* Posts by Mark SPLINTER

64 publicly visible posts • joined 10 May 2007


Yahoo! co-founder takes open road against Google



screenscraping is big i tell you. mark my words. no point in even making a front end for your website any more, just make a data feed and let people do what they want with it. "skip intro" has been taken to the next logical step.

Pirate Bay fans: Lay off our neo-Nazi Sugar Daddy




Pirate Bay loses trial: defendants face prison time, hefty fines



I hope they DO prevent google from indexing illegal downloads. I hope google get fined 17 trillion dollars or something. I hope the lawyers and ISPs get together to make it near impossible to download copyrighted works without paying the price the owner demands.

The owner could then choose a price of $0.00 but that would be his choice, not the choice of a bunch of retarded geeks sponsored by a fucking nazi. kthxbai.

Microsoft: have it your way on IE 8

Gates Horns

i give up on IE

that's it, i quit.

i am charging double for IE compatibility now, and i will be explaining to clients that this is due to Microsoft being a steaming pile of shit. if clients don't pay me extra, i won't even LOAD internet explorer. Enough is enough.

Report: Legalising drugs would save UK plc huge packet


Alcohol a part of our culture for longer?

Listen retards, marijuana grows out of the freaking ground, so do coca leaves and poppies. If you think that distilling fruit juice precedes eating plants in human history, you are retarded. Queen Victoria was high, not drunk, you retards. Our culture is a drug culture and always has been and always will be. Unfortunately our culture is also retarded and will shoot itself in the face every day with ridiculous laws just because politicians are too embarassed to tell the truth and people are too retarded to listen to it. Some of the comments in this thread make me want to cry.

If we could base this debate on facts only, and disqualify people when they make a factual error such as "alcohol is part of our culture, jesus drank wine, so therefore cannabis should be illegal"... in other words if we could BAN RETARDED LOGIC and we might get somewhere. Jesus healed the sick. I'd be willing to bet my left index finger that he had a big sheaf of weed in his doctors bag.

US judge bars teen 'sexting' charges


searching for photos on kids' phones?

so let me get this straight... someone at the school confiscated a bunch of phones and went through the photo galleries looking for pics of slumber parties?

i think he (it was definitely a he) sounds like the pervert in this story.

Government kids website pays £6 for every visitor


50k zomg

i'll do it for 5k, give us a call next time. oh, what's that? the budget is 50k? ok i'll take 50 and throw 45 on the fire for you.

Apple swipes £121 for 'free' MobileMe trial



hmmm what's more retarded, buying consumer electronics in their first year of release? or going on the register to tell apple users that they should use the products YOU like instead of what THEY like?

I dunno, i reckon both those things are pretty retarded. And I just made it worse by coming on here to point that out. Gah.

Woman finds Lithuanian living in shed


Your Man In Lithuania Says:

Lithuanian lager louts are also better behaved than yours. In fact almost all English stereotypes have a more polite Lithuanian equivalent, except for old female shopkeepers who are infinitely more rude in Lithuania. But also they are sometimes Russian so that doesn't count.

Hooray for Lithuania! Now even our ridiculous Mayor is less ridiculous than yours. Overlord overload coming your way!

Busts 4 Justice battles Bulgarian airbag tax


stupid women

why do so few people understand capitalism?

the shop charges what they want to charge, based on what will get the most possible money out of you. this is not directly related to the weight of the materials or the length of the labour involved.

if you want specialist enormous bras that are M&S quality, you pay what they ask you for. Or you go elsewhere. Having a facebook "protest" claiming that you have some right to a certain price of a product might be a good idea in a meeting of the Marxist Society of the University of Lower Bognor Regis, but in the real world, you're talking bollocks. I mean... you're being a tit.

Family Guy creator's sellout to Google almost complete



"“What is exciting is that this is a way to monetize the Internet immediately. Instead of creating a Web site and hoping Seth’s fans find it, we are going to push the content to where people are already at,” said Karl Austen, a lawyer who worked on the deal"

A *LAWYER* ????!!!?!??!1!!11!!

Couldn't they find someone LESS qualified to make a comment about how "cool" a new idea is?

And what he says is the opposite of the truth, i'll translate it from legalese to english for you:

"What is annoying is that this is a way to piss people off immediately. Instead of creating an intertube datapage and hoping a miracle happens and people actually want to watch this shit, we are simply going to ram it down their throats instead," said Karl Austen, a scumbag who hasn't got a clue about entertainment.

"What's good is the naive advertisers will pay a fortune for this idiocratic experiment and we are completely insulated from risk, and also we get a cool press release about partnering with a hasbeen animator," said Bumblety Kablethump, a PR girl who joined Google 3 months ago because "their office looked really kewl on youtube".

T-Mobile not alone in spinning price hikes


Treasure Island

It fascinates me that Lithuania has a mobile phone network that costs me about half what I was paying in the UK. How do they do it? Is plastic cheaper in Lithuania? Do they get an EU subsidy for 3G masts? Is the call centre in Uzbekistan?

No, i guess the truth is that people in the UK pay 200% for everything and moan about how they should get a 10% reduction. Fools and their money...

Spain dodges Zapatero kiss of death


@Vaidotas Zemlys


I know you're Lithuanian ;) Laba diena.

2003 is Lithuania's 1966.

Peter Gabriel cranks his f*ck machine


language is a mechanism for communication?

Man, you're like, so retarded. Language is a hell of a lot more than a "mechanism for communication," buddy. Language is identity. And you know what? People like to be a bit individual with their identity. What are you going to nazify next, you wanna go round london and correct everyone every time they use a double negative? Interesting that the double negative is actually standard in Lithuanian, the most archaic living language in Europe, closest to sanskrit. So maybe you should go round Oxford and tell everyone to use the double negative because it's "correct".

There. I used "bad" grammar and you still understood me. To expand your narrow perception of the function of language, I suggest you read a freaking book about it.


time to sort this out

As for grammar nazis... why dost thou not speak correctly? why dost thou lungs and not gills posess?

As for the Web2.0 economy / net neutrality freak: There is very little money in web 2.0 because.... drumrolll .... the content is not worth paying for, and advertising isn't very effective in a majority of applications, people's brains are active, poking their friends, not dreaming with an inactive brain while TV ads parade by. They simple have better things to do than play bingo.

As for the "we have a new algorithm that will find stuff for you" delusionals.... errr... the reward in finding something is that it was HARD to find. If you make it easy to find, it becomes less interesting. People do not make quantifiable judgements on the quality of music, they seek something to define their individuality. Is my individuality defined by an algorithm recommending me Oasis because I like Blur? NO. NO. NO.

And as for "genres" omfg. Is it dubstep, newstep, dub, dubby techno, garage or grime? Good luck with that categorisation. 3 dubstep fans could argue for 1 hours about it. Pick the wrong subgenre label and I will think I don't like the music, and therefore not click, however similar it is to its sister genres. Seeing as the job of a good musician is to combine and confound categories and categorisation, this shit is DOOMED i say. DOOMED.

Of course, technologists and consumers and marketeers don't understand this because they think they are making rational, quantifiable decisions about ART. They are not. It's like trying to disprove the existence of God. Talk all you want, it's still a mystery, and it's BETTER if it's a mystery.

Verizon sends text messages to the big screen


never understood cinemas

especially if they can't get me a beer out of the fridge or pause the film when i want to piss the previous beer out.

come on people it's 2008, cinemas only existed because people couldn't afford their own projectors... therefore they didn't mind sitting like battery chickens surrounded by idiots and bad interior design. it was better than sitting at home and looking at the wall. Whereas now, your wall probably has an HD tv on it, and you probably have a super 5.1 sound system which annoys everybody else in your block of flats because you coupled it to the thin floor. So why would you go to a cinema? You actually like paying five pounds for a gram of popcorn?

Spanish chanteuse strips for anti-bullfighting campaign


@cowarde anonyme

english is just a mashup of german and latin anyway. about 40% of the words are french, chanteuse is one of the more obvious examples. Example is another example. "Lark" comes from German. Don't tell the BNP, they might get annoyed. I mean enuié.

UK cops arrest six alleged BitTorrent music uploaders


My heart bleeds

The music in question does not belong to the people who wrote it and recorded it.

9/11 an inside job, says Irish pop folkster


Official story is always a lie, but so what?

As pointed out here, it doesn't really matter what the 9/11 conspiracy was, look at the blatantly illegal shit they did out in the open, starting on 9/12. It's all documented fact, no need for spurious backofanenvelope calculations about jet fuel and bending.

Metadata ruins Google's anonymous eBay Australia protest

Black Helicopters

James Smith : Robot in Disguise

Check it out, now they're sending shills to diss paypal on any comments page matching +google +paypal.

Bletchley Park rattles tin for urgent repairs


no online donations?

Proof, if proof be need be, that PayPal's online help system really IS indecipherable.

The economy: A big Arab did it and ran away, claims PM

Dead Vulture

Shhh... there's a war on

I would like to congratulate the readers of the Register for almost completely ignoring the fact that there is an illegal war happening on top of most of the oil, Putin owns the rest of it, and the US won't raise production in its own back yard because of the "envirument".

Keep mumbling crap about getting the kids to Tesco's and back. At least your kids still have legs to walk on, due to the lack of clusterbombs in their school playground.

Cornish lingo gets standard written form


So many retards in this thread

It amazes me that people get ants in their pants when tiny amounts of money are "wasted" on cultural projects, just because they don't happen to care about that particular part of our culture.... and yet if the same money is spent on a fancy bomb which destroys an iraqi school and rips a child's legs off, we all just carry on with our lives.

BBC's Today Programme shutters message board



If you analyse the bias of the articles on bbc.co.uk you will see that the BBC are quite clearly a loosely allied network of liberal biased nazi communist jewish muslim soviet politically correct new tory conspirators of blairite/livingstonian/cameroonian darkness. I for one welcome our incompetent and disparate propagandising overlords.

USAF Colonel goes on the offensive with botnet destroyer plan


fight fire with fire!

News just in: American military guy sees problem. Decides to make bigger version of problem.

Google (re-)branded world's greatest brand



It is a total coincidence that big companies have memorable logos. Logos are a stupid waste of time, etc etc.

Dubai mobe cracking demo barred by Heathrow boffin bust


David "DJ" Perry

Real men use vinyl, you know that ;)

Cutting secret files onto 12" dubplates... now THAT would be a good idea.

You'll learn to love mobile TV


Turn off your TV set and do something less boring instead

The problem with all these predictions about TV is that they assume people actually like TV.

As far as I can see, TV only existed when it was practically forced on us, and now we've got better things to do. We can even make our own TV, and it's fun even if the production costs are lower.

How many people would rather facebook and ebay than watch unproductive, unsatisfying TV? Will that number increase?

Humans prefer to do real things. TV is the lowest, most useless form of entertainment, and it's dying.

Oldham murders owl with whalesong


JonB, meet Mister Fibonacci, Pythagoras, Leonardo et al

There's no science or "proof" in art? lol, well I guess if you haven't learnt it, it doesn't exist.

And no artist ever helped society understand itself, right? Fucking Warhol, that stupid ponce. Fucking Blake, stupid Sgt Pepper album cover, waste of money, should have just used a tracklist in 12pt Times New Roman.



Dude, I learnt about art theory in a school. Just like I learnt physics. Both subjects enabled me to see more of how the world works. I accept that I am not an expert in either field, but I acknowledge both branches of study do exist and have uses.

Some people don't understand astrophysics and evolution, they say God made everything in seven days, four thousand years ago. Isn't that retarded? Maybe you think the Earth can't go round the Sun because you "aint seen it wiv me own eyes, from where i'm standin, looks like the sun goes round the earth, you elitist ponce"



@ Lee

enlighten yourself, man. seriously, enlightenment works better that way.


Oh, you're illiterate?

I suggested Oldham could have done it cheaper, and better, or maybe not at all. You didn't read that part? Oldham are wankers, you get me now?

Then I started defending the concept of branding generally, as in the commercial world, where it does make sense and isn't as easy as it looks (like most professions). And as Alexis points out above, modern town councils are also the marketing department of the town. They might be shit at it, but it's part of their job, to attract residents and businesses.

Once more for the kneejerk retards: Oldham wasted money on a logo, but not all logos are a waste of money.


Sorry, me and PH know what we are talking about

Branding is:

a) Not easy

b) Not quick

As PH says, you are being morons. The real issue here is how a council was talked into / desperately trying to spend so much public money rebranding. They could have got it cheaper, or not done it at all. They could have rebranded to a style that doesn't already look dated, to save future costs. They could have used the freaking town owl mascot. They could have smoked less joss stick.

But all of that only shows incompetence, greed, and masturbation by the council and the consultants involved. It does not prove anything about the concept of rebranding as a whole.

Ask Nike how much value they got out of their Swoosh, and how much they paid for it. Ask Skype if it was easy grabbing ridiculous amounts of mindshare in a market occupied by giants. Picture the golden arches of a certain hamburger company, you can can't you? Clear as day. Only takes 10 minutes to draw it, but does that mean it takes 10 minutes to design it? You don't know, because you're a moron.

This thread is full of the kind of idiots who look at a Jackson Pollock and say "faaaakin ell, my 4 year old daughter could do that wiv her own vomit, fuksaiiik"

I could maybe copy out 5,000 lines of code in a day, if you provide coffee and biscuits. So shall we start laughing at applications that cost more than £50 to produce from scratch?

Adobe pulls bug-riddled Photoshop update


Smoke Adoobie

Even if Adobe software worked without bugs (lol) the interface design is complete junk.

Photoshop is a total mess, features layered on top of features on top of features for years, but Adobetards don't notice, because they are so proud of saying things like "you just make a new layer and do alt D f4 and click ok and choose the tedious operation tool and alt click back into the layer and do apple J and then drag the thingy into the wotsit and then choose Object...Image...Canvas...Canvas Size...Width...100 and select pixels and then click OK and then click the layer again and use the magic sponge tool on the new layer of the mask of the layer".

We need an "evil adobe" icon.

Nathan Barleys mourn Great Lost Quango


merry go round

the idea is not to actually get anything done or actualise any of these ideas. They don't care if they have to drop these "concepts" eventually.

the idea is to get paid for talking shit about these ideas for a few years and then abandoning them for the next debate about the next shit idea.

thus, no work need be done, just "brainstorming".

let me see now, this is the 1,352,664th reason i stopped paying tax in the UK.

Darling budget fails to paint Brown government green


An alternative for Dr Mouse

"I'm all for green measures, but I work 25miles away from where I live. If I got the earliest train at around 6, I would get into the station nearest my work at 9, half an hour after I am supposed to start. Buses are no good either. This means I have no choice but to drive to work."

Or you could move house, or get a job closer to home, or work over the internet, Einstein.

Cities would be fine places to live if we banned cars.

Jodrell Bank offloaded on eBay


vote with your suitcase

I pay my taxes to the Lithuanian Mafia because they are less corrupt than uk.gov ;)

Ofcom cracks down on London pirates


Music Industry = Organised Crime

So the commercial broadcasting mafia is annoyed that the government regulation mafia isn't doing enough to crack down on the nonprofit broadcasting mafia interrupting the transmission of the messages of the advertising mafia.

Paying your taxes funds organised crime. So basically, you're either with the tax evaders, or you're with the terrorists. What a mixed up world we live in.

Microhoo! or YahSoft!? The! people! must! decide!



i think it's kinda catchy, but it might be a bit too descriptive, the trademarks registry won't allow it.

US scientists puncture the ethanol biofuel bubble


Stop eating meat

Burning food is almost as stupid as feeding it to food.

Oh look, i just solved the problem.

Pirate Bay slapped with copyright charges


food in a restaurant

"Do you expect to eat a meal in a restaurant before deciding if you are going to pay?"

errr... yes. If the food is shit, and i am not in a shitty place, i leave it and I refuse to pay.

Next question?

EU to ban the patio heaters that ate the planet. Not.


Andrew Heenan for PM

and yes, please ban cars too. forget the pollution, they kill children. killing children should DEFINITELY be illegal.

Lessig gives up on Free Culture


ownership whatever

As a "content creator" I have to say I don't give a flying fuck who "owns" my "content" as long as I am paid fairly for it. All I want to "own" is the money, i.e. the ability to get something back from my effort. If my work makes some noncreative middleman distributor a million bucks, I want more than $0.02. OK? Is that too much to ask?

I am sick of this "if they were no huge clever capitalist distibutors then artists wouldn't have an audience" bullshit. Fact is, big media have shown how pathetic they are at coming up with content on their own, the audience has shown how little it cares for big media, so we should be saying "If there were no clever artists then capitalists wouldn't have a revenue stream".

And copyright for life plus 70 years? that's just a fucking joke. If you can't make your money in 5 years, or write (god forbid) ANOTHER album, then fuck off.

We just installed a vocal booth in our studio. Shall I pay the builders revenue from everything we record there? For life plus 70 years? Fucking bullshit. They are now doing another job, as opposed to buying an artificial island off the coast of Dubai.

Microsoft rides PCs and Xboxen to rich Q2

Jobs Halo

upgrading macs

thing is, you don't need to upgrade macs, because the OS updates are never bloated shitware.

2004 Powerbook G4 still going strong. LOL @ "macs are expensive".

Last.fm unveils 'free global jukebox'


Miniscule royalties

What a surprise that musicians get "A fraction of a penny". But still, it sounds like a move in vaguely the right direction, vaguely.

Banksy artwork tops £200k on eBay


It looks like you're writing a retarded comment...

Hello people.

They said Van Gogh was shit. They said Monet was shit.

"A conservative is someone who admires radicals when they're dead".

Damien Hirst is infinitely more obvious and up his own arse than Banksy, but Saatchi buys his shit and puts it in a big white room so you lap it up. Or at least, you will in 50 years when it's "classic".

Capitalism sets the price, not Banksy.

And as is pointed out above... you tolerate millions of square metres of printed SHIT from horrifically cynical advertising companies, but you don't like it when someone uses their imagination on a wall illegally. Think about who is the real visual polluter here. Think about who is really adding to society and who is just selling cars with posters of traffic-free roads in a country you can't drive to because of the sea getting in the way.

First year students talking about Marx and Guevara? HEAVEN FORBID! Why can't they discuss that nice Tony Blair instead? He's an inspiration with his database state and his illegal war for oil.

Jesus. If you think Banksy is the biggest problem in the world you're a wanker.

And my £35 print from 6 years ago is doing better than your pension fund, so fuck you.

IT contractors cry foul over HMRC income splitting law


how's that UK thing working out for ya?

I no longer pay for your depleted uranium clusterfuck bombs because I left the freaking country. I highly recommend the rest of you do the same and stop moaning about it. The UK isn't even a very nice place to live, why stay? Beer costs a pound or less in almost evey other country in the world. kthxbye.

Canuck record labels accuse tunesmiths of smoking opium


How to split the money?

Until someone can tell me how to split the money fairly, all these levy/tax/mugging plans are just COMMUNIST.

Nato secrets USB stick lost in Swedish library

Jobs Halo

Gun drives

give them top secret flash drives in the shape of a gun to make it more obvious how they should be treated.

Radiohead prep New Year's Eve net gig


The Catering

When you say "the catering" for a feature film, you are maybe talking about feeding a hundred people for 3 months. I would love to make that much money off an album, yes please.