with One X woes


the better ninety percent has one..

she thinks it's ace. no fault found. and she can be quite critical when a phone is poo.

BT invites telcos to sign up to FTTP trials


Re: So it will be Openreach

that's the same all over. Openreach lurrve to charge.

Hold on, Booker prize judges - Stob's penned a steampunk hit

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you are

charles stross in drag and i claim my 5 clams..