Posts by Jimbo 6

Facebook forced to reinstate snogging men pic

For once, I'm with Farcebook

Anything that prevents impressionable youngsters being lured into the sordid, perverse world of soap operas can only be good.

Fast-fingered oldster relieves shop worker of iPhone cash

Trusting ?

I reckon the shopkeeper thought he was 'getting one over' on some old duffer who (being over 50) would obviously be clueless about newfangled crackle-magic devices. There's nothing like letting people think that *they* are robbing *you*, to pull the wool over their eyes.

Saw exactly that dynamic in a story a few weeks back about a US pawn dealer getting burned -

"On Feb. 3, a downtown Port Angeles business, EZ Pawn, paid a person about $20 each for more than 20 counterfeit U.S. Morgan silver dollars that were supposedly from a century ago...

Brian Winters of EZ Pawn has bought coins for years — and even he was fooled. Unlike most counterfeits, the coins did not all have the same dates. One was a super rare 1893S, worth thousands and thousands."

HA !

Police head-cam TV show debuts in US

Where does the money go ?

To the Police Doughnu... err, Benevolent Fund, natch.

Paris, cos she know about head *and* cameras

Red Dwarf to blast off on new adventure

A superlative suggestion, sir, with just two minor flaws

1) The main actor died, and

2) THE MAIN ACTOR DIED.

Now, I realise that technically speaking that is only ONE flaw...

US gov mulls issuing terrorist warnings on Twitter, Facebook

<Title> ? </Title>

"Los Angeles is about to be wiped off the face of the planet."

"5 billion people like this."

Middle England chokes on Nice Baps

just an excuse to run a story with innuendo

Hell yeah, you don't think us Reg readers have anything more important to think about on a weekday afternoon do you ?

My tuppence (bit) worth : when I open a food emporium, I'm going to call it...

"Snack My Bitch Up"

Network failure closed hospitals to ambulance admissions

Nothing that stopped any of the normal business of the managers

Unless they couldn't summon a porter to carry the golf clubs to the Bentley

</cynicism>

Apple bashes 'gay cure' app

You're confusing the J-Dubz with Scientologists

Either way, whilst I do appreciate them giving up their weekends trying to save my sinful backside, I'm always reminded of one particular episode of the 'Johnny Nemo' cartoon

(Loud banging on door. Johnny opens it.)

"Are you ready to open your heart, to receive God ?"

"I wouldn't open my wallet, to receive money, at this bloody time of day !"

Sensitive data easily swiped from eBayed mobiles

Is there a lawyer in the house ?

I've searched but been unable to find a legal definition of when a consumer good changes from 'new' to 'used', does anyone know one ? ~ I think AC is being what is known in the retail trade as a 'whinging bastard' : if (for example) I go into a shoe shop, try on a pair of shoes and walk ten steps in them before rejecting them, no-one could reasonably argue with the retailer that those shoes were now 'used' (even though they *had* been used, for about 30 seconds). Is there a definite cutoff point, or is it a legal grey area ?

Paris, cos she knows about soiled goods.

Bogus BBC Fukushima radiation texts panic the Philippines

I don't like to make jokes about a serious subject

...but I just can't help thinking of the C. Montgomery Burns classic line,

"Oh, 'meltdown' is one of those annoying buzzwords... I prefer to call it an 'unrequested fission surplus' "

Politically motivated exploits target activists on Google

*Politically* motivated ?

It's probably the Met's "domestic extremism" unit, searching Farcebook for hippy girls to (ahem) 'poke'

Whitehall to puff punters: 'Hide your fags'

Why do we do it ?

IIRC, Denis Leary explained it best -

BECAUSE IT'S A DRUG, AND WE'RE ADDICTED.

Pass me coat, I'm off out for a 'health stick'.

How languages can live together without killing each other

@ Cameron

You are sadly confusing Scots English (which is a form of English which is spoken by Scottish people) with Gaelic, which is a Celtic language.

The Germanic (i.e. including English) and Celtic language families both split off from the parent tongue of Indo-European several thousand years B.C. (as did, for example, Latin, Greek, and Slavic). So Gaelic (and the other Celtic languages) doesn't sound much like *anybody's* English because they have been separate for at least 5,000 years, probably far longer.

Solution found for climate change: Nuclear war

Payback ?

No problem, we'll just blame some brown people, the 'Merkins will easily buy that.

(We'll leave a Muslim guy's passport at Ground Zero as proof... hey, it worked last time !)

You're not wrong, I say I say you're not wrong

That's why the only long-term solution is to build some space craft, get the hell off this crowded mudball, and start colonising the rest of the universe (sorry, Native Sirians, but you're first in the path of the human bulldozers).

C'mon people, it's not rocket science.

Wales calls on ICANN to unleash .cymru

Not a country

A Cymro writes :

Technically speaking, you are indeed correct - and by the same logic, *England* is not a country - it is all constitutionally one country (under the Statute of Rhuddlan), whose name is "England & Wales". (This has never been changed, which is why 'devolution' gave the Scottish parliament far more powers - because Scotland *is* a country in its own right.) It would be more correct to refer to them both as 'nations'.

I'll only mention in passing the argument that as a bloke from Anglesey whupped the ass of the English king at Bosworth Field and took the crown, it's really us that govern you (well we would do if the crown hadn't passed to some Scots and then some Germans)

Mine's the one with the "Close-Harmony-Singing Terrorist's Handbook" in the pocket...

Londoners warned of card skimming risk

And don't forget...

Don't even think about taking photographs of any iconic tourist sites whilst you're in London, or you'll soon be saying hello to Mr Taser.

Anonymous hacks Westboro Baptists during live interview

Re: Marlboro Baptist Church

Presumably, their god *loves* fags

Belarusian admits running site that catered to 2000+ ID thieves

It won't stop him...

...if he gets a web-connected smartphone smuggled in. In 37 years he'll be able to blag so much, he'll own the entire Belarussian penal system. (If everything east of the Vistula isn't already owned by organised criminals.)

Facebook reviews smut policy after slave site uprising

WI do bdsm

Yup - Bingo, Doilys, Singing, & Marmalade.

(With apologies to any WI on here - I mean, our local chapter in Leeds goes by the name of "Buns & Roses" !! How cool is that !)

Jacqui Smith 'shocked' to discover we're drowning in sea of porn

'Naive'

...I *can* believe.

"Innocent" ? We'll let the jury decide on that (the jury armed with pitchforks and flaming torches, that is)

Flash drives dangerously hard to purge of sensitive data

Why not...

...get it ejected from the International Space Station's airlock. Should burn up nicely in the atmosphere.

What d'ya mean, 'expensive' ?

One third of Russians say Sun revolves round Earth

In other news...

...nearly half the world still believe that 9/11 was NOT an inside job orchestrated by the CIA to give the neo-con administration an excuse to invade some oil-rich countries, ride rough-shod over civil liberties, and give a huge boost to fascist parties.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/September_11_attacks_opinion_polls

Home Office crime maps go to street-level detail

On a subject *other* than the website not working...

How come there's only 6 categories ? Surely "taking photographs" and "protesting" need categories of their own, as most arrests these days seem to stem from those two activities?

Also, had to laugh at the intro on the news last night - "From midnight tonight, a new police service will be available to residents of England & Wales..." Thank feck for that, cos the previous one was SHITE.

Texter who fell in fountain threatens to sue

Preaching to the converted

There's no point in telling the Reg readership this.

Try putting it as your F*******k status,or stick it on Twatter, or have a flashing neon sign constructed and tow it all around town so all the *morons* can see it. If they're not too busy texting, natch.

UK doctor loses unencrypted laptop containing patient data

BTW...

I couldnt help but notice that the URL for this story is

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/01/19/hull_hospital_data_breach_flap/

I'd have used a stronger word than 'flap' myself, but you're on the right lines.

"data controller shall implement such other security measures as it deems appropriate"

So, the person who failed to prevent the first two data losses gets to decide what should be done to prevent any more losses occurring ? FFFFFS. (Like 'FFS' but a lot more 'F's.)

Police DNA test plan to put off prostitutes' punters

So therefore...

...if we don't prosecute you, you can't be found Not Guilty, and we don't have to delete your details from the database ! Job's a good un...

Boffins play 'Pac-Man' with tiny living organisms

"it would be quite possible to build similar games using creatures which could suffer"

At last, a use for all the Jeremy Kyle Show guests.

(For our overseas listeners - it's like Jerry Springer, only far - FAR - trashier.)

Mine's the one with the bags of shotgun cartridges in the pockets.

Man nabbed nude pics from women's email accounts

@ Create your own question

Comedienne Lucy Porter said she got her bank to amend her question...

Security Question: You're not going out dressed like that are you ?

Required response : You can't tell me what to do ! YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAD !!!!

DUP website translated into Irish by mischievous hacktivist

"something completely different than the true meaning of the words"

Forgive me for my ignorance, but I understood "Ireland" to be the big island a bit West of Britain (not, not America...not that far West...), and "Irish" to mean any person or thing originating from there.

How exactly has the Republic stolen these words ? Seems to me it’s more a case that *some* Irish people refuse to accept that they live in Ireland and they are Irish, insisting instead that they are natives of the island that their ancestors left long ago.

Yorks cops bust Bradford guinea pig farm

@AC 11:53

Skunk =/= 'soapbar' resin,

in the same way that

25-year-old-malt-whiskey =/= Kestrel Super Lager.

If you're confused about the difference you must have lead an impressively sheltered life.

Police reject Labour MP's call for Bristol-wide DNA test

@ We do not live in a police state

According to all the evidence I've seen lately (& especial hanks to our beloved Reg hacks for their diligence in documenting much of it), WE DO. We may wish it weren't so, but that's the fact of the matter, so stop living in denial

@ crazy idea to waste money

Why don't they start by getting DNA samples from everyone in the country who works for Eddie Stobart Ltd. That ought to clear up several unsolved murders, rather than just one. They can move on to the rest of the population later.

Top CEOs agree: US is down the crapper

IANAP, but...

..I was also under the impression that anything that is a prequisite comes *upstream* ("...we're not investing in some of the downstream efforts that we have to invest in, like education.")

Man charged in bizarre EXPLODING VIBRATOR plot

"Lindner’s Liquor where Lester was a regular customer"

Colour me unsurprised.

Called 999 recently? They've got your number

Eh ???

"if you ever make a complaint...it will appear on your CRB check"

I'm not a lawyer, but that smells like bullshit to me. I've never needed a CRB check myself, but I've seen various friends' records (as they have to work in schools occasionally) and they don't include details like "in 1998 he dialled 999 to report..."

Courtney Love in court over 'Boudoir Queen' Twitter bitchfight

When oh when oh when...

...will people learn to preface anything potentially libellous with "IMHO" ?

E.g.

"IMHO, X is a a drug-pushing prostitute"

or

"IMHO, Y is a drugged-up loser who is only really famous for having a dead husband and is so far up her own backside it's a wonder she hasn't ruptured the space-time continuum yet"

See how I averted having an expensive lawsuit slapped on *me* ?

Facebook sells equity: Reportedly valued same as Tesco

Re: Worth at least twice as much...

That'll be twice zero, then ?

Gov gone wild: Mad new pub glasses, bread freedom introduced

Of course...

IANAL (I am not a landlord) but this does probably mean that every pub cash till in the country will have to be replaced, with ones that have options of 'pint', 'half-pint' and 'somewhere-in-between', at a stonking great cost.

The board of National Cash Registers are probably drinking to this already.

Microwaved hard disc, run-over PC and other data disasters

I *knew* my Latin degree would come in handy one day

It's short for "sic in originam" - "thus (it is) in the original", meaning "I've not copied it wrong, that's what the original author wrote" (back before parchments had a cut-n-paste option). Any explanations like 'spelling is correct' are just backronyms.

Stephen Fry security whoopsie leads to prank fart book order

@What a dick

I've not actually seen his dick myself, so I'll have to take your word for how astounding it is.

Brussels quizzes UK on school kiddyprinting

Just say NO to titles

There's now a wonderful fantasy scenario in my head, of 'Hardcase' Ireland and the rest of the PIIGS Gang, bullying Germany for its lunch money in the EU playground...

"Whaddya mean, ye've only got 20 billion in yer pocket today ?" >Thwack< "Ye better get us some more tomorra !"

US Army: Judge Dredd smartgun in every squad from 2014

"plans to equip every infantry squad with a smartgun"

Well someone has to be the brains of the operation

Stuxnet code leak to cause CYBER-APOCALYPSE NOW!

Worse than that

It will download swan-roasting immigrant homosexuals directly into YOUR CHILD's bedroom.

Be afraid. Be VERY afraid. And vote Tory.

Dutch twaddle-prof lambasts Google Scholar

The difference is :

A boffin knows proper stuff, about technical things, they may even invent a few more technical things. They are the giants on whose shoulders future generations will stand.

A Prof is just someone who couldn't stop being a student, and got some certificates to show what a great student they were. A Prof of Twaddle ("Media and Culture") was presumably a student of Yadder and Blah, not Things, so she's well below Beaker-level on the Boffin Scale.

(That's not to decry her conclusion about Google, but my cat could have told me that.)

Sarah Palin calls for US to stand by North Korea

And don't forget...

(Re: the U.S. victory in Gulf War #1)

"A stirring victory for the forces of aggression."

-Dan Quayle.

And they DID elect him.

Google sued for scanning emails of non-Gmail users

For once, I'm on Google's side

...and may God have mercy on my soul.

But as various previous posters (eg Steve13 @ 10:41, Ken Hagan @ 10:49, and copsewood) have said, if you send a message to someone (whether email or hard-copy), that message becomes theirs. You have given it away. And if the recipient wants Google to show them some adverts with the message, so that the service becomes free to them, that's their choice to make.

Most coders have sleep problems, need 'hygiene and care'

"Most coders work for companies run by idiots"

So coders are exactly like the rest of the population then !

Facebook user locked out of account even with ID

On the bright side...

Your name does make you sound like a stallion.

Paris Hilton, cos I had trouble believing that was a real name too